[Pao|o]

Comments pls. Mostly negative if possible

[production_coordinator]

IMHO, you could use the space a bit better. The trick is, you have a long word "Hoopies!" and a very vertical sign. so it's a little tricky. Also, I'm not a major fan of the background...

[Demonhood]

what, precisely, is your product?
what are your constraints?

[art_director]

That background comibined with the color palette is sure to induce seizures. You may want to consider limiting your variables and textures. Presently there are too many elements fighting for attention.

As p_c pointed out you have that long word on a horizontal poster. Make it work for you rather than against you. Perhaps try running it vertically up the sign.

To Demonhood's question, what are 'Hoopies' and who is your target market? If you're aiming for young kids you're going in the right direction, If you're looking to get older people you've missed the mark.

[andi*pandi]

empty space is usually good, but given how crowded and cramped the top half of the poster is, I keep expecting to see something in that open space. The eye is drawn there but there's nothing there.

[Pao|o]

Product: New line of doughnuts. They're kid-sized so they're smaller & cheaper.
Message: New product, cheaper than the old product & for kids.
Want I want to do: Catch ppl's pedestrain person's attention and keep it enough to

[Thorzdad]

Personally, I would get the brand name up larger. Right now, the price overwhelms the brand name (though, I am sure that the price is probably the big selling point)
Don't be afraid to overlap objects. You're obviously going for a wild and energetic feel, so go ahead an let, for instance, the brand name overlap the price. Likewise, get the picture of the donuts up a LOT larger. Tilt it and let it bleed off the edges a bit. Heck, take the donuts out of the package and spray them all over the place...like it's raining little donuts.

I would also suggest a heavier black outline on the type, especially on the brand name, in order to better offset the type from the background.


What you have is a fun start. Now go and have more fun!

[production_coordinator]

IMHO, there should be the word "donut" somewhere.

Without something to reference size (and the box doesn't help much)... the photo could be anything from a giant pool toys to a new cereal (my first thought).

[production_coordinator]

Originally Posted by Thorzdad

What you have is a fun start. Now go and have more fun!

Bingo... you have all the pieces... now you just need to make it work.

It's a donut poster, so remember your audience.

[Thorzdad]

mmmmmmm...donuts.

[andi*pandi]

well, now you are using all your space, but you have no heirarchy. Everything is the same scale, BIG. Which means nothing is standing out. Find a balance. Everything can't be big.

Is the price really the most important thing about the poster, or what the product is? Or is it the store that's selling them? The items in the bottom row could be much smaller proportionally. Put back some of your space.

[msuper69]

I don't know much about graphic design but I will critique your use of the word critic.

[Pao|o]

Thanks for the head's up msuper69.

[Pao|o]

Thanks for the help. This is the final poster that got printed. converting the psd to .jpg screwed up the color of the donuts.



Hoops Donuts

[Thorzdad]

Nice.
Of course, you realize you now owe us all a consulting fee. I'd say a dozen donuts each would be good.

[billy_d_goat]

Man, where can I get a Hoopy!? Nice work

[Pao|o]

Metro Manila, Philippines.

[tboparis]

Originally Posted by Pao|o

Thanks for the help. This is the final poster that got printed. converting the psd to .jpg screwed up the color of the donuts.



Hoops Donuts

Good work!

[Pao|o]

Comment pls

[Thorzdad]

I would suggest using the same "sunburst" background, too. This will maintain continuity between the different pieces, and give the donuts a ground to be flying against. Keep the red border, though. Maybe add a bright yellow or some other color to the prices, to make that important info pop.

The arrangement of donuts is nice. Maybe bleed them off the edges a bit. Especially the top and bottom ones.

Good job!

[andi*pandi]

agreed with the above, background and bleeding, especially the bottom one. no sense in *almost* bleeding it, may as well go for it.

I also want something to be in that empty donut box, that gives it a reason to be there. contact info? local sellers? something. Otherwise take it off.

[demograph68]

The counter to some of the characters are barely legible. I'd also remove the drop shadow to the donuts.

