[AtomicMac]

I started dating this girl 2 weeks ago and I am sick of holding in my farts. It is really annoying to have to be on alert every time I feel a fart stirring up. It's straining to have to squeezing my butt cheeks and manipulate my sphincter muscles in order to control the fart.

I would like to starting farting in her presence. Have I waited long enough? (2 weeks)

Does anyone have any advice or a timetable that will make this process easier for me and, my stomach, and my anus?? Thanks in advance.

[Railroader]

Beano.

[zoroaster68]

Dude, i've been married to my wife for 2 years and known her for 4 (almost) and I still dont' fart in front of her. Farting= not sexy.

Not sexy= less play.

Don't do it. Just go to the bathroom and let'r rip.

[JustAnOl'Broad]

ewwwwwwwwwwwww

Originally Posted by Railroader

Beano.

^ what he said.
really lil dude - change your diet if it's that bad.
...or the bathroom advise is good too.
seriously, get it checked out.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by zoroaster68

Dude, i've been married to my wife for 2 years and known her for 4 (almost) and I still dont' fart in front of her. Farting= not sexy.

Not sexy= less play.

Don't do it. Just go to the bathroom and let'r rip.

Can't you take a hint?

[d4nth3m4n]

f*ck that, if you can't fart in front of them, what's the point? they might grimace, but at least you're being yourself, not some ideal.

here's a secret- chicks fart too.

[meelk]

worst troll ever

[d4nth3m4n]

what? me?

[AtomicMac]

thanks for the advice to all. meelk thanks for calling me a troll. i am short and ugly actually. all I need is a footbridge to live under and i am set.

I have never farted in front of any prior girlfriend just because I thought it was a turn off. i will try beano..does it actually work? I will also get my pipes checked out.

Most of our dates we go out to dinner and then we hang out...I don't mind going to a bar becasue i can easily camoflauge my gas. The problem is when she want to go hang out at my place or her to watch a movie or something. I just wondered if anyone had any tricks. thanks for all the suggestions so far.

[d4nth3m4n]

fart loudly. i have yet to be convinced that flatulence loses its humor as you age.

[Ratm]

ummm.....



The diet change would be a better course of action. You never know what that beano can do to your insides.

[nerd]

Originally Posted by d4nth3m4n

fart loudly. i have yet to be convinced that flatulence loses its humor as you age.

very true.

[rjenkinson]

carry an airhorn with you at all times. use when needed.

-r.

[rickey939]

Proud of you.®

[SirCastor]

I think most of us just bite the bullet and hold it. I have to agree with the comment though:

Farting = Not Sexy
Not Sexy = Less Play

[bradoesch]

Originally Posted by Ratm

ummm.....



The diet change would be a better course of action. You never know what that beano can do to your insides.

Beano is simply a digestive enzyme that your body lacks. When your body lacks the ability to digest something (partially of fully) it passes through unchanged which can cause gas. It's healthy to eat indigestible food (fibre).

[Ratm]

Originally Posted by bradoesch

Beano is simply a digestive enzyme that your body lacks.

So what you're saying is put back in what your body specifically left out, right? No thanks. Just quit eating the chili fries and you'll be good.

[himself]

Originally Posted by AtomicMac

It's straining to have to squeezing my butt cheeks and manipulate my sphincter muscles in order to control the fart.

Look at it this way...

Sphincter contracting is exercise that will improve your endurance in the sack, lead to more intense orgasms, and allow to shoot your load across the room

after your girl gets a piece o' that, she'll endure a few pungent poots for some more.

[Doofy]

I am in complete control of my bodily functions - which is the mark of a sophisticated gentleman.
Thus, the chicks love me.

[MindFad]

Just let it loose. It's a natural thing. Tell her she can bust them off, too, if she wants.

[paul w]

hold a lighter down there for that Trogdor effect. This way the fart is jet of fire AND it don't stink.

[bradoesch]

Originally Posted by Ratm

So what you're saying is put back in what your body specifically left out, right? No thanks. Just quit eating the chili fries and you'll be good.

I didn't mean to recommend Beano, I'm just trying to explain what it does. The rest of my previous post encouraged eating indigestible foods, and taking Beano would counteract that.

[AKcrab]

Originally Posted by AtomicMac

The problem is when she want to go hang out at my place or her to watch a movie or something. I just wondered if anyone had any tricks. thanks for all the suggestions so far.

Get a dog.

[wdlove]

Beano would help a lot to control gas. Less roughage also. Drink plenty of water.

[sugar_coated]

its human to fart and apologize.

[Gator Lager]

[insha]

Is that why you chose this username?



let'er rip. I say.

[Mr.White]

Wait until she lets one go while she's with you, then you're good to go.

[screamingFit]

If you can't fart in front of a girlfriend, she's not the one for you. Dump her.

[RAILhead]

Wow, I really AM glad I kept this pic around — I'm using it all the blessed time around with you guys:



For those married: If you can't fart and belch and scratch and whatever in front of her, you need to loosen up. You actually think that for the rest of your life, when you're 50 years old, you're going to get up and leave the room just to fart?!?

Ugh. Too many p-whipped "dudes" nowadays, too many p-whipped "dudes."

She's farting in front of you, now. I can assure you.

