[bstone]

She apologized if "this is coing out of nowhere".

Said, "you're an amazing guy"

"but...."

"i'm not feeling it right now. i hope you understand."

of course i don't want to understand. just 2 days ago i asked myself how i should tell her that i love her.

i told her she is so unique, so beautiful (spiritually, emotionally, personality...and physically), so amazing that i would endure pain in order to be with her.

alas, i cannot force someone. never. she asked if we could still keep in touch. i said "i hope so".

my heart aches and breaks and shatters. i cannot sleep and when i do i have horrible nightmares.

today, i am broken.

[nooon]

bummer.

[RAILhead]

Oh no you don't. Have some compassion.
-Misc.

[badidea]

Arrrgh, happened to me 6 months ago and it's still not easy for me!


( Mr. McCown)

[jasonsRX7]

http://forums.macnn.com/89/macnn-lounge/258328/just-another-girl-thread/

Why am I not surprised.

[Doofy]

Sorry about the situation dude.

Originally Posted by bstone

she asked if we could still keep in touch. i said "i hope so".

For future reference, the correct answer to this is: "no, bye"... ...which will have her crawling back on her knees.

"I hope so" is a passive statement which shows that you have no effect of the outcome. Despite everything in the modern age (equal rights, feminism, etc) telling them otherwise, women still want "active" (not "passive" guys), guys with some level of control of the situation (any situation). In other words, they want guys who aren't "pussies" (sorry for the harsh terminology - there's some serious psychology behind it but I'm not about to write a fifty page essay on it here). Sensitive, but not "pussy".

If you want this gal back, phone her up right now and say "Hi, you know you wanted to stay in touch and I said I hope so? Well, I changed my mind, The answer's no, I'm over you, bye". Then hang up. Do not get into a conversation during this call.

She'll come running.

(if on the off-chance that she doesn't come running then you've lost nothing).

-*- Edit -*-

Oh wait, I didn't really notice you'd said this:

Originally Posted by bstone

i told her she is so unique, so beautiful (spiritually, emotionally, personality...and physically), so amazing that i would endure pain in order to be with her.

Forget her. No coming back from that. You lost. Go get yourself some fresh honey.

You'd "endure pain to be with her"? Desperation, dude. Not attractive. You'd have a better chance of being with her if you were covered head-to-foot in dog poop than by saying that.

For future reference, you'd endure pain/die for her, not to be with her! And even then you never tell her this, just make it known via non-verbal cues.

[TubaMuffins]

it can only be horrible if it was once great, take comfort in that. best of luck to ya, it's never fun but still a part of life.

[turtle777]

Congratulations. You have just advanced to puberty

-t

[Scandalous Ion Cannon]

You need to come to the reality that nothing is going to come of it and accept that. It will help you heal faster or you will obsess over it forever.

[TheMosco]

I did the same thing last week kinda.

Here is my story:

-Met Girl with ~5 weeks left in the schoo year
-Fell in love with girl, hung out with her every day almost every day
-Fell asleep with her after a fraternity social
-Talked to girl a lot of the summer, thought about her always
-Get to school this year and hang out alot with her
-At a party at my apartment she gets sick from drinking to much. I spent the entire night with her at her apartment in her bathroom taking care of her.
-A couple days later, I get sick, tell the girl how I feel and she kinda avoids it although she stays with me the whole night. We end up falling asleep together
-Next day she says "I don't like you the same way you like me even though I feel like I should".

Aparently she has never had a boyfriend, and was a completely different person in hs (quiet and had thick glasses, etc). Her roomate thinks she is just scared, but I think she just isn't interested. What a great day that was. Whatever, time to move on and bang some hoes...

[RAILhead]

Originally Posted by jasonsRX7

http://forums.macnn.com/showthread.php?t=258328

Why am I not surprised.

Yeah, this is the "gentle" guy, remember?

I'm not trying to bust your chops too hard (okay, so I am), but there's no real answer outside of get over it. You let yourself get too attached, man, and it bites you in the arse.

