[Spliff]

I'm so sick of the 5-minute phone trace. Phone traces are instantaneous.

The other one I hate is how every movie about the end of the world or Satan refers to the Book of Revelation as "Revelations" or "Book of Revelations." It's singular, not plural.

[fireside]

phone traces are really instantaneous? thanks for ruining my day.

"the trace buster buster buster"

[Disgruntled Head of C-3PO]

killing the bad guy and knowing that when they think it is all over they he comes back but they finish him off.

[CharlesS]

The part where the kid in the seat ahead of you starts fighting with his sister over popcorn.

[SafariX]

sound in space


firefly had no such nonsense. this is 1 of many reasons why it rocks.

[cszar2001]

Guns that don`t run out of ammo drive me crazy.
The worst example is "Commando" with Arnold.

I also hate the speeches the bad guys make before killing someone.

[CD Hanks]

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU: CLICHE: THE MOVIE

[storer]

Originally posted by cszar2001:
I also hate the speeches the bad guys make before killing someone.

Yeh, as if you wouldn't think "They could get away and then they could tell everyone my evil plan and everything I have done."

[shmerek]

How about the final fight scene where the hero gets their ass totally kicked for five minutes and then somehow regains his/her strength to kill the bad guy. Friggin lame.

[Lancer409]

Just finish watching bloodsport ....

chong li (bolo yeung?!?) get's smacked around by some american "harley davidson wearing biker gang guy" and the american jumps around showing off, while chong li gets back up and kicks his ass, hospitalizing him...

then in the fight for the title (championship) chong li fights frank dux (van damme). chong li gets beat up pretty bad and resorts to cheating (throws powder into frank dux's eyes) and smacks dux around .. then .. chong li, instead of finishing dux off while he's all freaking out about being blind, begins to prance around the mat while dux regains his composure ... pff ... yeah ... right? .... i dunno what to say since its supposedly based on the real story ... i think they added some "changes" to perk up the movie ..

[Thilo Ettelt]

Matrix! It's just so... 1999 (remember the dot-com boom?)


- Thilo

[ajprice]

People on computers (mac or PC) with a fake UI on the screen that says "Mail Received" in big letters with a crappy mailbox animation or something. That or the big fake interface for the countdown to the end of the world that stops at 00:01 seconds...

[chabig]

Computers that make typewriter sounds as they display one letter at a time on the screen.

[thirsty]

The fact that all movie computers never use a Mac OS or Windows operating system. What do they Use? And anything they do on them is Instant!

Also how cars that get dented are suddenly repaired while still driving - " Christine " anyone!

[Zimphire]

[Macrat]

Airbags that go off in cars; they blow up like balloons and stay that way instead of instantly deflating. Or how about police chases where the chasee is driving a super fast sports car but can't pull away from the police who are driving big bloatmobiles.

[residentEvil]

Originally posted by thirsty:
The fact that all movie computers never use a Mac OS or Windows operating system. What do they Use? And anything they do on them is Instant!

Also how cars that get dented are suddenly repaired while still driving - " Christine " anyone!

you do realize what the movie Christine was about, don't you? the car fixing itself is a part of the story, not an oops. An example for what you mean, would be Twister. Hail dented car, broken window in one frame; next frame, new truck with not a scratch.

[BRussell]

I love it when the bad guy finally has the protagonist in his sights, is standing there with the gun facing the camera ready to shoot, a gunshot sounds, there's a pause, and then the bad guy falls down dead! Revealed behind him is your partner holding the smoking gun, who you thought was dead but was only injured!

I also love it when the motorcycle driver pulls up wearing a helmet, and then takes off his helmet and then OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT LONG BLONDE HAIR IT'S REALLY A WOMAN THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE BECAUSE WOMEN DON'T RIDE MOTORCYCLES!

[D'Espice]

Originally posted by Macrat:
Or how about police chases where the chasee is driving a super fast sports car but can't pull away from the police who are driving big bloatmobiles.

Oh yeah, I always LOVE that. Especially when the "bad" guy is not driving a sports car but a super fast supersports motorcycle. Like Matrix2 for example, where Trinity drives a Ducati 999S (for fcks sake, that thing has like 178hp) yet the cops in their bloatmobiles are faster.
Or did you notice how she started the engine? Just by using the key... dang, car-engines start like that, not motorcycles.

Btw, if you wanna see a movie with no clichés whatsoever, go check out Office Space. That movie ROCKSROCKSROCKS!

[Camali]

Or a stupid movie line like "You keep what you kill." I'm sure you know what HOT idiot said that!

Movie was good though, at least the special effects were...though I'm not sure, or wasn't expecting the bad guys to come from the "UNDERVERSE!"

[BlueSky]

Someone knocks on a door; if it isn't answered INSTANTLY, it's assumed no one's home. And the door's always unlocked, and they walk in.

When talking on the phone, no one EVER says "bye" when hanging up. Never. They just hang up.

