[wolfen]

"First take off your clothes from the waist down," she said. "Lay here and cover your penis with this towel, but let your testicles hang below it."

"Aw crap," I worry. "Please, God. Don't let me get a chubby."

I take off my clothes, lay on the bed, put on the hospital gown, and wait for Molly to return. I'm pinning Mr. Happy to my belly beneath the towel so he doesn't get curious and sneak out. The woman comes in and dims the lights. "Mood lighting?" I ask. "No," she smirks. "Not mood lighting. I can't see the screen unless it's dark." There is a very slight Indian accent. I look at her face and realize she's actually kinda prett-"

"NO!" screams my mind. "Don't go there!"

Molly's having a bit of trouble with the ultrasound machine. She calls in Aaron, the medical technician on staff. "You're ruining the mood, " I tell him in the dimly lit room. He laughs. "I'll be out of here soon and you can get back to it." True to his word, he gets the thing set and leaves.

"The computer having a problem -- that's just karma," I explain to Molly. "Why?" she asks. "I'm a computer guy. This is payback." She gives a Mona Lisa smile.

The kindly woman begins to squeeze a pile of thick, gloppy goo all over my balls. The ultrasound scanner is about the size of a deck of cards. She sticks it against my testicles and I am thankful that this is not turning me on at all. I can make out the educational poster on the opposite wall. I think to myself "That should be a picture of a rotund woman in a bikini. That would make things easier."

Molly spends the next half hour repositioning the scanner here and there, but always on a testicle. Do I have cancer? Why is she suddenly clicking all those buttons? Did she just frown? There is tension in the air. She seems nice, but she could be a messenger from God declaring my imminent death.

A sign beside the poster reads "The sonographer is not allowed to give you the results of your test" in english and spanish. I must wait until I see the doctor 2 hours later. He tells me there's nothing to worry about. My problems are something else: the bloodwork shows my pituitary is on vacation, and probably has been for years.

I'm thankful Molly was not gorgeous -- and that don't have cancer. In that order.

[wdlove]

A very interesting story. I glad to hear that you don't have cancer wolfen.

[Zimphire]

I know I shouldn't

Because cancer isn't

But the story was.

[brapper]

been there, but get this...I was 19, and she was mid-twenties, very cute, and a student (University Hospital.) Plus she wasn't scanning, she was rubbing them looking for irregularities I suppose. Had no idea that that day would be my first testicle exam, was totally unprepared.
Only thing that saved me was that it was relatively quick, and I think I felt some guilt that my girlfriend was just outside the room.
Definitely broke a sweat though...

[lavar78]

Um, you guys do realize that's nothing to be embarrassed about, right? After all, it's nothing they haven't seen before.

[Oisín]

If anything, it would be a compliment to her... but anyway, I'm glad the test turned out positive (for you, that is).

[olePigeon]

Originally posted by lavar78:
After all, it's nothing they haven't seen before.

I'd be worried as hell if they didn't see anything down there.

[Angus_D]

Odd. I'd have thought they'd have got a male doctor to see you for something like that.

[Spliff]

Originally posted by wolfen:
My problems are something else: the bloodwork shows my pituitary is on vacation, and probably has been for years.

???

[wolfen]

Originally posted by Spliff:
???

The pituitary releases Follicle Stimulating Hormone and Lutenizing hormone. Mine doesn't do much of either. Either it isn't getting the feedback signals it needs to start production or it doesn't have the ability to produce them in adequate quantities anymore. (These hormones stimulate the release of TESTOSTERONE)

This explains a lot of the problems I've been experiencing over the past year or 2. Long term, if untreated I would develop osteoporosis and reduced muscle mass (including the heart). In the short term, well...you figure out what insufficient testosterone would mean. It's called Hypogonadism.

The only good side effect is that lower testosterone means my receding hairline has been fairly stable for a long time whereas all my cousins have been losing theirs at a faster rate. Once I get on hormone therapy the increased testosterone is likely to accelerate my hair loss. One of life's bitter ironies.

I wonder if I double my dose if I'd turn into The Hulk. All you girlymen will bow to me -- The Testosteronater.

[starman]

turn your head to the left and cough

[Zimmerman]

Originally posted by starman:
turn your head to the left and cough

Or better yet, spread your legs and bend forward at the waist.

[Spliff]

Well, at least you have a diagnosis and it's not cancer.

[rozwado1]

Originally posted by wolfen:
I wonder if I double my dose if I'd turn into The Hulk.

Let's not let this turn into the man-boobs thread.

[- - e r i k - -]

This is almost exactly like my story. Finding an extra lump in your ballsack isn't much fun.

Didn't have cancer either.