[tavilach]

I've always felt that in a relationship, personality is far more important than physical attraction, despite the fact that physical attraction is necessary. Lately, though, I've found myself wanting/trying to get to know girls that I'm physically attracted to, without any prior knowledge of their personalities. I felt that this was somewhat hypocrytical, until my friends explained to me that the first step is always physical attraction, and if I don't pursue the girls I'm attracted to, I'll just stay single. I don't feel that this is true, either, as it seems that many relationships develop after two people have been friends for quite some time, and chances are that this friendship didn't develop due to physical attraction.

My question is twofold. Am I, in fact, being a hypocrite? Furthermore, regardless of my hypocrisy, it seems to me that most relationships couldn't possibly be formed in this way, given the slim chance that a random girl who I am attracted to will end up being a match. How are most relationships formed?

It's hard to explain my current situation. I definetely don't consider myself desperate, and yet I keep noticing possible "candidates," oftentimes solely based on looks or a quick conversation, much more than I used to. Puberty? .

Anyway, I'm not looking for relationship advice: This is the last place I'd go for that. I'm just trying to arrange the pieces of the puzzle of love .

[Mafia]

its human instinct to go after people you are phsyically attracted too.

[starman]

So you just want to get laid to pretty girls. This is new? What were you banging before?

Mike

[Goldfinger]

Dude, go outside and get laid. Seriously.

[invisibleX]

Originally Posted by tavilach

I've always felt that in a relationship, personality is far more important than physical attraction, despite the fact that physical attraction is necessary. Lately, though, I've found myself wanting/trying to get to know girls that I'm physically attracted to, without any prior knowledge of their personalities. I felt that this was somewhat hypocrytical, until my friends explained to me that the first step is always physical attraction, and if I don't pursue the girls I'm attracted to, I'll just stay single. I don't feel that this is true, either, as it seems that many relationships develop after two people have been friends for quite some time, and chances are that this friendship didn't develop due to physical attraction.

My question is twofold. Am I, in fact, being a hypocrite? Furthermore, regardless of my hypocrisy, it seems to me that most relationships couldn't possibly be formed in this way, given the slim chance that a random girl who I am attracted to will end up being a match. How are most relationships formed?

It's hard to explain my current situation. I definetely don't consider myself desperate, and yet I keep noticing possible "candidates," oftentimes solely based on looks or a quick conversation, much more than I used to. Puberty? .

Anyway, I'm not looking for relationship advice: This is the last place I'd go for that. I'm just trying to arrange the pieces of the puzzle of love .

What do you mean physically attracted to? Can you seriously find someone you don't enjoy looking at and expect to spend a good chunk of your life with them? Physical attraction is perfectly normal as long as it isn't the only thing. Your friends are right; first someone catches your eye (physical) then you proceed further and find out more, and either drop it or continue as your relationship grows. Maybe after a couple dates you find out she sucks her thumb (true story, but thats another thread) and you drop it.

Of course you might want a purely physical relationship. Although I think thats... unlikely at best.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by starman

So you just want to get laid to pretty girls. This is new? What were you banging before?

Mike

I was banging someone?

I knew that the "get laid" responses were inevitable, and I'll try to ignore them. Hopefully, there might be one or two useful responses. That's all I hoped for.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Mafia

its human instinct to go after people you are phsyically attracted too.

I fully agree with that statement, but there's more to life than instinct. I'm not denying that there needs to be physical attraction, though, and I never was.

[Skip Breakfast]

It's also human instinct to not be monogamous, but we've trained ourselves to be...most of us, anyway.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Skip Breakfast

It's also human instinct to not be monogamous, but we've trained ourselves to be...most of us, anyway.

Exactly.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by tavilach

Lately, though, I've found myself wanting/trying to get to know girls that I'm physically attracted to, without any prior knowledge of their personalities.

tavilach started growing balls, after all

-t

[ironknee]

by the way...the "canidates" remind u of your mother.

[invisibleX]

Originally Posted by ironknee

by the way...the "canidates" remind u of your mother.

Tell that to the guys attracted to latinos, asians, blacks, etc

[nredman]

Originally Posted by ironknee

by the way...the "canidates" remind u of your mother.

i am attracted to brunettes with curly which my mother has....ick. good thing i married a blonde with straight hair

[Ghoser777]

Hoes? F*ck 'em... take that however you like

[scaught]

meh. you see a pretty face (or whatever physical trait that you are attracted to) first.

you find out about the person second.

for me, if theyre stupid, its pretty much over. even if i just want to fool around, im not going to be able to get down with a stupid chick. its just not going to work. but ya. no matter what anyone says, there has to be some physical attraction.

[Kilbey]

Advice from a friend of mine (who is going through a divorce):
Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. Get it out of your system as soon as you can.

My advice:
Find a woman you find attractive and talk to her. If you still find her attractive then date her. After falling in love, f you have the same dreams and have want to travel the same path in life together, then marry her. Never get divorced.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Kilbey

Advice from a friend of mine (who is going through a divorce):
Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. Get it out of your system as soon as you can.

