[mojo2]

THIS IS A CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated. He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in a F-14 Tomcat. If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get to "Milk Duds," your sense of humor is broken.

"Now this message is for America's most famous athletes:
Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have ... John Elway, John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity, let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity...

Move to Guam. Change your name. Fake your own death! Whatever you do .. Do Not Go!!!
I know. The U. S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped. I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station Oceana in Virginia Beach.

Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks like, triple it. He's about six-feet, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair, finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the other way. Fast.

Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the voice of NASA missions. ("T-minus 15 seconds and counting ..." Remember?) Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad. Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting for him to say, "We have a liftoff."

Biff was to fly me in an F-14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie. I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.

"Bananas," he said.
"For the potassium?" I asked.
"No," Biff said, "because they taste about the same coming up as they do going down."
The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot . but, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.

A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would "egress" me out of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked unconscious.

Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me, and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.

Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80.. It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails. We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute. We chased another F-14, and it chased us.

We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at 200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5, which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.

And I egressed the bananas. I egressed the pizza from the night before. And the lunch before that. I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade. I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing stuff that did not even want to be egressed. I went through not one airsick bag, but two.

Biff said I passed out. Twice. I was coated in sweat. At one point, as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person in history to throw down.

I used to know cool. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass, or Norman making a five-iron bite. But now I really know cool. Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves. I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever makes in a home stand.

A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd send it on a patch for my flight suit.

What is it? I asked.
"Two Bags."

[von Wrangell]

Good stuff!

[Railroader]

Removed For Double Postedness.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by mojo2

If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get to "Milk Duds," your sense of humor is broken.

I made it past "milk duds"... but I lost it at "sixth grade".

An excellent article.

[screamingFit]

Guess mine is broken.

Nice read, though.

[Nexus5]

[Pendergast]

Here's to "TwoBags".

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

Good stuff!

Yeah, I just went back through it and counted 8 good laughs. My fav, was "Six Flags Over Hell."


No hidden agenda there. Just a great play on the Six Flags Amusement Parks tendency to SOMETIMES call the park Six Flags Over {name of city or state}. In case those of you from out of town don't know about it, here's the scoop from Wiki on Six Flags Theme Parks.

Six Flags
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

This article is about the theme park. For the six national flags of Texas, see Six flags over Texas.

Six Flags NYSE: PKS is a chain of amusement parks and theme parks headquartered in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and New York City. Their spokesperson, Mr. Six, is featured in many advertisements. There are 40 parks run by Six Flags, 24 of which carry the Six Flags name. The first Six Flags amusement park was built halfway between the cities of Fort Worth and Dallas at Arlington in Tarrant County, Texas, United States. The park took its name from the six flags that have flown over the state of Texas during its history (Spain, France, Mexico, the Republic of Texas, the United States and the Confederate States of America).

Yeah, this article gave me a series of good cleansing laughs.

[ShotgunEd]

most entertaining.

I don't know if i'd barf, its takes a lot for me to "egress" but I guess thats what all people say right up until it happens at 200 feet at 5G or over.

[wdlove]

Awesome, very nice. The closet I've come is siting in one at an air show.

[iLikebeer]

Nice story, but what's the deal with all the Colin Montgomeri fat jokes

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by iLikebeer

Nice story, but what's the deal with all the Colin Montgomeri fat jokes

Maybe the Reilly's and the Montgomery's are friends. How else would you explain his including Colin's WIFE in the joke? Wives and dependents are off limits and Reilly writes for SI so he knows the rules.

I'd say they are friends.

But I really don't know for sure.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by wdlove

Awesome, very nice. The closet I've come is siting in one at an air show.

WOW! I envy you that. And, truth be told, I envy Reilly, too! Two bags and all.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by ShotgunEd

most entertaining.

I don't know if i'd barf, its takes a lot for me to "egress" but I guess thats what all people say right up until it happens at 200 feet at 5G or over.

