[Tiresias]

I've been a father now for 3 and a half years, and am as happy as a Larry. I love my daughter to pieces. The day I looked into her tiny, pink face was the first day of my life. I don't need to discuss that.

There's only one thing that's weird... my friends.

I'm 27 (24 the day my daughter was born) and none of my friends have kids. Maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm not, but it feels like becoming a father has opened up a huge void between us.

It's actually very convenient cos, since becoming a "family man", I'd rather not hang with the lads anyway, but I'm still curious to know what is going through their minds. Is it the stark incompatibility of fatherhood and "let's get beer-larious and chase tail" way of life? Is it déclassé to be a young parent today?

How has fatherhood impacted on your social life? Or, if you are not a parent, how do you think you'd feel if one of your friends became a parent. Would it make a difference?

Just wondin'.

[nonhuman]

'As happy as a larry'?

I'm not a father, but two of my good friends who got married after college will be having a daughter soon. I'm looking forward to it as I'll be the non-religious-equivalent-of-a-godfather. They live in Minnesota and I currently live in Boston, so I don't think it's likely to affect our going out frequency much though.

I like kids, but have no particular intention to have any of my own, so I think it'll be fun when my friends do.

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by nonhuman 

'As happy as a larry'?

To explain:

As happy as Larry

Meaning: As happy as a clam; as happy as a sandboy; very happy.

Origin

Larry - certainly the best known character in the world of similes. Most likely to be an Australian or New Zealand expression.

The earliest printed reference currently known is from the New Zealand writer G. L. Meredith, dating from around 1875:

"We would be as happy as Larry if it were not for the rats".

Almost all the other early citations are from Australia or New Zealand. For example, this from Tom Collins (the pen name of the popular Australian writer Joseph Furphy), in Barrier Truth, 1903:

"Now that the adventure was drawing to an end, I found a peace of mind that all the old fogies on the river couldn't disturb. I was as happy as Larry."

There are two commonly repeated contenders for the derivation. One is that it refers to the Australian boxer Larry Foley (1847 - 1917). Foley was a successful boxer who never lost a fight. He retired at 32 and collected a purse of £1,000 for his final fight. So, we can expect that he was known to be happy with his lot in the 1870s - just when the phrase is first cited.

The alternative explanation is that it relates to the Cornish and later Australian/New Zealand slang term 'larrikin', meaning a rough type or hooligan, i.e. one predisposed to larking about. 'Larrikin' would have been a term that Meredith would have known. The earliest citation of that is also from New Zealand and also around the time of the first citation, in H. W. Harper's Letters from New Zealand, 1868:

"We are beset with larrikins, who lurk about in the darkness and deliver every sort of attack on the walls and roof with stones and sticks."

And thanks for your feedback. I have found a bunch of cats at Yahoo! Questions reporting the same experience as me. So you must be an exception to the rule, and (while I'm busting out weird phrases) I imagine you're a sporting, top-notch cobber.

[Annette310]

Well, I'm female but my best friend got married young and had a baby right away. It changed things dramatically for us. I hardly see her now. We don't hang out like we used to. I understand and don't mind. I'm happy for her but yes it does change things. We're still best friends and talk occasionally. I can't just call her up and say Hey lets go out to the bar tonight! I respect her though because she has a husband and a family now. Its not like before where I could just call her up like that and everything would be fine.

That's my .02

[greenG4]

I'm also 27 with 4 and 2-year-old girls. With children priorities change. Your friends will not understand that until they have children.

[amazing]

Much of it depends on whether your friends like kids. Some people don't like kids because a) they're not good with them, and b) like it or not, kids take precedence and they can't stand that.

In addition to that, there're studies out there that show the average US dad relates more to their kids when they get to be over 2 years old and can play catch (or other sporty things.) The studies probably also apply to "Western dads" but there may be too many culture specific variables to really support that.

Have you read any child development books? They're like 3 main types of kids:
1. the easy out-going kid, who smiles/laughs a lot and gives you lots of feedback--which gives you lots of encouragement to hang out with them.
2. the dour, shy, noncommital kid who watches a lot, doesn't say much and doesn't give you much feedback--which makes it harder to relate to them since you have to be more patient in drawing them out. Requires a lot more maturity on your part.
3. the hyper-excitable, easily irritated kid who cries a lot or throws temper-tantrums--which requires even more maturity on your part. Maturity being in short supply these days, not many adults have enough patience if there's no blood-ties.

[hayesk]

I'm in my early 30s and have a seven week old baby (our first). Our friends still come to visit us and we still get to go out (just not at the same time).

I think it's because you and your friends are still in your mid-20s. At that age, a lot of people are still trying to hold on to their youth. Parenting just doesn't fit it with that lifestyle. The urge to kill your brain with alcohol and go out every night fades as you get older (well, for a lot of people, anyway).