[D'Espice]

I just remembered another thing, have you ever noticed how they never lock their cars? They just slam the doors shut and that's it. They also never have to unlock their cars, they just open the doors.

[ajprice]

But all cars in movies have the keyless entry card thing, like Mercedes now where you have a wireless card which locks the car when you walk out of range. Hollywood has had this tech for years, they just never let any car makers have it til a few years ago .

[dlefebvre]

I also love when they analyse footage from a crappy black & withe security camera and they can zoom-in to read a tiny piece of paper in someone's pocket. It's like a 20 gigapixel security cam that give very poor resolve in full frame.

[Eriamjh]

How about windows never having screens?

[dlefebvre]

I also would like to be a subscriber to movie cell phones companies. Unless it's part of the plot, they always seem to get crystal clear recpetion. None of this "could you repeat, i'm on my cell phone" crap.

[entrox]

Happy Endings. Why does nearly every Hollywood movie have to end with some twist so the good guys somehow win/survive against all odds. The most recent example that I can think of is Last Samurai: the whole Samurai army is slaughtered by machine gun fire save for the main protagonist, who then proceeds to convince the emperor of the evilness of the antagonist. Because we all know that good always triumphs.

Most of my favorite movies didn't have happy endings like Dr. Strangelove. I'm pretty sure that the nuclear holocaust would be avoided if they remade the movie even if it's meant to be a black comedy.

[Thilo Ettelt]

Originally posted by D'Espice:
I just remembered another thing, have you ever noticed how they never lock their cars? They just slam the doors shut and that's it. They also never have to unlock their cars, they just open the doors.

Or how they always ride with opened windows.

[MacGorilla]

The Star Trek movies irritate me because as an ex Navy guy, to see the command structure grates me. Maybe they're really different in the future, but "Yes sir" and "Aye sir" are not interchangable; Yes usually denotes a change in what you are doing, aye doesn't. if you you are aiming a torpedo at one target and are ordered to target another, you don't say "Aye", you say "Yes". If you are cleaning a toilet and the commander tells you to carry on, then its "aye".

How about the fact when the Captain comes on the bridge, there is no announcement. Some people turn and look at him but thats it.

And one last thing, is everyone in ST an officer? where the enlisted people? All I see are officers in all the shows.

/rant over. Whew.

[BlueSky]

Originally posted by MacGorilla:
And one last thing, is everyone in ST an officer? where the enlisted people? All I see are officers in all the shows.

The enlisted people are known as "expendable crew members" and usually only show up when someone needs to be killed.

This was especially true of the original series, where the ECM would be zapped by the current monster-in-residence encountered on the planet where the way-team just beamed down to.

[CharlesS]

It used to bug me how in the movies you could infect a computer with a virus without actually launching any app, simply by inserting an infected disk or by connecting it to an infected machine with a network cable. The first complaint disappeared after AutoStart-9805, and the second complaint now seems silly with Blaster, Sasser, et al.

[Avenir]

Originally posted by MacGorilla:
And one last thing, is everyone in ST an officer? where the enlisted people? All I see are officers in all the shows.

/rant over. Whew.

No, there's always one little insignificant enlisted guy, but he's the one that dies. Family Guy actually makes fun of this in one of their episodes, pretty funny.

I always hate the "speech by the bad guy at the end before he kills hero" and the fire/sound/wings in space thing.

Oh, and I hate perfect dialogue. People **** up all the time talking, but there's never "um.." or anything like that. That any never typos when people type stuff on the screen.

edit: someone beat me to the "expendable crew member" response... damn.

[Luca Rescigno]

No, the "redshirts" (Star Trek's expendable crew members) are ensigns, and an ensign is still an officer (albeit the lowest officer rank).

What I think is silly is how if the hero's car crashes, it just crunches up and he climbs out, whereas if a bad guy's car crashes, it instantly explodes in a giant fireball. Oh, and whenever a bad guy is shot, he dies instantly, but if a good guy is shot (even severely), he'll live at least long enough to have a death conversation with another good guy. If he's Ahnold, of course, he'll just keep going.

Oh, and of course there are the "countdowns" that take just as long to go from one minute to ten seconds as they do to go from ten seconds to zero.

[Patrick]

Movie characters always have perfect hairstyles, no matter what happens to them. I wish mine were like that…_I'd save lots of money on hair gel.

[Spliff]

Originally posted by Zimphire:

Is that actually in one of the Star Wars movies?

[Avenir]

Originally posted by Patrick:
Movie characters always have perfect hairstyles, no matter what happens to them. I wish mine were like that…_I'd save lots of money on hair gel.

oh god... yeah, like the ending scene from Jurassic Park 1 where they're in the helicopter and it looks like what's her name just got out of the shower. jeeze.

[Spliff]

I just saw another cliché while watching "From Dusk Till Dawn."

Why do people in movies "drink" their Aspirin or prescription medicine from the pill bottle as if they're pounding back a beer or Mountain Dew? Who takes their medicine like that? Here, I'll just swig a dozen Aspirin or so and ignore the abdominal bleeding that will follow it.

