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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
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I found this in another forum I go to, and laughed pretty hard.
Please, no flaming. Or I will request it locked. THX! (Not too often I post a thread making fun of Christians, so lets not ruin it)
Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.
Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken
Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons : 7
One man to change the bulb, and six wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, then you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.
Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish:
What's a light bulb?
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Mac Elite
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Impulse Response
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Mac Elite
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Chuckle-worthy.
Now let the anti and pro religious flaming begin.
Wrong forum, IBL, +1.
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-"I don't believe in God. "
"That doesn't matter. He believes in you."
-"I'm not agnostic. Just nonpartisan. Theological Switzerland, that's me."
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Toronto
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How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb really needs to want to change.
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Moderator  Join Date: Mar 2004
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Originally Posted by Kevin
Amish:
What's a light bulb?
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Mac Enthusiast
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Barcelona
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Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are
improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are
delusional spin from the liberal media.
That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect.
Why do you hate freedom?
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[FONT=Verdana]blog[/FONT]
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: planning a comeback !
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OK, I chuckled.
Still, I predict this thread to derail real fast.
IBCR.
-t
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
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Originally Posted by turtle777
OK, I chuckled.
Still, I predict this thread to derail real fast.
IBCR.
-t
Attempts have already been made.
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Addicted to MacNN
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I wonder if we can get more predictions of derailment that actual derailment. I predict the ratio of predictions of derailment to actual derailment will never be lower than 2.0.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: San Diego, CA, USA
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Originally Posted by BRussell
I wonder if we can get more predictions of derailment that actual derailment. I predict the ratio of predictions of derailment to actual derailment will never be lower than 2.0.
That's because SWG hasn't posted here yet.
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Chuck
___
"Instead of either 'multi-talented' or 'multitalented' use 'bisexual'."
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Addicted to MacNN
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Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by MacNStein
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.
Looks like Kevin was right.
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by Mastrap
Looks like Kevin was right.
About what? 
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Addicted to MacNN
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Nah, regarding derailment attempts.
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Mac Elite
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We might as well stick with lightbulb jokes, who cares why.
Q. How many lightbulbs does it take to dyslexic a screw?
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When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say "live and let live."
But if this ever changing world, in which we live in, makes you give in and cry, say "live and let die."
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Addicted to MacNN
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Originally Posted by Mastrap
Nah, regarding derailment attempts.
I thought this was a thread about light bulb jokes? 
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Addicted to MacNN
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derailment attempt no.4
How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They would rather sit in the dark and blame it on Israel.
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Addicted to MacNN
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being lutheran - i enjoyed it (cause its true)
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"I'm for anything that gets you through the night, be it prayer, tranquilizers, or a bottle of Jack Daniel's."
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Caffeinated Theme Master  Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: hell (says dakar)
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Q: How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. There's no space for any more of them in the same room.
Q: How many Frenchies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb and four to keep him from running away.
Q: How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here! (*)
Did we forget anyone?
(* Last one's stolen from some light bulb joke site. Couldn't think of anything "funny & German" - a shocker)
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: SoCal
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I got a few, I chose to insult Voyeurs, Palestinians, Kids with ADD, Socialists, Republicans, Chinese, IKEA shop engineers, and Us at the MacNN
Q. How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but they'd much rather watch someone else do it.
Q: How many Palistinians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. One to negotiate with the old bulb and one to shoot at it at the
same time.
Q: How many kids with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?
Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the
state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to
allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800'
number to order an American light bulb.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
OR
A: None, they only screw the poor
Q: How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.
Q: How many IKEA shop assistans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Sorry, we ran out of light bulb stock. We expect it to arrive early
next month. We do have ladders though! You just go straight on, then
left and then right. No, thanks, anytime."
Q: How many MacNN Forum Members does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 
(Last edited by iDriveX; Oct 19, 2005 at 03:43 PM.
