[milf]

I've felt a certain void lately in my life, but I've not yet been able to identify it. Saying lately is somewhat misleading, as it has come and gone over the past year or so, usually just covered up by some temporary resolve, only to surface again shortly after.

I've noticed that I am inspired by most anything, yet these inspirations give way to a lack of motivation (laziness?) and doubt. Thought after thought of various possibilities, one replacing the next. I want to pack up and leave, but do I really want to leave my family/friends behind? And where would I go? Culinary school has been on my mind, but the cost paired with not knowing if it is really what I want to do has me hesitant. I'm still searching for what I want in life.

And at the end of the day I return to my usual routine. I'd kick myself if I could (I'll refrain from trying) as I want to make the most of each day -- though I certainly don't think I do. I ask myself if tomorrow weren't given, would I be happy with today? The answer is usually no. There's always something I would have done or done differently, but who truly lives their life this way. I realize just how fast the years are passing by. I swear I closed my eyes after college for just a few seconds only to open them 4 years later. Granted 4 years is minimal in the scheme of things and, God willing, there will be many more years to come. But there's an ache inside to make the most of my life and to have plenty to look back on and smile about.

This isn't meant to be a long sob story. I've led a great life so far, having a stable family and many wonderful experiences. I traveled through much of my childhood. Annoying at the time, continually leaving friends behind and having no real sense of "home", but I cherrish it now. And in the present years, I have taken some iniative. I switched to part-time to follow through with my interest in food and cooking. I took a few voice lessons to get back in touch with my musical side. Yet still I seek change...something, be it drastic or simple.

I realize that my life is far from something to complain about. Do understand that I do try to keep this in perspective. I am greatful each and every day for all that I have in my life, past and present. I'm 25, my family is nearby, I have a social group, my career is lucrative -- but not always rewarding, I own my condo and drive a nice car. On paper, I should be a bucket of smiles, all of which leads to an even great confusion as to why I feel this way.

I'm not exactly looking for an answer, but as I sit here tonight thinking, I realize that talking (errr...writing) about this might help to weed out some form of a conclusion. Or perhaps there is no real conclusion to come to. Maybe others in the MacNN community have some insight and experiences of their own that will eventually lead me to the conclusion that I seek. Thanks for reading.

[Kerrigan]

I'm only 20 so I doubt I can offer you any wisdom. But if it helps, I know what you're feeling. I've learned that the more introspective you are, the more depressed you become. If we look too closely at our lives we will discover that everything is meaningless, so I try to be stoical about it. Bad feelings like pain or emptiness are just illusions, as is happiness. After you remove the distractions of your passions, you can then go about trying to make rational decisions, and knowing that you have tried to make rational decisions about everything is enough to be satisfied.

[keekeeree]

Originally Posted by Kerrigan

After you remove the distractions of your passions, you can then go about trying to make rational decisions, and knowing that you have tried to make rational decisions about everything is enough to be satisfied.

Wow...if that isn't a recipe for leading a lackluster life...we each have to live our lives as we see fit, but that's definitely not how I'm living or have lived my life.

My opinion?

Passions are what this life is all about. Pursue them. Cherish them. Nurture them. They lead you down paths that you might not ever have considered and into adventures that you'll treasure forever.

Rational decisions? I prefer to follow my heart and my instincts.

Almost two years ago I had to make a choice that would forever alter the path of my life. The rational choice led me 1000 miles to the west. It meant a good job and good money and a good career opportunity and an employer that was willing to pay for that move.

The alternative was a 1000 miles to the east. It meant no job and had no foreseeable career opportunities. And it meant leaving behind in storage what I couldn't fit into my car to drive myself there. Why make that move? I had been visiting a friend there and met the woman I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and had proposed to her after five days.

Not rational, but I followed my heart and the last two years have been bliss. Simply the best two years of the 37 I've spent on this earth (and I've had some very good years )

I'm not willing to settle for "satisfied". Whether there's meaning to this life or not isn't important. Be passionate. Take chances. Survive your failures. Relish your triumphs. Then you'll have something to be introspective about.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by Kerrigan

I'm only 20 so I doubt I can offer you any wisdom.

