[Mastrap]

Last week The Guardian, a left leaning daily paper in the UK, asked readers to write to undecided voters in Ohio asking them not to vote for Bush. Today they published some of the mails they received in return.

Seems like the majority of the people writing back shared two character traits:

1. They don't like to be told what to do.
2. They don't have much of a sense of humour or even political satire.

Some of my favourites:


KEEP YOUR ****IN' LIMEY HANDS OFF OUR ELECTION. HEY, ********S, REMEMBER THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR? REMEMBER THE WAR OF 1812? WE DIDN'T WANT YOU, OR YOUR POLITICS HERE, THAT'S WHY WE KICKED YOUR ASSES OUT. FOR THE 47% OF YOU WHO DON'T WANT PRESIDENT BUSH, I SAY THIS ... TOUGH ****!
PROUD AMERICAN VOTING FOR BUSH!


Hey England, Scotland and Wales,
Mind your own business. We don't need weenie-spined Limeys meddling in our presidental election. If it wasn't for America, you'd all be speaking German. And if America would have had a president, then, of the likes of Kerry, you'd all be goose-stepping around Buckingham Palace. YOU ARE NOT WANTED!! Whether you want to support either party. BUTT OUT!!!
United States


Who in the hell do you think you are??? Well, I'll tell you, you're a bunch of meddling socialist pricks! Stay the hell out of our country and politics. And another thing, John Kerry is a worthless lying sack of crap so it doesn't surprise me that a socialist rag like yours would back him. I hope your cynical ploy blows up in your cowardly faces, you bunch of mealy-mouthed morons!
United States


I used to visit the UK every year. I love the history and culture of your country. But after I heard about your campaign to influence our elections, I've decided that neither myself, nor my family will ever visit again. I'm offended by your campaign and because of it, I'm remembering more of the negative aspects I've seen in the UK than the positive ones. Though I still love the castles!
Detroit

You radical leftwingers are worse than the Taliban. I suggest you stand back and take a good hard look at yourselves.
PS: When do you propose to add Michael Moore to your staff of lunatics?
United States


Go back to sipping your tea and leave our people alone.
Ohio


As a US citizen, I want to advise you that you and anyone that participates in subverting the US presidential election can be criminally charged and perhaps even charged as spies.
California

[turtle777]

And I thought this is about SimeyTheLimey...

-t

[Peter]

hurtin' right now

[ambush]

proletarians for Bush.


ONE DAY WE WILL BE RICH.



























maybe.

[effgee]

Well aside from the fact that I find the whole idea a bit, uhm ... weird to begin with, some of those answers really are hilarious. Aside from some of the not entirely unexpected backwood-shite-kicker-frothing-at-the-mouth drivel, this one's my favorite:

As a US citizen, I want to advise you that you and anyone that participates in subverting the US presidential election can be criminally charged and perhaps even charged as spies.
California

(edit:) and that one:

Please be advised that I have forwarded this to the CIA and FBI.
United States

Priceless.

[ambush]

Fun ironic fact: they were really concerned about Saddam governing Iraq but the rest of the world has no right to be conecerned about Bush and his imperialism?

The Iraqis could have said the same thing...

[drive-thru]

My favourite:
Please be advised that I have forwarded this to the CIA and FBI.
United States

I never realised people actually still used the term Limey.
The yellow teeth thing - where did this come from?

[turtle777]

Originally posted by drive-thru:
My favourite:
Please be advised that I have forwarded this to the CIA and FBI.
United States

I never realised people actually still used the term Limey.
The yellow teeth thing - where did this come from?

GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND !

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=limey&r=67

-t

[TheBadgerHunter]

KEEP YOUR ****IN' LIMEY HANDS OFF OUR ELECTION. HEY, ********S, REMEMBER THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR? REMEMBER THE WAR OF 1812? WE DIDN'T WANT YOU, OR YOUR POLITICS HERE, THAT'S WHY WE KICKED YOUR ASSES OUT. FOR THE 47% OF YOU WHO DON'T WANT PRESIDENT BUSH, I SAY THIS ... TOUGH ****!
PROUD AMERICAN VOTING FOR BUSH!