[Luca Rescigno]

Originally posted by Spliff:
Is that actually in one of the Star Wars movies?

Yes. It's when the stormtroopers break through the door on the Death Star in the first one.

[Spliff]

Originally posted by CD Hanks:
COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU: CLICHE: THE MOVIE

[nredman]

Originally posted by CharlesS:
The part where the kid in the seat ahead of you starts fighting with his sister over popcorn.

ambush?

[Avenir]

Originally posted by CD Hanks:
COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU: CLICHE: THE MOVIE

ok, well I may be hacked to pieces for this, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I saw the theater trailer for it, and I swear, I might have laughed a little bit... I hope it's not too horrible. That being said, I probably won't ever see it until I stumble onto it on TV or something.

[BRussell]

Originally posted by Bluesky:
Someone knocks on a door; if it isn't answered INSTANTLY, it's assumed no one's home. And the door's always unlocked, and they walk in.

That reminds me of another favorite.

1. A guy has a heart attack or is otherwise injured, and his heart stops.
2. One guy tries to get his heart started again, by hitting his chest or whatever.
3. After some miniscule amount of time, everyone else looks at the guy trying to do the reviving like he's absolutely crazy and irrational. They say "Jim, stop, it's over." Then when he keeps trying, they physically drag him away telling him to stop.

I'm sorry, but I think they can take more than 2.4 seconds out of their busy schedule to try to save someone's frickin' life.

[TubaMuffins]

no one ever pays taxi drivers.
always pay at restaurants by throwing a wad of cash on the table.

[Spliff]

Originally posted by BRussell:
That reminds me of another favorite.

1. A guy has a heart attack or is otherwise injured, and his heart stops.
2. One guy tries to get his heart started again, by hitting his chest or whatever.
3. After some miniscule amount of time, everyone else looks at the guy trying to do the reviving like he's absolutely crazy and irrational. They say "Jim, stop, it's over." Then when he keeps trying, they physically drag him away telling him to stop.

I'm sorry, but I think they can take more than 2.4 seconds out of their busy schedule to try to save someone's frickin' life.

I love that one.

[Sherwin]

Steven Segal.

[Oneota]

In movies that involve time travel, the vehicle (or whatever) only traverses time, not distance. Yet, when they arrive at their destination time, everything is in the same place. Or, in the case of some time-travel scenarios (Star Trek IV), distance is traversed, but it's around an object which, for some reason, does not move.

Of course, the earth is always rotating on its axis. It's also always revolving around the sun, which is always revolving around the center of the Milky Way, which is always traveling away from the point of the Big Bang. So really, nothing is ever in the same place twice.

[Mister Elf]

People getting shot in the chest with '-16s, moaning a bit, and then getting up and walking away after the bad guy miraculously dies.

Bad guys who can't shoot worth ****. Snipers that miraculously miss their shot during hostage-rescues. Protagonists that never reload, but always kill the bad guys while they're reloading.

Car chases in general.

I also agree with the whole star trek "aye aye" thing. The (US) Navy uses the following system or close to it:

Aye, aye, sir/ma'am: response to a command or order.

Yes, sir/ma'am: response to a question or inquiry.

No, sir: refusal, or an answer in the negative, but you'd sure as hell better back yourself up...

[Cubeoid]

* movie OS (making stupid scrolling noises, browsing databases far too graphically advanced and way too fast) .. oh and.. ACCESS DENIED screens.

* The entire movie: Swordfish (god, that was just stupid and terribly shitty, the guy "hacking" while getting a blowjob)

* characters in films (both good and bad) saying stupid **** just beofre they kill people, trying to be funny eg. saying something like "have a pleasent flight" before throwing somebody off a cliff)

* smartass kids (I really hate this ****, characters of children having knowledge and vocabulary beyond their years)

* "I want your badge and your gun" - I once saw a great montage dedicated to the "badge and gun scene" which ran like 5 minutes and was just scenes from dozens of films where the police chief asks the officer(s) who ****ed up for the badge and gun.

* the handsome actor and the chick hating each other at the start but.. always ****ing at the end of the movie.

[Montezuma58]

http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/

[Spliff]

Originally posted by Montezuma58:
http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/

That's a great site, but it completely takes the fun out of action or SF movies.

Here's a neat example from their analysis of Spider-Man:

There's also the web volume problem. A web strand would probably need to be at least 0.5 cm in diameter to support Spider-Man's web-swinging antics. If such a strand were 100 meters long, it would have a volume of 0.00196 m3 compared to Spider-Man's estimated volume of 0.0726 m3. Spider-Man will lose 2.7% of his volume every time he shoots a 100-meter-long web. Web swinging a mere kilometer of horizontal distance would use up 38% of his body volume (assuming his web makes a 45° angle with the vertical at the beginning and end of each swing and each web is 100 meters long). He would be skeletal by the time he arrived and would have to eat huge volumes of food to compensate.