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Ulrich Kinbote · Jul 30, 2006, 02:53 AM

I was watching monkeys at the local zoo when suddenly one of the smaller ones squeezed itself out between the bars. After I snapped these two photos, the little bastard climbed down onto the footpath. He was pretty frisky. Like the only other guy there at the time -- I ran. I wish I'd stayed around to see what happened. But I've seen too many movies about the Ebola virus.

Maybe this monkey does this all the time, and never strays far from the cage because it's where his family are (the other monkeys were far too big to fit between the bars) and where he gets fed.

Still, not something you see everyday.

C.A.T.S. CEO · Jul 30, 2006, 03:49 AM

they need to fix those bars

residentEvil · Jul 30, 2006, 10:20 AM

yeah, put some voltage thru them! hahaha

Jawbone54 · Jul 30, 2006, 10:20 AM

You wuss...you ran from a lovey dovey little monkey. You should've stayed and became his friend.

Peter · Jul 30, 2006, 11:12 AM

you ran?

Jawbone54 · Jul 30, 2006, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by Peter

you ran?

Originally Posted by Ulrich Kinbote

Like the only other guy there at the time -- I ran.

Runnage.

Ulrich Kinbote · Jul 30, 2006, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by Peter

you ran?

Monkeys are a lot stronger than they look.

Did I mention he was kind of mangy looking?

scaught · Jul 30, 2006, 11:23 AM

hahah. you ran.

Jawbone54 · Jul 30, 2006, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by Ulrich Kinbote

Monkeys are a lot stronger than they look.

Did I mention he was kind of mangy looking?

An adult chimpanzee can lift a Harley over its head. I remember reading that in a Disney Adventure magazine when I was about 9 years old.

Doofy · Jul 30, 2006, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by Jawbone54

An adult chimpanzee can lift a Harley over its head.

Unless it's with one hand, I'm not impressed.

Ulrich Kinbote · Jul 30, 2006, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by scaught

hahah. you ran.

It has since been reported that the monkey did in fact escape, and has been causing a spot of trouble in the city.

Peter · Jul 30, 2006, 11:43 AM

Ulrich Kinbote · Jul 30, 2006, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by Peter

I just hope one day you too come face to face with an 18 inch monkey.

Peter · Jul 30, 2006, 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by Ulrich Kinbote

I just hope one day you too come face to face with an 18 inch monkey.

thats what she said!

I too would probably run, but i wouldn't tell everyone

IceEnclosure · Jul 30, 2006, 12:34 PM

mangy monkey, i'd run too! this primate wasn't curious george!

hickey · Jul 30, 2006, 02:11 PM

Im terrified of moneky's and I dont know why. I never had a bad experience with as a kid at the zoo or anything, they just freak me out.

torsoboy · Jul 30, 2006, 05:45 PM

That's pretty funny! I probably would have tried to coax it over. But then I would probably have been bitten. But I think it would have been better to be bitten than to have run from a little monkey. And they most likely don't have the Ebola virus living in a zoo.

Dark Helmet · Jul 30, 2006, 05:55 PM

Did you report it to the zoo?

tutelary · Jul 30, 2006, 06:10 PM

A chimp can easily rip your arm or leg off with one good yank, using only one hand. I wouldn't wait around to be jumped by an 18 inch monkey either.

In tests at the Bronx Zoo in 1924, a dynamometer--a scale that measures the mechanical force of a pull on a spring--was erected in the monkey house. A 165-pound male chimpanzee named "Boma" registered a pull of 847 pounds, using only his right hand (although he did have his feet braced against the wall, being somewhat hip, in his simian way, to the principles of leverage). A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds. Even more frightening, a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds. (She was in a fit of passion at the time; one shudders to think what her boyfriend must have looked like next morning.) In dead lifts, chimps have been known to manage weights of 600 pounds without even breaking into a sweat. A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it.
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_001b.html

wallinbl · Jul 30, 2006, 06:30 PM

Originally Posted by tutelary

A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it.

Dude, Pat Robertson can do that, and he's quite old.

Jawbone54 · Jul 30, 2006, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by wallinbl

Dude, Pat Robertson can do that, and he's quite old.

True...true..

Jawbone54 · Jul 30, 2006, 07:19 PM

This...

Not this..

torsoboy · Jul 30, 2006, 11:12 PM

Originally Posted by tutelary

A chimp can easily rip your arm or leg off with one good yank, using only one hand. I wouldn't wait around to be jumped by an 18 inch monkey either.