You should have stopped here. Everything afterwards was simply cynical youth angst. Kurt Cobain had a monopoly on that for a while. Look where it got him.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by milf

I've felt a certain void lately in my life, but I've not yet been able to identify it. Saying lately is somewhat misleading, [SNIPPED SIMPLY FOR BREVITY]
...
Thanks for reading.

Seek. Do. Wander.

You will eventually find what you are looking for.

The only limits to my advice: Don't do anything drastic that you will regret. If family means a lot to you, do NOT move far away from them. Otherwise, try as many things as you can financially afford.

[ledzeppelin]

....

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by ledzeppelin

Cheap shot! Kurt Cobain doesn't need to be stereotyped like that.

Great pun!

[cjrivera]

I don't know anything about you milf, but it sorta sounds like you may be clinically depressed (again this is from just reading a few paragraphs so I might be way off base...) There are a number of symptoms and you seem to have a few of them... decreased energy/motivation, anhedonia (lack of pleasure in things that used to give you pleasure - family, friends, hobbies), & feelings of worthlessness. Other signs can be change in sleep habits (more or less), change in appetite, weight changes, & attention span changes. There are others.

You may want to talk to your primary care doctor and see if you are. Besides primary depression, there are some medical conditions that can cause depression (ex. hypothyroidism) that can lead to depression if not treated.

The main thing is don't let this continue to linger. Consider looking into this further. Whether it is your doctor for possible depression or possibly a counselor for some of the feelings you've been having.

Good luck.

[forkies]

Originally Posted by Railroader

You should have stopped here. Everything afterwards was simply cynical youth angst.

one's age and wisdom don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. and being a jerk about someone's life & death doesn't exactly prove your point either

[Kerrigan]

I was wondering why he is on my ignore list, but now I remember.

[Ian_Bullock]

Sorry, double post

[Ian_Bullock]

Maybe it is a normal feeling at 25? If you haven't settled down with someone, maybe that's what the void in your life is? I certainly wouldn't go down the "deciding you've got depression" route, because if anything's going to make you introspective and depressed, that will. Quick summary of your post - you haven't decided what you want to do with your life yet, and you haven't got (I'm only assuming, its just you didn't mention anyone) a long-term partner, so your worrying that you should have gotten it all sorted. My advice is to stop worrying about it. Things will just happen, the only way they won't is if you overanalyse. Go with the flow, make sure you do things that you will regret, because if you don't regret anything you've done, you haven't done anything. 25 is very young - and it sounds like your life isn't too bad, but that feeling of emptiness is something that anyone can give in to - but be careful, because you can become obsessed by it and let it overwhelm you.

Hmmm.... may have gotten a little deep there, but I'll post anyway - wasn't expecting to write a post like that when I came onto a mac forum! Was I talking nonsense or not?

[dcmacdaddy]

I had the exact same experience around age 27. I finished school, was working full-time, able to see family, travel and yet, I found myself in this funk. It really hit me on my 27th birthday when I realized that what I was experiencing was the "rest of my life". For me, I think it took a good two years to re-orient myself mentally from being a student and dealing with those struggles to being an "adult" with a job and relative ease in my life. The mental re-orientation I went through involved getting out and meeting more people, making some new friends--a lot of my school friends had begun fading away--and deliberately choosing to do the things I love to do (for me it was outdoorsy things like hiking, biking, camping, etc.) and it was that sense of deliberateness, a self-conscious deliberateness, that seemed to "free" me from my funk.

However, to gloss what cjrivera said, you do sound mildly depressed. Whether it is the beginning of something clinical, or an episode of something more mild and temporary, or just the seasonal blues--Today is the most depressing day of the year--talk to someone with some professional expertise about your feeling and concerns. One thing I can say to you is that this level of self-awareness you have at 25 is laudatory.

And, if you just want to hang out at Brickskeller and talk over a beer, shoot me a PM. I am in DC as well.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by forkies

one's age and wisdom don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. and being a jerk about someone's life & death doesn't exactly prove your point either

Tell you what. You may think I was being a jerk, but I was being realistic.

Kerrigan seems to be a naive cynic. And his post was no help at all to the thread starter.

And why did you single me out? Did you not read keekeeree's post? He basically said the same thing.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by Kerrigan

I was wondering why he is on my ignore list, but now I remember.

sure... probably because you like to avoid reality.

