[krillbee]

This thread idea came from my other thread, where others where suggesting that I shouldnt need a woman in order to be happy, because that would mean that I am codependent on women.

I'm finally starting to see why thats bad now, because i realize that if i'm codependent on someone, then people can make or break me, and that can especially lead to problems of people taking advantage of people.

But... should that apply to friends as well? Logically, it almost seems like it should. Should one be so independent that they dont need friends to be happy either? That friends are just a bonus in life?

What are your thoughts on this people?

[Kevin]

Ask Howard Hughes.

[Captain Obvious]

You are such a tool

[Kevin]

[Railroader]

Friends do not make me happy.

What makes me happy is the absence of worry. The absence of fear. Assurance.

Friends are just icing on the cake of life.

Here's something I have noticed: You seem far too worried about what makes other people happy. You seem to think you need to be like other people. The more people I meet the more I realize how different people are. Many different things make people "happy".

For one guy I know, the competitiveness of making money in the stock market is his only true joy. If he knows he made .0001% more than you on his investments he swells up with pride and beams with a smile.

For another guy, ice fishing. He is miserable because he hasn't ice fished yet this year.

For a girl I know, the only thing I know that makes her happy is everyone being drunk at the party. If anyone is sober she is worried and there are furrows in her brow if she knows someone is not drinking. She perks right up after that person leaves.

You need to find out what makes you happy. If being like everyone else is going to make you happy, I can assure you you will ALWAYS be miserable.

[nredman]

Originally Posted by Captain Obvious

You are such a tool

[analogika]

There is no "should".

The trick is to find out whether you do.

[RAILhead]

No.

Quit being such a wuss.

[nredman]

i had friends in high school and college - none of them kept in contact with me - i guess they weren't that good of friends. family is far more important then friends.

[jjlannoo]

Originally Posted by Railroader

Friends do not make me happy.

What makes me happy is the absence of worry. The absence of fear. Assurance.

Friends are just icing on the cake of life.

Friends and family make having the above much easier. I suppose they are not necessary to obtain them though.

Krillbee You will meet someone. It just might take some time.

[euchomai]

Originally Posted by nredman

i had friends in high school and college - none of them kept in contact with me - i guess they weren't that good of friends. family is far more important then friends.

And apparently you didn't keep in touch with them either.

Really it doesn't matter though, there are friends in your life that will be short term and some that will be life long. Enjoy the friends you have now, and in the next stage of your life enjoy the new ones that you make. Finally remember the good in your old friends.

[wdlove]

God, Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my life. That makes me happy. My wife is second. I have friends that are more to me than just friends, those make me very happy. Mutual support.

[wolfen]

You're asking this group about friends? Really?



Seriously?

[Moderator]

Read The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain De Botton. Its enlightening and a very easy, engaging read. There's a section on the issue. Short answer: Yes.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/067...s&v=glance

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by Railroader

Friends do not make me happy.

What makes me happy is the absence of worry. The absence of fear. Assurance.

Friends are just icing on the cake of life.

Here's something I have noticed: You seem far too worried about what makes other people happy. You seem to think you need to be like other people. The more people I meet the more I realize how different people are. Many different things make people "happy".

For one guy I know, the competitiveness of making money in the stock market is his only true joy. If he knows he made .0001% more than you on his investments he swells up with pride and beams with a smile.

For another guy, ice fishing. He is miserable because he hasn't ice fished yet this year.

For a girl I know, the only thing I know that makes her happy is everyone being drunk at the party. If anyone is sober she is worried and there are furrows in her brow if she knows someone is not drinking. She perks right up after that person leaves.

You need to find out what makes you happy. If being like everyone else is going to make you happy, I can assure you you will ALWAYS be miserable.

thanks for your comments. I think I have decided over the last few days that friends are part of what makes me happy.

Originally Posted by wdlove

God, Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my life. That makes me happy. My wife is second. I have friends that are more to me than just friends, those make me very happy. Mutual support.

thats a good order of priorities.

Originally Posted by Moderator

Read The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain De Botton. Its enlightening and a very easy, engaging read. There's a section on the issue. Short answer: Yes.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/067...s&v=glance

thanks. i may on check that the next time i'm at the library.

[moodymonster]

to be happy you need to be yourself. Life is fleeting, there is no time to be anyone else.

Other people are important. Basically yes, the answer is in living, but don't ask me; I'm still working out the question. (plus been up all night in A&E, oh what fun)

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by krillbee

thanks for your comments. I think I have decided over the last few days that friends are part of what makes me happy.

Then, you often will be miserable. People will always let you down. You missed the entire point of my post. If you'll notice, everyone was miserable at some point. Because they were basing their happiness on things that will change, and I can assure you, people change.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by Railroader

Then, you often will be miserable. People will always let you down. You missed the entire point of my post. If you'll notice, everyone was miserable at some point. Because they were basing their happiness on things that will change, and I can assure you, people change.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by von Wrangell

It's nice seeing us agree on something for a change isn't it? And if we agree on something, then it probably has some sort of truth to it.

