[freudling]

Hey boys, is it worth getting married anymore? Ya, perfect person, true....

But long-term stats...

[Dakar²]

Other than trying to demonstrate how much you love a person, I've never really seen the point.

[exca1ibur]

Nope.

[wallinbl]

Originally Posted by freudling 

Hey boys, is it worth getting married anymore?

Your phrasing implies that marriage formerly had some kind of value that it no longer has. Can you identify what that is? Marriage hasn't changed. If large numbers of crazy, foolish people began buying Macs, would it change the value of Macs?

[mac128k-1984]

Well I'm an old fart so I cannot say I'm a Gen x-er but I can give you my two cents - I'm good like that

Stats - just about 50% of marriages fail. Part of the problem is that its so easy to get a divorce and in this disposable society its much easy throwing away a relationship then trying to work through the problems

With that said, let me qualify that by saying I was divorced after 10 years of marriage - my wife left me for a guy she met online in one of those chat rooms. Well I've since remarried.

Here's my point even though I got divorced I still thought it worthwhile to get married this time to the most wonderful woman in the world.

[Face Ache]

Originally Posted by freudling 

Hey boys, is it worth getting married anymore? Ya, perfect person, true....

But long-term stats...

Ask a bookie who knows your missus.

[Kr0nos]

Unless you're planning on having kids, I'd say no.

[tae667]

No. If you love someone you can just live with him/her without getting married.

[Mastrap]

In the end it's a personal decision. We are friends with couples who have been together for ages without any inclination to ever get married. For others, including my wife and myself, marriage is important enough that we got married.

Whatever floats your boat.

[Wiskedjak]

Are there not some tax and estate advantages to being married?

[analogika]

Not here in Germany.

Even for kids, there is no longer an advantage to having married parents.

It really is purely a personal decision.

We probably will be getting married at some point, though.

Just because.

[Millennium]

As a married Gen-Xer, I can only say this: yes. Yes, in ways and for reasons I can't even begin to articulate.

[Sky Captain]

My wife, being basically contract labor, dosen't get offered helathcare.
But through where I work, I could get her healthcare.
So it was the logical reason to get married.
And not 4 months after we got married, she had to have a hysterectomy.

[Timo]

I like being married.

I think there are studies that suggest people who are married or in long term committed relationships live longer.

[Nebagakid]

If the government allows it, I will do it.

[hart]

Actual marriage provides legal safeguards in a package that are hard to put together individually.

taxes
health insurance
you have legal rights if for example your partner is hospitalized which you don't have as a boyfriend or girlfriend.
property issues like real estate are simplified
investments and retirement savings, social security
etc

but when it comes to the breakup, as I am finding out, divorce is another safeguard, not a problem. It means that issues of property and custody have chance of being settled moderately fairly which otherwise wouldn't have happened.

It probably puts me in the minority but I feel that if you plan to do more than just share an apartment for a few years marriage is a good idea. It is a legal arrangement that provides protections and advantages that don't exist if you just shack up.

[SirCastor]

I'm not married, but I intend to be. (I'm actually figuring out the Ring thing right now).
The only reason that marriage has become so casual is because we've become (as a society) more selfish. We're more interested in our own wants and needs. We want to make sure that our stuff is ours. We want to be able to walk away whenever we want.

I find it somewhat ironic that the people who can't get married (homosexuals) want it, and the people who can (heterosexuals) don't seen to care...

As near as I can tell, over time this is the way things have played out: Marriage was holy, then it was survival, then it was social, then it was casual, now it's worthless.

[analogika]

Originally Posted by hart 

Actual marriage provides legal safeguards in a package that are hard to put together individually.

taxes
health insurance
you have legal rights if for example your partner is hospitalized which you don't have as a boyfriend or girlfriend.
property issues like real estate are simplified
investments and retirement savings, social security
etc

In the US.

AFAIK, none of those are affected by marriage here.

[BRussell]

Originally Posted by Timo 

I think there are studies that suggest people who are married or in long term committed relationships live longer.

Yeah, and I believe that effect is true particularly (only?) for males. Married men lead much safer and healthier lives than unmarried men the same age. And one of the strongest predictors of personal happiness is marriage, but again that effect is stronger for the man than the woman.

In general, I'd say that marriage is a great deal if you're the groom, not so great if you're the bride. Men generally lead safer, happier, and healthier lives, generally do significantly less housework and child care than their wives, and get someone to take care of them, cook them dinner, baby them when they're sick, and feed their egos as appropriate.

As a happily married man I wholeheartedly endorse the arrangement.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by analogika 

In the US.

AFAIK, none of those are affected by marriage here.

Really ? Since when is there no tax advantage anymore ?
I've been only away for 4 years.... Gosh...

-t

[E's Lil Theorem]

It's not worth it for me and so my preference is not to get married. However, if it means that much to my significant other, I'm open to it. I just rather spend the wedding money on something else...maybe a trip or something

Having said that, I have to go get ready for a wedding

[analogika]

Originally Posted by what_the_heck 

Really ? Since when is there no tax advantage anymore ?
I've been only away for 4 years.... Gosh...

-t

Whoops. Apparently, the Ehegattensplitting has not been killed yet, though it is widely thought to be unconstitutional - the Conservatives are blocking its removal.

So there is currently a tax advantage to married households where one of the partners brings home most of the money.

[itai195]

Originally Posted by BRussell 

In general, I'd say that marriage is a great deal if you're the groom, not so great if you're the bride. Men generally lead safer, happier, and healthier lives, generally do significantly less housework and child care than their wives, and get someone to take care of them, cook them dinner, baby them when they're sick, and feed their egos as appropriate.

