[::maroma::]

So yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and pop "the question". And being a total noob when it comes to jewelry of any kind, I am having trouble finding an engagement ring I am happy with.

My preferences are:

Style: Antique - I really like the Art Deco style antiques that I've been seeing. Something pretty simple in design, yet with a lot of style. I'm not looking for a big rock of a diamond, but something that is subtle and modest and feminine. I prefer the band style rings, as opposed to the ones with big diamonds protruding from the top. And definitely something either white gold, platinum or silver. No yellow gold!

Price: Cheap! Heh, yeah my budget is pretty low. Something in the range of $500-$1000 would probably work.

I've found some examples, or possible purchases, on eBay. These are all pretty close to what I'm looking for:

Ring 1
This one is cool, but the art on the band is a little off to me.

Ring 2
This one is pretty simple. The band has no art on it, which is part of its charm, but I kind of like a little bit of engraving on the band.

Ring 3
I like the odd shape of this one. The band is very simple, but I kind of like it.

Ring 4
As far as simple bands go, I like this one the best I think. I wouldn't mind a bit more variation in the shape of the band, but I still like this one.

Ring 5
This one is pretty unique, which is why I like it. I would love to see this one in person, but you know how that goes.


Anyways, if anyone has any experience, suggestions, warnings, or whatever please chime in. I'm just starting my shopping so I have a ways to go.

Thanks!

[mdc]

Ring 1 looks like little marijuana leaves all the way around

I went through the whole process of finding a ring for my wife early last year (wow, it's almost been a year) and I found that I had to go into a shop to sit down with the people there and just hold all the different ones. Ones that I saw online, I didn't like when I put them on my finger. Try get an idea of rings you like by looking online and then go into a shop and try find something really similar that you can see on a finger to see if you still like the style.

The other suggestion I have is that you have an idea of what the wedding band you're looking to get will be like. You don't want to get something very unique for an engagement ring and then get something that just doesn't fit together when wedding time comes.
I have seen some very nice two piece sets (engagement and wedding). Some of them are neat in the fact that they're not perfectly plain and they fit together.

Good luck, and post some photos when you do decide.

[andi*pandi]

of those, I think I like 2 the best... but I would be very leery of buying diamonds off ebay. Find a local store?

[SSharon]

I just got engaged last week and I used bluenile.com to do some research and check prices. I then went to a few stores and eventually bought the ring from a friend in the business.

Have you asked your SO what they want? I'm glad I did, and my fiance was very involved in the process (all the way up to signing the check, at that point she let me take over).

[Dark Helmet]

What does one do with the Engagement ring after you get married and have the real ring?

[mdc]

Wear both rings. Take this as an example (a very expensive looking example) of what I meant by an engagement ring set.

My wife's wedding band curves like that around the main stone of the engagement ring.

[andi*pandi]

my wedding band is just plain white gold, the engagement ring setting is a little more ornate. We planned that so they'd go together. His ring is completely different multi-metal arty thing.

[Dark Helmet]

Originally Posted by mdc 

Wear both rings. Take this as an example (a very expensive looking example) of what I meant by an engagement ring set.

My wife's wedding band curves like that around the main stone of the engagement ring.

Weird, I don't get the point of buying one so so $1000 ring and months later having to bone up more for the real ring.

Can't you just so straight to the gold with one fancy one?

[Dork.]

What she wants should definitely be the determining factor. But I'm asuming that when you say things like "I like the Art Deco style antiques", you really mean that you know she'll like them, so that's what you're looking for.

I think you ought to fo to the local jewelery stores, even if you have no intention of buying from them, just to get a feel for the types of rings available.

And don't worry about your price range, it's fine. After all, unless your future wife already has a lot of expensive jewelery, she's not going to want to wear something that's worth much more than that, anyway.

Good luck to you! (and to SSharon, too.)

[mdc]

I guess if she was okay with either a. you giving her a ring which you would remove come the wedding ceremony and put back on her finger, or b. not take a ring until the wedding ceremony.

[::maroma::]

Thanks for the suggestions. I won't be buying a ring off of eBay, but it was just a place for me to find styles and such that I like, and get an idea of what they might go for.

And I really haven't thought about the wedding band and how it would go with the engagement ring. I guess I should be thinking of that too.

