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Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 08:49 AM

Do you?

Do you ever feel like loved ones, friends, family, or co-workers take you or your contributions for granted?

I am feeling that way today for a number of reasons.

First, I do some part-time work for a large media conglomerate and I was asked to edit a large piece for them. I did it. They said it was a piece that was needed in a big hurry. I am semi-retired because I'm at home caring for children right now, one of them a baby. But, I busted my *ss working on that for the last two weeks, including working on my spouse's birthday last week.

Why? Because my replacement is on vacation right now and they didn't trust the person's fill-in, who, by the way, is perfectly capable. It's just editing, for Pete's sake.

I sent it down overnight last night (they wanted it today) and now I just got word that "it's great. But we can't use it because plans have changed." Yeah, I still get paid, but I really twisted my life and plans around last week working on it and it was a huge inconvenience.

Next, Valentine's Day was yesterday and I won't go into details, but it really was not very nice. My children got gifts from me. My spouse got a brand new Sony DSC-T1 Cybershot from me...

And I got a box of fruit. From the corner fruit stand. And then we went to dinner at a local so-so place where the food is definitely average. There was no forethought put into anything at all. The thing is, my spouse loves me, there is no doubt of that. It's simply a lack of forethought. A handwritten letter or card would have been great. Maybe a framed picture of our children. Something sentimental. But a box of fruit? (And not very nice fruit at that - it looks like it has mold on it.)

So, I'm feeling rather taken for granted today. Everyone knows I'm bummed and they're saying, "I'm sorry," but it's recurring theme.

Sorry for the rant, but I just want to vent.

Thanks for listening.

xi_hyperon · Feb 15, 2005, 09:43 AM

I think everyone has those days at times.

I sort of felt that way yesterday at work. The executive board at our company has gone into "profitability review" mode this year, and as a result, everyone here is basically interviewing for their own jobs. The objective is to clear the deadwood later. I had my "interview" yesterday - 2 hours of grilling on every responsibility I have and project I own, from top to bottom, and then "let's go over it one more time". It went fine, and I'm not worried about myself, but getting grilled for your own job makes you feel a little, well, expendable. Think of Office Space and the meeting with the Bobs - it was like that. Everyone is going through it here though, so one has to just put it into perspective. I don't expect morale to be to great in the coming months though.

As for the more personal issues, tell your spouse how you feel and why (he may not even realize that you are bothered by it). Make him understand that details like Valentine's Day may not seem like a big deal, but in the long run it does much to keep a relationship real and lasting. Hope that helps.

Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 09:47 AM

Thanks xi.

I did do that.

I'm the type of person that writes out a letter about issues...then never gives it to the intended. It's the exercise that sort of clears the head and heart.

Anyway, he found it.

I received a fax from the office this morning (he's in meetings) with a "We love you, you know!" message on it.

I think it's just that men and women think differently. Seriously, I do think that.

Between working very hard in the last week, arranging a surprise birthday party, dealing the HP issues (another thread), I guess I expected yesterday to be a bit of reprieve from drudgery and I expected some sort of...something.

Not a basket of fruit!

But, I appreciate the point you made.

I hope all goes well with your job, by the way. That must really be bad having to save your own *ss when it comes to your job. It seems like everyone is expendable these days.

Sherwin · Feb 15, 2005, 09:52 AM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
I think it's just that men and women think differently. Seriously, I do think that.

Yes. We have absolutely no idea why you like bunches of forcibly relocated flowers, for example. So we just give them to you to keep you happy (as it seems to work) without really understanding a thing about the whole process.

Now stop your whining and get back to that kitchen - your man will be home for his dinner soon!

xi_hyperon · Feb 15, 2005, 10:06 AM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
Thanks xi.

I did do that.

I'm the type of person that writes out a letter about issues...then never gives it to the intended. It's the exercise that sort of clears the head and heart.

Anyway, he found it.

I received a fax from the office this morning (he's in meetings) with a "We love you, you know!" message on it.

I think it's just that men and women think differently. Seriously, I do think that.

Between working very hard in the last week, arranging a surprise birthday party, dealing the HP issues (another thread), I guess I expected yesterday to be a bit of reprieve from drudgery and I expected some sort of...something.

Not a basket of fruit!

Excellent, I'm glad he found your note.