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Version 4.0 - Now Powered By iWeb
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Dedicated MacNNer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Status:
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Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. That's a hardware problem.
Q. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One always quits in the middle of a project.
Q. How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write
WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ...
Q. How many OS/2 programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I think that's a device driver problem.
Q. How many product managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Let's get the marketers involved. I think we can sell this as a
feature.
Q. How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to screw the light bulb
into a faucet.
Q. How many staff managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs
burn out and to figure out what, exactly, we as managers, can do to
make the light bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q. How many PC repair people does it take to change a light bulb?
A. PC Repair has received your Email concerning your hardware problem
and has assigned your request Service Order Number 39713. Please use
this number for any future reference to this case of trouble. As soon
as a technician becomes available you will be contacted.
Q. How many technical support people does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. We have an exact copy of that light bulb here and it seems to be
working fine. Can you tell me what kind of a system you have? OK.
Just exactly how dark is it? OK. There could be four or five things
wrong. Have you tried the light switch? Well try it now. OK. Look
over by the door. Is there a little rectangular thing on the wall?
It might be a beige color. Good. That's called a light switch.
Q. How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. In the future, we can move all of our docs on line, which
means people won't need books or light bulbs.
Q. How many book writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I'll have the revision editor do it.
Q. How many revision editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I'll have the production editor do it.
Q. How many production editors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I'll have the documentation assistant do it.
Q. How many documentation assistants does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. I can't do anything unless you fill out a light bulb change
request form.
Q. How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We just find the problems. We don't fix them.
Q. How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I won't do anything until there's a software problem report.
Q. How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. You're still thinking procedurally. A properly-designed light
bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb
class, so all you'd have to do is send it a light bulb change message.
Q. How many secretaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A. ONE.
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Baninated
Join Date: Sep 2005
Status:
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How many Zimphire's does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They will claim the light never went out. If you disagree with them and prove them wrong, Zimphire's will never admit to any fault on their reasoning or viewpoint. After that, they'll then change the subject by posting a stupid picture.
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Senior User
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Metamora, OH
Status:
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Originally Posted by Fred_Cokebottle
Q. How many technical support people does it take to change a light
bulb?
A. We have an exact copy of that light bulb here and it seems to be
working fine. Can you tell me what kind of a system you have? OK.
Just exactly how dark is it? OK. There could be four or five things
wrong. Have you tried the light switch? Well try it now. OK. Look
over by the door. Is there a little rectangular thing on the wall?
It might be a beige color. Good. That's called a light switch.
Best one of yours.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Yamanashi, Japan
Status:
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How many Japanese does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero. They can`t reach the light.
How many Japanese does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to operate the giant robot, and one to watch tenticle porn.
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Indy.
Status:
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Looks like I'll be visiting an Episcopalian Church if I ever become unhappy with my current Church.
Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Try to guess which one of the three I am. 
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Baninated
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Dead whale
Status:
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Originally Posted by JoshuaZ
How many Japanese does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero. They can`t reach the light.
How many Japanese does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to operate the giant robot, and one to watch tenticle porn.
 .. Lame!
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Dec 1999
Status:
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Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just 2, but don't ask me how they got in there.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just 1, but you need a sh*t load of lightbulbs.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they define "darkness" as the new standard.
Q: How many .oO(Updates are now Available) Windows .oO(New Hardware is found) Opera- .oO(Updates are ready to install) -ting Systems does .oO(Your computer may be at risk) it .oO(Please click on the Windows Security to check your settings.) take .oO(Updates have been installed. [Restart Now] [Restart Later]) to .oO(Updates have been installed. [Restart Now] [Restart Later]) screw .oO(Updates have been installed. [Restart Now] [Restart Later]) in .oO(Updates have been installed. [Restart Now] [Restart Later]) a .oO(Updates have been installed. [Restart Now] [Restart Later]) lightbult?.oO(Updates have been installed. [Restart Now] [Restart Later])
A: .oO(Updates have been installed. [Restart Now] [Restart Later]) 
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"…I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Stephen F. Roberts
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Dec 1999
Status:
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Originally Posted by Railroader
Looks like I'll be visiting an Episcopalian Church if I ever become unhappy with my current Church.