I would love to get my girlfriend involved but I kind of want to make it a surprise. We've been dating for an eternity, so I'm sure she's pretty much expecting something soon, but I like the surprise factor. Which just makes my job harder.

I like that set that mdc posted. The wedding ring (the one with the big rock) is a bit much for me but I like how they go together well.

Damn, so much to think about. I will take your suggestions and go find a good shop to browse and talk to a pro. I really want an antique (not a replica, but a real antique), so that narrows it down quite a bit.

I'll post pics of what I pick out whenever I pick it out.

Thanks again, and keep the suggestions coming if ya got em!

[::maroma::]

Originally Posted by Dork. 

What she wants should definitely be the determining factor. But I'm asuming that when you say things like "I like the Art Deco style antiques", you really mean that you know she'll like them, so that's what you're looking for.

I think you ought to fo to the local jewelery stores, even if you have no intention of buying from them, just to get a feel for the types of rings available.

And don't worry about your price range, it's fine. After all, unless your future wife already has a lot of expensive jewelery, she's not going to want to wear something that's worth much more than that, anyway.

Good luck to you! (and to SSharon, too.)

Yeah, when I say that I prefer something, that pretty much means thats what I think she'd like. We have very similar tastes when it comes to this sort of thing. So without blatantly asking her what she wants, I'm going off of my tastes and hoping she agrees.

[centerchannel68]

I bought my wife's engagement ring off ebay. No problems, and I'm glad I did. The selection of style was massive, and I was able to find a filigree ring, which they don't make anymore AT ALL. Antique filigree rings required a machine to stamp the filigree, which were about the size of large room. The workmanship was just incredible. Here's a pic:



The wedding band we had custom made to fit next to the engagement ring.... but honestly, the idea of two rings is bullshit. IT was started by the diamond industry in order to sell more diamonds. Anyway, the custom band cost us about $150-200 somewhere, I think... it sucks, because I drew out the design, and they iddn't follow it AT ALL, they just did somethign stupid, but we were pressed for time. Whatever.

Anyway, yeah dude. Get one off ebay, as long as it's a good seller. You'll have the widest selection, the prices will be lowest, and you can get it resized at any jewelry shop.

[osiris]

I would go with 3. It's simple, pretty, and cheap.

But it really depends on the woman - is she the type who scoffs at anything less than 3 karats? If so, go to a real jeweler and avoid ebay at all costs because she will want to inspect the diamonds with a loupe.

If she's a down to earth kinda person, then I would go with something practical - as you will be buying another ring anyway, so I'd go with ring 3. Plus weddings are expensive, as is starting a new life together... save save save....

Either way, good luck to you! It's a beautiful moment for you and your future wife.

[nonhuman]

GET IT CUSTOM MADE.

I cannot stress that enough. Find a diamond exchange where you can pick out a loose stone and then have the band and setting custom made. You will get much higher quality at a much lower cost, plus you'll be sure to get exactly what you want (even if you just want them to copy a design you found somewhere else). I went to Freedmen Jewlers in Boston and got the perfect ring with an absolutely fantastic stone (F color, SL1 clarity) for significantly less than even the closest approximations I had seen at any of the jewelry stores (where you'll likely get an H color or worse for your stone).

And for the love of god, don't buy anything from Tiffany's. They use inferior quality diamonds, and all you're paying for is the brand name.

[SSharon]

For the record I had been dating for just over 5 years. She knew I was going to ask, but was still surprised. Not that I was really worried, but letting her pick out the ring was comforting and I like it too.

Does she have any friends or siblings you can get input from?

[centerchannel68]

Custom is okay... but there are some designs you cannot GET MADE ANYMORE. Like the ring I posted. It would be impossible to make said ring using a lost wax casting technique... antique filigree rings are extremely beautiful, fragile LOOKING, and very very unique. It's impossible to make them today, unless you're spending massive amounts of money.

As for diamond clairty rating and color... who honestly gives a ****? A rock is a rock is a rock. Kristins was cut before 1890, when some dude figured out another way to cut them to get more reflections and you know what? It still sparkles like crazy, and I have no idea what hte clarity or color is. It's pretty. The end.

I can understand dorking out about engines, computers, or speakers, but diamonds? Why does anybody give a rats ass? Unless you're just trying to impress the local jewler, I don't see the point in knowing all that junk.

