[HackManDan]

My soon-to-be-wife and I have been discussing the pros and cons of me taking her last name. We’re find that the cons tend to be mostly social, in that other people may find it weird and that it may cause some confusion. Nevertheless, I’m finding I wouldn’t mind changing my last name, especially because I don’t particularly like it and it has no family meaning. My last name isn’t really my “family” name, it’s my Dad’s step-dad’s last name (he got it after his biological father died and my grandmother remarried, and her husband adopted my Dad and uncle and subsequently changed their names). I could retake my family name and so both of us would change our names, but that option doesn’t appeal much. I am also leaning towards taking my wife’s name because her brother most likely will not have children and so if we took it, we could carry on her family name, which would make her father immensely happy.

Still, I’m kind of conflicted…damn social norms.

Anyway, what does everybody else think? Has anybody here taking their wife’s name?

Thanks for the advice

I found this news blip on this subject:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,102945,00.html

-HMD

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by HackManDan

Anyway, what does everybody else think? Has anybody here taking their wife’s name?

Friend of mine has. He's happy. with it.

-t

[Ω]

What I want to know is what happens if two hyphenated people get married? Do you then have four last names? :/

[brapper]

Originally Posted by HackManDan

I am also leaning towards taking my wife’s name because her brother most likely will not have children and so if we took it, we could carry on her family name, which would make her father immensely happy.
-HMD

That's a very good reason. Why don't you reestablish your true family name, and do a hyphenated deal for the children? Just a thought.

[Cadaver]

I think its not unusual in the Russian community/culture to take the wife's last name. Could be wrong though.

[Apple Pro Underwear]

take the more better sounding, functional name.

my last name has 3 letters. in the internet age, having a name like "myskaynova" or something is annoying. and please, when you have kids, skip the middle name.

[brapper]

Apple Underwear just isn't as catchy...

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Cadaver

I think its not unusual in the Russian community/culture to take the wife's last name. Could be wrong though.

In Russia, the wife's last name takes on YOU !

-t

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Apple Pro Underwear

when you have kids, skip the middle name.

WHen I asked my dad why he doesn't have a middle name, he said back then they couldn't afford it...

-t

[budster101]

She's going to own your hoo-hoo as it is, why demasculate yourself anymore? My God man... Is she a Rock Star or what? She can keep her maiden name if she wants and put your's in the middle but what gives? You want to dishonor your Family Name? It's tradition!

[sminch]

i got married a few months back and we considered every option - her taking my name, me taking hers, neither changing, hyphenating, both changing to something completely new...

i say do whatever floats your boat. if you've got no attachment to your name then why not change it? screw social norms - if you're really worried about that then you possibly shouldn't change yours, but if no one does then the norms will never change. if you can, try to convince her to have both of you change your name to "von Ravensclaw" or something equally, er, DnD

sminch

[JHromadka]

One of my friends was in the same situation and did just that. Took some getting used to but now I have to think about what his original last name was.

[Eug Wanker]

Why don't you just keep both your last names? ie. You keep yours, and she keeps hers. That is the default legally in places like Québec anyways, and I think it makes a whole lot of sense, and more sense than hyphenation.

[budster101]

The chick's parents pay for the wedding, and she takes your name. That is what marriage is.
It's stupid to mess with it.

[Demonhood]

tradition isn't everything.
go with whatever name works for you.

[AKcrab]

Originally Posted by budster101

The chick's parents pay for the wedding, and she takes your name. That is what marriage is.
It's stupid to mess with it.

The earth is flat, and is the center of the solar system.
It's stupid to mess with it.

Remember in some places, the husband give the brides family 10 cattle and 4 goats. That's what marriage is.

Plenty of American Native tribes used a matriarchal system. It's not as "odd" as it may seem.

[Eug Wanker]

I met a blonde dutch woman once with an Indian accent (cuz she grew up in India) and a Chinese last name (from her marriage). Confused the hell out of me.

[budster101]

Uhm. The bait was set, and you swallowed it lure and all.

I got two fish with one hook. It's funny how my being a well known libertarian / conservative in here evokes such knee-jerk reactions. I post something that is totally out of character, and then I get the usual responses, telling me my bannination from the PL was motivated by simple bigotry.