Hmm, nope I'm pretty sure they won the war of 1812 and burned down the white house to boot.

[drive-thru]

Originally posted by turtle777:
GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND !

-t

We've already been over this once tonight.

[Mastrap]

Originally posted by drive-thru:

The yellow teeth thing - where did this come from?

According to American folklore (there's IS a grain of truth in this) British people have really bad teeth.

[effgee]

Originally posted by Mastrap:
According to American folklore (there's IS a grain of truth in this) British people have really bad teeth.

Looks like it's about time for American folklore to re-visit some of its own more, er ... rural areas ...

[Zimphire]

Originally posted by ambush:
Fun ironic fact: they were really concerned about Saddam governing Iraq but the rest of the world has no right to be conecerned about Bush and his imperialism?

The Iraqis could have said the same thing...

No, because we have the right to point and laugh at people using words like imperialism to describe Bush.

Esp when they are just being armchair Americans.

[ReggieX]

Originally posted by TheBadgerHunter:
Hmm, nope I'm pretty sure they won the war of 1812 and burned down the white house to boot.

You expect some reactionary idiot to know history?

[Zimphire]

Originally posted by ReggieX:
You expect some reactionary idiot to know history?

Then you better go learn!

[itai195]

Originally posted by ReggieX:
You expect some reactionary idiot to know history?

??? They may have burned down the White House, but they sure didn't win!

[TheBadgerHunter]

Originally posted by itai195:
??? They may have burned down the White House, but they sure didn't win!

They tried to invade canada. They were pushed back 5 (?) times. Not a great victory. Some people seem to be forgetting they WERE british.


I guess I'm just shocked.

[TheBadgerHunter]

Originally posted by Zimphire:
Then you better go learn!

Ooooh, witty.

[theolein]

While I can see the satire, I can also see how this could, and does, get people's backs up.

[theolein]

Originally posted by itai195:
??? They may have burned down the White House, but they sure didn't win!

I don't think either side really won in the war of 1812, and seeing that both sides were very happy to sign a peace treaty later, I think it was a bit of an embarrassment to all concerned.

That said, the hawks in the US government back then were the ones who started the war by thinking that they could just march in to Canada and "liberate" it. The Canadians and the British garrison had other ideas and put up quite a good defense (They repulsed the Americans 5 times I think), and the British did occupy and burn the whitehouse to the ground, but the British blockade of American ports didn't work very well. The main problem for the hawks back then was that there was not much support for the war internally, since the US wasn't being invaded and there wasn't the same patriotic unity that there had been in the war of independence. Added to that Canada was full of loyalist refugees from the WoI who did have a unifying call to defend their country.

I don't suppose many countries where the people are more or less happy or patriotic or both enjoy being invaded...

or told how to vote

[moonmonkey]

It was a bit silly of the newspaper to do that, but not half as silly as the letters the people people wrote back.

Just because one newspaper pisses you off is not a reason to insult a whole country.

The result of the US presidential election will be felt by people all over the world, but the US political system is the most screwed up in the developed world.

What are the chances of an ex presidents son, being the best choice out of the entire (relatively well educated) population for president.

Weird as hell, and slightly scary.

[chris v]

The idea of a country meddling in the politics of another sovereign state! I'm shocked! Shocked to find gambling here!

[badidea]

Originally posted by chris v:
The idea of a newspaper meddling in the politics of another sovereign state! I'm shocked! Shocked to find gambling here!

fixed

[drive-thru]

I love it when Americans say "If it wasn't for America, you'd all be speaking German."

[badidea]

Originally posted by drive-thru:
I love it when Americans say "If it wasn't for America, you'd all be speaking German."

Yeah, like we ever managed to put a foot on your island!

[Powaqqatsi]

Don't mention ze war !

[moodymonster]

Originally posted by Powaqqatsi:
Don't mention ze war !

well you started it

[chris v]

Originally posted by drive-thru:
I love it when Americans say "If it wasn't for America, you'd all be speaking German."

No S***. If it weren't for the British, we'd all be speaking Iroquois.