[centerchannel68]

Originally Posted by Dark Helmet 

What does one do with the Engagement ring after you get married and have the real ring?

You wouldn't know anything about marriage, faa- just kidding.

Exactly. It used to be the wedding ring was the ONLY ring. Then in the late 1800s/early 1900s diamond companies started pushing another seperate ring for getting engaged, to sell more diamonds. Rich people did this, and soon if you didn't get her a seperate ring for getting engaged, you didn't 'care enough'. Basically, it's a crock of crap.

[Benton]

To stretch your hard earned dollars take a look at the product line.
Cubic zirconia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[::maroma::]

As far as custom ones go, I definitely want to get her an antique ring. Not a replica, but a real one, so getting one custom made is out of the equation I think.

And I just went to a local antique jeweler and he was adamant about having her pick out the ring with me. Not surprising her. He said that with antiques, if you pick one out without her input, and she happens to not like it, you're pretty much stuck with what you've got. Good point, and I agree that would be bad. But I'm fairly confident in my ability to choose something that she'd love. But he sure did kind of make me think about just surprising her with the question, and then having both of us shop for the ring.

That's something I'll be debating with myself for a while I think. I really like the idea of picking something out for her. Its kind of like giving your wife or girlfriend or whatever cash for Christmas instead of a well thought out gift. I don't know, I'm going to have to do some more shopping to see if I can find that one ring that I just know is right when I see it.

And I know she isn't concerned about the diamond(s). She's very down to earth and practical. She would never go and have a ring I bought her appraised or anything like that. She's just not that type.

So I'm going to be visiting as many local antique dealers as I can find. My hope is that I find that one ring and jumps out at me and takes away all my doubts. I've heard that happens sometimes.

[andi*pandi]

well, I have heard of inferior stones chipping, and there is the investment. higher quality will be higher value later.

[centerchannel68]

Originally Posted by andi*pandi 

well, I have heard of inferior stones chipping, and there is the investment. higher quality will be higher value later.

You mean FLAWED stones chipping. A diamond doesn't really chip, unless it's cut wrong anyway.

As for the value, in terms of a wedding ring, I don't think the value should matter much unless you plan on getting divorced and selling it. In terms of an investment, jewelry is even WORSE than a car. The resale value of getting a 'new' ring and then selling it is just abysmal.

[centerchannel68]

Originally Posted by ::maroma:: 

As far as custom ones go, I definitely want to get her an antique ring. Not a replica, but a real one, so getting one custom made is out of the equation I think.

And I just went to a local antique jeweler and he was adamant about having her pick out the ring with me. Not surprising her. He said that with antiques, if you pick one out without her input, and she happens to not like it, you're pretty much stuck with what you've got. Good point, and I agree that would be bad. But I'm fairly confident in my ability to choose something that she'd love. But he sure did kind of make me think about just surprising her with the question, and then having both of us shop for the ring.

Do what my buddy did. He bought her this big obnoxious LED flashing ring with a diamond bigger than an icecube, and proposed to her with that thing, then they picked out a real ring together.

[nonhuman]

Originally Posted by centerchannel68 

As for diamond clairty rating and color... who honestly gives a ****? A rock is a rock is a rock. Kristins was cut before 1890, when some dude figured out another way to cut them to get more reflections and you know what? It still sparkles like crazy, and I have no idea what hte clarity or color is. It's pretty. The end.

I can understand dorking out about engines, computers, or speakers, but diamonds? Why does anybody give a rats ass? Unless you're just trying to impress the local jewler, I don't see the point in knowing all that junk.

Put two diamonds next to each other and it's pretty obvious which one is higher quality. Excuse me for wanting to put thought and effort into the process...

[::maroma::]

Originally Posted by andi*pandi 

well, I have heard of inferior stones chipping, and there is the investment. higher quality will be higher value later.

Well my hope is that she'll never be putting this ring up for sale. But we all know that doesn't always work out.

[::maroma::]

Originally Posted by centerchannel68 

Do what my buddy did. He bought her this big obnoxious LED flashing ring with a diamond bigger than an icecube, and proposed to her with that thing, then they picked out a real ring together.

Haha, thats a pretty good idea. I'm going to keep that in mind in case my search for the perfect ring falls short.