My advice:
Find a woman you find attractive and talk to her. If you still find her attractive then date her. After falling in love, f you have the same dreams and have want to travel the same path in life together, then marry her. Never get divorced.

It looks like I'm doing things the right way, then .

[rozwado1]

Quit overthinking life.

[demograph68]

What if you're in a relationship with someone who's smart but with a nonintellectual personality, attractive but asexual, and can't live without her for fear of being alone?

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by tavilach

It looks like I'm doing things the right way, then

No, you are not. You are very far from it. You need to take a great deal of interest in your appearance before you have to worry about any of this.
Until you do it does not matter who you are attracted to because they sure as hell won't be attracted to that unibrow.

[ironknee]

Originally Posted by invisibleX

Tell that to the guys attracted to latinos, asians, blacks, etc

yeah...no, it has nothing to do with looks, it's all unconcious...say his mom was always away at work when he was growing up, he will find women who will be distant or even breakup with him...i know a girl who went through 10 boyfriends in a row that left her...her father was always away when she was a kid...

i didn't make this up, freud beat me to it

[Kilbey]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

No, you are not. You are very far from it. You need to take a great deal of interest in your appearance before you have to worry about any of this.
Until you do it does not matter who you are attracted to because they sure as hell won't be attracted to that unibrow.

Originally Posted by rozwado1

Quit overthinking life.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

No, you are not. You are very far from it. You need to take a great deal of interest in your appearance before you have to worry about any of this.
Until you do it does not matter who you are attracted to because they sure as hell won't be attracted to that unibrow.

I have indeed been taking interest in my appearance, lately. The reason is obvious. I've actually been brushing my hair these past couple of weeks (and I look much better after doing so). As for "that unibrow," I still hold that it was barely existant (perhaps it's amplified in photos, but I did ask people about it, and everyone I asked insisted that I did not have a unibrow), but I plucked those five or ten hairs out months ago. They weren't doing anything useful.

Don't attempt to comment on my appearance when the only picture(s) you've seen of me is/are over a year old, okay?

[starman]

Originally Posted by tavilach

I have indeed been taking interest in my appearance, lately. The reason is obvious. I've actually been brushing my hair these past couple of weeks (and I look much better after doing so). As for "that unibrow," I still hold that it was barely existant (perhaps it's amplified in photos, but I did ask people about it, and everyone I asked insisted that I did not have a unibrow), but I plucked those five or ten hairs out months ago. They weren't doing anything useful.

Don't attempt to comment on my appearance when the only picture(s) you've seen of me is/are over a year old, okay?

Then post a new one, okay?

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by starman

Then post a new one, okay?

Honestly, if I posted a new picture, I'd be ridiculed for perhaps imperfect eyebrow plucking, or a mole, or something. While I don't buy into these petty remarks, it gets frustrating.

[MilkmanDan]

Man... you need to get laid worse then my room mates.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by MilkmanDan

Man... you need to get laid worse then my room mates.

Yes.

[Langdon]

this thread is silly

[DeathMan]

Originally Posted by tavilach

Yes.

This was the correct answer.


I always liked brunettes with olive skin with blue eyes. Which is pretty much how my mother looks, and how I look. I ended up with a blonde. Couldn't be happier.

[:XI:]

Originally Posted by tavilach

I have indeed been taking interest in my appearance, lately. The reason is obvious. I've actually been brushing my hair these past couple of weeks (and I look much better after doing so). As for "that unibrow," I still hold that it was barely existant (perhaps it's amplified in photos, but I did ask people about it, and everyone I asked insisted that I did not have a unibrow), but I plucked those five or ten hairs out months ago. They weren't doing anything useful.

Don't attempt to comment on my appearance when the only picture(s) you've seen of me is/are over a year old, okay?

Wasn't there a picture of you in a dress? Because you need to stop doing that too.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by :XI:

Wasn't there a picture of you in a dress? Because you need to stop doing that too.

[Kilbey]

Originally Posted by :XI:

Wasn't there a picture of you in a dress? Because you need to stop doing that too.

Originally Posted by tavilach

Dude, he's serious. You need to stop being weird.

[Severed Hand of Skywalker]

Physical attraction is hot!

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Kilbey

Dude, he's serious. You need to stop being weird.

And you need to start realizing that on Purim, many people dress up like women.

[DeathMan]

better a dress than a stuffed animal suit.

[Xeo]

Originally Posted by DeathMan

better a dress than a stuffed animal suit.

But there is a whole community for him if he does that, and they'll get on him as long as he picks a girl animal.

[Kilbey]

Originally Posted by tavilach

And you need to start realizing that on Purim, many people dress up like women.

No I don't.

Men should never wear dresses. Period.

Unless you call it a kilt.

[sek929]

Being hypocritical would be dating a girl you couldn't stand just cuz she is hot, but just going after women that you find physically attractive is pretty much the way it works.