Never let them get you by the short hairs.

[TubaMuffins]

Originally Posted by RAILhead

...

Never let them get you by the short hairs.

Would those be the short and curly's?

[Doofy]

For reference: If you ain't at second base within a week's-worth of hanging out, you're never gonna be.

[MacNStein]

Sometimes women like to be "forced" (no, I'm not talking about THAT). I would have never dated my wife if I hadn't been somewhat forceful at the start.

Me: "Would you like to get dinner tomorrow?"
Her: "We probably shouldn't."
Me: "6 o'clock?"
Her: "It's a bad idea."
Me: "Ok, 7 o'clock. Just dress casually."
Her: "You're not going to accept no, are you?"
Me: "Unlikely."
Her: "Alright, but I'm going under protest."
Me: "Duly noted."
Her: "Where are we going?"
Me: "Strip club, of course. I'll buy you a lap dance."
Her: "Oh god...." *sigh*

Could it be that you weren't assertive enough? You've got to put it out there, go for broke. The more effort you put into such a thing, the more they will notice. The other aspect is timing. I knew Kim for years before I asked her out, I was just unavailable and she was too young. True, I'd always been attracted to her, but I had to be patient, it wasn't time yet. It's just a sense of knowing when the best time is, and then going all out. Maybe it isn't time yet, perhaps she needs to see more of the harsh realities of life before realizing what she had. Who knows?

If you really care about her, just be patient. Then, when you see the opportunity, don't be meek.

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

don't be meek.

Quoted for emphasis. You might inherit the earth, but you sure as hell won't get the chicks.

[MacNStein]

Originally Posted by Doofy

For reference: If you ain't at second base within a week's-worth of hanging out, you're never gonna be.

Depends on the social context. Within certain circles, you don't even get to kiss your wife-to-be until your wedding day. That's just the way it is. However, in general, you're spot on with that assessment.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

Me: "Would you like to get dinner tomorrow?"
Her: "We probably shouldn't."
Me: "6 o'clock?"
Her: "It's a bad idea."
Me: "Ok, 7 o'clock. Just dress casually."
Her: "You're not going to accept no, are you?"
Me: "Unlikely."
Her: "Alright, but I'm going under protest."

Slight modification on the opening gambit for those requiring that extra oompf, same psychology:

"Would you like to get dinner tomorrow?" --> "What time would you like to get dinner tomorrow?"

Works. Every. Time.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

Depends on the social context. Within certain circles, you don't even get to kiss your wife-to-be until your wedding day. That's just the way it is.

Yep, that's why I sort of qualified it with "week's worth of hanging" - actual time scale could be a lot longer, depending on how much time the social environment allows for the couple to be alone.

OK... I'll rephrase for clarity... What's the average date? 6 hours? 6 x 7 = 42...
...if you ain't at second base within your forty-second hour alone with her, you ain't ever gonna be.

[Eriamjh]

NEXT her.

[starman]

A billion chicks in the world, dude. Move on. If I hot hung up over every girl I dated in high school and college I'd never have gotten married.

Mike

[scaught]

Originally Posted by starman

A billion chicks in the world, dude. Move on. If I hot hung up over every girl I dated in high school and college I'd never have gotten married.

Mike

probably more like 3.1 billion. EVEN BETTER!!!

girls are like waiting on the train. wait 5 minutes, another one will come by.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by scaught

girls are like waiting on the train. wait 5 minutes, another one will come by.

Nah. I have yet to see a train pass by my office. Chicks is a different matter

-t

[IceEnclosure]

Originally Posted by Eriamjh

NEXT her.

[RAILhead]

Originally Posted by RAILhead

Oh no you don't. Have some compassion.
-Misc.

Ugh.

Spare me.



The Grey Wave all over again on MacNN...

