[krillbee]

I have always wondered whether online dating seemed like a very good idea.
I'm 21 yr old male, kind of shy, and really just dont know how to talk to people in person without coming across as socially awkward and getting turned down. Ive given one of the cheaper sites a try, but havent had much luck gettin many responses on there. I was thinking of joining a larger site.

Ive asked people about online dating and heard from some of my friends that they think dating online is a bad idea, some who have had experience tell me that everyone that they've met online has some kind of problem, because women should be able to go out and easily get a guy in the real world unless they had some fault (being ugly, stalkerish, just plain f***ed up, etc)

Then again, I know of other people who have found their partner online and ended up marrying them and get along with them great. Ironically I have 2 cousins who have met their wives online!

Now, Ive also been told that online dating is cool, but that if you have a problem meeting people in the real world, then you probably shouldnt be meeting people online, until you've fixed your shyness or social inadequacy issues. they say that online should be meant for people who are busy, or just as a supplement, another way to meet people.

I've also been told that online dating is great and all, but meant for people in an older age group, not people who are young like myself.

What do all of you guys think about online dating?

[air]

go to a bar.

[tavilach]

I'd work on your confidence and self-esteem. While online dating might be easier, you'll probably get more satisfaction from doing it the hard way. This is coming from someone like you who has confidence and self-esteem issues, and needs to work on that as well .

[Atomic Rooster]

If you have to pay to see them nekked you're in the wrong site.

[Mastrap]

I haven't met a partner online (for example, I met the girl who eventually became my wife at a party), but I've carried a number of friendships from online to meat space.
Online doesn't mean 'not real'. It's just another way to communicate and if it helps you to show your real self in a way that you find hard to do in person then best of luck to you.

nerve.com has a lot of younger personal ads.

[mduell]

craigslist

[JoshuaZ]

Get a hobby, join a club, join gym, meet some people with like interests.

[air]

ahem.

go to a bar.

[production_coordinator]

I think it's perfectly fine... as long as you move it AWAY from "online" as quickly as possible.

No need to IM for months before meeting... and no need to tell everyone in the world that you meet online...

That being said, ask friends to hook you up... go to the library, bar, grocery store, wedding, etc. etc.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by tavilach

I'd work on your confidence and self-esteem. While online dating might be easier, you'll probably get more satisfaction from doing it the hard way. This is coming from someone like you who has confidence and self-esteem issues, and needs to work on that as well .

have you had success from achieving it the hard way? did you feel better because of it, than you woulda had you done it the easy way?

Originally Posted by Mastrap

I haven't met a partner online (for example, I met the girl who eventually became my wife at a party), but I've carried a number of friendships from online to meat space.
Online doesn't mean 'not real'. It's just another way to communicate and if it helps you to show your real self in a way that you find hard to do in person then best of luck to you.

nerve.com has a lot of younger personal ads.

forgive my terminology. I meant 'real' as in you can see them face to face right from the start. Online dating is speaking through computers at the start, but after that it can start to become more real.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by production_coordinator

I think it's perfectly fine... as long as you move it AWAY from "online" as quickly as possible.

No need to IM for months before meeting... and no need to tell everyone in the world that you meet online...

That being said, ask friends to hook you up... go to the library, bar, grocery store, wedding, etc. etc.

In my limited experience, the women I meet always want to talk online for awhile before even giving me a phone number

it almost seems like online dating takes longer with some women, because they have their guard up more, cuz its the internet.

Originally Posted by JoshuaZ

Get a hobby, join a club, join gym, meet some people with like interests.

women dont like being hit on at the gym from what ive seen.

the only clubs around here (at my school) are things like 'anime club' 'feminist club' and student government. (all things im not into)

the community clubs meet like once a month and are for things like sowing probably, lol, and im sure ill meet a lot of 50 yr old women there.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by mduell

craigslist

i went on there just now to check it out,

LMFAO, everyone on there is crazy! First off the males outnumber the females probably 20 to 1!
And the females that are on there are almost all married and looking to cheat on their husbands! This site is just horrible! (that crap should be banned from craigslist) or some women on there want to be double teamed and crap like that, and many say BBW 'big beautiful women'. it seems like its hard to find a normal woman on here that wants normal sex, ha!

[paul w]

Originally Posted by Mastrap

I haven't met a partner online (for example, I met the girl who eventually became my wife at a party), but I've carried a number of friendships from online to meat space.
Online doesn't mean 'not real'. It's just another way to communicate and if it helps you to show your real self in a way that you find hard to do in person then best of luck to you.

nerve.com has a lot of younger personal ads.