[Cody Dawg]

Get a job in a restaurant, part-time, in the kitchen if you're able. If you're not able to, wait tables and show up early to offer prep help to the cooks/chefs. That's the way to:

1. Find out if you REALLY want a job in a restaurant cooking and
2. Learn

Good luck!

[wdlove]

Originally Posted by Cody Dawg

Get a job in a restaurant, part-time, in the kitchen if you're able. If you're not able to, wait tables and show up early to offer prep help to the cooks/chefs. That's the way to:

1. Find out if you REALLY want a job in a restaurant cooking and
2. Learn

Good luck!

I agree with Cody. If you don't give it a try you will never know. You may always wonder if you don't try.

[wolfen]

Originally Posted by milf

On paper, I should be a bucket of smiles, all of which leads to an even great confusion as to why I feel this way.

Herein lies the problem.

You've been living the life you're supposed to live, not YOUR life. Your life might actually look a lot different. Less conformist, perhaps. Somewhere along the way you hit the "I Win" button thinking the wires were connected to something -- instead of tracing your own wires and finding where they go.

As for normal -- yes, I think in today's world this is quite normal. We're fed a bread crumb trail from youth that supposedly leads us to a happy destination, not realizing we've shut down all the senses and introspection in favor of a mass produced map.

It could be that, in the end, you wind up choosing as you've chosen...but it's the choosing that's the point. And that's the bugger you've got to deal with.

My prescription: Spend a sh*tload of money on some amazing travel experience -- something you've always wanted to see or do. Sacrifice something with no intrinsic value (money) for something that is 100% intrinsic in value and you will begin a new path.

Good luck.

[Macfreak7]

I've been feeling pretty much the same and it's pretty scary. Alot of confusion, hopelessness, skepticism and such. But I've already taken the route suggested by Ian_Bullock. I also wish I could stick with what I'm passionate about, if only it wasn't such an expensive passion (cars/racing). I'm also thinking about taking a vacation by the end of this year (hopefully off to the himalayas! haha).

I think alot has to do with this one girl I was in a relationship with. We went through a bunch of ups and downs and the problem is that we still love each other, but "external circumstances" won't let us get together. I'm trying to wade past the idea that we're ever going to be together and move on, but it's incredibly difficult to be genuinely interested in other women when you still love someone in particular.

Another perspective that my ex would throw on such a situation is that these are nothing but excuses you make for yourself to avoid doing what you really want to due to some kind of fear of failure. Quite a wild hypothesis, but could be true in some cases.

Oh well I guess, having high expectations doesn't help in dealing with the mediocrity that life throws in your face from time to time.

(Sorry about the jumbled post, too many thoughts and no flow yet.)

[goofticket]

Just wait.
I'm 51 and happier than ever...even better than I was at invincible 16!
Find something exclusively for you...not to please others, something you can do alone and then share. write, paint, anything creative....
and most of all DO NOT ASK PERMISSION TO DO SO.

[Dork.]

You think 25 is bad? At least 25 is all mental. Once you get to 30 and beyond, your body starts to deteriorate, too!

Anyway, let's find some constructive things to contribute.... First, I find that too many people define themselves by their job. Think about it: when people ask you "what do you you do", are they really asking "what do you do for a living" all the time? Sometimes they're just asking what you like to do. And while a select few people on this planet are fortunate to be paid to do something they'd do for free anyway, most of us work so that we can spend money and time on things we'd rather do if we weren't working. So if your job doesn't seem fulfilling or rewarding, it might just be that you can find something else that is fulfilling, and channel your personal-time energies into that, rather than take something you love and turn it into a job (which may just ruin your enthusiasm for it....)

Of course, the flip-side of that is that if you are in a job that is not your passion, it needs to leave time available for your passions. If you're working too hard, and don't give yourself time to relax occasionally, all you're doing is accumulating stuff without making any use of it. In that case, you probably ought to make a change in your working environment, but you might not need a wholesale career change, just a change in surroundings or moving to a job with a different working philosophy.

[Monique]

You have not lived yet.

