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starman · Oct 10, 2006, 08:12 AM

So, I've had a friend for almost 30 years. We never dated, we were more like brother and sister. We lost touch about 10 years ago and about 3 years ago we got back in touch, but things aren't the same as they were. The other day she called me for my birthday and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get a simple conversation rolling along. Granted, I was doped up on Benadryl for allergies, but still, it's been like this for a while. Has this happened to anyone and how do you handle a friendship that you know isn't going anywhere anymore?

Nivag · Oct 10, 2006, 08:34 AM

tricky one that - people do grow apart, have different views on life and needs. You've either both wanna get on or i think you'll be banging your head against a brick wall.

maybe meet up and do something you both like/used to do/talk about and see if that works - if you still find it hard to get on then it's one of those things that happens in life. People change over time.

hope that helps? it would be a shame to lose a friend you've know for that long, but sadly it does happen.

BlueSky · Oct 10, 2006, 08:37 AM

Let it be what it is, sometimes going somewhere is overrated.

rickey939 · Oct 10, 2006, 08:43 AM

If all you can do is talk about the past with the person, and nothing present about your current life, then I would say it's time to move on.

RAILhead · Oct 10, 2006, 10:09 AM

Yes.

turtle777 · Oct 10, 2006, 10:16 AM

I moved around so much in the last 15 years, naturally, friendships suffer or change.
Some of them die, some are different, some have not changed a lot. It really depends very much on the person involved.

-t

Dakar · Oct 10, 2006, 10:26 AM

It's an inevitable sad part of life.

Monique · Oct 10, 2006, 10:31 AM

You never thought that you might have been just acquaitances not friends. If you were friends then you would always find a common place to meet. I knew this girl that went balistic. Ok, she told me that she became a manager of this building and if I needed a place to stay, she would love to have me around and that I will never have to worry about anything, especially rent increases or any problems I would have in my suite. Kathia as it turned out was not a friend just an acquaintance. 2 rent increases later in one year, she tells me it is not her fault, but as the manager of the building she has to enforce them. Ok, the second one kept coming late and she kept calling me to know when I was going to move or not; she never did anything of the kind for other people. All I said was that I would look around and that I would let her know and that I would give her the appropriate notice and that I might need a reference. But, she kept bugging me, so since she was the manager, I sent her a registered letter telling her when and if I move I will give you a month notice and you do not need to inquire anymore and the rent increase was late. Then the increase kept coming late; I kept sending letters telling her politly that they were late. She then finally sent me a nasty letter telling me, you do not send registered letter to a friend and that I treated her like ****; and that I better not get in touch with her anymore if I knew what was good for me.

Ok long story, but this is to tell you, you cannot connect with that person anymore; she or he was never a friend just an acquaintance; someone you got along well with but nothing more.

You do not need to move one but do not expect a lot from that person, just meet once in a while for coffee and memories.

andi*pandi · Oct 10, 2006, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by rickey939

If all you can do is talk about the past with the person, and nothing present about your current life, then I would say it's time to move on.

I kind of agree. Sometimes it's nice though to get together with old friends, but when you feel like you're having the same exact conversation over and over...

they're still your friends though. You can lose your connection maybe but the only way to really lose a friend is to make them your maid of honor.

ambush · Oct 10, 2006, 11:09 AM

I'm in the process of just losing a friend.

Yesterday I go see a movie with a friend I've had for ages and then I'm like.. let's go to the bar and see if there's anyone we can hang out with. And then he said no. I asked him if he was "raiding" (WoW) tonight and he said yes. That pretty much was the nail on the coffin of our relationship. He spends at least 6 hours a day playing WoW it's freaking pitiful. He's fat, he WON'T take care of himself (or anything besides his WoW account). He acknowledges his addiction in rare moments of lucidity but then he won't do anything about it. He used to be cool, now it seems he just lost a good part of his wit/fun factor/whatever.

kernokerno · Oct 10, 2006, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by ambush

I'm in the process of just losing a friend.

Yesterday I go see a movie with a friend I've had for ages and then I'm like.. let's go to the bar and see if there's anyone we can hang out with. And then he said no. I asked him if he was "raiding" (WoW) tonight and he said yes. That pretty much was the nail on the coffin of our relationship. He spends at least 6 hours a day playing WoW it's freaking pitiful. He's fat, he WON'T take care of himself (or anything besides his WoW account). He acknowledges his addiction in rare moments of lucidity but then he won't do anything about it. He used to be cool, now it seems he just lost a good part of his wit/fun factor/whatever.

I think I already lose a girl friend. we met each other 8 years back and we also never date. since a year or so she just din't want to hang out with us, she was always late when we both had some kind of friends date or she just didn't arrive.

I just got tired of that and now she say she's very sorry but the friendship is so damaged right now.

ShortcutToMoncton · Oct 10, 2006, 11:47 AM

I move around a lot, so I've left a lot of friends on various parts of the country. I can usually catch up with them pretty quickly for the most part, but of course things/interests/likes change.

I mostly lose girl friends when I sleep with them, and then stop sleeping with them. But that seems to be a personal trait I have.

greg

ort888 · Oct 10, 2006, 11:53 AM

You need to have sex with her. It's the sexual tension.

Timo · Oct 10, 2006, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by andi*pandi

...

they're still your friends though. You can lose your connection maybe but the only way to really lose a friend is to make them your maid of honor.

heh, LOL

Angelo78 · Oct 10, 2006, 01:57 PM

Yes. I had a friend I knew my whole life. Our parents are friends and that lead to us growing up together. At about age 17 things started to change and we talked less and less. We didn't have an argument or anything, but he started hanging out with other people, as did I. We went without seeing or talking to each other for a few years. Then, about six years ago we got together for a few laughs and to talk about old times and new things going on with ourselves. He was in a fatal car accident a few weeks later. It was like loosing a brother....well at least as close as I can imagine. I'm thankful for the brief time we had to catch up on things and to see him again.