Yeah. I'm thinking, "Ok, just juice and liquids the day before. NO SOLID FOODS!"

[mojo2]

General Characteristics:
Overall Length: 62 feet 9 inches (18.9 meters)
Wingspan: 64 feet (19 meters) unswept; 38 feet (11.4 meters) swept
Height: 16 feet (4.8 meters)
Weight: 43,600 lb (19,777 kg) (F-14B)
Speed: Mach 2+
Ceiling: 50,000+ feet
Range: 1600 nm
Power Plants:
F-14A: (2) TF30-414A Afterburning Turbofans with over 40,000 lb Total Thrust
F-14B/D: (2) F110-GE400 Afterburning Turbofans with over 54,000 lb Total Thrust
Sensors: Tactical Air Reconnaissance Pod System (TARPS) LANTIRN Targeting System
Armament: Up to 13,000 pounds to include four Joint Direct Attack Munitions (JDAM) [F-14D], AIM-54 Phoenix missile, AIM 7 Sparrow missile, AIM 9 Sidewinder missile , air-to-ground precision strike ordnance, and one M61A1/A2 Vulcan 20mm cannon.
Crew: Two (pilot and radar intercept officer)
Contractor: Northrop Grumman
Date Deployed: First flight: December 1970

Generally speaking a 1,200 Sq ft home weighs about 40 -50,000 Lbs.

Imagine your HOUSE flying through space at 600 MPH!

Or going VERTICAL!

[ThinkInsane]

"Six Flags Over Hell" :mrgreen:

That's funny.

[Lancer409]

awesome. since this past weekend was fleetweek/blue angels this past weekend!

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by Lancer409

awesome. since this past weekend was fleetweek/blue angels this past weekend!

Yeah, they flew over my gf's house from when they arrived in town, when was it Thursday afternoon? I was listening to Bernie Ward on KGO friday nite and he's such a calculating troll! he was saying he doesn't get excited about having the nation's war machine glorified in HIS town.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by ThinkInsane

"Six Flags Over Hell" :mrgreen:

That's funny.

[mdc]

that was funny, and even though i'm sure i will vomit constantly, i'd ride in one if i had the chance.

i'd *love* to ride in one.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by mdc

that was funny, and even though i'm sure i will vomit constantly, i'd ride in one if i had the chance.

i'd *love* to ride in one.

mojo2!

[isao bered]

tomcats are coolly menacing.
i think i'll miss them.
oh well. there's still the harrier.

be well.

laeth

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by isao bered

tomcats are coolly menacing.
i think i'll miss them.
oh well. there's still the harrier.

be well.

laeth

I know what you mean. The Harrier is cool and it's capabilities are unmatched by ANY other aircraft. But...the F-14 really IS the bomb!

It's amazing to me that the F-18 series is able to COMPLETELY assume the multi-mission roles of...single seat shipboard and shore-based multi-role fighter and attack aircraft...two seat operational trainer...air superiority, fighter escort, suppression of enemy air defenses, reconnaissance, forward air control, close and deep air support, and day and night strike missions.

Thus, it saves the US money by not having to spend those extra billions of $$ on parts and maintenance on 2 or more OTHER types of aircraft.

EDIT: AFTER LEARNING OF THE F-18'S SIGNIFICANT DISADVANTAGES COMPARED TO ANY OTHER COMBAT AIRCRAFT WE'D LIKELY FACE IN THE FUTURE, I CAN NO LONGER SUPPORT THE F-18 HORNET OR SUPER HORNET. THEY COULD GET OUR MEN KILLED AND LEAVE US VULNERABLE TO DEFEAT BY MUCH WEAKER FOES. AS SUCH, I HAVE REMOVED THE F-18 IMAGE THAT WAS PREVIOUSLY IN THIS SPOT.

