hey sean, welcome...
i haven't heard anything about dvd burning damaging a laptop, which isn't to say that such stories are necessarily a load of bollocks or anything, but as you say - why would they sell dvd burner equipped laptops if they were going to overheat and die? sounds a bit stoopid to me, and hey, if it does die you've got your warranty. surely it's pretty much identical to burning a cd though, right?
as far as defragging goes, os x does this on the fly so it's not something you need to worry about at all. sweet.
empty trash deletes the file as per usual, which is to say that it deletes the data telling the computer that the file exists - the file's data is still there and will be overwritten sooner or later, but the 0s and 1s haven't changed so if someone wants to hunt through your hd they will find it. secure delete deletes it and also overwrites it, so it can't be found again. useful for, er, sensitive files.
good luck with your mac!
sminch