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Apple Pro Underwear · Dec 3, 2004, 07:06 PM

Shrek 2 = 400 million plus
Spiderman 2 = 350 million plus

PASSION OF THE CHRIST = 350 million plus

Does that mean we're going to see a:

Moses
Allah
John
Abraham
Job

Makes sense to me. Get Bruckheimer to do a Moses for July 4th opening and boo-yah!

You folks think this is going to happen?

ManOfSteal · Dec 3, 2004, 10:02 PM

Only if Barry Bonds plays Moses...

CreepingDeth · Dec 3, 2004, 10:05 PM

Originally posted by ManOfSteal:
Only if Barry Bonds plays Moses...

Moses had speech problems and he didn't take steroids. No deal.

Thread=not funny.
If you want a good Bible movie, The Ten Commandments is worth the price of admission. Especially the Charlton Heston part.

That wouldn't be a bad movie for a remake�
As long as they didn't mess it up like a couple remakes of some oldies (Manchurian Candidate and Oceans Eleven, anyone?).

cpt kangarooski · Dec 3, 2004, 10:42 PM

I don't think there's been enough about Joseph. The guy gets married but his wife won't sleep with him, and then the instant his back is turned in steps God. And poor Joe has to raise a kid that isn't his and God doesn't even so much as pay paternity. And she still won't sleep with him! (If I recall Catholic dogma correctly)

Joseph trains him up to work in the family business, and what's the kid do but wanders off, hangs out with hookers and other unsavory types, has some sort of cult thing going on, picks fights, and gets executed.

I think it would be a good drama.

Oneota · Dec 3, 2004, 10:58 PM

Originally posted by cpt kangarooski:
I don't think there's been enough about Joseph. The guy gets married but his wife won't sleep with him, and then the instant his back is turned in steps God. And poor Joe has to raise a kid that isn't his and God doesn't even so much as pay paternity. And she still won't sleep with him! (If I recall Catholic dogma correctly)

Joseph trains him up to work in the family business, and what's the kid do but wanders off, hangs out with hookers and other unsavory types, has some sort of cult thing going on, picks fights, and gets executed.

I think it would be a good drama.

Let me preface this by saying I don't believe in God. While I think Jesus lived (there's a lot of evidence supporting his existence), I don't think he was anything more than a man. So, with that out of the way:

Do you really think Mary and Joseph never got it on? C'mon - according to the story, she gave birth to Jesus as a virgin. Considering she and Joseph weren't married, we'll just accept that one at face value (

). But even if you believe the Bible, you've gotta admit it's pretty unlikely that Mary and Joseph *never* had sex. Nah. I don't buy it. I'm willing to bet that Jesus had at least a couple half-siblings running around, daring him to turn various things into wine and making a mess of trick-or-treating (what with the actual zombies knocking on people's doors and such).

Truepop · Dec 4, 2004, 12:59 AM

Originally posted by Oneota:
But even if you believe the Bible, you've gotta admit it's pretty unlikely that Mary and Joseph *never* had sex. Nah. I don't buy it.

not too new. it's in Kevin Smith's Dogma and is a central plot detail.

Cubeoid · Dec 4, 2004, 01:07 AM

The Passion 2: Jesus is Back! (a sci-fi action thriller based in 2076)

MilkmanDan · Dec 4, 2004, 02:13 AM

This summer.... Jesus is back... and this time... he's not forgiving. "I'll be back." Jesus 2: Revenge of the Christ. A Jerry Brockhimer Film.

Amorya · Dec 4, 2004, 07:16 AM

Originally posted by Oneota:
But even if you believe the Bible, you've gotta admit it's pretty unlikely that Mary and Joseph *never* had sex. Nah. I don't buy it. I'm willing to bet that Jesus had at least a couple half-siblings running around, daring him to turn various things into wine and making a mess of trick-or-treating (what with the actual zombies knocking on people's doors and such).

I thought it was a pretty well-established idea that Jesus had siblings... I always assumed he did, anyhow!