[centerchannel68]

Originally Posted by nonhuman 

Put two diamonds next to each other and it's pretty obvious which one is higher quality. Excuse me for wanting to put thought and effort into the process...

Oh, okay, so your wife when she meets a woman immeadiatly puts her diamond ring next to the other ladies. Sounds like a real gem of a girl.

In other words, who the hell does that, and who cares? Why spend money on a rock with papers that says it's clearer? IT's still worth absolutely nothing since it is 'used'. Used jewelry is worth squat.

[andi*pandi]

Originally Posted by ::maroma:: 

Well my hope is that she'll never be putting this ring up for sale. But we all know that doesn't always work out.

I was thinking more along the lines of emergency funds, great-grandchildren who may inherit it someday... you know.

[centerchannel68]

So the great grandchildren will sell it?

[andi*pandi]

Perhaps moon rocks will be all the rage then, or maybe they need a down payment on a house more than a ring? I don't know. It's the future. My crystal ball says it's uncertain.

you got a nice ring for your wife, btw.

[finboy]

Originally Posted by ::maroma:: 

So yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and pop "the question". And being a total noob ...

You're missing the point of this WHOLE THING. You should get her to pick out the ring. Pop the question, but AFTER THAT get her to pick out the ring. That's the only way it works. Otherwise, you'll be buying another ring in a few years.

It's not about what you want, anyway. Something important to consider.

[::maroma::]

Originally Posted by finboy 

You're missing the point of this WHOLE THING. You should get her to pick out the ring. Pop the question, but AFTER THAT get her to pick out the ring. That's the only way it works. Otherwise, you'll be buying another ring in a few years.

It's not about what you want, anyway. Something important to consider.

I can tell you that whatever I choose, she won't be making me buy a new ring in a few years. And since when is that the only way it works? I know many people who bought the ring before they popped the question and haven't had any regrets. I think it just depends on how well you know the tastes of your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think if you're uncomfortable with picking something out, then you shouldn't. But I feel pretty comfortable. I don't know though, like I said before I am going to try to find something on my own but if nothing jumps out at me I'll go with her to choose one.

[andi*pandi]

I think the surprise, and knowing that you had the bravery to pick out something yourself, counts for a lot. If you aren't sure of her style, (but it sounds like you are sure) you could ask her mom/sister/best friend what shape/color stone, modern or antique setting, things like that. And swear them to secrecy.

My husband first proposed without a ring, I wouldn't have known what I wanted but I would have been happy with anything because he picked it. Ring shopping was kind of a hassle. First we found what kind of stone I liked. We got it set in a plain setting and went looking for settings. I wanted something classy, with scrollwork like Rob picked, but couldn't find it. We went to custom jewelry makers, but they were booked/expensive and the wedding was coming. The place we found that said they could do custom work didn't really do what I wanted but we had no more time.

So sure, it turned out I had preferences... but the chutzpah and romance of the moment would have overwhelmed any of that.

[Dork.]

I bought the ring before popping the question. But she knew it was coming eventually, and we had gone to jewelery shops looking at rings before I chose that particular ring, so I had a good idea of what she would like.

We also didn't get any fancy for our wedding rings, just plain gold bands. What else do you need?

[medicineman]

The ring should be worn through the septum. If only one nostril, there's a chance of it being torn out.

[centerchannel68]

Oh.... another way to do it. You can 'talk' about marriage, without popping the question. At some point, Kristin and I were talking about it, and looking at rings TOGETHER on ebay. She and I found the one we both liked most (and a few others), because we were just 'talking' about different styles. Little did she know I bought the ring she was in love with, so when I popped the question months and months later, I had her dream ring.

That's another way around the problem.

[residentEvil]

well, of course...the best/easiest is to just NOT get married in the first place.

[centerchannel68]

haha! Nice.

[residentEvil]

i try to help where i can

[RAILhead]

I can't imagine what my wife (married 9 yrs as of Jan 3rd) would do if I would have bought her a used ring on eBay.

Let her pick one out at a jewelry store, keeping within your budget.

[shifuimam]

I am an idiot.

[Mastrap]

Another vote for custom made and another vote for buying the diamonds separately from a dealer. You will get a much more beautiful stone for your money, or alternatively, a bigger stone. The markup on diamonds is insane, you may as well cut out the middle man.