Have an adventure, pack up a backpack and go around the world, go to Australia and work on a ranch, be a volunteer and work in a youth group in South America, have fun before you get serious and buy for $500. of retirement fund. Then, really laugh, get drunk, have lots of sex (before it goes away), see lots of new things, open your mind and become wiser. Go to a beautiful park and smell the flowers. Go to Africa and see the Victoria falls...

[production_coordinator]

I try making a list every day of the things that I would like to accomplish (keeping it very realistic) and at the end of the day, if I get over 50% accomplished... it was a good day. They can be as simple as "make a nice breakfast" to "spend 45 minutes building a website".

It seems to work for me.

[milf]

I first want to address the notion of clinical depression, taking into consideration that this was based solely in response to a post on a public forum. My initial reaction: no way. But perhaps some indicators came through in my post that to me continue to go unnoticed. In any case, I don't think it's of great concern. I'm generally in a great mood and I love life, myself, and my family too much to become the next semblance of Kurt Cobain.

If you haven't settled down with someone, maybe that's what the void in your life is?

Finding someone would be a huge plus in my life. Around about my 3rd year after college, the one night stands became mundane. They are fairly meaningless by nature and I've come to desire more of a connection. I have friends in their mid-30s who are still on the lookout. I can understand their sense of urgency, but I still enjoy freshness of dating and realize that she'll* come around eventually.

I had the exact same experience around age...And, if you just want to hang out at Brickskeller and talk over a beer, shoot me a PM. I am in DC as well.

Others I've mentioned these feelings to assure me that it's a simple phase many around my age go through. Their lives seemed to have cleared up at 30+. I do need to get out an meet new people; Keeping a fresh social circle is indeed a great idea and we could all use more friends. I'll have to explore some options; The bar scene is getting a bit old.

If today's the most depressing day, I feel surprisingly good. The winter gloom is rough on everyone, although I do know others who prefer the cold weather and cloudy skies. Insane if you ask me. My mood generally perks up with the warmer weather and sunshine, as I'm more active and out more often. Come on spring time!

Good choice on the Brickskeller. I could have some of their Belgian, German, and microbrews with my cereal in the morning, they're that good. I may have to take you up on that offer.

Get a job in a restaurant...

I'm working on this.

I had offers, but if you want to see me run the other direction, stick me in a place where most could care less about what's put on a plate. I know I need to start somewhere, but I'd rather wash dishes in a place where food is the center of the universe than start out as a labeled "Chef" in a location where the freezer and microwave are the too most important tools in the kitchen.

I'm set to start volunteering this Spring as a Sur la Table Kitchen Assistant. It should be a great way to meet some local chefs and to find a lead or two into a respectable kitchen.

Herein lies the problem.

You've been living the life you're supposed to live, not YOUR life. Your life might actually look a lot different. Less conformist, perhaps. Somewhere along the way you hit the "I Win" button thinking the wires were connected to something -- instead of tracing your own wires and finding where they go.

As for normal -- yes, I think in today's world this is quite normal. We're fed a bread crumb trail from youth that supposedly leads us to a happy destination, not realizing we've shut down all the senses and introspection in favor of a mass produced map.

It could be that, in the end, you wind up choosing as you've chosen...but it's the choosing that's the point. And that's the bugger you've got to deal with.

My prescription: Spend a sh*tload of money on some amazing travel experience -- something you've always wanted to see or do. Sacrifice something with no intrinsic value (money) for something that is 100% intrinsic in value and you will begin a new path.

Good luck.

Great post. I'd agree that my life lately has been more about conformity than finding my own path. Honestly, I think you've hit the nail on the head: choice. The issue at hand, however, is finding out what my life truly is. I need to

I enjoy having some of the finer things in life, but realize that much of what I desire is beyond money and the material things. I need to just quit thinking about it and go. See where it takes me. Form my own path and build my own experiences to look back on and cherish. The point is to get out there a do something.

Find something exclusively for you...not to please others, something you can do alone and then share. write, paint, anything creative....

Good suggestion. I should put my camera to better use and writing is another inexpensive alternative.



*The username is likely somewhat misleading, but I am a male. To make a long story short, it's a college nickname that was poorly chosen as my identity to the MacNN community.

[Dakar]

For those of use with morality complexes, just think, 1/3 of your life down and you're just getting started.