Couldn't get a straight answer via PM, so this seemed to work just fine, even if that was not my original intention.

Again, Why would I care what name you or anyone took?

[Eug Wanker]

Why would I care what name you or anyone took?

So why are you posting here then? Just to piss people off?

[budster101]

Did you read my post? Guess not.

[Captain Obvious]

Unless my wife is Amanda Hearst or a hot Pritzker family member I would not take any woman's name.
I would be fine with my wife not taking my name if it is for professional reasons but that would be the only circumstance I would be cool with and even then the kids would have my name.

But I am with brapper, I would change your name back to what it should have been if your dad didn't get adopted. It would at least honor the memory of his dad who passed away. If it had been different circumstances like he walked out on his family or something then it would be a different case. That would be the right thing to do if it were my choice.

[itistoday]

Pick the name you like best.

[budster101]

Just make one up. Pick any name., why even bother honoring your father?

[loki74]

i say go and make up a new one. thats always cool. plus then the mothers maiden name != the last name... confusing stuff

[t6hawk]

Doesn't the husband take the wife's name in Japan? (if i remember my schooling right...) I thought they did. Personally, I wouldn't really have a problem either way. If I got married and we decided to go with my future wife's name, I wouldn't have a problem. I'd say do whatever YOU want. Don't worry about societal norms as they aren't THAT important. If you guys are happy with your decision then who cares what anyone else thinks?

[Randman]

Pick a surname you both like an dyou can both change to that. Mr and Mrs Smythe-Jonez.

[Superchicken]

I'm taking my wife's last name... anything is better than Puranen.

[Warung]

My ex-wife's first husband took her name, and I always thought he was a puss for doing so, - eventhough his last name sucked.

I just recently got divorced from her and she asked me if she could keep my last name...I didn't mind, - as long as her new husband and kids wouldn't have my family name (which I guess is possible in Germany)

But yeah, if you don't like your last name, just pick a new one.

[Superchicken]

Then again one of the reasons I like the idea of taking my wife's last name is nobody can pronounce mine. Not to mention family connections aren't exactly something I care about advertising. My sister's a lawyer and honestly... I wouldn't mind if some day when she does something to piss off a client or something, a quick google doesn't bring me up
As well I don't really care if anyone knows I'm my mom's kid or my dad's kid or any of my grandparent's grand kid. Yesterday I was talking with my mom sister and aunt and found out just how screwed up my family history was (Apparently my great grandmother was a huge whore, my original great grandmother left grandpa who later married grandma, he was a huge alcoholic, and... yah just lotsa stuff)

[historylme]

Take the name you can live with. Damn what anyone else thinks.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

Unless my wife is Amanda Hearst or a hot Pritzker family member I would not take any woman's name.
I would be fine with my wife not taking my name if it is for professional reasons but that would be the only circumstance I would be cool with and even then the kids would have my name.

But I am with brapper, I would change your name back to what it should have been if your dad didn't get adopted. It would at least honor the memory of his dad who passed away. If it had been different circumstances like he walked out on his family or something then it would be a different case. That would be the right thing to do if it were my choice.

Well said.

[sminch]

Doesn't the husband take the wife's name in Japan?

i'm pretty sure this is a load of tosh - in fact, unless i've been misinformed for years from a number of independent sources (which may be the case...) i don't think the husband even has the option of taking his wife's name in japan. even better if the husband's foreign, in which case he doesn't even get listed on his kid's birth certificate except in the 'comments' section, and the child is without a father as far as the government is concerned.

scary stuff, but completely unrelated...

if you've got the option, do what you like and make the most of it!

sminch

[AKcrab]

Originally Posted by budster101

Uhm. The bait was set, and you swallowed it lure and all.

I got two fish with one hook. It's funny how my being a well known libertarian / conservative in here evokes such knee-jerk reactions. I post something that is totally out of character, and then I get the usual responses, telling me my bannination from the PL was motivated by simple bigotry.

Couldn't get a straight answer via PM, so this seemed to work just fine, even if that was not my original intention.

Again, Why would I care what name you or anyone took?

What are you talking about?

