Anybody here ever volunteer on a crisis line? The one I'm on (4hrs/wk) is for Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault. We have a shelter to help in those cases where a woman needs to disappear and/or start over. Sometimes I get a call from an emergency room and have to visit a survivor (don't say victim) of some asswipe's latest lapse in humanity.
Anyway, just wanted to share for several reasons. It's kinda serious, though, so don't read if you're not in the mood for that.
1) Be thankful for what you got. You may think you are an intelligent person who has managed to insulate yourself from the dangers more "common people" face. Believe me, it changes the day your mom, sister, wife, or daughter tells you some guy just [fill in the blank with any horror you can imagine] her. Treasure the people around you and hold them close. Take an interest in their partners and support the decent relationships as best you can. Because there are worse alternatives -- oh yes there are.
And you are NOT insulated. We've taken calls from rich women in secure homes who had the "some guy broke in" story. It ain't urban legend. It shatters everything you think you are and have. I'm not tryin' to be sensational, I'm hoping you think about what you've got and treasure it. However small your life may be, it's a joy.
2) It happens all the time. My town is not that big, we get over 1000 calls a year. Those are the ones who A) know about us and B) call. It's just the tip of the iceberg. Every day there's some high school kid being attacked on their way home -- and not telling a soul. No police report, no parental involvement, just frightened, shattered people.
3) Have compassion for the butches. That's right, I said it. You might think it's fun to laugh at flannel-wearin' buzzcut dykes. Not all of them, but many of them, encountered someone with slightly less kindness than you possess and it changed their life forever. So pause a moment and then just STFU.
4) Regarding Domestic Violence: Again, I won't say it's commonplace, but chances are you know or have known a couple that was secretly a DV situation. These can be rational people who simply didn't see it coming. And once you're in the "If you think of leavin' I will kill you" situation, it is teh sux, baby. We're talkin' name change and fly away. Yet you hear people say "Why doesn't she just leave him?" Well, after she does, he will find a way into her apartment, rape her, and let her know she still belongs to him. These are not situations you simply walk away from 90% of the time.
5) Women are stronger than men. I'm convinced. I'm not talkin' physically, of course. But as people their capacity to endure exceeds belief in most cases. Men might be able to endure Mt. Everest or the NBA better, but you gotta hand it to the ladies who get pushed out of a car in the slums by their date, wind up gang raped, and then live a halfway decent life afterwards.
6) Think about your use of language. Men will say things like "Boy I just got RAPED!" to describe some trivial situation that didn't go their way. You may be in earshot of someone who did get raped, or whose loved one was raped. First off -- they don't need the reminder. Believe me. Secondly, you've just minimized what the word actually refers to. In fact, the only time most people should ever even have to use the word is the time you'll know you never want to hear it again.
7) Since I started on this crisis line my sister confided to my brother that her fiance was hitting her. One time he did so she fell down the stairs and was semi-unconscious. He just sat watchin' TV. My brother and Dad went over there and kicked him out (I'm in another state). This guy appeared to be a shy, quiet nobody kind of person. There was absolutely nothing in his public life that would give him away. I'm TRAINED and I didn't see it. So you never know. These things ONLY escalate, they don't stay the same, so I'm just thankful she had the nerve to call before it went OJ style.
Anyway, whatever experience I have that can benefit you, so be it. Just take a moment and think about what you've got on the line.
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