[Athens]

Why do the ones you love always hurt you the most and the most often. Any one else experience this with the ones they love?

[GranolaBoy]

Originally Posted by Athens

Why do the ones you love always hurt you the most and the most often. Any one else experience this with the ones they love?

To Love is to Risk.

Keep up the good work

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by Athens

Why do the ones you love always hurt you the most and the most often. Any one else experience this with the ones they love?

If you want a simplistic answer I'll say, because they know you well enough to make the decision.

Do you want the real answer?

[loki74]

GranolaBoy is right, there is always risk is loving someone...

Well I am sure that if you really love that person who has hurt you (and they return that sentiment, at least to some degree), you will be able to resolve whatever conflict you are having... (I'm assuming something wrong prompted you to post this thread?)

[Athens]

oh its always constant, getting yelled at, snapped at. I hevent felt loved in so long now I cant even remmeber what its like. Im just hopless

[nonhuman]

It's loving them that gives them the power to hurt you. If you didn't love them what they did or said wouldn't matter enough to be painful.

[Athens]

so how many other people experience this

[Ghoser777]

B*tches....

[nredman]

Originally Posted by Athens

Why do the ones you love always hurt you the most and the most often. Any one else experience this with the ones they love?

if someone loves you, they won't hurt you. and if they hurt you, you shouldn't love them.

[olePigeon]

Rent a hooker.

[nonhuman]

Originally Posted by olePigeon

Rent a hooker.

Don't rent, own.

[Athens]

bah

[Millennium]

Originally Posted by nredman

if someone loves you, they won't hurt you. and if they hurt you, you shouldn't love them.

If someone loves you, they won't knowingly hurt you. But as intimate as people can get, it's never possible for one person to truly completely know another, and so there is always a chance -however small- that they can hurt you without understanding that they've done so. In your case, Athens, it sounds like this is the case; she (he?) doesn't understand exactly how much they're hurting you. The only way to fix that is to let them know. This is the whole communication thing. The worst times I've ever been hurt were by people I loved, and I was confident that they didn't understand this, and so I told them and we worked it out and I've never regretted doing it that way. It's not the only answer, but it is an answer.

Nonhuman was right, however; it's precisely because you love them that they can hurt you to that degree. They simply wouldn't be able to do that if you didn't love them, even if they did exactly the same things.

[Ghoser777]

You're not going to get a lot of help here - we've rehashed this topic a lot. BNL's thoughts on the topic:

I'm learning
I'm yearning
I'm burning all your stuff
But that's not enough
I'm faking
That I'm aching
Mistaking lust for love

Thanks that was fun
Don't forget, no regrets
Except maybe one

Did I scare you?
When I dared you
I stared you in the eye
And told you goodbye
You mocked me
It shocked me
When you walked me to the bus

Thanks, that was fun
Don't forget, no regrets
Except maybe one
Made a deal, not to feel
God that's dumb

Everybody knows the deal fell through
I was hoping I could just blame you
When was it that I became so soft?
This sentimentality doesn't look good on me
I thought that you would be begging to be with me
But I'm the one on my knees, blubbering
Please let me stay

I'm jaded
Deflated
I hate it when you call
Which isn't at all
I've spoken
Though broken
Here's a token of my love

Thanks, that was fun
Don't forget no regrets
Except maybe one
Made a deal not to feel
God that was dumb

Don't forget, no regrets
Except maybe one
Made a deal not to feel
Thanks, that was fun

[Hawkeye_a]

Originally Posted by Athens

so how many other people experience this

everyone.

[DeathMan]

Do what I do: sulk on web boards and hope the problem will take care of itself.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by Athens

Why do the ones you love always hurt you the most and the most often. Any one else experience this with the ones they love?

If you want a simplistic answer I'll say, because they know you well enough to make the decision.

Do you want the real answer?

Do I take your lack of response to mean you don't want the real answer?

[Athens]

Originally Posted by mojo2

Do I take your lack of response to mean you don't want the real answer?

im sure you will post it sooner or later

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by Athens

im sure you will post it sooner or later

Not unless you ask. And it doesn't even have to be nicely asked. But I do require your permission.

[iMOTOR]

Originally Posted by Athens

oh its always constant, getting yelled at, snapped at. I hevent felt loved in so long now I cant even remmeber what its like. Im just hopless

Are you doing something to warrant this kind of verbal abuse? Or is it completely unprovoked?

Someone who is yelling and snapping at you for no reason doesn't deserve your time, period.


BTW: Stop downshifting, and then we'll love you.

[Athens]

Originally Posted by iMOTOR

Are you doing something to warrant this kind of verbal abuse? Or is it completely unprovoked?

Someone who is yelling and snapping at you for no reason doesn't deserve you're time, period.


BTW: Stop downshifting, and then we'll love you.

HAHAHAHA oh that reminds me I found a cool way to setup my camera on a tripod in my back seat, the camera dosent move a inch and the video it takes when driving is smooth and so nice, I'll have to take one when im driving to show u because I still think we where misunderstanding each other. The first test video I did I wasent driving, was to tired that day.

Your a Auto Expert right?

[Athens]

Originally Posted by mojo2

Not unless you ask. And it doesn't even have to be nicely asked. But I do require your permission.

send me a PM of the reason then

[Cubeoid]

You are all wrong. Love is pain and suffering. There.

[mojo2]

Sorry, I have disabled my PM ability. I don't really do PM's.

But there's nothing personal here and I think others might appreciate reading this, too.

Basically, you are ASSIGNED teachers who come along to help you look at and work through the things that keep you from becoming a totally enlightened being.

