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wataru · 02:17 AM

When the girl you like already has a boyfriend, what do you do? Reverse genders as appropriate if you're a girl and/or gay.

Randman · Jan 16, 2005, 08:02 AM

Find someone else.

Stealing is scummy. Giving up/waiting and hoping is just wimpy.

There's plenty of fish out in the sea.

jcadam · Jan 16, 2005, 08:12 AM

steal her. I stole a fairly cute she-nerd from her dork boyfriend just to see if I could do it. Then I dumped her a few months later right before the big dance so I could hook up with someone more socially acceptable. Looking back, I was a bit of an arse.

For the girl I'm currently with (married to), I had to wait a bit, since the other guy was my friend. Lucky for me he screwed up and I got the girl.

RonnieoftheRose · Jan 16, 2005, 08:15 AM

Torn between all options. If it's just a physical thing there are other girls. If it's more than that you have to put her safety first, and yours. Situations like those are dangerous if the third party and others have the capacity or potential for violence.

Xeo · Jan 16, 2005, 08:29 AM

If she can be stolen, she's doesn't have strong feelings for the guy anyway. So you may as well try, unless the guy is a friend. You might not want to hurt a friendship for that. But if he's just some guy, don't worry about it. Dating is a just a game, right?

wataru · Jan 16, 2005, 08:35 AM

I'm not really planning to try to steal her. I'm too much of a pussy for that. I keep vacillating between giving up and waiting. I know giving up is probably the better idea, but every time I see her I have so much fun that I just don't want to give up.

I have no idea who her boyfriend is, but apparently they've been dating for a year. If it's that serious I don't think I stand a chance anyway.

Ghoser777 · Jan 16, 2005, 08:55 AM

I always try to keep my options open - just playing the field.

mitchell_pgh · Jan 16, 2005, 09:53 AM

Originally posted by wataru:
I'm not really planning to try to steal her. I'm too much of a pussy for that. I keep vacillating between giving up and waiting. I know giving up is probably the better idea, but every time I see her I have so much fun that I just don't want to give up.

I have no idea who her boyfriend is, but apparently they've been dating for a year. If it's that serious I don't think I stand a chance anyway.

It depends upon a few things.

I'll be blatantly honest with you. During my college years, I was good friends with a girl that had a boyfriend. I really liked her, but she had a boyfriend so I kept a closed mind and never took an active role in trying to date her.

A few years later, I ran in to her and she flat out said "Why didn't you ever show any interest in me... I think we would have made a perfect couple." Unfortunately, by that time, she had moved on from that boyfriend and had gotten married to someone else.

I would say... don't wait, don't steal her away and don't give up. Just talk to her and give clear signs of your intentions. If she can't pick up on your line of questioning... "1) What's your boyfriend like? How long have you been dating? How often to you get to see him? bla bla bla. then just lay it out.

"I know you are dating someone, but I really like hanging out with you, if you would ever like to catch a movie or grab a bite to eat, I would really like that."

If she takes you up on that, then it's a sign in my mind that she is interested in moving your relationship forward. If she is luke warm to the idea, you know she is more interested in being "just friends." If she never talks to you again... well, I think you can figure that one out.

It's not a scum-bag move because she isn't married and she isn't engaged. unless it's a friends girlfriend or someone that you know...

RonnieoftheRose · Jan 16, 2005, 10:06 AM

If only life was that easy, Mitch, I'd be a happy person right now. There are simple situations like that and then there are far more complex ones.

Captain Obvious · Jan 16, 2005, 11:18 AM

Originally posted by Xeo:
If she can be stolen

Steal, but if you can steal her away she can prob be stolen from you. Which is a point that should be kept in the back of one's mind. Just don't pine away waiting for her to be single.

Rampant Desire · Jan 16, 2005, 11:30 AM

Mind control gentlemen... mind control.

Mafia · Jan 16, 2005, 11:52 AM

Originally posted by RonnieoftheRose:
there are simple situations like that and then there are far more complex ones.

very tru.

Randman · Jan 16, 2005, 11:56 AM

If you can steal her from someone else, someone could steal her from you.

spiky_dog · Jan 16, 2005, 12:01 PM

Originally posted by Randman:
If you can steal her from someone else, someone could steal her from you.

not if your suave-chu is strong.

in high school i stole someone's girl. she was into it, i was into it, but it's not something i'd do again. too tumultuous.

jersey · Jan 16, 2005, 12:06 PM

Drop hints you're into her and wait for her to come to you. Confidence my man ( not to be confused with arrogance )..... it'll get you a chance with most women.

Randman · Jan 16, 2005, 12:24 PM

Originally posted by spiky_dog:
nin high school

Key words: In high school.

spiky_dog · Jan 16, 2005, 12:28 PM

Originally posted by Randman:
Key words: In high school.

indeed. high school was a time when "relationships" were fleeting and generally dumb. i, too, was dumb if not especially fleet of foot.