I hope all goes well with your job, by the way. That must really be bad having to save your own *ss when it comes to your job. It seems like everyone is expendable these days.

Yeah, I've been with the same company for 12 years, and I've enjoyed it, but at the end of the day, I'm under no illusion that I'm something other than just a resource. It's just a bit shocking when you are confronted face-to-face with that truth in such a blatant manner. In the end, I enjoy what I do, and I do a good job of it, so screw 'em. If they don't need my contribution someday, I'm sure somebody else could use it.

Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 10:12 AM

Yeah, screw 'em!

Anyway, I hate flowers. They represent death to me - they are already dying when they're put into a vase. (I like live plants.) I also do not like jewelry. I have a beautiful jewelry collection and some of it is even in a safe deposit box. I don't wear it. I like to wear jeans or khaki shorts and plain white button-down shirts and my hair in a ponytail. I don't even wear cosmetics other than hand lotion and sunscreen either.

I know I'm hard to buy for.

But a nice letter, a painting from children, that would have been treasured.

MacGorilla · Feb 15, 2005, 10:24 AM

Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 10:32 AM

MacGorilla, that's actually funny!

My spouse looked at me this morning and said, "Why don't you go shopping? Go out to lunch with your friends? Quit working altogether? Just do whatever you want. We don't need your income, you know. Why do you work anyway? Do you need an antidepressant or something?"

Men seem to think that women need:

A. Flowers or gifts or
B. Antidepressants

Sherwin · Feb 15, 2005, 10:38 AM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
Men seem to think that women need:

A. Flowers or gifts or
B. Antidepressants

...when all you really need is:

C. That look. Yeah, you know the one - that look.

keekeeree · Feb 15, 2005, 10:38 AM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
My children got gifts from me. My spouse got a brand new Sony DSC-T1 Cybershot from me...

And nothing says "romance" like a digital camera. Not saying that your spouse didn't fully appreciate the camera...hell...I'D love to get a digital camera from my fianc�!

It sounds like as much thought went into your gift as he put into his...your gift to him just happens to be a more expensive basket of fruit.

Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 10:40 AM

Actually, he has wanted that camera for a LONG time, Sherwin.

He takes it everywhere with him.

I also got him the collection of Godfather DVDs, a CD he wanted, and Vice City San Andreas (from our children - supposedly

).

So, yeah, I think I was very thoughtful.

He's a really great guy. This isn't about him being a bad guy...I just wish he was more thoughtful.

A basket of oranges is not very romantic or sentimental.

Sherwin · Feb 15, 2005, 10:45 AM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
Actually, he has wanted that camera for a LONG time, Sherwin.

I didn't mention the camera.

I care not for your hubby's well being, only yours.

Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 10:54 AM

That was sweet, Sherwin.

Even if you do look like a genetic throwback in your Sig.

Time for lunch!

macroy · Feb 15, 2005, 10:55 AM

I think we all feel that way at times. However, also do try and think of the sacrifices your loved one's have made for you - which may not be as evident unless you think about it.

Cody - I can only go by what you wrote - but the fact that you "retired" may have meant that you both are sacrificing a certain life style to care for your child, or that he may be working a bit harder to ensure that very life style has not changed. Then again, you may be rolling in it so it may not matter - but you get the point, I hope.

Here's an opposite story: I got my wife NOTHING yesterday - simply because I forgot. I felt really bad when I got home and just fessed up. She didn't care - she said that the sacrifices I made for her over the years was more than enough. She was refering to the fact that I had no objections to her switching careers from a Biotech manager to a middle school teacher (and having to go back to school to qualify as a teacher). In essence, she took a 75% pay cut, and we had to dish out an additional 40K for her education. And she was thankful for my support on her decision.

To me, I didn't even think about it. Who am I to tell her what to do with her life? But I guess she put it in perspective for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that he only "bought" you a basket of fruit... but I'm sure there are many things that he's done for you (as you have for him) over the last year that you should be thankful for.

As for work... well... that's another issue

.

ism · Feb 15, 2005, 10:55 AM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:

And I got a box of fruit.

At least it wasn't "... this lousy t-shirt".

Anyway, bummer!