[milf]

Originally Posted by Monique

You have not lived yet.

Have an adventure, pack up a backpack and go around the world, go to Australia and work on a ranch, be a volunteer and work in a youth group in South America, have fun before you get serious and buy for $500. of retirement fund. Then, really laugh, get drunk, have lots of sex (before it goes away), see lots of new things, open your mind and become wiser. Go to a beautiful park and smell the flowers. Go to Africa and see the Victoria falls...

You make it sound all so simple and in a sense, I guess, it really could be. After I clear my credit cards, I should start to save through the summer with intentions of disappearing for a bit to travel the world come Fall.

[ShotgunEd]

I'm 23, I finished college last summer, since I've been somewhat lost too.

I've got a great g/f, I live in a nice (rented) house and I'm starting a new job next week.

If I like the job and can settle into the shifts then I'll be sorted in about 4 or 5 months, by then I'll be financially stable and will be looking to buy my first house.

I don't think its abnormal to feel a little directionless at any age, but the best advice is, well, Railroader nailed it with

Seek. Do. Wander.

[cjrivera]

Originally Posted by milf

I first want to address the notion of clinical depression, taking into consideration that this was based solely in response to a post on a public forum. My initial reaction: no way. But perhaps some indicators came through in my post that to me continue to go unnoticed. In any case, I don't think it's of great concern. I'm generally in a great mood and I love life, myself, and my family too much to become the next semblance of Kurt Cobain.

Sorry if my post about depression came about too strongly. I was really trying to get the point across that you have many symptoms that are found in people with depression (again from the few paragraphs that were written). There are some screening tools that can be found on reputable medical sites that, if you wanted to check, can be used to screen for depression. Again, not trying to diagnose you over the internet (I hate that), but just some advice on getting things checked out by those might be able to help.

In regard to the Cobain reference (I assume you mean suicidal thoughts/ideations), not all people with depression have suicidal thoughts, so just because someone has not had these thoughts, you can't rule out depression.

Again, good luck.

[wallinbl]

I wouldn't go so far as to say you're depressed. I think the transition out of school and into work is a tough one. You spend 13 years in school, then head to college for another 4-8 years. Your whole life has been about learning and about incrementally moving towards a goal, with specific advancements every few months. When you get a job, time becomes a blur because you don't have quarters/semesters/years dividing it up for you. You don't have specific points of advancement (you may get a promotion or something, but not every 3-4 months). You no longer have specific goals. You no longer have a change of subjects every few months. You have work, 8-5 every day, with little change and no end in sight. Quite honestly, it sucks. You waited all this time to be done with school, and you got work instead. It sucks.

You have to live your life for something. You can't just go to work and go home. You will find that money isn't all that satisfying. You have family & friends, and that's part of the something. Get involved in the community - there are people that can't afford to eat or can't afford homes. There are kids with no homes. There are kids in homes that are so bad that they'll end up on the street. There are kids that just need a soccer coach. There are elderly people with no one to visit them and no one to talk to. The world needs a lot of help, and helping feels really good. You get more out of it than the people you are helping do. Be a Big Brother (or Sister). Volunteer at a food pantry, homeless shelter, or Habitat for Humanity.

You mentioned God in your post. Is God part of your life, or just your vocabulary? Do you go to church? Are you involved there? Your church probably has many ways that you can help the community. It may be that the thing you are missing is your relationship with God.* We are called to do God's work, and it is a very fulfilling thing to participate in.


* I would invite the religion haters to leave this topic alone because it is not helpful to the original topic starter. Religion was mentioned, and I prefaced my statement with a question asking if that was just part of his vocabulary. I couldn't tell. You may disagree with the need or lack of need for religion, but that's a topic for the Politcal Lounge.

[shunt]

Originally Posted by wolfen

..... Somewhere along the way you hit the "I Win" button thinking the wires were connected to something -- instead of tracing your own wires and finding where they go.

Nicely put...unfortunately (fortunately for me), the "winners" are now walking around with a glazed look of emptiness, you see them on the streets and pretty much everywhere.

There comes a time in your life when a sense of peace blankets all waking moments... I hope it makes it's way to your doorstep soon.

But realistically, your a little young yet. It will come...when your good and ready.

Have you ever stopped to think how different planning your life is from planning your death?