Super Mario · Jan 16, 2005, 12:34 PM

Super Mario says if you like her then show her. If you get beat up so what. Her boyfriend is a lump of merde if he does that. Is she going to stay with the merde or be on your side? Super Mario says if she has the hot n tots for you she should grab you and kiss you and hug you like crazy and tell the other man to go away.

E's Lil Theorem · Jan 16, 2005, 12:57 PM

Well, unlike most guys, I have two ladders. (See here for the ladder theory I'm referring to.) So, personally, when I meet a girl with a boyfriend that I find interesting I automatically put her on the friends ladder. Now, when I was younger (junior and high school years), I used to think that it was okay to go after any girl out there. In fact, my motto back then regarding this sort of stuff was, "I don't mind sharing as long as I get my piece of the pie." Now that I'm older, I'd like to think I'm wiser and just move on when I meet a girl that's taken. People always get hurt when it comes to these love triangles. Besides, like someone said above, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

If you, however, feel that this girl might the one for you, I suggest you talk to her. Forget dropping hints. Be straight with her, but do realize you might be putting the current friendship in jeopardy. If you think it's worth it, go for it.

Anyway, have you seen Closer? It deals with these type of relationship problems and it's pretty jacked up. Oh, Natalie Portman is in it, so you should check it out anyway.

brapper · Jan 16, 2005, 01:15 PM

Just make yourself a much better person than her boyfriend.
Treat her well but don't be aggressive.

Apple Pro Underwear · Jan 16, 2005, 01:28 PM

tell her you like her and then tell her you're giving up

let everything work out from there

jcadam · Jan 16, 2005, 04:21 PM

First, get some booze into her. Then, tell her you like her, whilst simultaneously getting touchy-feely.

Sherwin · Jan 16, 2005, 05:18 PM

1) It should be no problem to steal her.

2) You wouldn't want to be going out with a girl who's easily influenced by people who want to steal her. I know your mojo is way better than her existing boyfriend's (thus making (1) true), but sooner or later she'll meet someone with even better mojo (like me) and you'll lose her. Is this what you want from a girl? Or do you want someone who's gonna be loyal to you even if she does meet Brad Pitt or Uncle Sherwie?

wataru · Jan 16, 2005, 06:30 PM

Originally posted by E's Lil Theorem:
If you, however, feel that this girl might the one for you, I suggest you talk to her. Forget dropping hints. Be straight with her, but do realize you might be putting the current friendship in jeopardy. If you think it's worth it, go for it.

This sums up my current thinking on the situation. Either I get the girl, or it solves the waiting problem for me on its own. Very cut & dry; I like it. I'm hatching a plan to tell her, probably soon.

Apple Pro Underwear · Jan 16, 2005, 06:34 PM

Originally posted by wataru:
This sums up my current thinking on the situation. Either I get the girl, or it solves the waiting problem for me on its own. Very cut & dry; I like it. I'm hatching a plan to tell her, probably soon.

and don't feel bad about it either

you're adults and have the capacity to discuss the situation

you're going to help her current relationship either way. if she likes you it ends something that wasn't right and if she shoots you down it helps strenthen it.

go for it and good luck

historylme · Jan 17, 2005, 12:24 AM

All good advice, follow your heart with prudence, but follow it. Don't live a life of what ifs.

Randman · Jan 17, 2005, 12:42 AM

What's your age and the ages of other people in this menage a tois? The age will make a world of difference.

Rev-O · Jan 17, 2005, 01:10 AM

Originally posted by jersey:
Drop pants and wait for her to come to you. Confidence my man ( not to be confused with arrogance )..... it'll get you a chance with most women.

Fixed.

wataru · Jan 17, 2005, 02:21 AM

Originally posted by Randman:
What's your age and the ages of other people in this menage a tois? The age will make a world of difference.

I'm 20, she's 22, and I think her boyfriend is either 21 or 23. I've never actually met him.

wdlove · Jan 17, 2005, 11:14 AM

It's best to wait your turn. If she is the one that is meant to be, eventually the two will be together. Definitely nothing to fight over.

Millennium · Jan 17, 2005, 11:42 AM

Wait your turn, and make sure to wait until the rebound phase is over. Seriously. Screwing with people's emotions is never a good idea. It's a death sentence for almost any relationship in the long term.

jcadam · Jan 17, 2005, 12:03 PM

Originally posted by Millennium:
Wait your turn, and make sure to wait until the rebound phase is over. Seriously. Screwing with people's emotions is never a good idea. It's a death sentence for almost any relationship in the long term.

but she may be easier to bed when her emotions are screwed up....

wataru · Jan 17, 2005, 07:18 PM

Originally posted by Millennium:
Wait your turn, and make sure to wait until the rebound phase is over. Seriously. Screwing with people's emotions is never a good idea. It's a death sentence for almost any relationship in the long term.