[Y3a]

Change your diet or take Beano. Less beer, Beans, etc...

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by AtomicMac

I started dating this girl 2 weeks ago and I am sick of holding in my farts. It is really annoying to have to be on alert every time I feel a fart stirring up. It's straining to have to squeezing my butt cheeks and manipulate my sphincter muscles in order to control the fart.

I would like to starting farting in her presence. Have I waited long enough? (2 weeks)

Does anyone have any advice or a timetable that will make this process easier for me and, my stomach, and my anus?? Thanks in advance.

-t

[historylme]

Originally Posted by RAILhead

Wow, I really AM glad I kept this pic around — I'm using it all the blessed time around with you guys:



For those married: If you can't fart and belch and scratch and whatever in front of her, you need to loosen up. You actually think that for the rest of your life, when you're 50 years old, you're going to get up and leave the room just to fart?!?

Ugh. Too many p-whipped "dudes" nowadays, too many p-whipped "dudes."

She's farting in front of you, know. I can assure you.

AMEN BROTHA, AMEN!

[AtomicMac]

Again thanks to all for the help. I appreciate it very much. It's reassuring to know that there are things I can do significantly reduce or mask my gastric overload. You guys really are knowledgable about many topics. i really didn't expect anything other than ridicule. I was pleasantly suprised with all the helpful info. Although, I am glad many people got a laugh out of this. It's nice to know that farting will always be a funny topic.

[Atomic Rooster]

Originally Posted by AtomicMac

I have never farted in front of any prior girlfriend just because I thought it was a turn off. i will try beano..does it actually work? I will also get my pipes checked out.

Most of our dates we go out to dinner and then we hang out...I don't mind going to a bar becasue i can easily camoflauge my gas. The problem is when she want to go hang out at my place or her to watch a movie or something. I just wondered if anyone had any tricks. thanks for all the suggestions so far.

Do a "Blue Angel", that'll turn any chick on for some hot sex.

Just lie on your back, spread your legs and when you fart hold a match or lighter at your crotch and voooop! watch the cool fireworks.

PS...works with your pants on.

[scaught]

A++++ Quick Shipping. Great Ebayer!!!!!!!!

[turtle777]

Thankz.

-t

[zoroaster68]

Originally Posted by RAILhead

For those married: If you can't fart and belch and scratch and whatever in front of her, you need to loosen up. You actually think that for the rest of your life, when you're 50 years old, you're going to get up and leave the room just to fart?!?

Ugh. Too many p-whipped "dudes" nowadays, too many p-whipped "dudes."

She's farting in front of you, now. I can assure you.

Sorry dude. Totally disagree. Farting= not sexy. Not sexy= less play. You might be having a swell old stinky time with your wife, but I'll be having a more sophisticated time with 'sexy parties'.

PS: Do NOT use google to search for a picture of one of stewie's 'sexy parties'. REPEAT. Do NOT use google to search for a picture of one of stewie's 'sexy parties'.

[ambush]

sometimes I can,t hold my farts. it's like that.

oh and some girls do vaginal farts (*****) now that's funny.

edit: AHAHAH q-u-e-e-f is censored.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by ambush

sometimes I can,t hold my farts. it's like that.

A bit garlicy or what?

[ghporter]

Having gas is uncomfortable. Being in a position where I must not fart (as a professional and an educator), means that for most of my adult life it wasn't just a matter of manners but of professional behavior. So through the years I have learned 1) what gives me gas, 2) when that's a problem, and 3) what to do if I mess up with item one-head for the bathroom quickly!

Let's face it, would you want your physician, your tax accountant, your clergyman, your defense attorney, or a college professor to rip one while rendering you the service you have retained them for? If it is unacceptable to fart in such public situations, is your significant other worthy of less consideration than a professional or client?\

And as Doofy says, not being publicly nearly incontinent is one of the signs of gentlemanly behavior. I cannot say that I have never passed gas in front of my wife, nor that she has never passed gas in front of me, but after almost 26 years of marriage those incidents have been few and far between because we respect each other and wish not to disturb each other with unfortunate bodily functions.

[d4nth3m4n]

Originally Posted by rjenkinson

carry an airhorn with you at all times. use when needed.

-r.

i don't really want to dominate this thread, but this post can't go without at least one of us attaching a smiley to it. it's just that good.

[ambush]

I was in the metro (subway) the other day.. and a ****ing guy farted.
Wtf m8, you don't fart in subway wagons.

[Cubeoid]

Originally Posted by ambush

Wtf m8, you don't fart in subway wagons.

Well.. he obviously put that solid theory to rest.

[macintologist]

I love this thread

[11011001]

I did it this way. I made her fart in front of me first, and let her get comfortable with that. Then she invited me to join her.. now.. it's all good, and we enjoy our time together so much more. I was never a sexy guy to begin with, so it doesn't really matter

[I was David B.]

Originally Posted by Y3a

Change your diet or take Beano. Less beer, Beans, etc...

onions, maybe milk...
Disgusting idea, fart in front of someone.

[as2]

Better get it sorted.. If you've been holding it in all night, then get down and dirty, you don't want to let rip while going at it hammer and tongs...

[namannik]

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

[d4nth3m4n]

http://www.kidshealth.org/kid/talk/yucky/fart.html