I think the point being made here is while it's easy to diminish the value of a virtual online relationship, over time you can learn a lot about people and grow attached to them. I think it would work great for friendship, but for romance - where no matter what, chemistry is ALL important - it could simply be a setup for massive disappointment.

People share to much first and when they meet they realise they never would've bothered in real life.

I've seen it happen more than once. Best bet is to meet as quickly as possible.

But, who picks up girls at bars? I never had that kinda game. I like things a little more personal and chill.

[TailsToo]

There's nothing wrong with it... just like writing letters.

[Doofy]

Online dating? Problematic if you ask me (for much the same reasons as paul w outlines above)... ...although I do know two guys who've gotten married off it.

Do it the hard way. Go to a bar (or even better, a nightclub) - but if you're going to go down this route then make sure you stand out from the crowd in some way. A nightclub with a live band playing sometime during the evening is ideal.

Or, failing that, you know there's a 5:1 women:men ratio in churches at the moment, right?

[ort888]

I met my wife online, we've been together for 6 years. It's really a pretty good way to find people, provided you are smart about it.

[- - e r i k - -]

I met Veronica online (albeit briefly before we met - at a bar ), we're still together after four years.

[euchomai]

Originally Posted by Doofy

Online dating? Problematic if you ask me (for much the same reasons as paul w outlines above)... ...although I do know two guys who've gotten married off it.

Do it the hard way. Go to a bar (or even better, a nightclub) - but if you're going to go down this route then make sure you stand out from the crowd in some way. A nightclub with a live band playing sometime during the evening is ideal.

Or, failing that, you know there's a 5:1 women:men ratio in churches at the moment, right?

I wasn't even thinking that direction till you mentioned it, but meeting people in church is a great place. You hope that the girl is focused and committed, if she is in church, I'd guess the percentage is higher. There is also typically a college type group that meets in modern churches. These small group hangouts are an awesome place to meet someone, they meet in coffee shops, book stores, etc.

[Face Ache]

Originally Posted by paul w

But, who picks up girls at bars?

I've found that two girls in a bar together are usually happy to accept male company.

Large groups of girls are usually impenetrable (literally ).

I wouldn't recommend picking up in church. God hates that.

[ort888]

Church girls don't put out.

[ort888]

Church girls don't put out.

[Face Ache]

edit: Hey my post finally arrived!

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by Face Ache

I've found that two girls in a bar together are usually happy to accept male company.

Large groups of girls are usually impenetrable (literally ).

I wouldn't recommend picking up in church. God hates that.

how do you approach 2 girls and succeed? I mean if they both liked you, then theyd have to be fighting over you. Plus they have the ultimate advantage since there is more of them and less males, in the situation.

[DigitalEl]

Met my wife online... Match.com. Also met my previous two girlfriends before marriage online. From what I understand, the landscape has changed quite a bit now. Most sites are pay now. I've also heard of sites which have ringers respond, just to keep you strung along and payin'. If you do go the online route, buyer beware! Do your homework, especially if you use a pay site.

Additionally, I would argue that online dating is easier. It's actually a lot of work, unless you're just looking to get laid. That's pretty easy. As krilbee said, there are plenty of skanks for the takin'.

Lastly, don't misrepresent yourself. There's nothing worse than having your time wasted. Starting a potential new relationship out with lies can only end badly.

That's my (very elementary, fatherly, pain-in-the-ass) two cents. Good luck.

[jcadam]

meh, just pay $$ for one of those russian (or filipina, if you swing that way) web-order brides and be done with it.

[Face Ache]

Originally Posted by krillbee

how do you approach 2 girls and succeed? I mean if they both liked you, then theyd have to be fighting over you. Plus they have the ultimate advantage since there is more of them and less males, in the situation.

I'm glad you asked, Grasshopper.

You cannot do this alone. You need a slightly uglier friend. Or perhaps you could be the slightly uglier friend if you aren't picky.

[deomacius]

Based on my experience, it's all kind of a scam.

• Expensive service
• Lot's of scammers and phonies
• Lot's of... ahem... baggage with most of the respondents
• Very few will reply back when contacted

All in all, I would say find another avenue for meeting women. In fact, keep the other suggestions coming. I could use some tips too.

[MacNStein]

Originally Posted by ort888

Church girls don't put out.

Riiiiiiiight

[MacNStein]

Originally Posted by krillbee

how do you approach 2 girls and succeed? I mean if they both liked you, then theyd have to be fighting over you. Plus they have the ultimate advantage since there is more of them and less males, in the situation.