BTW, anyone read the Infancy Gospel of Thomas? Here's a sample:

The son of Annas the scribe was standing there with Jesus. Taking a branch from a willow tree, he dispersed the waters which Jesus had gathered. (2) When Jesus saw what had happened, he became angry and said to him, "You godless, brainless moron, what did the ponds and waters do to you? Watch this now: you are going to dry up like a tree and you will never produce leaves or roots or fruit."

(3) And immediately, this child withered up completely. Then, Jesus departed and returned to Joseph's house. (4) The parents of the one who had been withered up, however, wailed for their young child as they took his remains away. Then, they went to Joseph and accused him, "You are responsible for the child who did this."

Amorya

ThinkInsane · Dec 4, 2004, 07:26 AM

If you want the true story of Jesus, you need to pick up Lamb by Christopher Moore. You will laugh your ass off. It's the story of Christ as told by his best friend Biff.

CreepingDeth · Dec 4, 2004, 07:41 AM

Why doesn't Amorya have any stars?

ManOfSteal · Dec 4, 2004, 07:45 AM

Originally posted by CreepingDeth:
Why doesn't Amorya have any stars?

He is Jesus.

CreepingDeth · Dec 4, 2004, 07:50 AM

Originally posted by ManOfSteal:
He is Jesus.

Hi Jesus.

MacGorilla · Dec 4, 2004, 08:21 AM

Originally posted by ManOfSteal:
He is Jesus.

So Jesus returns from the dead and appears first on MacNN forums...is this in the Bible somewhere??

Apple Pro Underwear · Dec 4, 2004, 10:54 AM

i'm so glad i made this thread

Amorya · Dec 4, 2004, 10:56 AM

Originally posted by MacGorilla:
So Jesus returns from the dead and appears first on MacNN forums...is this in the Bible somewhere??

All ye of little faith...

CreepingDeth · Dec 4, 2004, 10:58 AM

Originally posted by Amorya:
All ye of little faith...

I'm friends with Jesus!

Oneota · Dec 4, 2004, 11:04 AM

Originally posted by CreepingDeth:
I'm friends with Jesus!

So, uh...what kind of friend *do* you have in Jesus?

(Ducks and runs away)

CreepingDeth · Dec 4, 2004, 11:11 AM

Originally posted by Oneota:
So, uh...what kind of friend *do* you have in Jesus?

(Ducks and runs away)

Friends. Are you saying you don't love Jesus?

[Shameless rip of the SP Faith+1 Episode]

Oneota · Dec 4, 2004, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by CreepingDeth:
Friends. Are you saying you don't love Jesus?

[Shameless rip of the SP Faith+1 Episode]

*smacks head* No...I was doing a bad joke/play on words on the hymn....never mind.

cpt kangarooski · Dec 4, 2004, 11:57 AM

Oneota--

Do you really think Mary and Joseph never got it on? C'mon - according to the story, she gave birth to Jesus as a virgin. Considering she and Joseph weren't married, we'll just accept that one at face value (

). But even if you believe the Bible, you've gotta admit it's pretty unlikely that Mary and Joseph *never* had sex.

Well, like I said, I seem to recall that that's what some religions believe; it's not what I believe by a long shot.

Think Insane--

This summer.... Jesus is back... and this time... he's not forgiving. "I'll be back." Jesus 2: Revenge of the Christ. A Jerry Brockhimer Film.

Heh. That reminds me of Terminator 3: The Greatest Action Story Ever Told.

Disgruntled Head of C-3PO · Dec 4, 2004, 12:35 PM

Originally posted by Apple Pro Underwear:

PASSION OF THE CHRIST = 350 million plus

Well you either went to see it to re-live the story or Christ, to laugh at the story of Christ, to complain how they got it all wrong, or to see what all the fuss was about.

Brilliant,

olePigeon · Dec 4, 2004, 01:09 PM

Jesus was a mutant, that's why he has all those powers. He'll be making a cameo in X-Men 3.