[von Wrangell]

Originally Posted by Railroader

It's nice seeing us agree on something for a change isn't it? And if we agree on something, then it probably has some sort of truth to it.

It happens from time to time.

And it has to be true if both of us agree on it!

[JoshuaZ]

Dude, friends don't let friends drive drunk. Thats why you need friends.

[Seb G]

Originally Posted by Railroader

[...]People will always let you down.[...]

That's a bit pessimistic. Not just a bit. How can you have a healthy social life if you don't ever trust anyone?

Don't make your happiness depend on specific people, because someone might let you down. Friends may come and go, but it's quite feasible to have, at any time in your life, some friends who support you.

Besides, humans have evolved as a social species so it's not natural to be alone. Just like wolves we need to be part of a pack to be happy.

[moodymonster]

life is a balance, if it was always good, that would be bad - it needs the bad bits to make the good bits good. If that makes sense.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by Seb G

That's a bit pessimistic. Not just a bit. How can you have a healthy social life if you don't ever trust anyone?

Don't make your happiness depend on specific people, because someone might let you down. Friends may come and go, but it's quite feasible to have, at any time in your life, some friends who support you.

Besides, humans have evolved as a social species so it's not natural to be alone. Just like wolves we need to be part of a pack to be happy.

It's realistic.

I never said "don't have friends because they will let you down". I basically said: "If you rely on friends for your happiness you will be miserable sometimes".

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by moodymonster

life is a balance, if it was always good, that would be bad - it needs the bad bits to make the good bits good. If that makes sense.

It's all relative. Your "bad bits" might be my "mediocre bits".

[Nicko]

We are social animals when it all comes down to it. Although, I would argue that while friends aren't a nessesity, you need contacts with the outside world to be successful

[Nicko]

Originally Posted by JoshuaZ

Dude, friends don't let friends drive drunk. Thats why you need friends.

Or in krillbee's shoes, a taxi

[JoshuaZ]

Originally Posted by Nicko

Or in krillbee's shoes, a taxi

How about a friend who drives a taxi. Then the two of you could have wacky adventures alongside a wise cracking and hot redhead, while trying to find that love thats always avoided you in a heartless city.

I should really try marketing that one...

[wallinbl]

Originally Posted by Railroader

Then, you often will be miserable. People will always let you down.

Wow, that's pessimistic. Sure people will let you down from time to time, but the value in having friends is greater than the loss from them letting you down soimetimes. Your statement is similar to the statement of someone that just had their heartbroken saying they will never bother with love again because it's too painful.

Loss and disappointment are a part of life, and they can be good for you even if you may not enjoy them.

[analogika]

Originally Posted by Railroader

Your "bad bits" might be my "mediocre bits".

or nasty bits.

I'll try very hard not to think about that one.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by wallinbl

Wow, that's pessimistic. Sure people will let you down from time to time, but the value in having friends is greater than the loss from them letting you down soimetimes. Your statement is similar to the statement of someone that just had their heartbroken saying they will never bother with love again because it's too painful.

Loss and disappointment are a part of life, and they can be good for you even if you may not enjoy them.

I will repeat myself:

Originally Posted by me

realistic.

I never said "don't have friends because they will let you down". I basically said: "If you rely on friends for your happiness you will be miserable sometimes".

And project all you want, but my heart hasn't been broken in over 16 years.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by analogika

or nasty bits.

I'll try very hard not to think about that one.

...

Originally Posted by MacNN

Your message was too short... blah blah blah...

[Leia's Left Bun]

Originally Posted by wdlove

God, Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my life. That makes me happy. My wife is second. I have friends that are more to me than just friends, those make me very happy. Mutual support.

Does she know she is second to another MAN?!

[wdlove]

Originally Posted by Leia's Left Bun

Does she know she is second to another MAN?!

Yes, we are both committed to my list of prioities . Has made for a marriage of over 33 years. Very happy.

[krillbee]

Originally Posted by Seb G

That's a bit pessimistic. Not just a bit. How can you have a healthy social life if you don't ever trust anyone?

Don't make your happiness depend on specific people, because someone might let you down. Friends may come and go, but it's quite feasible to have, at any time in your life, some friends who support you.

Besides, humans have evolved as a social species so it's not natural to be alone. Just like wolves we need to be part of a pack to be happy.

i definately agree with the part about having specific people as friends should not be required to make anyone happy. But the good news about friends is that, if you some let you down, you can always find new friends. there many more people out there in the world, and you are bound to find some good ones.

the part about never relying on anyone to be happy, well honestly, i think that if you dont try hard to find friends

you should make having friends a part of your happiness, because i think that will encourage you to try harder to find friends, whereas if you just sit back and are apathetic about the whole thing, you may end up a hermit.

the same doesnt apply to finding a woman though, because friends are more important than women.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by wdlove

Yes, we are both committed to my list of prioities . Has made for a marriage of over 33 years. Very happy.

33 years of happy marriage. I am impressed wdlove.

And I don't think it was by any accident.