[Powaqqatsi]

Originally posted by moodymonster:
well you started it

Belgium was right in the middle of it .

[iCol]

It is indeed amusing that one British newspaper article, probably written by an independant journalist, can spawn such hatred towards the British people in general.

It's only a newspaper.

Having said that, the elections are a very touchy subject at the moment, and devoted Republican voters are likely to take offence to such an article. However, that article was never meant for American consumption.

Never mind, eh?

And yes, it always amuses me when people say "If it wasn't for us you would all be speaking German!"... When, in reality, had the Germans defeated the British and were left to regroup in all likelihood their next target would have been America. There is a possibility the Germans and their allies could have taken the USA aswell. Also, it was the British who cracked the enigma codes being used by the Germans, allowing the war to be won much earlier than it would have been, saving possibly millions of lives.

And yes, if it wasnt for the British you would probably all be speaking Dutch of French right now.

History kicks ass. Good thing it is all in the past, we don't have to base ourselves on these things anymore. We have moved on. Britain and America have strong cultural ties now, and I don't like to hear about people in America hating the British in the same way as I hate it when British people hate the Americans. To be blunt, presently I hate the American Administration, they are completely and utterly corrupt... but I don't hate Americans. Quite the opposite.

Trust the Guardian to get so many backs up! (my favourite paper btw)

Col

P.s.

"Don't mention the war!"

"You started it!"

"No we didn't, you invaded Poland!"

[moodymonster]

and cue goose stepping…

[SimeyTheLimey]

Originally posted by iCol:
It is indeed amusing that one British newspaper article, probably written by an independant journalist, can spawn such hatred towards the British people in general.

It's only a newspaper.

Having said that, the elections are a very touchy subject at the moment, and devoted Republican voters are likely to take offence to such an article. However, that article was never meant for American consumption.

Never mind, eh?

And yes, it always amuses me when people say "If it wasn't for us you would all be speaking German!"... When, in reality, had the Germans defeated the British and were left to regroup in all likelihood their next target would have been America. There is a possibility the Germans and their allies could have taken the USA aswell. Also, it was the British who cracked the enigma codes being used by the Germans, allowing the war to be won much earlier than it would have been, saving possibly millions of lives.

And yes, if it wasnt for the British you would probably all be speaking Dutch of French right now.

History kicks ass. Good thing it is all in the past, we don't have to base ourselves on these things anymore. We have moved on. Britain and America have strong cultural ties now, and I don't like to hear about people in America hating the British in the same way as I hate it when British people hate the Americans. To be blunt, presently I hate the American Administration, they are completely and utterly corrupt... but I don't hate Americans. Quite the opposite.

Trust the Guardian to get so many backs up! (my favourite paper btw)

Col

P.s.

"Don't mention the war!"

"You started it!"

"No we didn't, you invaded Poland!"

Most of those letters were pretty ignorant. However, I am surprised that so many Britons are defending this newspaper. It's not just "devoted Republican voters" who would bristle at the idea of foreign citizens interfering in American elections. Not just this election, but any election. I'm kind of shocked that so many don't realize what an offensive idea that is.

Of course, the Guardian misunderstands Americans, many of whom are quite likely to respond by voting a certain way just to spite you. I doubt that their effort at subversion won Kerry many votes, but they may well have swung a few to Bush.

To quote one Guardian reader:

As an American (a Democrat) who lived in the midwest and now lives in London, I implore you to rethink this project. Regardless of the heartfelt sentiments in the sample letters, Ohioans will view this as latte-drinking Londoners telling them what to do. John Kerry is still trying to backpedal from his "global test" comment; the mere hint of foreign intervention causes knee-jerk reactions in most Americans.

And another:

Letter writers must tread very carefully. The superiority of European political ideas is not held to be self-evident across the Atlantic.

And another:

However, I fear you have placed a loaded gun in the hands of Disgusteds of Islington. Nobody likes to be told what to do by someone who thinks they know better, least of all Americans about America. Already backed into an isolationist corner, the lack of dissent and a supine national media have made Americans particularly sensitive to any perceived criticism. The Guardian rightly urges caution and care when writing to the voters of Ohio's Clark County, but doesn't state the case strongly enough.