If I didn't want to engage in conversation/debate with you I would have you on ignore, no? I didn't call you any names, didn't use any religious references, no republican/democrat left/right rhetoric.

What was "the bait" and how did I take it "lure and all"?

Purposefully posting to elicit a certain response is trolling, which seem apropos to your fishing theme.

[JoshuaZ]

Depends on how tough it is to spend, and if its better alphabetically. I gotta tell you, being last in line, and in the back row of ever classroom I was ever in is never fun. We people with Z names have feelings too.... sniff....

[ism]

Just got married and had this dilemma. Well that's a lie, there was no way I was ever taking my birds name. However, since I didn't want to take hers and I'm not a traditionalist I couldn't force her to take mine, so she's just kept her name. Also, I don't want to give away my surname that easily - she should earn it

The double barrelled idea got tossed about a bit, but that is also a no-no for me. I just think its selfish - what are your kids supposed to do if they get married, and their kids after that? How many surnames does someone want to have?

So we are ok for now until we have another kid (my bird already had one before we met, which understandably has her surname) cus there is NO WAY I'm not having my surname in the mix there (my bird has really silly ideas and thought I'd be fine with a future child having just her name - yeah, right!)

Perhaps then we'll adopt a completely new surname, or just be a symbol like Prince was so we can be known as "The couple formally known as...". Or perhaps if we have lots of kids we can take turns. Who knows.

[wulf]

My partner and I aren't married; in the end we gave our son a double-barrelled surname. Not my ideal naming convention, as others have said: what happens when they marry or have kids?

But it was either that or he would just have kept his mother's surname. I did at least get her to agree to put my surname last, even though it's not in alphabetical order

[Kevin]

*makes sound of whip cracking*

[andi*pandi]

take whatever name will be easiest for people to pronounce and spell.

[sanity assassin]

One of my mates made a double-barreled name out of his and his wife's last names when they got married.

[sminch]

my grandfather double-barrelified his own surname to make it sound cooler, then passed that on to his kids who all changed the first part of the double-barrel into a second middle name.

what was the question again?

sminch

[CreepingDeth]

I'm not sure about the double-barreled last name. Unless its Max-Power, or something that sounds superhero-ish. Besides that, it reminds me of the people in the rural areas who name their kid Billy-Bob, or something like that. Double names are unnecessary.

There is one time it ever sounded cool (Even though it wasn't his original name): SRV.

Oh! I know! Name your kid a three letter name that has one of the last names you're considering. Example: Liz. First name Liz, middle name Isabella (or something with an 'I') and last name something with a 'Z'. That way your initials are the same as your name.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by KevinK

*makes sound of whip cracking*

-t

[MacNStein]

Make something up that you both like. Best way to avoid the confusion.

[davesimondotcom]

My wife wanted badly to take my name, only because her last name was something she didn't really like.

I know of a couple who both changed their name to his grandfather's name. That name meant something to him, where as the name he had before didn't mean anything.

Do what feels best.

[villalobos]

Originally Posted by budster101

The chick's parents pay for the wedding, and she takes your name. That is what marriage is.
It's stupid to mess with it.

Welcome to the 21st century, dude.

[Superchicken]

You know... I am not surprised at all by the positions each poster takes...

Anyway, I knew of a couple, his name was Colvin, her last name was Davidson, so that said his first name was David, so they went with Colvinson. It's actually kinda cool sounding.

That said I'm totally ditching my last name.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Superchicken

That said I'm totally ditching my last name.

Chicken ?

You're going to marry Mrs. Man ?

-t

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by villalobos

Welcome to the 21st century, dude.

We've been breathing for thousands of years.

Lets stop, it's the 21st century man

Breathing is so old school.

[nredman]

whoever is usually on top, use that name

[Railroader]

My mother's maiden name was the same as my dad's when they got married (no, they were not realted, I simply have a VERY common last name.) So it was easy for them.

My wife adopted my last name. It's traditional and reduces a lot of the difficulties of what to name children and their children. Also, it was a bit of a thumbing of the nose to some of her friends who were staunch feminists. Strangely, all of my wife's feminist friends who never took their husband's name are all divorced. Think there's a conection?