[iLikebeer]

Get a shoebox.
Put all pictures, notes, etc. that remind you of her into shoebox.
Delete phone number, email addy, IM names, etc.
Never look in the shoebox. The only reason for the shoebox is to get the memories out of sight.
The only time you open the shoebox is to put the next girl's memories into the shoebox.

Ideally, you would want to throw all of this stuff away, but you don't seem like the type that would burn pics or throw stuff in the trash.

[Kevin]

Call her best friend and ask her out. Or her mom.

[jcadam]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Call her best friend and ask her out. Or her mom.

go out, get drunk, get laid. Her best friend, sister, or mom would be preferred. I don't care if she is ugly. I expect a full report posted here when you accomplish this task. Out. </drunk>

[I was David B.]

Originally Posted by bstone

alas, i cannot force someone. never. she asked if we could still keep in touch. i said "i hope so".

DON'T DO THAT!!!
Don't meet her, don't talk to her for at least six months. Or it will begin again!

I am really glad that I am not 20 anymore. These young chicks don't know what they want and play with us. Best is not to fall in love with a chick until she really is in love with you.

Now I am 40 and things are really great. All interesting women of my age are free. It is soooo easy. At our age we really know what we want. Met my last girlfried, just talked, felt both the same, told us, done.

[Tyler McAdams]

It's in situations like this that beng "hard" helps... even though that's not good for a real relationship with a wonderful woman... I have since come to the realization that women enjoy playing games with men's minds... so easy to do from a female perspective. Here's what to be caring on the outside and hard as hell on the inside. don't let your emotions be screwed around with... that's taboo in my relationships... it's not like you have to look hard from their perspective... you just have to be tough on the inside.

[finboy]

Look up "The Ladder Theory" on teh Intraweb and read about it. That guy is pretty bright. I think that's what it's called. Basically, it's a breakdown of what "let's be friends" really means.

[Abit667]

Originally Posted by TheMosco

I did the same thing last week kinda.

Here is my story:

-Met Girl with ~5 weeks left in the schoo year
-Fell in love with girl, hung out with her every day almost every day
-Fell asleep with her after a fraternity social
-Talked to girl a lot of the summer, thought about her always
-Get to school this year and hang out alot with her
-At a party at my apartment she gets sick from drinking to much. I spent the entire night with her at her apartment in her bathroom taking care of her.
-A couple days later, I get sick, tell the girl how I feel and she kinda avoids it although she stays with me the whole night. We end up falling asleep together
-Next day she says "I don't like you the same way you like me even though I feel like I should".

Aparently she has never had a boyfriend, and was a completely different person in hs (quiet and had thick glasses, etc). Her roomate thinks she is just scared, but I think she just isn't interested. What a great day that was. Whatever, time to move on and bang some hoes...

omg no way....the EXACT same thing just happened to me except move the first time you slept with her to after you get back to school. I was sitting there reading that going wtf did I post this or something, I can't believe how similar it is.

But you got it right man, move on and bang some hos.

[Goldfinger]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

Could it be that you weren't assertive enough?

THAT is the number one problem with guys who ask for girl advice here.

[Apple Pro Underwear]

Originally Posted by bstone

today, i am broken.

i was broken too in february 2004.

i'm over that now but damn if i dont STILL think about her. heartless females.

[RAILhead]

[historylme]

"...move on and bang some hos."

Call me an idealist, but it seems that you make this the answer to virtually everything we deal with.

e.g: Oh, dude, your car got stolen. Oh, well, move on and bang some hos.
I just got done with four root canals. ****, I better move on and bang some hos.

Like those fortune cookies, where you add, "in bed." after every fortune. It's like that.

[von Wrangell]

Seems like this is going on at the moment.

6 years down the drain for me. The woman I loved broke my heart this last Friday. The woman that I had spent time with considering marriage and kids. All down the drain.

She asked if we could be friends (we were always the most dear friends). My answer was that it was simply impossible. Maybe some time in the future (speaking about years) I said, but not now.

She hinted at a break for 6 months. I said not a chance.