...chin up, the usual peptalk, whatever path you choose wake up everyday and conduct yourself with dignity and grace. (forums don't count )

[Monique]

He is not depressed and do not have any symptoms; he is a little bit lost and disatisfied because he probably followed people directions instead of his own.

The point is, he has no life experience except what other people wanted him to be.

He needs to find his own way and it is not by working like a dog at his age that he will find it.

He is not happy right now; after volunteering around the world for a few years, he will know what to do with his life and maybe it will take another direction.

[shunt]

Originally Posted by Monique

... because he probably followed people directions instead of his own..

This is not as trivial as it sounds, there is no quick fix...only patience and time, and even then, well let's just say it's a biggie...

To perform some tasks it requires tools, some tools cannot be purchased/borrowed/even seen...you have to make your own from scratch, and do it in time--hopefully.

We all start the same, completely helpless...but, if you take 5 newborn babies and put them down next to each other, and walk away....guess what? none will survive. In that sense...well, I'm gonna stop there.

[milf]

Sorry if my post about depression came about too strongly.

No reason to apologize. It just came as a bit of a shock, being that depression never crossed my mind. Thanks for the post.

I wouldn't go so far as to say you're depressed. I think the transition out of school and into work is a tough one. You spend 13 years in school, then head to college for another 4-8 years. Your whole life has been about learning and about incrementally moving towards a goal, with specific advancements every few months. When you get a job, time becomes a blur because you don't have quarters/semesters/years dividing it up for you. You don't have specific points of advancement (you may get a promotion or something, but not every 3-4 months). You no longer have specific goals. You no longer have a change of subjects every few months. You have work, 8-5 every day, with little change and no end in sight. Quite honestly, it sucks. You waited all this time to be done with school, and you got work instead. It sucks.

You have to live your life for something. You can't just go to work and go home. You will find that money isn't all that satisfying. You have family & friends, and that's part of the something. Get involved in the community - there are people that can't afford to eat or can't afford homes. There are kids with no homes. There are kids in homes that are so bad that they'll end up on the street. There are kids that just need a soccer coach. There are elderly people with no one to visit them and no one to talk to. The world needs a lot of help, and helping feels really good. You get more out of it than the people you are helping do. Be a Big Brother (or Sister). Volunteer at a food pantry, homeless shelter, or Habitat for Humanity.

You mentioned God in your post. Is God part of your life, or just your vocabulary? Do you go to church? Are you involved there? Your church probably has many ways that you can help the community. It may be that the thing you are missing is your relationship with God.* We are called to do God's work, and it is a very fulfilling thing to participate in.


* I would invite the religion haters to leave this topic alone because it is not helpful to the original topic starter. Religion was mentioned, and I prefaced my statement with a question asking if that was just part of his vocabulary. I couldn't tell. You may disagree with the need or lack of need for religion, but that's a topic for the Politcal Lounge.

Your comments on school versus work life are spot on. I'm not entirely satisfied with the monotony of my job. I find myself often in thought of how else I could be spending my 8+ hours each day. It's particularly difficult at times in that I don't always agree with the big picture painted by my company, but that's an entirely different dilemma to discuss.

With work so underwhelming at times, volunteering is a great suggestion. I've felt its reward in the past and should do so more often in the present, for not only my own well-being, but also for the sake of humanity. Yes, this is a step I'll take. Thanks.

As for God, religion has become more a part of my vocabularly. I have my faith, but I'm strayed from the church and honestly have little desire to return. Not for any particular reason and perhaps I should reconsider. Maybe that is what's missing.

He is not depressed and do not have any symptoms; he is a little bit lost and disatisfied because he probably followed people directions instead of his own.

The point is, he has no life experience except what other people wanted him to be.

He needs to find his own way and it is not by working like a dog at his age that he will find it.

He is not happy right now; after volunteering around the world for a few years, he will know what to do with his life and maybe it will take another direction.

I'd have to agree with shunt's comment.

[leehotti]

Originally Posted by milf

I've felt a certain void lately in my life, but I've not yet been able to identify it. Saying lately is somewhat misleading, as it has come and gone over the past year or so, usually just covered up by some temporary resolve, only to surface again shortly after.