We designed our rings together. My wife's engagement ring is has three diamonds set into the flattened top of the ring. The ring splits in the middle, holding the diamonds. Her wedding band mirrors the shape of that ring, so does mine.

Beautiful jewelry and it means all the more because we were involved in the making of it. The only way I would even think about used jewelry for a wedding/engagement would be if it ws my grandmother's ring or similar. Otherwise, not in a million years.

[centerchannel68]

Originally Posted by RAILhead 

I can't imagine what my wife (married 9 yrs as of Jan 3rd) would do if I would have bought her a used ring on eBay.

Let her pick one out at a jewelry store, keeping within your budget.

Wow. She must be a keeper. I've been married over 3.5 years, and an antique ring that's super exclusive, more beautiful than anything I've seen in a jewelry store, and not a ****ing 'solitaire' ring like 99% of the population gets= win.

It's an antique, made in the 1920s-1930s, in the deco era, which she loves. But hey. Way to support the diamond slave trade organization by buying new. I mean, there are enough diamonds in the world for everyone to have a bag full, but thanks to companies like DeBeers who currently own basically ALL the diamond mines in the world, and who also lie, cheat, and murder their way to acquire new ones, they jack up the prices on them since they control them all. Diamonds aren't rare, and they wouldn't really be worth that much if people actually paid for what they were getting.

But hey, you knew all that.

[centerchannel68]

Originally Posted by shifuimam 

You are unbelievably cynical. You and your woman may love the look of antique filigree, but another couple may be set on getting a modern channel-set platinum ring.

That's super! To quote Kevin, MICE LIKE CHEESE! However, the creator of this thread says he prefers an antique ring, not a lemming 'solitaire' platinum ring like all the other SUV driving twats in the world.

First off, color, cut, and clarity DO matter. I don't have a ton of jewelry, but I've got two pairs of diamond earrings (one was a 21st birthday present, the other pair is from diamonds pulled from my mom's anniversary ring after she got divorced), a diamond-and-sapphire necklace, and a few rings.

Your ownership of cheap jewelry has failed to convince me.

The two pairs of earrings? Both sets are small, but not so small you can't see them in their settings... However, the pair for my birthday was from Sam's Club (which, by the way, stocks REALLY high quality stones for the prices; you just have less selection) and sparkles very much.

Sam's Club? Wow! Now you can support child slavery, the black diamond market, AND illegal immigrants ALL AT ONCE! Plus at some Sam's club's they sell gas, so you could fill up your Escalade that never goes offroading and gets 9-18mpg with fuel from the middle east also, increasing our dependence on foreign oil! That'd be the best.

The pair from my mom's ring sparkles some, but has visible flaws. A ruby ring my grandmother gave me when I was a kid is extremely cheap. It doesn't sparkle at all.

Oh, that must mean they're worthless and not worth having. You better throw them away.

Another suggestion for the OP - not only should you consider taking your girlfriend to a jewelry store, you should also consider the financial aspect. A really good diamond is going to cost quite a bit. The best stone I own is a .25 carat diamond that is extremely high quality (I don't recall what it's rated it at, but it has no visible flaws, is cut very well, no tint, etc), and it was last appraised at about $500 (for just the stone).

Again: What the hell is the point? It sits on your finger and looks pretty. It offers NO ADDED BENEFITS of a cheaper stone, other than your bragging rights. Does the extra fancy stone look $500 better on your finger? I ****ing doubt anybody would be able to tell the difference, unless they stuck their eye all the way up on the stone. Ever seen one of these:



It's something jeweler's use to MAGNIFY the stone so they can see the flaws, cuts, etc. My point?

WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF ONLY A FREAKING JEWELER WITH A LOUPE IS GOING TO BE ABLE TO TELL THE FREAKING DIFFERENCE?!?!?

I can see spending extra money on a computer, it's faster! I can see spending extra money on a sound system, it sounds better, or it's louder! I can see spending extra money on a car, it makes it nicer to drive, faster, and safer!

But spending a **** ton of cash on a polished clump of minerals controlled by debeers that fixes prices and pulled from the ground by slaves in a 3rd world country, polished by slave children or bonded servants, and then sold at a gigantic department store that supports illegal immigrants ?