She asked if we should continue to pay into our investments as we are just getting into the period were money will actually be made. I said not a chance.

She said she would still come to one of the most important days in my life in the next month. I said "No, you won't. The only way you will come with me that day will be as my girlfriend. If not I don't want to have you near me that day."

And for some f*cking reason she was the one who cried and not me. She was the one ending the relationship.

I'm a broken man at the moment but there is not a chance that I will start feeling sorry for myself. It's her mistake to make.

I feel like sh*t at the moment but I'm still going to continue on with my life.

Every five minutes my feelings change. I go from being sad to being furious. But that's life.

Splitting up our stuff was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. All these memories down the drain for wasting 6 years on a mistake.

Memories they haunt me, and they will follow me until the day I die......

[mojo2]

From a practical standpoint, Bluesky is absolutely right. It's like "69." It's BEST if both of you are going at each other like crazy the whole time. But it's seldom like that because it feels SOOOOO GOOOOOD to just receive pleasure. But the funny twist on this is that when we're talking about showering the other person with love and appreciation, NO ONE can go for that too long unless they are so egomaniacal that you SHOULDN'T want them at all! YUCK!

So, what's the secret? As I said, you have to simply make her fall for you first. And fall HARD, madly and passionately, so that SHE feels about YOU the way you USED to feel about her.
And my friend that takes a LOT of feigned indifference.

It's better to start anew with someone else.

Like playing a fish. You give her the bait to see, whiff, taste, then you pull it away as though you haven't any interest in her at all. You're just doing your thing. If you are a nice guy, do little mean things to her. Like DON'T show up on time and don't call. But look sheepish and fawn all over her apologising. She will KNOW you were cheating on her and she will eat it up. Once or twice a LIFETIME is all you should ever pull this one on any one babe. Just enough to let her know YOU have options and to engage her female jealousy thing, which says I may not be interested in him at all but when someone ELSE is interested in him I HAVE to do what I can to keep HER from getting him.

Really. They really operate this way. It's hard wired in their brains.

Problem is, you CAN'T do this on a regular basis or you'll lose her because a smart emotionally healthy woman won't put up with that kind of crap for long. And the ones who will? YOU don't want THEM.

(There are a LOT of screwed up women who, if they didn't sit on the essential object of man's desire, would NEVER get hooked up with anyone! Take away sex appeal and ask yourself if they have brains, character and personality to offer and most don't. Poor things.)

Tired of typing. If you want I'll type more later.

The thing is you have to chalk this one up as a learning experience. Many guys have ONE woman that will always be that "Special" one that got away. This is the one you think about twenty years later and who you would 'write bad checks' for. It's like priming your heart for real utility. Until you have that one in your history you are always the guy I was describing above. The guy who is basically a "Playa."

Once you love and lose the "one who got away," only THEN will you understand humility and the power you have to really hurt people by getting involved sexually with those you really don't care for.

And once you reach THAT point, you are on the way to becoming an emotionally responsible human being who is maybe ready for THE right one to come along.

The one you posted about?

She really wasn't the one for you to keep. She was SUPPOSED to get away. You'll never get her. You were ONLY supposed to REALLY care. Once you reached that stage with her then all the elements were present for you to learn the life lessons you were supposed to learn.

You are a lucky man. Be excited about the NEXT one who is RUSHING to find you as we speak.

Really.

She will owe this one a debt of gratitude if you learn your lessons well.

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by bstone

i told her she is so unique, so beautiful (spiritually, emotionally, personality...and physically), so amazing that i would endure pain in order to be with her.

Style:

As I recall, it's tempting at a young age to shower the object of your affection with romantic platitudes and gushy stuff. Despite what they may believe to be true for themselves, I don't believe most females actually want that...or at least want much of it.

Males and females aren't that much different, and I know if someone gives me too much of that, I want to move on and bang some...nevermind.

In any case, if you find the habit hard to break, I'd suggest very small doses, and change the subject afterward to something innocuous, such as "Well, gotta get my tires rotated next week", whatever. Hang loose.