I've noticed that I am inspired by most anything, yet these inspirations give way to a lack of motivation (laziness?) and doubt. Thought after thought of various possibilities, one replacing the next. I want to pack up and leave, but do I really want to leave my family/friends behind? And where would I go? Culinary school has been on my mind, but the cost paired with not knowing if it is really what I want to do has me hesitant. I'm still searching for what I want in life.

And at the end of the day I return to my usual routine. I'd kick myself if I could (I'll refrain from trying) as I want to make the most of each day -- though I certainly don't think I do. I ask myself if tomorrow weren't given, would I be happy with today? The answer is usually no. There's always something I would have done or done differently, but who truly lives their life this way. I realize just how fast the years are passing by. I swear I closed my eyes after college for just a few seconds only to open them 4 years later. Granted 4 years is minimal in the scheme of things and, God willing, there will be many more years to come. But there's an ache inside to make the most of my life and to have plenty to look back on and smile about.

This isn't meant to be a long sob story. I've led a great life so far, having a stable family and many wonderful experiences. I traveled through much of my childhood. Annoying at the time, continually leaving friends behind and having no real sense of "home", but I cherrish it now. And in the present years, I have taken some iniative. I switched to part-time to follow through with my interest in food and cooking. I took a few voice lessons to get back in touch with my musical side. Yet still I seek change...something, be it drastic or simple.

I realize that my life is far from something to complain about. Do understand that I do try to keep this in perspective. I am greatful each and every day for all that I have in my life, past and present. I'm 25, my family is nearby, I have a social group, my career is lucrative -- but not always rewarding, I own my condo and drive a nice car. On paper, I should be a bucket of smiles, all of which leads to an even great confusion as to why I feel this way.

I'm not exactly looking for an answer, but as I sit here tonight thinking, I realize that talking (errr...writing) about this might help to weed out some form of a conclusion. Or perhaps there is no real conclusion to come to. Maybe others in the MacNN community have some insight and experiences of their own that will eventually lead me to the conclusion that I seek. Thanks for reading.

I'm 25 also. I felt the same way you did, until I took the plunge, quit my job, moved to a new city, and started pursuing something I was passionate about. So far things are working out really well. I think college is generally wasted on 18-21 year olds, who are still trying to be cool and thinking about getting laid all the time, and going back now I'm doing incredibly great and kicking ass. That said, there are still times I feel like you described though not very often. Personally I think it's just winter. My advice: Follow your dreams. Make them work. Do what you always wanted to do, as long as it's somewhat realistic. And spend plenty of time getting ****ed up with friends, listening ot music, reading, and relaxing. That's what life is all about.

[GFitzy]

Now billy rapped all night ’bout his suicide
Kick it in the head when he was 25
All that speed jive
Don’t wanna stay alive when you’re 25

Deal!

[Hash]

Oh man, I wish I had your problems.. at 25, huh? You are in the middle of your golden time, prime time. You are already adult and not old yet, you do not have marital obligations and free as wind. The whole world is awaiting you and only you make the choice and can change your life and lives of so many other people. You are entering the real adulthood (not the legal one) cause now financially and from business perspective you are on your own. Enjoy your time. Find yourself. Have fun. Have great friends. Have great girls. Have freedom.

[ghporter]

You don't sound so much depressed as bored. You're competent at most things, probably pretty good at a few and maybe even great at one or two things. The biggies don't seem like challenges anymore so they don't get your interest. You're obviously bored with non-relationships - you even said so. But... you have some pretty high standards and even experience in culinary work. Maybe a job in a restaurant isn't so much your next thing as perhaps culinary arts school. (This as an alternative to the usually heartbreaking "open a restaurant" idea. The biggest business failure category (by numbers) everywhere I've ever been has been "new restaurants.")

[leehotti]

Depends. I think a new restaurant with topless waitresses imported from Russia would do well.

[alligator]

You need a goal. Go climb a mountain.

[wolfen]

Originally Posted by alligator

Go climb a mountain.

[as2]

Sounds like you need to get laid!

[Ghoser777]

I'm sure there are plenty of guys willing to fill the void of a 25 year old milf.

Was that inappropriate?

[milf]

Sounds like you need to get laid!

It's been less than a week. I'm fine.