In tests at the Bronx Zoo in 1924, a dynamometer--a scale that measures the mechanical force of a pull on a spring--was erected in the monkey house. A 165-pound male chimpanzee named "Boma" registered a pull of 847 pounds, using only his right hand (although he did have his feet braced against the wall, being somewhat hip, in his simian way, to the principles of leverage). A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds. Even more frightening, a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds. (She was in a fit of passion at the time; one shudders to think what her boyfriend must have looked like next morning.) In dead lifts, chimps have been known to manage weights of 600 pounds without even breaking into a sweat. A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it.
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_001b.html

The monkey in those pictures was NOT 165 pounds. And why haven't we heard about all the poor one armed zoo-workers from the chimps ripping their arms off? Maybe they COULD do it, but they probably wouldn't.

smacintush · Jul 30, 2006, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by torsoboy

The monkey in those pictures was NOT 165 pounds. And why haven't we heard about all the poor one armed zoo-workers from the chimps ripping their arms off? Maybe they COULD do it, but they probably wouldn't.

Yeah but he was still armed with deadly fecal projectiles!

tutelary · Jul 30, 2006, 11:39 PM

Originally Posted by torsoboy

The monkey in those pictures was NOT 165 pounds. And why haven't we heard about all the poor one armed zoo-workers from the chimps ripping their arms off? Maybe they COULD do it, but they probably wouldn't.

Sure he couldn't rip off your arm, but what about your ear? Its common sense when animals in the ZOO start escaping their cages you leave the area.

tutelary · Jul 30, 2006, 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by torsoboy

The monkey in those pictures was NOT 165 pounds. And why haven't we heard about all the poor one armed zoo-workers from the chimps ripping their arms off? Maybe they COULD do it, but they probably wouldn't.

A zoo worker was crushed just the other day by an elephant in the US. You cannot anticipate what wild animals are going to do with "probably wouldn't".

Salty · Jul 31, 2006, 03:56 AM

Originally Posted by Ulrich Kinbote

I just hope one day you too come face to face with an 18 inch monkey.

Every time I take of my pants

Ulrich Kinbote · Jul 31, 2006, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by Salty

Every time I take of my pants

You come face to face with a monkey every time you take off your pants?

Whatever turns you on.

Dakar · Jul 31, 2006, 08:47 AM

I would have spanked it.

ThinkInsane · Jul 31, 2006, 11:24 AM

When I was 14, I got in a fight with a monkey. The owners of a local pet store had a monkey in the shop named Chuck. I was standing there watching the monkey and he reached out of the cage and snatched my glasses off my face. I reached in to get them back and it grabbed my arm and yanked me up against the bars. He was definitely stronger than he looked. Then it was on, at least until the owner noticed the battle of wills (actually more of a slap fight, thinking back). I rethought my response when the owner's husband reached in to get my glasses and old Chuck bit a chunk out of his forearm.

But the real fun was when I got home and my mother noticed my mangled up new glasses. She demanded to know what happened, and I told her "a monkey took them." That led to a half hour of "Don't lie to me" and "but it's true, I swear" until she figured she'd call my bluff and announced "Then I'm calling our lawyer". I said good, and she did. He called back five minuted later, but oddly she didn't even mention it. Finally, I asked what he said, and she replied "He said they apologize and will be happy to replace them". Woo-hoo, take that monkey, and take that mom! Victory is mine!

::maroma:: · Jul 31, 2006, 11:26 AM

This thread delivers!

(Monkey threads usually do)

Landos Mustache · Jul 31, 2006, 11:26 AM

That's hilarious ThinkInsane.

Jawbone54 · Jul 31, 2006, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by ThinkInsane

When I was 14, I got in a fight with a monkey. The owners of a local pet store had a monkey in the shop named Chuck. I was standing there watching the monkey and he reached out of the cage and snatched my glasses off my face. I reached in to get them back and it grabbed my arm and yanked me up against the bars. He was definitely stronger than he looked. Then it was on, at least until the owner noticed the battle of wills (actually more of a slap fight, thinking back). I rethought my response when the owner's husband reached in to get my glasses and old Chuck bit a chunk out of his forearm.

But the real fun was when I got home and my mother noticed my mangled up new glasses. She demanded to know what happened, and I told her "a monkey took them." That led to a half hour of "Don't lie to me" and "but it's true, I swear" until she figured she'd call my bluff and announced "Then I'm calling our lawyer". I said good, and she did. He called back five minuted later, but oddly she didn't even mention it. Finally, I asked what he said, and she replied "He said they apologize and will be happy to replace them". Woo-hoo, take that monkey, and take that mom! Victory is mine!

I promise I sat here in my office, laughing until I cried. The mental image is hilarious.

Gossamer · Jul 31, 2006, 11:32 AM

Originally Posted by ThinkInsane

But the real fun was when I got home and my mother noticed my mangled up new glasses. She demanded to know what happened, and I told her "a monkey took them." That led to a half hour of "Don't lie to me" and "but it's true, I swear" until she figured she'd call my bluff and announced "Then I'm calling our lawyer"

How would you explain that one??