Substance:

And there's a saying: "You can't have what you can't live without." Don't need, just be yo bad self. Don't be the Black Hole of Emotional Need.

[historylme]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

Seems like this is going on at the moment.

6 years down the drain for me. The woman I loved broke my heart this last Friday. The woman that I had spent time with considering marriage and kids. All down the drain.

She asked if we could be friends (we were always the most dear friends). My answer was that it was simply impossible. Maybe some time in the future (speaking about years) I said, but not now.

She hinted at a break for 6 months. I said not a chance.

She asked if we should continue to pay into our investments as we are just getting into the period were money will actually be made. I said not a chance.

She said she would still come to one of the most important days in my life in the next month. I said "No, you won't. The only way you will come with me that day will be as my girlfriend. If not I don't want to have you near me that day."

And for some f*cking reason she was the one who cried and not me. She was the one ending the relationship.

I'm a broken man at the moment but there is not a chance that I will start feeling sorry for myself. It's her mistake to make.

I feel like sh*t at the moment but I'm still going to continue on with my life.

Every five minutes my feelings change. I go from being sad to being furious. But that's life.

Splitting up our stuff was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. All these memories down the drain for wasting 6 years on a mistake.

Memories they haunt me, and they will follow me until the day I die......

Don't see it as time wasted. If you can walk away having learned a lesson or two, it's never time wasted. It's her decision, she will live with it, you don't have to.

My fiance broke things off about a year ago. I still think that she was ideal to be married to, but *** it. Life goes on, and there will always be someone around the corner. Time and space heal all things with the heart, but remember, it helps to get out there as soon as you can. Oh, and don't forget to move on and bang some hos.

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

Seems like this is going on at the moment.

6 years down the drain for me. The woman I loved broke my heart this last Friday. The woman that I had spent time with considering marriage and kids. All down the drain.

She asked if we could be friends (we were always the most dear friends). My answer was that it was simply impossible. Maybe some time in the future (speaking about years) I said, but not now.

She hinted at a break for 6 months. I said not a chance.

She asked if we should continue to pay into our investments as we are just getting into the period were money will actually be made. I said not a chance.

She said she would still come to one of the most important days in my life in the next month. I said "No, you won't. The only way you will come with me that day will be as my girlfriend. If not I don't want to have you near me that day."

And for some f*cking reason she was the one who cried and not me. She was the one ending the relationship.

I'm a broken man at the moment but there is not a chance that I will start feeling sorry for myself. It's her mistake to make.

I feel like sh*t at the moment but I'm still going to continue on with my life.

Every five minutes my feelings change. I go from being sad to being furious. But that's life.

Splitting up our stuff was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. All these memories down the drain for wasting 6 years on a mistake.

Memories they haunt me, and they will follow me until the day I die......

Don't worry, it'll take months to get her out of your system Keep your feet in motion and don't look back.

[Warung]

Originally Posted by bstone

...so amazing that i would endure pain in order to be with her.

LOL

...sorry...but that's just a little much.

[wataru]

It's only when you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.

Yes, I quoted Fight Club. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by RAILhead

Oh no you don't. Have some compassion.
-Misc.

When was sensitivity a requirement in posting responses? I have said it a dozen times, if you bring your personal laundry here to air then you should be prepared to have it scrutinized and commented on in every way imaginable. You may not like it but that's how it works in life.

I am not sure what Rail said, but if it was censored just because someone found it lacked "compassion" then it is bullsh!t. People shouldn't come here if they are expecting to be coddled and to hear what they want to hear.

Originally Posted by bstone

i told her she is so unique, so beautiful (spiritually, emotionally, personality...and physically), so amazing that i would endure pain in order to be with her.

today, i am broken.

Oh come on, you'd endure pain?
She's just some jewish chick not all that special from any other one out there. I've dated enough north shore chicks to realize they are not that different. And the fact she took you out on the phone says a lot about how much she respects you.
You'd have no idea what broken was until she took half your stuff in the divorce. Which would have happened anyway.

