thanks for the responses. The bent paperclip option is there, but last time I tried it, the disk continued to spin and did not eject. One time I did this it scratched the disk, I would rather reboot than scratch my disk.
As for waiting it out; perhaps I have not given it enough time in the past - next time one gets hung up I'll give that a shot.
And when it gets stuck, usually disk utility can't even see the disk. It is in the drive and spinning, sometimes hanging up the finder (lovely spinning rainbow), and the only way out I have found has been to reboot.