[gumby5647]

So yeah...this is a long story so bear with me...

It all started in July. I met this nice girl at my job. We became friends pretty fast, but it never went beyond being just "chatty" with each other at work. (IE: no physical contact). This continued through August. The grocery store was dead slow...because Alberstons had sold the store and the new company was set to take over Sept. 1. So everyone in town thought we were closed. The point is...it was really slow and boring. Well this girl and I still talked alot...she even gave me her phone number, although I never did call. It continued like this up until about 3 weeks ago. The new grocery store had taken over (we both stayed on with the company) and since the time clock was up by the registers I would always say "Good Bye" or "See ya later...have a good evening" etc...when I left for the night. (because usually, I left before her). About two and a half weeks ago she came back to the produce department (where I work) to say goodbye to me since she got off before me. So we started talking ...and talking....and out of the blue kinda she blurts out..

."you better hang out with me at least once before you go to college.".

"all right" I said.

So she gave me her number (again) because I deleted it...

Well, the very next night I happened to have off. I was in the store getting some things and went through her checkout line. Once again...we started talking...blah blah blah...and I invited her over for supper. She didn't know if she could or not...and to "call her" in an hour when she got off. So, ok, thats cool. I called her an hour later and she was on her way home...so we made plans for the following Saturday. Well that didn't plan out either...blah blah blah.....

Fast Forward to a week ago yesterday. I was out on the floor workin....doing my thing. And Pat, an ass. store director comes up to me and says those dreadful words.

Something to the effect of "I was wondering if we could talk to you a minute Brandon..."

So I follow him to the office where he and Ed proceed to talk to me about this girl. They said she didn't file a "sexual harrassment complaint"...but she request mediatary intervention" (or some ****). Basically they told me that they know that this has be going on since Albertson's...and other people notice it too...and that all she wants is for you to lay off...stop calling her and leaving messages.

I then proceeded to tell them exactly what happend (what i wrote up above)...and then just kind of interrupted me and said....sometimes its hard for people to say no by themselves...all she was is for you to stop calling her and leaving her messages and just to calm down and lay off.

So, whatever. I get out of the office and I'm fuming. I go back to my department and pull out my cell phone and delete her phone number. And then I wouldn't talk to her...much less even LOOK at her over the next few days.

Finally, she came back to my department last night and told me what happened.

Basically, she had nothing to do with it...never said anything to anybody about it. The only reason she found out what happened was because she saw another ass. store director at the mall saturaday...and she came up to her and asked her "did you report Brandon?"

and the girl said something like.."No..why...what happened."

and she said "well I saw him go into the office with Ed and Pat" and told her what all happened. blah blah blah.

So this girl is back in my department apoligizing...almost ready to cry...and gives me a hug and everything.

Basically she said something like..."I'm not going to throw away a perfectly good friendship over something stupid..." "and besides...if I did have a problem with you...don't you think I'm a big enough girl to tell you to your face...instead of having the store directors humliate you like that."




This is what we think happened...

One time i called her "buttercup" at work. You know... "What's up buttercup?" It's just a phrase I use on everybody. Even my best guy friends. Well this other kid...Jesse...overheard it and started making fun of her about it. And she thinks it got around to this other guy...Jordan. Now, i don't know if he likes her or not...or if he's got something against me....I dunno...i don't talk to the guy. Well then, she thinks that it eventually got around back to my manager in produce. And rumor is that she wants me fired. Mostly because i cut my hours down and for two days off that she didn't want to give me off...but eventually did, and she thinks i'm taking unnessessary breaks...so that i can go up front and talk to that girl. (which i wasn't)
So we think that she was trying to use that as an avenue for the whole getting me fired thing.

So...yeah...the girl and I "made up" or whatever last night....and my Grandma is ready to sue the company. I'm going to find out if there is any documentation that was involved. I would like to see it...or at least some sort of thing saying that i was reprimanded.

All in all though...it's going to come down to "he said-she said". So I really need her to take my side and stand behind me if I decide to pursue further action...


edit: fixing typo's

[Landos Mustache]

Nothing will come of it don't worry. People that are in low paying jobs they are miserable make huge social problems at work.

I would look into suing them though, scare that bastard that started it.

