4GB should be just fine for what you do, although if you "upgrade" to Vista or 7, in my experience 4GB is a little restrictive with Parallels. With switching graphics cards there is a noticeable difference with some effects, such as playing an HD video and activated Dashboard. On integrated, the video will stutter, on the 9600M GT, no stutters. If you're hooked up to an external display you might notice some additional stuff like that, but it's not huge. I have my 2.66GHz with 4GB hooked up to a 1080p monitor, and it does fine... Plus one bonus of integrated is that the MacBook Pro itself stays a lot cooler.
Sorry for the long post, hope this answers your queries.