Hehe. Man, I got a raw deal. I do most of the housework, and the cooking, and being married enables my wife to pay me nothing when I work for her small business

My wife and I were together for over 7 years before we got married. Can't say that being married has changed our relationship significantly so far, but I'm still glad we did it.

[TETENAL]

Originally Posted by analogika 

Whoops. Apparently, the Ehegattensplitting has not been killed yet, though it is widely thought to be unconstitutional.

Why would you think it is unconstitutional?

http://dejure.org/gesetze/GG/6.html

(1) Ehe und Familie stehen unter dem besonderen Schutze der staatlichen Ordnung.

[analogika]

Because "Familie" does not presuppose marriage as a requirement.

If it did, it would be discrimination.

[TETENAL]

But the constitution does not say "Familie" it says "Ehe und Familie" (marriage and family). And the constitution says what it says (whether you like that or not). It can not be unconstitutional in itself.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by wallinbl 

Your phrasing implies that marriage formerly had some kind of value that it no longer has. Can you identify what that is? Marriage hasn't changed. If large numbers of crazy, foolish people began buying Macs, would it change the value of Macs?

[ghporter]

Originally Posted by mac128k-1984 

Well I'm an old fart so I cannot say I'm a Gen x-er but I can give you my two cents - I'm good like that

Stats - just about 50% of marriages fail. Part of the problem is that its so easy to get a divorce and in this disposable society its much easy throwing away a relationship then trying to work through the problems

I think the ease of divorce is an effect, NOT a cause. People get married today without a significant idea of who THEY are, let alone who the person they're marrying is. If you don't know you, how can you say "I promise forever and ever?" It's a dumb move to marry early and quickly.

I married after knowing my wife for about nine months (and NO not like that! ). We were both military and knew that it would be likely that we'd be apart more than a little bit over time, but we were so complete together that it was a risk we needed to take. Almost 27 years later I think we made all the right decisions in getting married. But we thought long and hard about who we were, individually and together before we made any decision at all.

Today it is too easy to get married in the first place, and there is too little worthwhile advice available to people who want to get married. When your family, your friends, your boss, the neighbors, the Mayor, and everybody else KNEW you were going to get married, there was an impetus to do it right or not at all. After a while, society no longer looked down on people who had been married for the wrong reason and who needed to divorce, but in the process society also stopped looking down on people who got divorced because marriage was just too much work, or because they found out that they couldn't change their partner, or a number of other stupid reasons for ending a stupid marriage. In short, by ending the idiotic oppression of women who were forced into marriage by family and social pressures, we also ended the idea that marriage was serious, and so it was necessary to make it easier to end a non-serious marriage, thus the simplification of divorce.

Millennium was 100% on target, and unless you are absolutely committed to your intended and marry, you'll never know what we're talking about.

Now I'll say one parting word: nobody ever changes anyone else. Never, ever. If you don't like EVERYTHING about the person you're thinking of marrying, and are completely willing to clean up his/her vomit if necessary, to pay all the bills when you must, to pool your money with theirs for both of you, etc., then just live together; it'll be much simpler when you find out that they won't change for you. People only change when THEY see a need to. Understand that before you get the license and you'll both be a lot happier.

[Rev-O]

I think marriage is great. Ideally someone else foots the bill for it, you get a good dinner and a boat load of pressies.
Might as well ask the question "is it worth not getting married anymore?" If you love someone and plan on spending the rest of your life together, why not get married? Your question indicates a bias.

[Zeeb]

Since you posed the question to gen x'ers I'm assuming you are one. If you are and you haven't been married yet--you may not be the marrying kind.

I'm definitely not against marriage, but I've always thought it was absolutely insane how much money people spend on the ceremony -- and still end up paying it off 10 years after the divorce.

[BRussell]

Originally Posted by ghporter 

Now I'll say one parting word: nobody ever changes anyone else. Never, ever.

Oh man, don't tell women that, because the belief they can change us is the only thing that lets them put rationality aside and marry us.

[analogika]

Heh. I read this somewhere:

Women marry men for their potential.
Men marry women for what they are.

The problem is that women change, and men don't.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by BRussell 

Oh man, don't tell women that, because the belief they can change us is the only thing that lets them put rationality aside and marry us.

The changing process usually happens during dating. If it doesn't work, usually marriage is out.

[BRussell]

Originally Posted by analogika 

Heh. I read this somewhere:

Women marry men for their potential.
Men marry women for what they are.

The problem is that women change, and men don't.

[ghporter]

Originally Posted by BRussell 

Oh man, don't tell women that, because the belief they can change us is the only thing that lets them put rationality aside and marry us.

Nobody ever gets married (or commits their life to someone else) out of rationality. I'm firmly convinced that my wife's only fault is that she cannot see what a loser I am. Of course she says she's sure I'm wacky because I put up with her. I guess it evens out.

[Railroader]

If you don't see the value of marriage you shouldn't be married.

I am 35. Does that make me a Gen-Xer?

I value the worth of my marriage beyond measure. We are truly one. And that is what a marriage is.

[analogika]

Originally Posted by ghporter 

Nobody ever gets married (or commits their life to someone else) out of rationality.

Actually, if there's a real tax benefit, or in places where there's real drawbacks for kids born out of wedlock, you probably see a *lot* of people marrying out of rationality that wouldn't otherwise.


In some places, it's probably the only way to avoid getting shot by Paw.

[cenutrio]

35, still single, no girlfriend, no prospects...you'll figure out your way. Good luck.