Landos Mustache · Jul 31, 2006, 11:34 AM

I've hated all monkey's since I was a kid because of my trip to the zoo....

I was with my mom and I saw the money (chimps) cage and approached it. I saw this one monkey drinking some water coming out of a stream. He was holding his bottom lip outwards so the stream would land right in it. Problem is I followed the stream to see where it was coming from... unfortunately it was coming from another monkey's wiener that was peeing. They were both loving every minute of it.

::maroma:: · Jul 31, 2006, 12:17 PM

Originally Posted by Landos Mustache

I've hated all monkey's since I was a kid because of my trip to the zoo....

I was with my mom and I saw the money (chimps) cage and approached it. I saw this one monkey drinking some water coming out of a stream. He was holding his bottom lip outwards so the stream would land right in it. Problem is I followed the stream to see where it was coming from... unfortunately it was coming from another monkey's wiener that was peeing. They were both loving every minute of it.

Haha! Does that prove that Golden Showers are perfectly natural??

Gossamer · Jul 31, 2006, 12:43 PM

Occurs in nature =! perfectly natural...gross!

Dakar · Jul 31, 2006, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by Gossamer

Occurs in nature =! perfectly natural...gross!

You just don't know what love is!

(Just kidding)

Landos Mustache · Jul 31, 2006, 12:59 PM

Originally Posted by ::maroma::

Haha! Does that prove that Golden Showers are perfectly natural??

This surpassed being pissed on as he was drinking it.

Rumor · Jul 31, 2006, 01:14 PM

I give this thread an A.

TI, I'm cracking up with the picture of a kid and a monkey in a slapfest!

residentEvil · Jul 31, 2006, 01:18 PM

just like in waterboy when sandler keeps tellin' mama a gorilla beat him up.

Jawbone54 · Jul 31, 2006, 01:25 PM

My brother loves telling his two monkey stories...

He was at a zoo when he was younger at a gorilla exhibit. Everyone was standing in front of the glass walls, laughing and "awww"ing over how cute the big cuddly monkey was acting. He was entertaining the crowd, and everyone kept gathering around. Then he reached down, crapped in his hand, and smeared it all over the glass wall. The crowd dispersed quietly.

In his other story, he claims that he and his fiance' were watching some monkeys in Dallas and caught one of them doing something that we would expect an adolescent boy to be doing at home, alone, behind a locked door. I'll elaborate no further.

Ghoser777 · Jul 31, 2006, 01:34 PM

Which begs the question, do monkeys spank the human?

Landos Mustache · Jul 31, 2006, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by Jawbone54

In his other story, he claims that he and his fiance' were watching some monkeys in Dallas and caught one of them doing something that we would expect an adolescent boy to be doing at home, alone, behind a locked door. I'll elaborate no further.

Surfing for porn?

Why would they give monkeys computers? Is Vista that far behind?

legacyb4 · Jul 31, 2006, 02:17 PM

If not a missing ear, at least the risk of getting bitten/scratched and the followup shots you would have to get... not worth it, IMO.

Originally Posted by tutelary

Sure he couldn't rip off your arm, but what about your ear? Its common sense when animals in the ZOO start escaping their cages you leave the area.

Salty · Jul 31, 2006, 02:38 PM

Whenever the topic of the zoo comes up my mom talks about how the monkeys masturbate. The best part is my mom has like no filters for knowing when something's inappropriate. So she'll mention it to like... anyone. Needless to say I've always avoided letting my friends talk to my mom alone.

Ulrich Kinbote · Jul 31, 2006, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by Jawbone54

My brother loves telling his two monkey stories...

He was at a zoo when he was younger at a gorilla exhibit. Everyone was standing in front of the glass walls, laughing and "awww"ing over how cute the big cuddly monkey was acting. He was entertaining the crowd, and everyone kept gathering around. Then he reached down, crapped in his hand, and smeared it all over the glass wall. The crowd dispersed quietly.

Sounds like a GG Allin concert (really).

Albert Pujols · Jul 31, 2006, 03:13 PM

My friend saw a monkey masturbating at the zoo, apparantly he wanted everyone to see him do it because he sat facing the glass where everyone could see close up.

In an unrelated story, I ran from an uncaged monkey too. Theres no shame in running from monkeys, especially ones with big teeth that hiss at you and steal your stuff. Monkeys suck.

Ulrich Kinbote · Jul 31, 2006, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by Albert Pujols

My friend saw a monkey masturbating at the zoo, apparantly he wanted everyone to see him do it because he sat facing the glass where everyone could see close up.

So what does a monkey's schlong look like?

Gossamer · Jul 31, 2006, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by Ulrich Kinbote

So what does a monkey's schlong look like?

Resisting urge to Google it...