[jasonsRX7]

Originally Posted by Warung

...sorry...but that's just a little much.

That's nothing. Read what he said in his last thread about this and you'll see why he's getting dumped.

Originally Posted by bstone

*Been chatting on the phone and went on a few dates with a very very lovely, sweet and gentle girl.

*I'm just a nice, gentle, sweet guy- and I lose every time.

*I'm also sensitive, gentle, kind, caring, reliable and sweet.

*Basically, when they need me I am there. When a girl calls me because she had a fight with her roommate or best friend, I'll drop everything to whisk her away from it all. When they call me at 3am cause they're drunk and at some random guys apartment (and don't know how they got there). When they need a shoulder to cry on, someone to bounce something off of, a nonjudgemental person to hear their thoughts, a few extra bucks for the electrical bill that month, someone to study with at 11pm (for a 9am test), etc etc etc

I make myself available- both as a friend/physically (shoulder to cry on, drop everything and rescue them no matter where/what time) and emotionally (they know they can cry in front of me and have a shoulder to put their head on...in fact that happened today).

I'm every girl's friend. Alas, not much more. The ones who fall for me are nuts and would fall for any guy who gives them the time of day.

*This girl had confidence, witty, looks and a beautiful soul.

[E's Lil Theorem]

Frankly, I don't mean to oversimplify the getting a girl process, but lets just say that it isn't rocket science. Honestly, just figure out what it is that you want and go out and get it. If it's not what you want, then move on. A lot easier said than done, right? Well, you'll see that it's not once you get going

Originally Posted by finboy

Look up "The Ladder Theory" on teh Intraweb and read about it. That guy is pretty bright. I think that's what it's called. Basically, it's a breakdown of what "let's be friends" really means.

I posted the Ladder Theory link a few months back. It seems the people that should have read it back then didn't .

EDIT: Added thougths on the girl matter

[zwiebel_]

Originally Posted by finboy

Look up "The Ladder Theory" on teh Intraweb and read about it. That guy is pretty bright. I think that's what it's called. Basically, it's a breakdown of what "let's be friends" really means.

Good read (funny too)

[Fred_Cokebottle]

Just sink like a sub and disappear from the range of her towed passive sonar. Will make her wonder and may be it will make her think twice.

[RAILhead]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

I am not sure what Rail said, but if it was censored just because someone found it lacked "compassion" then it is bullsh!t. People shouldn't come here if they are expecting to be coddled and to hear what they want to hear.

I said this:

[iNub]

Mee yow, dude. Seriously. Reattach your balls and move on. She wasn't special or unique or anything you think. She shows it by breaking you off over the phone. How much more of a hint do you need? She might say she didn't want to hurt you in person, but the reality and truth of it is that she didn't have enough respect for you to want to stick around.

[Tyler McAdams]

Could you imagine if we could somehow harness the power of the psychological damage a woman can do to your mind as a weapon of war? We could rip out the minds of our enemies and impare them for life without even leaving the house. Hell... all the wars, choas and insanity more than likely comes from sexual agression. Need proof? Just go downtown and check out the local meathead scene... it's get drunk, get laid, or get in to a fight. OR ALL THREE!!!

My suggestion is to not worry yourself about it. It's not you... it's a typical situation the happens with women... don't get attached... don't let your mind get attached like that... it's not healthy. Just look at when that usually happens... at the beginning of the relationship... maybe even before you have physical contact. The truth is that it's not love, it's lust and the heat of the moment that causes it. Not to mention the lust you feel is only a *reflection* of the women you're lusting after... very unlikely in any event that it's actually the women you perceive her to be.

Women love men for the power and the money... that's their lust. Once again it's not even a reflection of who you are.

Who are the best hackers? Women. Just look how easy it is for a women who looks good to get a job... You can jump up and down and scream sexist all day if you want... to quote Darth Vader "You don't know the power..."