And for good measure I'll walk into work with you one day holding your hand just to rub it in.

[gumby5647]

Originally posted by Landos Mustache:


And for good measure I'll walk into work with you one day holding your hand just to rub it in.

Thanks....but I've kind of already vowed never to spend another dime in one of there stores...and as soon i"m done woking there...i'll never step foot inside another one of their stores.

[TheBadgerHunter]

Originally posted by Landos Mustache:
Nothing will come of it don't worry. People that are in low paying jobs they are miserable make huge social problems at work.

I would look into suing them though, scare that bastard that started it.

And for good measure I'll walk into work with you one day holding your hand just to rub it in.

Be careful, I hear he has a history of sexual harassment .

Sorry

[waxcrash]

Originally posted by Landos Mustache:
I would look into suing them though, scare that bastard that started it.

Sue them for what? He didn't lose his job.

[phantomdragonz]

ahh.., the wonders of working at a grocery store (I am also employed at such a place) I have a friend that works for albertsons and he hates it... I work at a totally different grocery store chain, lets just call it a "natural foods" grocery store, you can call it the Hippy Hangout if you wish... I do the same.... Basically I understand where you are coming from...


Anyways, Grocery store employees tend to be unhappy about their jobs, they would rather be doing different things, it can get really boring, so people make **** up to spice up life...

you are a victim of this I would think... I would just go to a manager that you can trust and tell them whuts up... tell them that you and this girl do have a friendship but it will not... and should repeat WILL NOT... affect your work. I would appologise for whatever you did to cause this to happen in the first place and ask your manager to talk to you about it if he has any problems...

but then again some stores are union and that makes things kinda different, but I have absolutely NO experience with union stores...

Good Luck and get the girl!!!

Zach

[Landos Mustache]

Originally posted by waxcrash:
Sue them for what? He didn't lose his job.

Slander

[rozwado1]

Originally posted by gumby5647:
edit: fixing typo's

fixing typos.

[wolfen]

Take my advice.

There is no reason to get litigious or even huffy. Be the bigger man, here.

Get a meeting with the guys who pulled you into the office about it, and the girl. BE CALM & COOL, AND RESPECTFUL. Take your time to say what you need, etc. Do not let them get you off track. Calmly make sure they understand that you know that the girl made no such complaints. It must be made clear that either 1) They have been lied to/manipulated or 2) they're full of sh*t and you know it. Just be calm about it. (If you can, get the girl to sign a sheet backing you up entirely and present them with a copy at the END of the meeting.)

Casually, almost nonchalantly, request they take any mention of this event out of your file/record/whatever. There is to be no written record of this. Tell them you will ask the company HR person to confirm this has been done. (and do so, providing the HR person with your written account of the event, the signed paper, and info about your meeting with the ass. mgrs.)

At that point the problem is theirs, not yours. It is a serious infraction to make lies and false accusations about an employee, and you have proof that this is exactly what has happened. They now know that if they do anything to you and is in your record, their ass is yours. If someone has played them and they were unwitting accomplices to a scheme to get you fired, even better. You'll be in the best position possible at this point. The only reason for them to get mad is if they are scum. In that case, you've lost nothing by doing this.

There is RARELY a reason to get hostile in these situations. Emotion makes things worse. Playing things cool always freaks your enemies out twice as much as seeing you get trippy. Be happy, smile, and enjoy being on top of the situation. This is the way to handle people like this. (It goes without saying you should work hard afterwards

PS --> Avoid going over these guys heads right away, if possible. Otherwise they will gun for you unnecessarily.

[DeathToWindows]

Much as the "fun" way to do this would be to sue them into the grave, I'm going to second Wolfen here... calm, cool and collected is the right way to do this.

[dialo]

Personally, I'd go with the girl to the 'ass.' manager's boss and let them know what this loser did. It's completely unacceptable. If his boss doesn't do anything, look for other employment. What you described is insane.

[shabbasuraj]

bring them to court.

it is the american way.

[Myrkridia]

Originally posted by phantomdragonz:
but then again some stores are union and that makes things kinda different, but I have absolutely NO experience with union stores...

Good Luck and get the girl!!!

