[OldManMac]

http://borowitzreport.com/

BIN LADEN SURFACES; WAS ON THE RUN FROM WEDDING FOR PAST FOUR YEARS
World’s Most Wanted Man a Runaway Bridegroom, He Tearfully Admits
Al-qaeda terror mastermind Osama bin Laden surfaced today at a bus station in Peshwar, Pakistan, where he revealed that he has been on the run from an impending wedding for the past four years.

A tearful Mr. bin Laden admitted that he had been moving from location to location in the mountainous region on the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan not to elude authorities, as most had assumed, but rather to avoid a wedding to a fifth wife originally scheduled for May 2001.

For the thousands of military and law enforcement personnel involved in the manhunt for Mr. bin Laden, the news that the world’s most wanted man was actually a runaway bridegroom came as a total shock.

“In all of the videos and intercepted chatter we have analyzed over the past four years, Osama bin Laden gave the distinct impression that he was waging a campaign of terror against the U.S. and the West,” Mr. Rumsfeld said. “It is now becoming clear that this was all a smokescreen to mask his true agenda – avoiding getting married.”

In an interview with reporters, the tearful madman admitted that the pressures of planning a formal wedding with over 200 terrorist guests caused him to crack under pressure.

“I know this isn’t a good excuse, but catering a wedding that size in an underground cave was a logistical nightmare,” he said.

Elsewhere, Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe announced that she had sold the exclusive rights to the story of her marriage to the Sci-fi Channel.

[IceEnclosure]

Huh Man?

[DeathToWindows]

Can't you smell sarcam when it lands on your head?

[Apple Pro Underwear]

I think this explains a lot actually. The report also states his bride to be is named Jonathan Muhammad Rachmud, the oil prince of Irat (next to Iraq but to the right).

He says he's shy because he doesn't know the "mysterious ways of the man" yet.

[IceEnclosure]

on an unrelated note, I'm sure glad I don't understand the whole Bollywood thing.

just sayin'

[PacHead]

Don't worry, dead or alive, we're gonna kill/capture him, his wives, his children, and anybody else who is travelling in his caravan of filth.

[MilkmanDan]

Bolly wood is funny.

[SVass]

He doesn't exist as he is a figment. And if he is ever caught, he will be killed to avoid a public trial. And if he is found dead, there will be a sign about the War on Terror saying "Mission Accomplished". sam

[ManOfSteal]

If only Bin Laden were a "wabbit"....

[OldManMac]

Originally Posted by PacHead

Don't worry, dead or alive, we're gonna kill/capture him, his wives, his children, and anybody else who is travelling in his caravan of filth.

When; in the next century?

Funniest reply yet.

[PacHead]

Originally Posted by KarlG

When; in the next century?

Funniest reply yet.

Well, this century just got started, he'll get what's coming to him regardless of how long it takes. Does this upset you ?

[shabbasuraj]

Originally Posted by KarlG

http://borowitzreport.com/

BIN LADEN SURFACES; WAS ON THE RUN FROM WEDDING FOR PAST FOUR YEARS
World’s Most Wanted Man a Runaway Bridegroom, He Tearfully Admits
Al-qaeda terror mastermind Osama bin Laden surfaced today at a bus station in Peshwar, Pakistan, where he revealed that he has been on the run from an impending wedding for the past four years.

A tearful Mr. bin Laden admitted that he had been moving from location to location in the mountainous region on the border of Pakistan and Afghanistan not to elude authorities, as most had assumed, but rather to avoid a wedding to a fifth wife originally scheduled for May 2001.

For the thousands of military and law enforcement personnel involved in the manhunt for Mr. bin Laden, the news that the world’s most wanted man was actually a runaway bridegroom came as a total shock.

“In all of the videos and intercepted chatter we have analyzed over the past four years, Osama bin Laden gave the distinct impression that he was waging a campaign of terror against the U.S. and the West,” Mr. Rumsfeld said. “It is now becoming clear that this was all a smokescreen to mask his true agenda – avoiding getting married.”

In an interview with reporters, the tearful madman admitted that the pressures of planning a formal wedding with over 200 terrorist guests caused him to crack under pressure.

“I know this isn’t a good excuse, but catering a wedding that size in an underground cave was a logistical nightmare,” he said.

Elsewhere, Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe announced that she had sold the exclusive rights to the story of her marriage to the Sci-fi Channel.

Dumb.

[OldManMac]

Glad you enjoyed it.

[TailsToo]

Originally Posted by PacHead

Don't worry, dead or alive, we're gonna kill/capture him, his wives, his children, and anybody else who is travelling in his caravan of filth.

So umm... have we just been toying with him for all of this time then?

[Kerrigan]

"Elsewhere, Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe announced that she had sold the exclusive rights to the story of her marriage to the Sci-fi Channel."

[SVass]

Pancho Villa has been sighted on the border. HE claims, "We'll get him this time."