[Dakarʒ]

If you change your lifestyle drastically after fatherhood, then I'd point to that.

Some friendships with people change once they are in a relationship.
Others when they get married.
...and others once they have children.

Still, I'm curious what this 'void' you sense is. An inability for your friends to relate, perhaps.

[mduell]

I'm not the "beer-larious and chase tail" type, but at 22 I can't see why I would want to have a sprog, ever. There are things I'd rather do than breed.
Enjoy your crotch dropping and don't worry about the rest of us enjoying ourselves without yard apes.

[Captain Obvious]

Originally Posted by Tiresias 

if you are not a parent, how do you think you'd feel if one of your friends became a parent. Would it make a difference?

I wouldn't care but they voluntarily push themselves to the periphery of their social circle. And rightfully so as the kid should be the focus of their life for the next 18 years. There is quite certainly a void between you and them and its not going to narrow any time soon. You've chosen to go in a completely different direction with your life and its actually on you to make the accommodations to retain the friendships since you need to make the balance between your family responsibilities and the rest of your life. They just get to worry about themselves. At best they owe your family the occasional dinner to make nice with the wife and stopping in to see how the kids are. They are doing the right thing by backing off from you to give you the room to take care of your new life. If you want to be closer to your friends you need to go to them.

Originally Posted by hayesk 

I think it's because you and your friends are still in your mid-20s. At that age, a lot of people are still trying to hold on to their youth. Parenting just doesn't fit it with that lifestyle.

WTF are you talking about?
Trying to hold on to their youth? That is youth. Anything before that is adolescence.

[design219]

I started drifting from my friends when I got married. Not because of my wife, it was me. And yes, I think it became more so when we had kids. But as said, it is not a bad thing, it is just life. My kids are my priority at this point in my life.

[King Bob On The Cob]

Originally Posted by mduell 

I'm not the "beer-larious and chase tail" type, but at 22 I can't see why I would want to have a sprog, ever. There are things I'd rather do than breed.
Enjoy your crotch dropping and don't worry about the rest of us enjoying ourselves without yard apes.

Well, just remember, for each child you don't have, the trailer parks will have two or three, thus dumbing up the gene pool. Then again, you call children "crotch droppings" so maybe genetic suicide would be a good thing on your end.

[wallinbl]

Guess I got lucky in that our group of friends mostly all had kids around the same time, so the only real change was that some of our events started being things for the kids. It has actually been pretty good to have friends with kids the same age as ours. Bit of a bonus that it was the same friends we've always had.

[wallinbl]

Originally Posted by mduell 

I'm not the "beer-larious and chase tail" type, but at 22 I can't see why I would want to have a sprog, ever. There are things I'd rather do than breed.
Enjoy your crotch dropping and don't worry about the rest of us enjoying ourselves without yard apes.

Yeah, many guys feel that way at that age. I still had some feelings along those lines up until the day my first daughter was born*. Having children is flat out the greatest part of life.


* People talk about cold feet before a wedding, but I had massive "what the heck am I doing" thoughts leading up to having a kid.

[design219]

Yeah, I got much more freaked out about having kids than getting married. But once they are there, you see things much differently. I guess it's part of growing up.

[wolfen]

I have had 2 types of friends-with-kids.

There's the "I'm sorry I'd love to but we have kids now" people who seem to enjoy isolating themselves from the outside world and are obsessive about their kids.

Then there's the "We're going to the park today. Wanna come along and put some burgers on the grill?" This type includes their friends in life and makes an effort to keep the connections over time. Admittedly, it takes effort on my part to keep them too, but I have not problem inviting them all over.

In short: Treat your friends well and you will be a good friend.

[exca1ibur]

This is life. Marriage and children will always change things. My buddy is about to have hisfirst kid with his wife. That is, and should be his priority. I have talked to and seen him maybe once in about 5 months. I don't take it personal thats just the way it is and should be. No hard feeliings from me. Same with friends that get married, I never hear from them either. People change, people move on. As well you should to. Nothing lasts forever.

[mduell]

Originally Posted by King Bob On The Cob 

Well, just remember, for each child you don't have, the trailer parks will have two or three, thus dumbing up the gene pool.

I know, I watched Idiocracy.

[KeriVit]

I think it happens regardless of kids, but they can speed up the process. My circle of friends has gotten consistenly smaller of the years.

Also, you will make new friends as your child grows up.

[Kerrigan]

Mrs Larry?

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by King Bob On The Cob 

Well, just remember, for each child you don't have, the trailer parks will have two or three, thus dumbing up the gene pool. Then again, you call children "crotch droppings" so maybe genetic suicide would be a good thing on your end.

Burn!