"Hi, my name is __________, may I buy you ladies a drink?"

and smile, make eye contact, etc..

[malvolio]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

"Hi, my name is __________, may I buy you ladies a drink?"

and smile, make eye contact, etc..

Just don't fill in that blank with "Ted Bundy"...

[MrsLarry]

i know people who have met online and has worked out (so far) and they're all in their mid-20s.

Online dating is a great option for some, but also a breeding ground for freaks and weirdos... but hey, maybe that's your thing. kidding.

keep in mind, it may be easier to talk and meet online, but eventually, you're going to have to meet IN PERSON, and learn how to talk to her without a backspace key. good luck bud!!

[GSixZero]

I think dating is a pure numbers game. There's a certain percentage of women on average who you're going to hit it off with. For some people it's high, and they go to bars and hit it off with a few people every night and have no trouble. Other people don't connect quite as easily, and might have to meet a lot of women before they find one they click with and who clicks with them. For those people, it's a little harder, and maximizing the number of women (or men if that's your thing) is the key to finding the right one. I don't think it's good to count on internet dating to find you a girl, but I think online dating is a good way to augment however you meet women in real life.

I've played around with a couple online dating sites, and I don't have anything bad to say about them. I've met a lot of people cool women online, and while I haven't wanted to date any of them, some of them are pretty good friends now. I've gone on a few weird dates, but I think that's par for the course no matter where your dating pool comes from.

I haven't ended up seriously dating anyone I met online. I met my current girlfriend back in school, but if I'm looking to date again, I'd have no reason not to look online.

Check out www.okcupid.com. It's free, and it seems to have a little bit younger, hipper crowd then the big sites like match... the site sort of sucks on a mac, but it's tolerable if you don't open too many tabs at once.

[JoshKurtz]

I met my wife online. We've been together for just under 3 years.
Just like you can meet some crazy people in bars, you can meet some crazies online. Same thing goes for cool people that you get along with. It's also just like bars in that you can go to a meatmarket, get laid and not speak again or you can meet the woman/man of your dreams.
People meet all kinds of places and one isn't necessarily better than another. Just get yourself out there where you are comfortable. There's plenty of fish in the sea so you'll do fine.

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

"Hi, my name is __________, may I buy you girls a drink?"

Fixed. Calling girls on a night out 'ladies' will get you a smirk but no more.

[MacNStein]

Originally Posted by Mastrap

Fixed. Calling girls on a night out 'ladies' will get you a smirk but no more.

in some circles calling them "girls" will get you a cocked eyebrow, and nothing else. Perhaps calling them ladies is more of a southern thing.

[shunt]

Originally Posted by MrsLarry

... but also a breeding ground for freaks and weirdos... but hey, maybe that's your thing. kidding.

There were plenty of freaks and wierdos around before the internet existed. Matter of fact, I'd say now things are probably safer online than offline...women generally make guys online feel like they have to go way above and beyond proving they're normal... just to have the upper hand from the start.

But, then they'll go to the local scumbar and sleep with any cretin they find...


I agree with GSixZero, just move along to the next one, done waste time with klingons or the fantasy of the perfect mate...how many perfect relationships have you seen in your life? none

[Demonhood]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

in some circles calling them "girls" will get you a cocked eyebrow, and nothing else. Perhaps calling them ladies is more of a southern thing.

call them "women". it's safe enough. and accurate. unless you're picking them up on the playground, that is.

[krillbee]

you could get looked at strangely for calling them women too. "may I buy you women a drink?"

[11011001]

You do realize that you don't have to use a website for online dating?

Update your msn profile, maybe with a good picture of yourself, maybe also get a skype account, and just sit there.. waiting for someone to talk to you. It's bound to happen. I met my gf of 3 years purely by chance on ICQ one day (she started to talk to me). Or you could also search for other users in your area.

[Mastrap]

Originally Posted by MacNStein

in some circles calling them "girls" will get you a cocked eyebrow, and nothing else. Perhaps calling them ladies is more of a southern thing.

That might well be the case. In the UK calling women 'ladies' is considered being smarmy. Same here in Canada. But when in Rome...

[Andy8]

Online dating can lead to success if you stick to some simple rules:
1) Avoid dating sites, you can find decent people without paying a cent.
2) Do not chat much online once you find someone, it wastes time.
3) Arrange to meet them for a single cup of coffee in a public place - you both feel safer.
4) By the time you have finished your coffee you will know if it is worth meeting them again.
5) Do not be too pushy, just be honest and you should expect the same in return.
6) Its a numbers game - the more people you meet in person, the better chance of finding a match.