Like medicine or a medical treatment, you have to take the medicine for a number of doses or a proscribed amount of time for the treatment to work. People who are assigned to us are often friends or lovers because when they do something that we don't like, but which may be beneficial for our development, we aren't likely to discard them. The lesson has a greater chance to be learned when it is delivered by someone we care for. After the loved one has served their purpose and fulfilled the assignment they may disappear. But often the teaching continues as we think about that loved one and dwell upon all the things -- good, bad and neutral -- that we shared. It is in this pondering and wondering that the lightbulb often turns on for the first time. If the experience with the teacher was pleasant we might not give it a second thought. We wouldn't have the same growth opportunity.

The pain you feel is a sign of great things to come. You have just paid the tuition for the class you are about to take. The tuition was paid with your heartache and tears. It is now your job to get busy studying in order to get the education you've paid for.

But if you choose to party all the time and eat pizza and not to go through the trouble of studying, that's ok.

God, or the Universe or the Force or whatever you believe will send you the same lesson again soon. And you will be charged tuition, AGAIN. And you will continue paying to see the same scenery over and over again but with different people until the pain motivates you or until you simply tire of seeing the same scenery over and over and over again and decide to get serious about your own enlightenment and finally learn that particular lesson and move on.

And then that pattern, that repetitive scenery will stop and you'll begin seeing new people, new kinds of people and new situations.

If you want a terrific description/tutorial for this concept, rent, "Groundhog Day."

Bill Murray's character re-lives Groundhog Day ten thousand times before he figures it out.

Once he does, he moves on to the NEXT day and the next lesson.

God is patient.

[Zenbone]

I heartily endorse mojo's mojo.

Also like to say that people will take you at your own self-evaluation.

[Salty]

I've stopped saying flippantly that people love me... there are actually very few people I would say truly love me... I live with none of them.

[Oisín]

Originally Posted by Salty

I've stopped saying flippantly that people love me... there are actually very few people I would say truly love me... I live with none of them.

Uhh, you live in a dorm of some kind, don't you?

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by Athens

so how many other people experience this

Everyone. That's why there are so many songs about it.

[wdlove]

It is easier for the one you love to cause hurt. It's a personal interest with feelings invested. One has to love in order to be loved.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by wdlove

One has to love in order to be loved.

I agree this is generally so at the level most of us human beings function. But I believe the ideal is where one might love without NEED for reciprocation.

When we talk about the very popular concept, UNCONDITIONAL love, one of the conditions an unconditional lover should be free of is that of having to feel the same way about us...as we feel about them.

And the funny thing is that once we can love without need for reciprocation we become MORE attractive.

"The world loves a lover," it is said and it is true the people we are attracted to love themselves, they love others, they love life.

And then WE enter their lives and SOMETIMES disrupt that flow of love.

Then we lament that THEY have changed.

Several weeks after the break-up we will see them at a book signing or an art exhibit and they look SO happy once again that we fall in love with them once again.

[mojo2]

Some people may need to see this so I am bumping it back to the top to keep it from vanishing too quickly.

[Athens]

Originally Posted by mojo2

Sorry, I have disabled my PM ability. I don't really do PM's.

But there's nothing personal here and I think others might appreciate reading this, too.

Basically, you are ASSIGNED teachers who come along to help you look at and work through the things that keep you from becoming a totally enlightened being.

Like medicine or a medical treatment, you have to take the medicine for a number of doses or a proscribed amount of time for the treatment to work. People who are assigned to us are often friends or lovers because when they do something that we don't like, but which may be beneficial for our development, we aren't likely to discard them. The lesson has a greater chance to be learned when it is delivered by someone we care for. After the loved one has served their purpose and fulfilled the assignment they may disappear. But often the teaching continues as we think about that loved one and dwell upon all the things -- good, bad and neutral -- that we shared. It is in this pondering and wondering that the lightbulb often turns on for the first time. If the experience with the teacher was pleasant we might not give it a second thought. We wouldn't have the same growth opportunity.

The pain you feel is a sign of great things to come. You have just paid the tuition for the class you are about to take. The tuition was paid with your heartache and tears. It is now your job to get busy studying in order to get the education you've paid for.

But if you choose to party all the time and eat pizza and not to go through the trouble of studying, that's ok.

God, or the Universe or the Force or whatever you believe will send you the same lesson again soon. And you will be charged tuition, AGAIN. And you will continue paying to see the same scenery over and over again but with different people until the pain motivates you or until you simply tire of seeing the same scenery over and over and over again and decide to get serious about your own enlightenment and finally learn that particular lesson and move on.

And then that pattern, that repetitive scenery will stop and you'll begin seeing new people, new kinds of people and new situations.

If you want a terrific description/tutorial for this concept, rent, "Groundhog Day."

Bill Murray's character re-lives Groundhog Day ten thousand times before he figures it out.

Once he does, he moves on to the NEXT day and the next lesson.

God is patient.

Interesting

[Athens]

Originally Posted by wdlove

It is easier for the one you love to cause hurt. It's a personal interest with feelings invested. One has to love in order to be loved.

What if the one you love dosent know what love is?

[Athens]

Originally Posted by mojo2

I agree this is generally so at the level most of us human beings function. But I believe the ideal is where one might love without NEED for reciprocation.

When we talk about the very popular concept, UNCONDITIONAL love, one of the conditions an unconditional lover should be free of is that of having to feel the same way about us...as we feel about them.

And the funny thing is that once we can love without need for reciprocation we become MORE attractive.

"The world loves a lover," it is said and it is true the people we are attracted to love themselves, they love others, they love life.

And then WE enter their lives and SOMETIMES disrupt that flow of love.

Then we lament that THEY have changed.

Several weeks after the break-up we will see them at a book signing or an art exhibit and they look SO happy once again that we fall in love with them once again.

oh now I really hate you