While British penpals' powers of persuasion over Americans may be better than, say, those of the French, it is alarming to consider the result if letters are not read in the spirit intended, or worse, for those unable to resist an anti-Bush tirade, are read in the spirit intended. Such letters might galvanise "patriots" against Limey meddling. Imagining the capital Rush Limbaugh could make is frankly terrifying.

Link

Oh, and by the way, your enigma code story is inaccurate. It actually was the Poles who first broke the Enigma code as the British government has recently admitted. What about Poland?

[killer_735]

Captain Mandrake, the officer exchange program doesn't afford you any special privelages to meddle in our election. After all, we're trying to stop the communists from destroying the purity of our precious bodily fluids.

Now make me a drink of grain alcohol and rain water.

[d4nth3m4n]

Though I still love the castles!

HAHAHAHA.

[badidea]

Originally posted by SimeyTheLimey:
Oh, and by the way, your enigma code story is inaccurate. It actually was the Poles who first broke the Enigma code as the British government has recently admitted. What about Poland?

Wow, you learn something new every day!

Polish historians say three Polish mathematicians - Marian Rejewski, Jerzy Rozycki and Henryk Zygalski - broke the Enigma code in 1933.

I never knew that the enigma code was broken looooong before the war even started!

[iCol]

But as far as I remember (must read that BBC article) it was the British who broke the specific codes the Germans were using. They were not using standard enigma codes, the Germans had developed far more complex methods of communication. Admittedly, the Polish cracked the first machines, but the Brits played a major role in actually deciphering the specific variants the Nazis were using.

But I am open to be corrected!

ANYWAY

Sorry, don't want to stear this thread off topic.

[moodymonster]

The Germans added an extra rotor into the engmia machine that made it more complicated than the pre-war model and also changed codes. The Poles breaking it first helped massively but it still required huge effort to crack continuously during the war.

Also the French Resistance played a part in the whole thing by destroying enemy landline communications forcing the Germans to communicate via engima - which was then hacked.

The fact the Enigma machine was hacked was kept secret for some time after the war and was still used, I think.

Also the NSA hacked the Japanese codes at the their end - I think they shot down a plane carrying a top Japanese admiral based on broken codes.

[SimeyTheLimey]

Originally posted by moodymonster:
The Germans added an extra rotor into the engmia machine that made it more complicated than the pre-war model and also changed codes. The Poles breaking it first helped massively but it still required huge effort to crack continuously during the war.

So it is correct to credit the Poles with being the first to break the Enigma code. Bletchley Park (whose team included those same Poles) built on their work. It doesn't detract from the achievement of Turing and his team to acknowledge that they didn't work unassisted, and that they weren't the first to break it. They still did magnificent work. It's just too bad that the British authorities hounded Turing to suicide after the war.

It kind of underscores something important about World War II. There is very little that the allies did that can be attributed in a chest-pounding way to one country at the expense of the others. It was a group effort.

[hayesk]

Originally posted by chris v:
No S***. If it weren't for the British, we'd all be speaking Iroquois.

French, actually. But if it weren't for the British *and* the French... aw screw it.

[itai195]

Originally posted by SimeyTheLimey:
It kind of underscores something important about World War II. There is very little that the allies did that can be attributed in a chest-pounding way to one country at the expense of the others. It was a group effort.

Something worth keeping in mind in our modern day foreign policy.

[nath]

Originally posted by SimeyTheLimey:
It kind of underscores something important about World War II. There is very little that the allies did that can be attributed in a chest-pounding way to one country at the expense of the others. It was a group effort.

the way the warm relations that resulted from that effort have been all but destroyed over the last couple of years should make every politician involved thoroughly ashamed.

[chris v]

Originally posted by hayesk:
French, actually. But if it weren't for the British *and* the French... aw screw it.

Speak for your Euro-self. I'd actually be speaking a variant of Algonquian, as we would have kicked some French-Ass, and they would have retreated back to Quebec like the sissies they are.

[Zimphire]

Originally posted by TheBadgerHunter:
Ooooh, witty.

I was trying to match wit for wit.