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You are here: MacNN Forums > Community > MacNN Lounge > The official farting wife thread

View Poll Results: Does your wife fart?
Poll Options:
I have a farting wife 26 votes (78.79%)
My wife does not fart 9 votes (27.27%)
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 33. You may not vote on this poll
The official farting wife thread
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Clinically Insane
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Dec 29, 2007, 01:05 AM
 
Does your wife fart? Loudly? Quietly and demurely? In public?
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 01:12 AM
 
She's been farting all evening, thanks to a local Mexican restaurant.
"Everything's so clear to me now: I'm the keeper of the cheese and you're the lemon merchant. Get it? And he knows it.
That's why he's gonna kill us. So we got to beat it. Yeah. Before he let's loose the marmosets on us."
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Dec 29, 2007, 01:22 AM
 
I have never heard my wife fart. She claims she might only get one or two in per month, but I'm not 100% sure she's not placing herself on a golden pedestal.
     
Mac Elite
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Dec 29, 2007, 01:31 AM
 
Originally Posted by RAILhead View Post
She's been farting all evening, thanks to a local Mexican restaurant.
I hope she didn't go to this restaurant.
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 03:46 AM
 
She does - as do we all, but she does try to be discrete about it.
     
Clinically Insane
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Dec 29, 2007, 03:51 AM
 
This isn't somebody's wife, but it's still pretty damn funny:

YouTube - farting on the news
     
Administrator
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Dec 29, 2007, 09:30 AM
 
Ladies do not "fart." They may "have the vapors" or something like that, but they do not fart. That's the story I'm using and it works fine for now.

Seriously, being discrete is the key; you know when you're in a mature relationship when she doesn't just rush out of the room without telling you. My wife is the most delicate creature in the world when she wants to be, and I treasure her for that, but she's human too.

Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 09:35 AM
 
Of course women fart, they just don't take pride in the act like men do.

Does your wife know you ask the Internet about her gaseous emissions? Be careful, besosn3c, you might find find yourself farting on the couch tonight....
     
Clinically Insane
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Dec 29, 2007, 12:45 PM
 
Yeah, they do. We'll be riding along in the car and the passenger window will open about 6 inches and stay that way for 15-20 seconds.

"What was that about?"

"Just wanted some air."

"..."
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 01:03 PM
 
Besson, the next time you ask for an accordion for Christmas, you should tell your wife that it is to drown out the noise of her farts.

"One ticket to Washington, please. I have a date with destiny."
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 01:05 PM
 
My wife says "Girls don't fart, they fluff"
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Dec 29, 2007, 02:32 PM
 
My wife to-be does not fart, at least nothing I can recognize as a fart.
Though I do recall a girlfriend who once fell asleep on me, and I can assure you that I felt the fiery hot breath of her bowels upon my thigh.

And then there is the other kind of fart that women emit, but that's not really a product of the digestive system.
     
Professional Poster
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Dec 29, 2007, 03:58 PM
 
Originally Posted by Dork. View Post
Does your wife know you ask the Internet about her gaseous emissions? Be careful, besosn3c, you might find find yourself farting on the couch tonight....
... or waking up in a "Dutch Oven."

Nobody ever mentions my legendary sexual prowess.
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 04:23 PM
 
Originally Posted by Stogieman View Post
... or waking up in a "Dutch Oven."
She would file divorce papers within a day.

I'm not kidding.
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 04:26 PM
 
My wife farts... Very loudly, but not in public...

I mean, if a married couple can't fart openly at home, then when can they?
The gene pool needs cleaning - I'll be the chlorine.
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 04:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by vexborg View Post
My wife farts... Very loudly, but not in public...
Specifically define "very loudly."

     
Clinically Insane
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Dec 29, 2007, 04:47 PM
 
Originally Posted by Dork. View Post
Of course women fart, they just don't take pride in the act like men do.

Does your wife know you ask the Internet about her gaseous emissions? Be careful, besosn3c, you might find find yourself farting on the couch tonight....
What makes you think that my wife farts? What makes you think that I only have one wife? Nobody knows anything, and besides, my name isn't "besosn3c".
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 05:21 PM
 
We've gone from anal to anal-retentive.
     
Clinically Insane
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Dec 29, 2007, 05:23 PM
 
Originally Posted by SpaceMonkey View Post
Besson, the next time you ask for an accordion for Christmas, you should tell your wife that it is to drown out the noise of her farts.
My wife is far more of a belching wife than a farting wife.
     
Clinically Insane
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Dec 29, 2007, 05:25 PM
 
Originally Posted by Jawbone54 View Post
We've gone from anal to anal-retentive.
Zip it Jawbutt! You should talk, your signature is a couple of pixels too tall!!
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 05:38 PM
 
After you swore you wouldn't tell the mods...
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 06:47 PM
 
This thread is too funny. For the longest time I didn't like it when my girlfriends would fart, and they barely have. For some reason I find it repulsive when women do such a thing. Ofcourse it's a bodily function and I just need to get over myself lol. But I don't think it's lady like when they do it like men, and in public.

When I get married, I'm sure I'll be fine with my wife's natural gases...hopefully.
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 06:56 PM
 
Some times she puts our dogs to shame, mostly the ninja variety.
¡Viva Cristo Rey!
     
Mac Elite
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Dec 29, 2007, 07:07 PM
 
I think it’s funny that the poll allows you to choose both options.
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 07:33 PM
 
A thread on women and farting wouldn't be complete without a trip in the internet time machine to watch this and this video.
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 08:53 PM
 
It's important to read about the world's foremost expert on farting:
What a Gas | Nutrition | DISCOVER Magazine
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 09:32 PM
 
At the risk of getting this fine thread exiled to the nuthouse/Pol Lounge, I submit all humans must fart, even Jesus farted!
     
Clinically Insane
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Dec 29, 2007, 09:33 PM
 
Yeah, I'm sure Jesus farted, pooped, and was horny too... Everybody is and does this stuff, even your parents!
     
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Dec 29, 2007, 11:12 PM
 
Originally Posted by Dork. View Post
At the risk of getting this fine thread exiled to the nuthouse/Pol Lounge, I submit all humans must fart, even Jesus farted!
Probably a lot better than we do, but yes, absolutely.

Glenn -----OTR/L, MOT, Tx
     
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Dec 30, 2007, 09:07 AM
 
Originally Posted by Jawbone54 View Post
Specifically define "very loudly."

Loud, like a trumpet sounding - or like curtains swaying in the wind
The gene pool needs cleaning - I'll be the chlorine.
     
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Dec 30, 2007, 12:26 PM
 
I generally don't laugh at farts. I don't get offended by them; I just find it natural.

Trumpet farts, however...are frickin' hilarious.
     
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Dec 30, 2007, 11:03 PM
 
My wife does not fart ever, but she sure kicks the dog a lot...
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Dec 31, 2007, 12:12 AM
 
i dated a chick that freaking warned me and then blasted it... weird but it's cool because you can fart as well.
     
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Dec 31, 2007, 01:19 AM
 
I haven't peed the bed...ever (that I could remember).

My first week married, I peed all over the sheets. I had a dream that I was taking a leak in a bush behind the house. Woke up mid-stream.

The wife thought it was hilarious. But if I fart...
     
   
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