The kicker is that I'm only going to be around for another 6 months or so. That seems to strengthen both arguments at the same time: It's now or never, so I should tell her how I feel. Or: Since the relationship probably wouldn't last after I go home, I might as well not bother in the first place.

SSharon · Jan 17, 2005, 07:39 PM

this must be a record. so many posts and no requests for pictures, I just don't understand.

anyway, I say you should be blunt, tell her you like her and that she doesn't have to do anything about it. just saying that shouldn't offend her boyfriend either as long as you don't ask her out or ask her to leave him.

wataru · Jan 17, 2005, 11:07 PM

Originally posted by SSharon:
this must be a record. so many posts and no requests for pictures, I just don't understand.

I wish I had a picture to show you guys. She's absolutely gorgeous.

BasketofPuppies · Jan 17, 2005, 11:35 PM

Originally posted by wataru:
Reverse genders as appropriate if you're a girl or gay.

What about gay girls?

CD Hanks · Jan 17, 2005, 11:52 PM

Comedy "kill the guy" option.

wataru · Jan 18, 2005, 02:18 AM

Originally posted by BasketofPuppies:
What about gay girls?

Jeez, what was I thinking?

Fixed.

TubaMuffins · Jan 18, 2005, 02:29 AM

a lot of you guys are saying "steal her". any of you guys been the guy who has gotten his girl stolen? its not so simple and easy. this is why women suck.

Superchicken · Jan 18, 2005, 02:33 AM

I was flirting with a girl who I've known on and off for a few years a couple weeks ago, sadly she's now out of province at school but.. sadly every time I've talked to her she's talked about other guys... bloody mixed messages... worst of all she's one of the few girls I've met who I don't immediately say to myself "Wow she's be great, if she could think beyond her belly button." Sadly a lot of teenage girls are soo caught up with themselves it's not even funny, and a LOT of them are not that bright. I can't stand the idea of having a girl who I have no question in my mind about her being dumber than me.

d.fine · Jan 18, 2005, 05:29 AM

Originally posted by Randman:
Find someone else.

Stealing is scummy. Giving up/waiting and hoping is just wimpy.

There's plenty of fish out in the sea.

AMEN !

storer · Jan 18, 2005, 05:40 AM

Originally posted by Randman:
Find someone else.

Stealing is scummy. Giving up/waiting and hoping is just wimpy.

There's plenty of fish out in the sea.

Agreed, but adding "Wait your turn" if she matters so much

Sherwin · Jan 18, 2005, 05:52 AM

Originally posted by Superchicken:
I was flirting with a girl who I've known on and off for a few years a couple weeks ago, sadly she's now out of province at school but.. sadly every time I've talked to her she's talked about other guys... bloody mixed messages... worst of all she's one of the few girls I've met who I don't immediately say to myself "Wow she's be great, if she could think beyond her belly button." Sadly a lot of teenage girls are soo caught up with themselves it's not even funny, and a LOT of them are not that bright. I can't stand the idea of having a girl who I have no question in my mind about her being dumber than me.

Dude. At your age, breasts should be everything, brains nothing. You're not living in Dawson's Creek, you know. If you're waiting for a girl who you think isn't dumber than yourself, then you'll be waiting a long time (if you raise the bar so high then you're never going to find anyone capable of reaching it).

BasketofPuppies · Jan 18, 2005, 08:37 AM

Originally posted by wataru:
Jeez, what was I thinking?

Fixed.

It's still wrong. Gay girls shouldn't reverse genders.

wataru · Jan 18, 2005, 10:04 AM

Originally posted by BasketofPuppies:
It's still wrong. Gay girls shouldn't reverse genders.

I said "as appropriate." I think that covers all possibilities.

pooka · Jan 18, 2005, 10:30 AM

I only date married chicks. Seriously.

I vote that you steal her.

wataru · Jan 19, 2005, 02:59 AM

Well, I told her. Got rejected. Now I'm moving on to 焼酎.

Thanks for the advice, guys

Randman · Jan 19, 2005, 03:17 AM

You're better off without her.

historylme · Jan 19, 2005, 11:26 AM

Originally posted by wataru:
Well, I told her. Got rejected. Now I'm moving on to 焼酎.

Thanks for the advice, guys

DUDE That is awesome. Now you know, no more day dreaming and you can focus on other girls. And as you should know, it's a numbers game, for, like they say, there are many more fishes in the sea. Throw a wide net, you are bound to snatch

a girl you like.

Edit: By wide net, I mean, go after hot girls that you're attracted to.

m a d r a · Jan 22, 2005, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by wataru:
Well, I told her. Got rejected.....

i never liked her anyway