[leehotti]

I hate telemarketers. But I love ****ing with them.

So a few days ago, I get a call from some 'save the dying kids' foundation and the guy goes into this big schpeal about donating money so they can have their last wish bla bla bla.

Me: "Uh, yeah, sorry, but my hand is cut really bad right now... it's bleeding profusely."

Sales dude: "Oh, sorry to hear that. Hope it heals up for you-so anyway, these dying children bla bal bla bla bla bla bla bla how much can we put you down for?"

Me: "eeesshhh... ... see... the thing is... ... it was a dying kid who stabbed me."

Sales: "Uh.... what?!"

Me: "yeeeahhhhhh...... " >hangs up<

Bhahahahahah.

[Monique]

This is really funny. I usually just hang up but this is a good one.

[turtle777]

This is how you deal with them:

Telemarketing counter script:

http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

It's hilarious. And so much fun.

-t

[Eug Wanker]

We recently had our federal elections, so I started getting calls from campaign workers from various parties.

I found the easiest (polite) way to get off the phone was to say "Yes, I'm definitely voting for him/her." They're elated and get off the phone immediately.

[olePigeon]

Before the XBox came out Microsoft called me for a survey regarding their products. That was fun.

[analogika]

That script is brilliant.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by analogika

That script is brilliant.

Yeah, it's really funny. I laughed so hard when I did it the first time.
That poor girls must have been so confused afterwards...

-t

[KeyLimePi]

I'm still on record as having called a telemarketer at home. It was a petty thing to do, but I make no apologies for it.

[Dork.]

Originally Posted by KeyLimePi

I'm still on record as having called a telemarketer at home. It was a petty thing to do, but I make no apologies for it.

I hope you at least called them during dinner!

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by KeyLimePi

I'm still on record as having called a telemarketer at home. It was a petty thing to do, but I make no apologies for it.

What do you mean ? Were you sued and convicted for it or what ?

-t

[KeyLimePi]

No, nothing like that. I just mean that I posted it here when it happened. I was pretty proud of myself at the time, but now it seems kinda silly. Fun, but silly.

[Cadaver]

If I'm in the mood to screw with them, I'll play dumb on the phone... make them repeat things five or six times... misunderstand their questions... its funny to hear them get frustrated.
I get far, far fewer calls now though since I've added my # to the do-not-call list.

[Railroader]

I always delay them as long as I can and when they start to get testy I simply inform them that I have really not had much to do so I was just doing humanity a favor by tying them up and keeping them from calling anyone else and annoying them.

I have a friend who tries to have phone sex with the female caller and he claims a 50% success rate.

Check out Tom Mabe. http://www.tommabe.com/ [WARNING: Audio with website!!!]

[typoon]

If you've got the time You should really do what you can to take up their time. They get paid for each call they make. So if they make fewer calls then they will make less. You could also call them right back 5 or 6 times or more ask for the person you spoke with each time then when they ask why you keep calling you can tell them that they now know how annoying it is. especially when they call you during dinner.

[JoshuaZ]

My father always played weird games with marketers. He would always make up some strange story about where we lived and how we didn't need their product. Selling siding? We live in an apartment. Selling lawn care? We live in a desert. Selling long distance? We don't have a phone. That one always threw them off.

[Monique]

There are other demeaning jobs in the world, you do not have to have a job where you are going to ennoy people. It is just like the Philippino that stole the jobs of Canadians, if they get abused, they deserved it.

[JoshuaZ]

Originally Posted by Monique

There are other demeaning jobs in the world, you do not have to have a job where you are going to ennoy people. It is just like the Philippino that stole the jobs of Canadians, if they get abused, they deserved it.

Whenever someone talks about "such and such a peoples who live overseas" stealing jobs, all I can imagine is a group of "such and such peoples" landing in boatloads, storming the beaches, and actually stealing the jobs before getting back on the boat and heading back to "such and such a country."

Those poor Canadians. Living in squalor. Having to go through life with health care and Quebec. I pity them. All of them. For they know a fate worse then death.

[Monique]

Would you take away a job from someone else. Develop your own company and compete do not take a job in a company like Telus, earning $5.00 a day while the people in Canada for i.e. are fighting for their rights. They did steal jobs from Canadians wanting it or not.

[ort888]

I worked as a telemarketer for 3 months right when I graduated from high school. It's a horrible job typically worked by horrible people. They gave us 2 weeks of training on how to be a manipulative lying jerkwad. It was actually a pretty cool life experience, now that I look back on it. Gives you an interesting perspective on things.

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by JoshuaZ

Whenever someone talks about "such and such a peoples who live overseas" stealing jobs, all I can imagine is a group of "such and such peoples" landing in boatloads, storming the beaches, and actually stealing the jobs before getting back on the boat and heading back to "such and such a country."

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse..../immigrant.gif

[nredman]

i usually just hang up or let them talk for 5 minutes and then hang up when they ask if i am interested

[production_coordinator]

Hilarious script... but I basically say "goodbye" about 2 seconds in to any scripted conversation. I CAN'T TOLERATE the marketers that simply start blurting out information.

[euchomai]

Originally Posted by typoon

If you've got the time You should really do what you can to take up their time. They get paid for each call they make. So if they make fewer calls then they will make less. You could also call them right back 5 or 6 times or more ask for the person you spoke with each time then when they ask why you keep calling you can tell them that they now know how annoying it is. especially when they call you during dinner.

They don't get paid per call, that's just silly. I was a telemarketer for a couple of years in college. The standard way for being paid is this: You get a base hourly rate. You get bonuses for sales or whatever you are trying to accomplish.

You also can't just fly though calls, they monitor your time on calls and also give bonuses for longer call times. Longer call times equal better chance at sales.

So, when you kept that telemarketer on the phone longer, you might have gotten their call time up and put more cash into their pockets.

I used to cheat the call time thing by telling the client "I am calling from Southwestern Bell, we are running some checks on your phone, could you please leave your handset off the base for the next 20 minutes." It would boost my call time and money in my pocket.

[euchomai]

oh, yeah... Real telemarketers are on a one way out line, so calling the number back is pointless. It is just a huge dialer pumping out calls, the person has no idea who they are going to speak with until the computer screen shows your name.

[ghporter]

In the U.S., only legitimate political organizations (i.e. really working for a current political cause), or a legitimate charity can call a number that's listed on the No Call list. That's cut the number of marketing calls we've received to almost nothing-except during election time. Eug is right-tell 'em you're definitely voting for whomever they are calling about and they not only say "thanks" and hang up, they usually mark you as a supporter and thus call you less before the election. They'll still probably "remind you" about the election, but the number of political calls you get will still be very small.

Of course you can always let the answering machine get all your calls, which I do depending on the time of day.