Try to guess which one of the three I am.
I grew up Episcopalian, and looking back on it I'm pretty glad I did compared to the other Christian cults. They're the red-headed step child of Christianity and have the most open-minded interpretation of the Bible.
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"…I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than
you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Stephen F. Roberts
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Dec 2001
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Mormons : 7
One man to change the bulb, and six wives to tell him how to do it.
ROFL
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
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I like bananas because they have no bones!
(Last edited by Kevin; Oct 19, 2005 at 05:26 PM.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vacation.
Status:
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Q. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. It's a man's job.
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Been inclined to wander... off the beaten track.
That's where there's thunder... and the wind shouts back.
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Moderator Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Copenhagen
Status:
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Originally Posted by Doofy
Q. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. It's a man's job.
(Last edited by Oisín; Oct 20, 2005 at 09:34 AM.
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
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Originally Posted by Oisín
Now now, you yourself asked for this thread not to derail. Things like that are sure to invoke derailment (or at least attempts thereof). And notice that he just said that he, looking back, is glad that Episcopalian is the 'variety' of Christianity that he was raised with, nothing more, nothing less.
True, Let me retract that.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Aug 2005
Status:
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How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you want, but they won't change it. They will separate the lightbulb from its ceiling and send it to a foster home where it will be unfortunately abused again but that's the system and what can you do about it we are just here to help and the government does not pay and people need to be more involved and the community made accountable etc...
How many politicians to change a lightbulb?
One, but make sure the press is there...
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"Criticism is a misconception: we must read not to understand others but to understand ourselves.”
Emile M. Cioran
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Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Status:
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In the way of "other wonderful things about the denominations":
"In a church founded by a man with six wives... forgiveness goes without saying."
--poster seen in an Episcopal church.
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Banned
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Six feet under and diggin' it.
Status:
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How many MacNNers does it take to change a light bulb?
They never get around to it because they argue about who is to blame and than decide to change the wiring instead of agreeing on the real issue. 
(Last edited by Rolling Bones; Oct 19, 2005 at 07:35 PM.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Apr 2000
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Indy.
Status:
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Originally Posted by Doofy
Q. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. It's a man's job.
Q. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who cares, let her cook in the dark.
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Baninated
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Dead whale
Status:
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Let her cook in the dark! BwaaawahahahhahahhahahahhahahhahhHAHAhhAhhahahHAHA HAHHAhAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahH AHAHHAAHAHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!111ONEONEONEone!!!1111
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Winnipeg, MB
Status:
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How many Rude Boys does it take to screw in a light bulb.
Two.
One to drop it, and the other to say "Pick it up pick it up pick it up!"
(Ska joke...)
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Baninated
Join Date: Sep 2005
Status:
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How many salty's does it take to ruin a thread full of funny...
one.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Winnipeg, MB
Status:
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Originally Posted by bad_quote
How many salty's does it take to ruin a thread full of funny...
one.
How many times does someone have to tell you how to use an apostrophe?
Apparently at least once more.
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Baninated
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Dead whale
Status:
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How many Loungers does it take to keep talking crap?
Nearly not enough
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Winnipeg, MB
Status:
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Originally Posted by Cubeoid
How many Loungers does it take to keep talking crap?
Nearly not enough
I would have answered 1.
And the ability to not realize that nobody is listening any more.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vacation.
Status:
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Salty, you need to link your blog in from your sig. I just felt the need to go look at your escapades and couldn't (don't fancy wading through past threads to find the relevant announcement one).
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Been inclined to wander... off the beaten track.
That's where there's thunder... and the wind shouts back.
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