When you do find one that is both hot and interesting then you know you might have something on your hands. I met this girl Leslie at Umass Amherst she is:

1. A senior
2. Blonde
3. Pothead
4. Feminist
5. Smart as hell
6. Hot as hell

Now when I first saw her (in an inebriated state mind you) I didn't think "Wow I wonder what kind of personality she has." Nope, all I could wrap my mind around was the hotness, then all the other stuff was revealed to me in time. Now that I know her personality she is even hotter in my eyes, which I didn't think would be possible. So don't feel guilty approaching someone entirely based on looks (hell why do you think they dress hot?)

[Kilbey]

Originally Posted by sek929

3. Pothead
...
5. Smart as hell

These two seem contradictary in my book.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Kilbey

No I don't.

Men should never wear dresses. Period.

Unless you call it a kilt.

I'm not trying to be the epitomy of manliness, Mr. Kilbey. I'm just being myself, and sometimes I like to let loose. If that's going to scare the girls away, then so be it.

[E's Lil Theorem]

Everyone cares about looks; some of us, however, care more about it than others. I've gotten into arguments about this with some people, including some on this board (e.g., Cody Dawg - then as iWrite - and Sherwin). Their opinion is that it's more on the personality side and while I don't entirely disagree with that, there still needs to be some physical attraction to the person before you get down and dirty with them.

As for myself, all my long-term relationships have been with ladies that were first my friends and only friends. However, I found them to be attractive; otherwise I would not have gone into a relationship with them. Nowadays, since I'm not looking for a relationship, if we're attracted to each other, I couldn't care less about anything else.

Originally Posted by ironknee

yeah...no, it has nothing to do with looks, it's all unconcious...say his mom was always away at work when he was growing up, he will find women who will be distant or even breakup with him...i know a girl who went through 10 boyfriends in a row that left her...her father was always away when she was a kid...

i didn't make this up, freud beat me to it

What about those of us who grew up without parents? I'm not contesting the theory, merely asking for myself

[:XI:]

Originally Posted by tavilach

I'm not trying to be the epitomy of manliness, Mr. Kilbey. I'm just being myself, and sometimes I like to let loose. If that's going to scare the girls away, then so be it.

[Kilbey]

Originally Posted by tavilach

I'm not trying to be the epitomy of manliness, Mr. Kilbey. I'm just being myself, and sometimes I like to let loose. If that's going to scare the girls away, then so be it.

I guess you answered your own question of why you can't get a woman. It's just not that important to you. If it were, you'd care more about your looks, and grow a set of balls.

Enjoy the single life. Let me know how it goes for you.

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Kilbey

I guess you answered your own question of why you can't get a woman. It's just not that important to you. If it were, you'd care more about your looks, and grow a set of balls.

Enjoy the single life. Let me know how it goes for you.

For a grown man, you sometimes seem quite immature.

In any case, if you could refer me to where I asked about why I can't get a woman (in a context where it wasn't sarcasm), I'd be most obliged. I'm actually quite curious. Sure, I've expressed a growing interest in women, but that's entirely different.

[Agasthya]

Originally Posted by tavilach

I'm not trying to be the epitomy of manliness, Mr. Kilbey. I'm just being myself, and sometimes I like to let loose. If that's going to scare the girls away, then so be it.

You let let loose by wearing a dress?

[tavilach]

Originally Posted by Agasthya

You let let loose by wearing a dress?

If it's Purim, then yes, that's exactly what I do.

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by Agasthya

You let let loose by wearing a dress?

Think of it as Jewish Mardi Gras but given who he is he should have picked a male character to imitate.


Anyway, the question you should be asking yourself is not if it is okay for you to be attracted to a good looking girl. You should be asking if any good looking girl would be attracted to you.

Maybe this little realization about the importance of the physical beauty of the opposite sex should serve as a lesson to you.

People who are strangers to you aren't going to give you the chance to show them if you have a good personality or not if you are grotesque. They are going to take one look at you and decide on the spot if they will even let you speak to them. If you are aiming for girls who are actually pretty you need to work a little harder than just combing the hair.

[:XI:]

There's a problem with this thread. The problem is the term 'good looking'. Sure, we can all agree that Elisha Cuthbert is a hottie and we'd all like to jump on Natalie Portman. But, tavilach may be physically attracted to someone I am not.

Also, I see no reason at all why tavilach couldn't get together with a very attractive woman that wouldn't give 'normal' guys the time of day.

So quit giving the kid crap over the way he is (or at least appears) just because he doesn't fit with what you see as normal.

[Stradlater]

Originally Posted by :XI:

There's a problem with this thread. The problem is the term 'good looking'. Sure, we can all agree that Elisha Cuthbert is a hottie and we'd all like to jump on Natalie Portman.

I don't know...on the topic of personality, 24 kind of ruined Cuthbert for me, while Portman's annoyance in Garden State did likewise.

[E's Lil Theorem]

Originally Posted by Stradlater

I don't know...on the topic of personality, 24 kind of ruined Cuthbert for me, while Portman's annoyance in Garden State did likewise.

Watch The Girl Next Door (Cuthbert) and Closer (Portman) to gain it back