[Rumor]

best-of-craigslist

These are absolutely hilarious!

I can't believe people would actually post this stuff.

I've only picked through a few, but my favorite so far is this one.

[Tuoder]

Originally Posted by craigslist

But for the record, if you slept with me, I wouldn't respect you any less.

Lol.

[E's Lil Theorem]

I think this one is my favorite.

my morning ritual

Date: 2004-05-10, 9:56AM EDT


I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy. I think maybe I read too many comic books when I was a kid...
30807835

[Tuoder]

Originally Posted by my morning ritual

I think maybe I read too many comic books when I was a kid...

...or ate too many paint chips.

[Rumor]

This one is good too. The last part had me cracking up.

[Tuoder]

Originally Posted by Rumor 

This one is good too. The last part had me cracking up.

That one is well written. It even has a punchline.

[nonhuman]

The best part is that is has an RSS feed.

[powerbook867]

wow, this one is king for me...

Dear Jesus,

I want to believe in you and your miraculous powers, I really do. I was raised in a devout Catholic home, and as long as I remember have been hearing about your divine nature and limitless compassion. You turned water into wine, healed lepers, and even raised the dead. I know you have boundless abilities. I also know that your compassion compels you to assist those who suffer, and to hear their agonized prayers.

I have been ceaselessly praying to you for over three years now Jesus, yet still my prayer remains unanswered. Please tell me: Why won’t you run over my co-worker Renee with an 18 ton cement truck? Every day is another eternity of listening to Renee talk about her mildly retarded, morbidly obese child and her husband’s swollen testicles and ass-boils. I am suffering beyond the point of endurance my Lord. Please make manifest your divine Love and Grace by sending a cement truck of mercy to squash Renee flat in all your love and wisdom.

Thank you in advance -

[Eriamjh]

Originally Posted by powerbook867 

wow, this one is king for me...

Dear Jesus,

I want to believe in you and your miraculous powers, I really do. I was raised in a devout Catholic home, and as long as I remember have been hearing about your divine nature and limitless compassion. You turned water into wine, healed lepers, and even raised the dead. I know you have boundless abilities. I also know that your compassion compels you to assist those who suffer, and to hear their agonized prayers.

I have been ceaselessly praying to you for over three years now Jesus, yet still my prayer remains unanswered. Please tell me: Why won’t you run over my co-worker Renee with an 18 ton cement truck? Every day is another eternity of listening to Renee talk about her mildly retarded, morbidly obese child and her husband’s swollen testicles and ass-boils. I am suffering beyond the point of endurance my Lord. Please make manifest your divine Love and Grace by sending a cement truck of mercy to squash Renee flat in all your love and wisdom.

Thank you in advance -

Ditto, that.

[nonhuman]

Originally Posted by Eriamjh 

Ditto, that.

Me too, definitely the best.