No thanks.

Sorry for being harsh, but this it had to be said.

[centerchannel68]

Originally Posted by Mastrap 

The only way I would even think about used jewelry for a wedding/engagement would be if it ws my grandmother's ring or similar. Otherwise, not in a million years.

Why? Do you think your diamond is new? Newsflash: It's been underground for a few thousand years. It's not like someone made it for you, and even then, they don't get used. They don't rust, they don't deteriorate, and they don't get unreliable like a car. Your opinion makes no sense to me.

I talked with my wife about it, and we agreed we'd both much rather have a bomb ass honeymoon in the keys, tons of spending money, a retirement, a nest egg, and all that crap instead of a big fancy useless rock. Course, maybe your wife would rather have a big fancy rock and live in a cardboard box, but personally I think that's retarded.

[Millennium]

Originally Posted by finboy 

You're missing the point of this WHOLE THING. You should get her to pick out the ring. Pop the question, but AFTER THAT get her to pick out the ring. That's the only way it works. Otherwise, you'll be buying another ring in a few years.

It's not about what you want, anyway. Something important to consider.

Here's how I did it:

The idea that we were going to get married was basically a foregone conclusion as time went by. We'd even started calling ourselves engaged, but I had never formally popped the question. So at one point, we went out ring-shopping together: we went to about ten different jewelry stores, tried on all sorts of rings... and didn't buy anything. Instead, I took notes, because the point of the shopping trip wasn't to buy the ring yet. I was up-front with all the jewelers about what I was going to do, they all loved the idea.

Some time later, I went back to the jewelry stores alone, armed with my notes, and I looked again. This time I had a firm idea of what she wanted, as well as her ring size. In the end, I didn't buy any of the specific rings we looked at; instead, I combined features from the two rings she'd liked best (to the point where she wasn't able to pick a favorite between them).

Then I arranged a suitable location with the help of some of her friends. She got the ring she wanted and it was still a surprise, I caught her totally off-guard with the proposal even though I knew her answer was a foregone conclusion, her friends essentially got to plan a surprise party for her (they love doing that sort of thing), and everyone was happy.

[ehjay]

I think the main idea that you need to take from this thread is that there are many different types, varieties, claritites, settings, and pricings for wedding/engagement rings. In addition there are also a wide-range of places from which to acquire these.

There is absolutely no point in the lot of you bickering over this, in the end all of your wives wound up with rings that they are happy with. That's what this is about. Not how or where you think the best way of going about this is, but coming out with something that is pleasing to the woman you're declaring your love for.

Who cares if you spent an extra 30% on the price in a jeweler, or managed to save some money and get that antique ring -- but also put in the extra effort. That's true in just about every consumer industry there is, when you put in the extra time and research you'll wind up with the better deal.

Try not to get caught up in the techniques, customs, traditions, approaches, or different ways of getting a ring -- do what you feel is right, and make your future wife happy.

Screw anyone else. She's all that matters to you anyhow, right?

[Dork.]

Originally Posted by ehjay 

There is absolutely no point in the lot of you bickering over this

Of course there is, it's fun! Isn't bickering why they made the Internet in the first place?

[Y3a]

First research diamonds. get one with papers, which is better for insurance purposes.
Ask other women how THEY would like to have the matter handled. Don't make assumptions based on your own admitted lack of knowledge.

[RAILhead]

Originally Posted by centerchannel68 

Wow. She must be a keeper. I've been married over 3.5 years, and an antique ring that's super exclusive, more beautiful than anything I've seen in a jewelry store, and not a ****ing 'solitaire' ring like 99% of the population gets= win.

It's an antique, made in the 1920s-1930s, in the deco era, which she loves. But hey. Way to support the diamond slave trade organization by buying new. I mean, there are enough diamonds in the world for everyone to have a bag full, but thanks to companies like DeBeers who currently own basically ALL the diamond mines in the world, and who also lie, cheat, and murder their way to acquire new ones, they jack up the prices on them since they control them all. Diamonds aren't rare, and they wouldn't really be worth that much if people actually paid for what they were getting.

But hey, you knew all that.

Oh believe me, she's a keeper. You get your second hand ring and all -- that's fine. In the mean time, we go to jewelers and have my wife's rings made after her drawings and designs.

To each his own.