Zach

Yeah, when I first started working at K-mart (before quitting)
they had us watch a lovely video that did it's best to make unions look like the devil.

But I agree with everyone else. "Law suit" can be a very scary word.

[mitchell_pgh]

FROM EXPERIENCE...

1) DO NOT TALK TO OR SEE THIS GIRL!

2) Find out if ANY paperwork has been filed by going directly to HR (If they aren't willing to tell you or say something like "we are considering it", get a lawyer.)

3) Talk to your boss and say you would like to submit a formal statement and have both parties sign it (you, the girl, and both employees). If the boss says NO, you need to reply with "then I plan to seek legal council in this matter."

4) If things aren't progressing, call the police and say that you would like to make a statement.

[mitchell_pgh]

Originally posted by shabbasuraj:
bring them to court.

it is the american way.

No offense, but sometimes you need to cover your ass and a lawyer is the best way to do so. Sometimes even mentioning that you are considering going to a layer will motivate them to put something to rest.

[Wiskedjak]

Originally posted by gumby5647:
All in all though...it's going to come down to "he said-she said". So I really need her to take my side and stand behind me if I decide to pursue further action...

He-said-she-said, yes, but she's on your side.

[brachiator]

Originally posted by mitchell_pgh:
No offense, but sometimes you need to cover your ass and a lawyer is the best way to do so. Sometimes even mentioning that you are considering going to a layer will motivate them to put something to rest.

I agree with mitchell_pgh, here. This is a very odd story.

I wouldn't talk about anything substantive (that is, anything other than hello/goodbye) with this girl or your bosses or coworkers (at least not related to the alleged harassment) until you speak to a lawyer and get his or her clearance. Who knows what the hell is going on here.

(I am a lawyer, although I don't do or know anything related to this type of case. I'm not giving you any kind of legal advice. What I do know, however, is that in general we lawyers wish that our clients had come to us for advice sooner rather than later, epecially when the situation is still ongoing.)

[OldManMac]

You also need to check on your company's policy concerning employee fraternization. Some companies have policies against, and can terminate employees for that reason.

[Xeo]

Originally posted by Wiskedjak:
He-said-she-said, yes, but she's on your side.

Yes, that's what I was thinking too.

Definitely confront the guys who talked to you with the girl there too. I would love to hear about that conversation. Just imagine how fumbled they will be when trying to explain how they arrived at that situation while she is denying ever mentioning it to anyone. Too funny. As someone else mentioned, make sure there is no written record of it.

[theolein]

The reason for going to speak with your two bosses who spoke to you, in the presence of this girl, BUT speaking to a lawyer beforehand is because if you get fired with a note in your references saying you were fired because of sexual harrassment, it can fu©k your whole life up, badly. It can lose you a seat in college, it can make getting another job hard etc.

You really should clear this up. I have been in a situation where I was fired based on trumped up accusations, except my boss was clever and made sure I couldn't disprove it. So in my case it was his word against mine and I couldn't do anything and it really messed up my life.

[Niakoro]

Originally posted by brachiator:
I agree with mitchell_pgh, here. This is a very odd story.

I wouldn't talk about anything substantive (that is, anything other than hello/goodbye) with this girl or your bosses or coworkers (at least not related to the alleged harassment) until you speak to a lawyer and get his or her clearance. Who knows what the hell is going on here.

(I am a lawyer, although I don't do or know anything related to this type of case. I'm not giving you any kind of legal advice. What I do know, however, is that in general we lawyers wish that our clients had come to us for advice sooner rather than later, epecially when the situation is still ongoing.)

I'd have to agree. Shut up until you seek legal advice from a local, liscensed attorney who works in this area of law.

I'm a lawyer, too, and brachiator has it right... don't say anything to anyone until you speak with an attorney to find out what position you are in. You don't want to give them any justification to fire you. BUT, don't mistake my statements for legal advice either; I don't work in or know anything about employment or harassment law.

The only advice I'll give you is this: talk to an attorney before you say anything to anyone at work.

[iBook]

Originally posted by gumby5647:
So yeah...this is a long story so bear with me...

Are you absolutely sure it is not the girl you want to date that is trying to start a sexual harrassment suit?

