[Eynstyn]

I do find this hilarious.

Raising Boys:

a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d ) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin , Texas... Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5a) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

5b) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

6) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

7) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

8) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

9) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.

10) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

11) Super glue is forever.

12a) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

12b) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

13) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

14) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

15) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

16) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

17) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

18) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

19a) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

19b) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

19c) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

20) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

21.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

[E's Lil Theorem]

Originally Posted by Eynstyn

...
12a) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
...
15) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
...

I particularly enjoyed these

[Mastrap]

7) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

Ahaaaa.

[historylme]

20) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

I was just thinking where and when I could do this.

[Oisín]

Those were hilarious!!!

9) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy

This one is sort of scary... hope the kid's all right. (Well, the hypothetical kid, assuming that these did in fact originate from some poor nervous wreck of a mother who's praying for that wondrous day when the kids move out)

[dlefebvre]

I wish I had some Brake Fluid nearby to try something.

[Eynstyn]

Originally Posted by history1me

I was just thinking where and when I could do this.

Yeah, to all of you who were caught up by this one, I fess up...ME TOO!!!

Hahahahaha!

[iMOTOR]

20) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Men just need to make sure it's not an urban myth or something.


......iMotor goes to his garage and starts pouring dot 3......

[King Bob On The Cob]

why do I have a feeling that "smoke" is chlorine gas or similar?

[wdlove]

Real life experience can turn out to be the funniest thing.

[Albert Pujols]

if you really want smoke, just mix some potassium nitrate with some sugar, melt together and light! Totally sweet.

[phillryu]

LOL, when I saw the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the VCR thing, reminded me of the time when I poured soy sauce from the little packets into our VCR and broke it. Good times.

[Oisín]

Originally Posted by phillryu

LOL, when I saw the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the VCR thing, reminded me of the time when I poured soy sauce from the little packets into our VCR and broke it. Good times.

And, erm, why exactly did you do that?

Did you perchance feel like a healthy meal of VCR braised in soy sauce?

[Oisín]

d-p

[Superchicken]

And my mom complained when I would play video games all day...

[Ethel Farberty]

2000 square feet at 4 inches is 666 cubic feet. Or 5000 gallons of water. Which would weigh 41500 pounds.

Using the area of a king size mattress the waterbed would need to be 16 feet thick.

[Hugi]

Originally Posted by phillryu

LOL, when I saw the peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the VCR thing, reminded me of the time when I poured soy sauce from the little packets into our VCR and broke it. Good times.

Hehe, my friend's little brother destroyed the family VCR after having made the perfectly valid assumption that you could stuff books into it and watch them, rather than read them .

[historylme]

Dam!

[Superchicken]

Originally Posted by Ethel Farberty

2000 square feet at 4 inches is 666 cubic feet. Or 5000 gallons of water. Which would weigh 41500 pounds.

Using the area of a king size mattress the waterbed would need to be 16 feet thick.

I guess she didn't realize that they'd turned on the hose and clogged the toilet

[- - e r i k - -]

Originally Posted by Ethel Farberty

2000 square feet at 4 inches is 666 cubic feet. Or 5000 gallons of water. Which would weigh 41500 pounds.

Using the area of a king size mattress the waterbed would need to be 16 feet thick.

22) At least 1/10 men will perform the calculation to prove that 1) was probably exaggerated for effect.

[Eynstyn]

Originally Posted by Ethel Farberty

2000 square feet at 4 inches is 666 cubic feet. Or 5000 gallons of water. Which would weigh 41500 pounds.

Using the area of a king size mattress the waterbed would need to be 16 feet thick.

Ok, Myth (pardon the sometimes lisp) Buster. Thanks for the water thing. Now how about the brake fluid and Clorox?

[Eynstyn]

Originally Posted by Hugi

Hehe, my friend's little brother destroyed the family VCR after having made the perfectly valid assumption that you could stuff books into it and watch them, rather than read them .

That IS an understandable assumption!!! LOL

[phillryu]

Don't ask my why I did that... I was like 4

[macaddict0001]

Originally Posted by Oisín

And, erm, why exactly did you do that?

Did you perchance feel like a healthy meal of VCR braised in soy sauce?

obsolete technology always gets the soy treatment.

[Eynstyn]

12a) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Maybe she is kidding, but I bet if you had enough jello you COULD walk on water.

[Superchicken]

Originally Posted by Eynstyn

Maybe she is kidding, but I bet if you had enough jello you COULD walk on water.

Nah, not unless you froze it. Jello in it's natural form is very... squishy. The only possible thing to do would be to put in so much that it was like 80% jello mix 20% water and so you'd just be walking on a sand like jello mix mush... but that's not really watery... by that logic then you'd walk on water when you went outside and walked on the grass when there's dew on it.

[:XI:]

Originally Posted by Eynstyn

Maybe she is kidding, but I bet if you had enough jello you COULD walk on water.

No. But you could walk on jello...

{edit: providing you didn't go through it...}

[Eynstyn]

Originally Posted by Superchicken

Nah, not unless you froze it. Jello in it's natural form is very... squishy. The only possible thing to do would be to put in so much that it was like 80% jello mix 20% water and so you'd just be walking on a sand like jello mix mush... but that's not really watery... by that logic then you'd walk on water when you went outside and walked on the grass when there's dew on it.

We might have to ask the MYTHBUSTERS on the Discovery Channel to decide this one.

[dlefebvre]

Maybe if you use snowshoes to distribute your weight.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by history1me

I was just thinking where and when I could do this.

Same here!

[ghporter]

Originally Posted by Eynstyn

Ok, Myth (pardon the sometimes lisp) Buster. Thanks for the water thing. Now how about the brake fluid and Clorox?

A kingsize waterbed holds only 500 gallons of water, not 5000, so you see that the "Austin Mom" statement is not completely scientifically accurate. However, "fill" can be a flexible term. For example, if you dump that 500 gallons of water, you're likely to get a domestic "tidal wave" effect as the water flows through the house, giving the impression of "filling" the house to a greater depth. In any case, releasing all the water in a kingsize waterbed is catastrophic, no matter how deep the water winds up being.

And this guy, for one, is NOT going to find out what the "smoke" released from mixing brake fluid and Chlorox is! Chlorine gas is not something to be played with, even in the spirit of scientific inquiry! However, if anyone does that experiment and survives, I'd love to know what they found.