[Pao|o]

Thanks for the advice guys any other suggestions? I'm having problems emphasizing that this poster is selling larger-sized doughnuts. I was thinking emphasizing the smallness of the box as compared to the doughnut.

[Pao|o]

Thanks to all for the suggestion. I made some of the suggested adjustments. So what needs improvement?

[Thorzdad]

I still think you need to use that sunburst pattern from the first poster. Replace the white background with the sunburst. The white makes the poster look unfinished. Plus, it highlights the obvious masking around the doughnuts.

[Pao|o]

Hmmm... the poster's for another line of doughnuts so i'm trying to avoid all reference to the first one.

My problem is how do i convey that the doughnuts in the latest poster is bigger than the sunburst patterned poster w/o saying it's XX% bigger or make a comparison.

I was thinking of putting a person leaning on the doughnut

[Thorzdad]

Originally Posted by Pao|o

Hmmm... the poster's for another line of doughnuts so i'm trying to avoid all reference to the first one.

My problem is how do i convey that the doughnuts in the latest poster is bigger than the sunburst patterned poster w/o saying it's XX% bigger or make a comparison.

I was thinking of putting a person leaning on the doughnut

A different line by the same manufacturer, I assume? If that's the case, come up with a similarly "exciting" background. It needs a background, in any case.

As for the size of the doughnuts, without putting the little ones next to the big ones (or using some other common object for size comparison) you really can't accurately show the size, short of having them print at actual size and slapping an "Actual Size" label on them. Personally, I wouldn't worry about the size.

[art_director]

we need to back up.

how is this poster being used? will it sit in a frame / holder of some sort?

three things on this new poster scream DANGER to me:

1. the baseline of 'donuts' should not reside on the trim. inevitably it will be cut off or floating in a way that looks like a mistake.

2. that solid red border can be problematic. because of trimming tolerances and human error your border could end up being four different widths on the four sides. a really competent printer would do a good job but, if you get the guy with a hangover from the employee party you may not be so lucky.

3. if this poster will sit in a free-standing poster holder you haven't accounted for the lip / channel that will bite into your image area.

btw...if you've already taken these items into account and are just sharing the live area, etc. disregard these comments.

[art_director]

also, those food shots could make the product more appetizing and add some shape.

[Pao|o]

Some additions. Pls critic and I'm thinking of putting a person leaning on the doughnuts holding a sign saying "Now Bigger"

[Pao|o]

@everyone: I apologize for not giving feedback or applying some of the suggestions you all have made. I was embarrassed at my lack of photoshopping and illustrator skills needed to apply them.

@thorzdad: I was going for a more "falling" effect than "flying". you are correct in your assumption that this is a different line (physically larger than the Hoopies). I am worried that a "exciting" background would make the poster too overwhelming. I'm placing the Hoopies and the "bigger donut" poster on opposite sides of our 2x2 meter kiosk. will supply pictures of said kiosk at a later date. I find that my emphasizing the size is important because of the price difference & quantity between the "bigger donut" and the Hoopies. For 120 bucks you get 12 donuts of any flavor vs 110 bucks for 6 donuts of any flavor. As a consumer you'll be curious as to why the weird pricing so I need to communicate that the donut is "bigger".

Sometimes I wish I was trying to market iPods. At least they're simpler to market as smaller isnt bad.

@andi*pandi: what do you mean by "bleeding it"? I was hoping to visually communicate the size/bigness of the doughnuts by putting a small open box. It appears that my idea didnt translate properly so I removed it all together.

@demograph68: what is a "counter"?

@art_director: the poster will be placed right beside the kiosk to immediatly get our customer's attention. Within what context is my poster say "DANGER" to you?

1. you're correct that the donuts/food/product shouldnt be "cut off" or "floating" but that's the effect I was looking for. "It's sooooo big that the poster cant contain it".

2. the red border is in reference to part of the box art of the product itself. my printer's quite generous when it comes to mistake so human error isnt much of a problem though it'll delay things again.

3. what's a lip / channel "bite into your image area". sorry for the newb question but i'm an amateur PS person forced to do PS work for lack of budget.

Hoops Donuts

[Pao|o]

On to another project: a banner measuring 1 meter tall by 9 meters wide. Will be placed on the roof of the building where the main store is located.



