[macfantn]

I found out today Bobby Brown was half native american....















he was in the slapaho tribe

[macfantn]

okay joke/prank #2

call a friend ask what's hangs down and has a small penis, answer a bat. then ask what hangs up and has a big penis....then just hang up the phone LOL

[rickey939]

Q.) Why did the chicken cross the road?














A.) To get to the other side!

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by macfantn

bla bla

post much crap lately ?

-t

[Peter]

What do cows eat for breakfast?
Moo-sli

[bstone]

what is moo-sli supposed to be?

[Peter]

Museli ...

[moonmonkey]

Originally Posted by Peter

Museli ...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[Peter]

ok.
Where do cows go on Holiday?
also
What do you call a dead grunge cow rockstar?

[bstone]

Originally Posted by Peter

Museli ...

What's Museli?

Sorry. Im clueless.

[mdc]

Muesli - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Peter]

Where do Cows go on holiday?
Moo York.

[::maroma::]

Where do cow jokes go when they die?

The Moooooo-tuary.

[Stradlater]

Where do ghosts go when they die?

[turtle777]

How do cows laugh ?

Mooooooooooooooahahahahahaha

-t

[Rumor]

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.

"Stanley," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Stanley?"

"I have 4 questions:

First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?" Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance?



Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name.

"Stephen," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"Actually, I have 6 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don't have health insurance? Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?"

[Rumor]

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

[Monique]

A strawberry tells the other: If you were not so fresh we would not be in this jam.

[Kerrigan]

Where do cows go to post crap?

MoooocNN

[Gossamer]

Originally Posted by Monique

A strawberry tells the other: If you were not so fresh we would not be in this jam.

This joke is much better without contractions.

[Rumor]

Little Johnny's neighbors had a new baby. Unfortunately, the baby was

born without ears.



When the mother brought the new baby home from the

hospital, Little Johnny's family was invited over to see him.



Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him

and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if

he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even

said the word, "ears", he would get the spanking of his life when they

came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.



When Little Johnny looked into the crib he said, "What a beautiful

baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Little Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little

hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" asked

Little Johnny. "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful.

The doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.

"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be **** outta luck if

he needed glasses.

[finboy]

Originally Posted by Rumor

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

One of my father's favorite jokes. Thanks for reminding me of it.

[Rumor]

I saw this today and thought it would be fitting for all of the Mac users.

[Dakar²]

There's already a thread bout it.

[Rumor]

Oh, didn't think someone would make a whole thread about it.

[Dakar²]

Originally Posted by Rumor 

Oh, didn't think someone would make a whole thread about it.

After reading it, neither did I.

[Gossamer]

I apologize. I never thought of digging up a month old thread full of crappy jokes. The new thread will die soon enough.

[Dakar²]

Originally Posted by Gossamer 

I never though of digging up a month old thread full of crappy jokes.

Neither would I.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Gossamer 

I apologize. I never thought of digging up a month old thread full of crappy jokes. The new thread will die soon enough.

n00b.

-t

[Naplander]

Not mine, but a good selection of jokes from the Edinburgh festival.

British humour

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh*tting herself. (Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance)

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.

My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a ****. (Susan Murray at the
Underbelly)

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks? (Adam Bloom at the Pleasance)

Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?
A: The ultrasound people.
(David O'Doherty at the Gilded Balloon)
!
I went to the airport to check in and they asked what I did because I looked like a terrorist. I said I was a comedian. They said, "Say something funny then." I told them I had just graduated from flying school. (Ahmed Ahmed at C34)

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but we're not going to get much done." (Jimmy Carr at the ICC)

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. (Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms)

Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're enjoying it as well. (Scott Capurro at the Pleasance)

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. (Jimmy Carr at the
ICC)

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ...Self-raising?" (Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms)

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face. (Jeremy Limb, at the Trap)

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. (Jimmy
Carr)

My friend said to me: "You must be more American," so I went to have botox. The surgeon said to me: "That's $8,000." I couldn't even look shocked. (Shazia Mirza the Pleasance)

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". (Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron)

I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork ... (Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco)

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax. (Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance)

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a plumber". (Steven Alan Green at C34)

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. (Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms)

An American girl hit on me in a club and asked me to make her an Egyptian princess. So I threw a sheet over her head and told her to be quiet. (Ahmed Ahmed at C34)

Walking down Princes Street, soaking up the atmosphere, I saw a big sign that said: "Bus tours, ten quid." So I thought I'd give it a try. What a rip off. Ten quid to have a look round a bus! (Seymour Mace at Café Royal)

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!" (Norman Lovett at The Stand)

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. (Chris Addison at the Pleasance)

Ask people about God nowadays and they usually reply, "I'm not religious, but deep down, I'm a very spiritual person." What this phrase really means
is: "I'm afraid of dying, but I can't be arsed going to church." (Colin Ramone at The Stand)

50 Cent, or as he's called over here, approximately 29p.
(Sarah Kendall at the Pleasance)

I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?" (Arnold Brown at The Stand)

[chris v]

Howcome lesbians can't diet & wear makeup at the same time?







Because you can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on your face!


Badump! *crash!*