UNTIL THE INTRODUCTION OF NEW 21ST CENTURY TECHNOLOGICALLY SUPERIOR AIRCRAFT TO THE FLEET I RECOMMEND RETAINING THE SOON TO BE RETIRED F-14 TOMCATS, MANY OF WHICH WILL HAVE BEEN UPGRADED, (MAKING THEM FAR SUPERIOR TO THE HORNETS) ONLY A COUPLE OF YEARS BEFORE THEY WOULD BE RETIRED FROM THE FLEET.

http://forum.keypublishing.co.uk/arc...p?t-13148.html
mojo2

[isao bered]

Originally Posted by mojo2

Thus, it saves the US money by not having to spend those extra billions of $$ on parts and maintenance on 2 or more OTHER types of aircraft.

er. saves?! i prefer: "if the program is successful it will allow for the reallocation of monetary assets to other areas of need in the department of the navy".

saves?! hehehehe... i almost peed myself. ;-)

be well.

laeth

[Artful Dodger]

Great article. I was reluctant on going to the gym, but now I feel motivated. Thanks for the extra push mojo

[FulcrumPilot]

lol! that was funny! He probably was looking more inside the cockpit than outside, this can actually aggravate the whole situation.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by FulcrumPilot

lol! that was funny! He probably was looking more inside the cockpit than outside, this can actually aggravate the whole situation.

Shouldn't he have tried to keep an eye on the horizon at all times? (can't remember the stuff I learned a while back)

[Mister Elf]

Originally Posted by mojo2

It's amazing to me that the F-18 series is able to COMPLETELY assume the multi-mission roles of...single seat shipboard and shore-based multi-role fighter and attack aircraft...two seat operational trainer...air superiority, fighter escort, suppression of enemy air defenses, reconnaissance, forward air control, close and deep air support, and day and night strike missions.

Not quite true...the Tomcat is (was) one-up on the Hornet because of the AIM-54 Phoenix. Nothing in the current arsenal has the same range...so fleet defense from the Hornet series (including E and F Rhinos), won't be quite as good. Oh well...that's what Aegis is for, I suppose.

[FulcrumPilot]

I think f14d is an awesome aircraft, they should have kept it upgraded until jsf's took over.

[rambo47]

Early this summer I was leaving NYC for the day, heading home towards the Husdon River and the ferry. An F-14 came up the river, low and slow, wings full-forward. That is one huge plane!

[Mister Elf]

Originally Posted by FulcrumPilot

I think f14d is an awesome aircraft, they should have kept it upgraded until jsf's took over.

The F-35 will replace the original (not Super) Hornets, rather than the Tomcats. The Rhinos replace the Tomcats.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by Mister Elf

Not quite true...the Tomcat is (was) one-up on the Hornet because of the AIM-54 Phoenix. Nothing in the current arsenal has the same range...so fleet defense from the Hornet series (including E and F Rhinos), won't be quite as good. Oh well...that's what Aegis is for, I suppose.

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by isao bered

er. saves?! i prefer: "if the program is successful it will allow for the reallocation of monetary assets to other areas of need in the department of the navy".

saves?! hehehehe... i almost peed myself. ;-)

be well.

laeth

Six of one, half dozen...

And remember...


Or, the sign over the men's room urinal at a nice restaurant: "We aim to please. You aim, too, please?"

[FulcrumPilot]

Originally Posted by Mister Elf

The F-35 will replace the original (not Super) Hornets, rather than the Tomcats. The Rhinos replace the Tomcats.

Thanks for the info. Sounds like the rhino is just another expensive way to recreate what f14s
were made to be from the beginning.

[mojo2]

Hope I'm correct in thinking a tall photo isn't as offensive to most computers as a WIDE one.

There are some truly AWESOME photos of 2005 SF Bay Area Fleet Week where I found THIS beauty!



http://www.fencecheck.com/forums/ind...3.new.html#new

They have all kinds of great photos for those who love military jets!

[mojo2]

Uh oh, guys!

Sorry.