I have overseen a few sexual harrassment suits and two of which were a female making false claims of harrassment with the sole intent of suing the company for a large sum of money. These situations are sticky at best, simply because you cannot simply fire the female for starting the suit, so you have to build up a good case as to why she is not performing her duties so you can dismiss such a person with valid reason. It is quite important to resolve these issues before it turns into a strong case on the woman's end, as they can and will create such a situation.

Really, the bottom line is that I would make absolutely sure if I were you that this is not the case as it can and will cost you your job if it is taken too far. Don't call me sexist, or anything, it is just that I have seen these cases and can all too well recognize the power women can have creating this.

[Randman]

If this girl is on the up-and-up, set up a meeting with you, her, your boss and someone from the HR department and clear the air. Maybe it is indeed a matter of mixed messages, but you're better off handling it in a proper manner while protecting your backside because someone at that store is willing to paint you as a scapegoat.

And don't forget that you should never shop for meat at the place where you butter your bread.

[MilkmanDan]

Having worked at a grocery store on and off for 4 years during high school, man, that sucks. Don't worry about it. Go to college. Have fun. Never work in a grocery store again. Ever. Its an easy plan thats worked for me.

When I worked at the grocery store we part time guys would always make fun of the 'lifers'. High school kids who started working part time at the store, who turned into full time workers, who eventually became big a**holes on the job. They always hung out and drank with the high school kids..... even though they were in their late 20s or even over 30. Even worse, when they hit on the high school or college girls.

Anyhow, long story short. Working grocery sucks.

[wolfen]

Yes, that's right. See a lawyer with your GROCERY STORE WAGE. That's sure to go far. Surely they won't want to sue right away, right? Not your friendly neighborhood lawyer. No no no...they're such fine upstanding people, in general.

Sarcasm aside, it is a good idea to bounce this off an attorney -- if you can pay for one. Secondarily, I wouldn't let them run the show. Everyone has their stories. Mine all start with "Everything in my life was going great until I involved a lawyer..." So take all our anecdotal insight with a grain of salt.

[brachiator]

wolfen raises a valid point. Lawyers ain't cheap... Your school may have a campus lawyer who makes herself available for basic advice and a local law school may have a low or no cost clinic. The local legal aid organization might also have a drop in clinic. You don't need to get someone on retainer or file a suit, just find out your rights and such and how to proceed. best of luck to you.

[torsoboy]

just my 2 cents, but i am kinda suspicious of the girl. she may be totally setting you up. with you continuing to talk to her after she has had the bosses talk to you about it, her case could be even stronger for whatever it is she is trying to accomplish. maybe she's honest with you, but maybe she isn't. watch out.

[wdlove]

I wish you luck with setteling this situation. It worked for Bill O'Reilly.

[gumby5647]

update:

for those who were wondering. I'm not in school right now...I don't start until spring semester....

Actually, the biggest problem now is the lack of documented evidence from my employer over this.

I very kindly requested to see a copy of it from one of the guys that was in the room, and he said something about..."well, i don't think there was any paperwork, I certainly didn't fill any out...maybe Ed did......why? To be honest, I don't really think it was that big of a deal..."

I kind of glared into his eyes and said..."I think it's a big deal....NOW"

So even IF this girl did say something against me, you cannot tell me that she "requested managerial intervention" and there wasn't a single shred of documentation or paperwork that was involved with it. That's just total bunk. I certainly didn't sign anything afterwards saying that I had a meeting with these two guys about what happened and what I was going to do to fix it...blah blah blah....

So, this could very well do a 180 and become them (grocery store) harrassing me...

we'll see

The only thing that I want out of this is a written letter of apology from the store. And I also want a mass letter to go out in every single paycheck detailing what happened...and how the store Error'd in the way it was handled.

The last one is nessecessary to prevent the rumor from floating around. Because as we all know...everytime the story gets pasted on...it gets a little better and a little better....and pretty soon, I was "bangin her in the milk cooler" or something.

[Zimphire]

Originally posted by shabbasuraj:
bring them to court.

it is the american way.

Naw most of America makes fun of silly lawsuits. We just have some peoplehere that have no scruples.

[Zimphire]

Originally posted by gumby5647:
I was "bangin her in the milk cooler" or something.

Everyone knows that is where you go to smoke pot.