On the first item, anything that is work related and is "URGENT!!!" and "MUST BE DONE NOW!!!" is guaranteed not to be. It's never worth busting your arse for a company; a colleague/friend maybe. I've had sooooo many occasions of having to finish work for a deadline only for it to sit around for months (sometimes). I am in fact so chilled and laid back now (I'm posting here for starters) I'll probably get sacked.

On the second item I stick to the Valentines rule (It seems to have got very distorted!). Valentines is for romantic style love and is intended to be secretive. So If you give a card or gift to someone it shouldn't say who it is from (can have clues) and should be for someone you fancy and love or just fancy. Valentines for your kids? No way. Well not until my daughter is 13 or something and is expecting them and I can wind her up as she won't know who it is from.

wdlove · Feb 15, 2005, 10:57 AM

Many times writing something down is cathartic. Has this been a help to you in some way Cody Dawg. You seem like a very loving caring person, seems to be harder on those of us like that type of personality. Are you starting to feel better?

Stradlater · Feb 15, 2005, 11:13 AM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
...genetic throwback...

an atavistic joke!

Stradlater · Feb 15, 2005, 11:16 AM

Anyways, I hope you're feeling better after the initial post!

Just one question...

Where did you leave that "letter for no one"?

Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 11:21 AM

I crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage.

Le spouse was taking out the trash and saw it crumpled up and pulled it out and read it. He wasn't even upset. He just said, "I'm sorry that you were disappointed. I hope I can make you happier today."

I'm not mad, per se. I was just disappointed, that's all.

I'm over it, though.

I think one of the reasons I posted this thread is because it's nice to vent, but also to get feedback from men. It puts things in perspective.

Thanks, All.

ThisGuy · Feb 15, 2005, 12:05 PM

yes.

turtle777 · Feb 15, 2005, 12:21 PM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
Ever Feel Underappreciated? At Work or Home?

Wow, that's weird. Today (02/15/05) is Employee Appreciation Day at work. How did you know ?

-t

FulcrumPilot · Feb 15, 2005, 01:31 PM

Whistle a tune when you think everything around is sucky.

turtle777 · Feb 15, 2005, 01:35 PM

Originally posted by FulcrumPilot:
Whistle a tune when you think everything around is sucky.

-t, *whistling*

agentz · Feb 15, 2005, 01:51 PM

All the frigging time at work, ever since this bastarding 'best value' review started almost three years ago.

Been a lot worse recently after our team merge and office move, new team leader, new seniors, new SLA's, new ops manager, new customers, new (crap) ethos.

Sure, everyone has those days where they don't want to go to work and think 'oh no, not again' but our management should be listening when people are telling them they've been feeling like that for four months.

Cody Dawg · Feb 15, 2005, 02:02 PM

Do you work for HP by any chance?

(Just joking.)

Sorry you're having a bad day.

xi_hyperon · Feb 15, 2005, 03:38 PM

Heh. My colleague and friend is getting "interviewed" by the Bobs now.

agentz · Feb 15, 2005, 05:48 PM

Originally posted by Cody Dawg:
Do you work for HP by any chance?

(Just joking.)

Sorry you're having a bad day.

Local government mate. Bureaucracy up the ass. Problem is that round here the job market is pretty damn crap just now that people just aren't moving.

Here's a small example of the current level of arseishness... There were 10 of us in a team supporting exclusively our education sector (144 sites, 4000 staff, 30,000 students, approx 7000 machines), and there were 10 people in the corporate desktop support team. Note the desktop bit there. We did everything from desktop to WAN/LAN support, wireless, servers (unix, nt, NAS), software, hardware, printer install and hardware support, you name it, we did it.

Since we formally merged, we now don't get to touch anything that is not a desktop machine or notebook or a printer that does not require to be served from an nt/2k server box. Oh and wireless networking stuff - our 'colleagues' know **** all about it and don't think we should be using it.

Since we merged, there have been a whole stack of new posts across our part of operational and support services. Seven out of 10 ex education staff (me included) have applied for new posts (I personally have applied for 4 posts in three months). How many ex education staff got a new post?

A big fat zero. Every post that has come up has been filled by one of the Corporate desktop monkeys, and none of those posts has been filled yet. Oh, sorry, I forgot, we have two contractors for three months to make up for seven holes. That makes sense.

Nah, I'm not bitter or feeling underappreciated or anything!