I REALLY didn't know how BAD the Super Hornet was and how having it as our only attack/fighter aircraft was going to make our carriers (and entire future naval engagements) vulnerable to virtually EVERY other combat aircraft in the sky. Even IRAN has modified it's Tomcats and they will out fly the Super Hornet in almost every category should we tussle with them.

From what I've read this evening (thanks to your gentle hints, tyvm) the F-14's could achieve 90% of the capability of the jsf (that's due to start coming on line a few years from now) at only 60% of the cost but could very well save BILLIONS by winning over the enemy forces they might face and preventing catastrophic losses. Not the LEAST of which would be the lives of our service members who deserve the best we can give them.

Here's a very impassioned and persuasive post from a guy who sounds like he knows what he's talking about.

Why the US Navy should KEEP the F-16 Tomcat and GET RID OF the F-18 Hornet/Super Hornet.

http://forum.keypublishing.co.uk/arc...p?t-13148.html

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by Artful Dodger

Great article. I was reluctant on going to the gym, but now I feel motivated. Thanks for the extra push mojo

[isao bered]

the usn seems to be in the process of restructuring itself for what the future is projected to be. i suppose, as always, funding is a key issue. how do you afford a recapitalization? part of the usn's answer appears to be consolidation and multitasking - both in weapons delivery and personnel. will the decisions to decrease numbers and increase versatility and capabilities succeed? hopefully. the hard facts are that shipsz, subsz, planesz, and the supporting shore sitesz cost a lot of $$z and there is only so much money to go around...

be well.

laeth

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by isao bered

the usn seems to be in the process of restructuring itself for what the future is projected to be. i suppose, as always, funding is a key issue. how do you afford a recapitalization? part of the usn's answer appears to be consolidation and multitasking - both in weapons delivery and personnel. will the decisions to decrease numbers and increase versatility and capabilities succeed? hopefully. the hard facts are that shipsz, subsz, planesz, and the supporting shore sitesz cost a lot of $$z and there is only so much money to go around...

be well.

laeth

Yeah, I think I understand the philosophy now. I'm just not sure I agree with their assessment. But they know best. I hope.

[Fred_Cokebottle]

Joy!

[mojo2]

Originally Posted by Fred_Cokebottle

Joy!

GREAT PIC!!!

Here's the first 'fly-by' scene as written in the TOP GUN script. Note how different it is than what you saw in the film.

52A. EXT. MIRAMAR - LANDING PATTERN.

Maverick's Tomcat breaks hard and high, rolls over on its
side, wings perpendicular to the ground. Goose sees the world
go sideways.

GOOSE
Ahhh...A little high on the left,
don't you think?

MAVERICK
Right.

He aileron rolls another quarter turn. Inverted, they pass
right down the runway. Goose looks out and insouciantly
watches the world go by at 300 knots, upside down.

GOOSE
Right. Much better. ...Ahhh...what
do you call this?


MAVERICK
It's a victory roll.

GOOSE
I wouldn't call it victory. It's
more like...self immolation.


52B. INT. CONTROL TOWER

Controllers work. Officers watch the landing activity. One
old salt, turns from the coffee machine, a cup of steaming
Java microns from his lips. A ROAR. VABOOM! The Tomcat roars
over. He yelps as hot coffee flys all over his shirt.
52C.
EXT. MAVERICK'S F-14

They complete the roll, bank left, zoom right by the tower,
level with the observation window.


52D. F-14'S POV. Controllers look out at the F-14, mouths
drop open.


52E. ANGLE GOOSE

He waves jauntily.

GOOSE
Hi...Hi there. How ya doing in
there? Mav... Ahhh...you know, at
one point I did want a Navy career.

MAVERICK
Come on, relax...

GOOSE
You see all those guys with gold on
their shoulders!!?... Oh, no, I
think that was Johnson, Air Boss of
the Kitty Hawk!

MAVERICK
Come on, we beat an instructor. How
many times in your life do you get
to do a victory roll?

GOOSE
Just once, if they take your plane
away.

They roll out, break over the runway.

http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/TopGun.html