I'm sure there are plenty of guys willing to fill the void of a 25 year old milf.

Was that inappropriate?

Try reading my post. I'm a male. I need to change my username.

Depends. I think a new restaurant with topless waitresses imported from Russia would do well.

Now there's an idea! A good friend of mine is from Russia. Maybe I'll inquire.

[MindFad]

Blankness

[d4nth3m4n]

wait, you chose "milf" as a handle at 21?

i'm 25, i'm still and undergrad and it's getting tougher and tougher to stay upbeat around all these kids.

[freudling]

"Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'."

[Kerrigan]

I've glanced some more at this thread and I see a lot of other twentysomethings chiming in with their own feelings of sorrow.

I said earlier that the more you think about your life, the more meaningless it will seem to you. This is valid advice, I don't understand why I was shot down so quickly.

The "void" that everyone keeps talking about is simply life. Life is unruly, unpredictable, meaningless, and uncaring. I learned this the hard way when my parents found out I was gay at 18.

And when life becomes depressing as it was for me then, it becomes very tempting to wonder "Where did I go wrong" and "Why is everything so meaningless?". That is what I did for a while, and I noticed that the more introspective I became, the worse life seemed.

I got out of this funk by using some time tested stoical values. The most important thing I learned is that pain, emptiness, etc, are just feelings, and that you can get rid of these things by closing yourself off to unnecessary emotions. Without all of these emotions influencing you and impairing your judgement, you can then pursue a life that is based principally on rational decision-making. You can view your life as a series of choices, and you can get a strong sense of satisfaction from knowing that you have made the right choices. Much of the world is based on chance, so it could be that the your rational decisions had bad results, but you can still be satisfied knowing that you made the right choice.

So basically, even though I'm young I have a keen sense of the "emptiness" that we all feel from time to time. Luckily I've been able to deal with it succesfully, which is good because I know that it will resurface again and again as I get older. How you deal with it is up to you, but some of the drastic suggestions above, like moving to a new city or whatever, are not going to solve anything.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by freudling

"Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'."

"Oh Andy."

[Nicko]

First of all I just turned 27 like a month ago.
I moved overseas from Canada about 2 years ago now.
Go live in a foreign country, its the best thing ever.

Hey look at me, I'm in Nairobi. Yesterday a 4 story building collapsed downtown trapping like 70 people. We had water rationing for half the day. Massi herders are bringing hundreds of thin starving cattle into the city looking for food because of the draught. They go right up my street! Meanwhile in the countryside just an hour outside the city there are people starving to death. And uh, well maybe it’s not all good I'll admit that, but everyday is an adventure.

[wallinbl]

Originally Posted by Kerrigan

I said earlier that the more you think about your life, the more meaningless it will seem to you. This is valid advice, I don't understand why I was shot down so quickly.

Because it's not valid advice. You're saying to stop thinking about life and that's ridiculous.

The "void" that everyone keeps talking about is simply life. Life is unruly, unpredictable, meaningless, and uncaring.

Life is only uncaring if you and the people around you are uncaring. Care about people and they'll care about you.

And when life becomes depressing as it was for me then, it becomes very tempting to wonder "Where did I go wrong" and "Why is everything so meaningless?". That is what I did for a while, and I noticed that the more introspective I became, the worse life seemed.

These feelings can be quite good for you, because you can learn a lot about yourself.

I got out of this funk by using some time tested stoical values. The most important thing I learned is that pain, emptiness, etc, are just feelings, and that you can get rid of these things by closing yourself off to unnecessary emotions. Without all of these emotions influencing you and impairing your judgement, you can then pursue a life that is based principally on rational decision-making. You can view your life as a series of choices, and you can get a strong sense of satisfaction from knowing that you have made the right choices. Much of the world is based on chance, so it could be that the your rational decisions had bad results, but you can still be satisfied knowing that you made the right choice.

You've become a robot. We are emotional beings. You need to learn why you have the emotions and what they mean for you. Emotions are good. Don't hide from life. It has both highs and lows, but it's far better to get on the ride than it is to sit and watch. Live life and enjoy it.


Your advice is the equivalent of telling someone to stop falling in love because they could get hurt. You wouldn't tell them that, so why are you telling them this?