Goal:

1. Get people who are parked in the parking lot to take notice and visit the store.
2. Be visible 10-50 meters away
3. Make people realize that there is a donut store at that exact spot
4. Raise pedestrian traffic

[art_director]

Originally Posted by Pao|o

On to another project: a banner measuring 1 meter tall by 9 meters wide. Will be placed on the roof of the building where the main store is located.



Goal:

1. Get people who are parked in the parking lot to take notice and visit the store.
2. Be visible 10-50 meters away
3. Make people realize that there is a donut store at that exact spot
4. Raise pedestrian traffic

That's one busy outdoor board. You should consider:

a. making one element dominate the composition -- now your eye doesn't have a place to go
b. making the type large enough to read from a distance
c. limiting the variables -- too much stuff at present

outdoor is not an easy medium.

[Pao|o]

thanks for the feedback. What if I just keep the middle section intact and remove the 4 donuts on the left and right side and subing it with 1 donuts on each side instead?

[art_director]

Originally Posted by Pao|o

thanks for the feedback. What if I just keep the middle section intact and remove the 4 donuts on the left and right side and subing it with 1 donuts on each side instead?

That might work. It might also make for a boring composition. Sit down and try a number of different approaches. Look at cropping the donuts in different ways.

When you're working on the composition try to think about how it look from a distance -- will it be readable? Do fewer donuts make fior better communication? Also, does the design get in the way of the communication?

[andi*pandi]

the white dropshadows are very distracting. There needs to be more of a relationship between the tagline and the hoops logo--is it a logo? It could be stronger.

[art_director]

I have to agree with andi*pandi, the halos around the donuts aren't helping.

Some more thoughts:

a. The donut on the far right -- the black one -- is very flat. It doesn't make the product look appetizing in the least. I'd drop that image.

b. The logo w tag should be modified to improve readability in this medium.

c. Pull back on the color. The composition feels too busy overall -- color is working against you. If you want to show off the variety of donuts, fine. Just find a way to make it work for you rather than against you.

d. The two balls holding the donut (part of the logo???) are distracting. I'd drop them.

e. Your legal mark ® is too big. It's just there for the lawyers -- make it smaller and don't highlight it in any way.

f. The two white halo dots on the left aren't needed.

g. This board doesn't say anything. Do you have a writer or can you write? This needs a headline or a visual concept. This is off the top of my head so don't take it as direction, but you could have a line that said 1,000s of choices. The zeros could be donuts which, would in turn, communicate that Hoops has a wide variety of donut options. That sort fo approach would make the product the hero, make use of the medium and clean up the board.

[Pao|o]

a. you're right. when i had the tarp printed it looked like a tire. next time no blacks... or make the blacks look like food.

b. logo w tag?

c. how?

d. it's part of the logo. will delete em next time.

e. the "registered" mark is part of the logo but will make necessary adjustments next time.

f. accident i forgot to remove...

g. it's more like a banner to boost ppl's idea that we are in a certain building. i was going for a less wordy approach to maximize the tarp size.

what do you folks think of this? it'll be printed on a local paper.

what do you think of this?

[Oisín]

• Too busy. Too much text everywhere, too crammed in.
• The text used in the headline and first paragraph is very hard to read, and will be even more so once the ad has been butchered by newspaper advertising print quality.
• Not enough space between words—everythinglookslikeit’sjustonelongword.
• Halloween, not halloween. Also, is ‘hoopies’ a different name for the company, Hoops, or what is it?
• Shredded meat doughnuts?!?

[Pao|o]

eeekkk i missed that. will correct it.

hoopies is the product line of the donut. got a poster in-store that'll give a distinction.

shredded meat donuts...hmmm how do i describe it to someone not Filipino/Chinese/Asian. It's like beef jerky shredded to a mush-like thing and placed on a donut.

[Oisín]

Yeah, I know the shredded meat thing (I’ve lived in China)—I just thought that putting it on a doughnut would, if possible, make it even more gross than it already was


If Hoopies is a product line, shouldn’t it perhaps be capitalised, too?