[CloudStrife]

Posting as an alt because I don't want this person who's been known to e-stalk me to find this thread.

I got a notice on Twitter around the end of January from someone who likes what I do online. To make a long story short, it was a female who not only had a blog, but a flickr site, and a long-standing list of threads over the course of several years with her nickname and real (female) name so I thought the person was legit. I was very wary about having another e-friend because I just had a bad argument with one and I didn't want to have to go through the process of getting to know someone all over again. Frankly, it's exhausting.

But over time I came to believe that this was a real person and not someone trying to be funny. She'd say goodbye by saying "hon" and "dear" and "*hug*" and such, talk about her girlfriend and said she's a lesbian. Reading twitter, I found that other women called her the same. Nothing odd there. We'd talk about trust and how hard it is on the 'net. I told her I hate liars, in my opinion they're the worst kinds of people. She never said anything about that.

She had some ideas for a new project so we started working on that together. I told her I wasn't up for working with someone on the net again because things went sour the last time which made me very upset but she kept pushing and I very slowly started working on it but I couldn't really put a lot of effort into it. Eventually I dropped it.

Then something odd happened. She deleted the link to her blog from twitter. I thought that was odd because, why would anyone do that? I never said anything about it because I thought it was a petty thing to bring up and just placed it in the back of my head.

But the whole time she kept saying she has a "secret". I figured I knew that she was attracted to women and it was no big deal. For three weeks she kept hinting at the "big secret". I told her I pretty much knew what it was and that I didn't care. Is she's a lesbian, whatever. It doesn't bother me.

But then she spilled "the secret". This is where the whole point about lying comes in. Is who you are on the net really who you are? Be careful when someone tells you all about them, they may be lying. The truth is that it was a guy the whole time with some kind of gender dysphasia (if that's the right word). Apparently, s/he's genetically a guy, but isn't comfortable as one. So, she dresses up as a girl. And the pics on her flickr site? FAKE. Not even her. Name? Fake. All part of some fantasy she's built up for him/herself. Girlfriend? Real. So she 'performs' like a guy. I still don't get it.

So, is this person a liar? I tend to think so because of the misleading pics on flickr. When confronted s/he said that they were of her friend who needed a place to put pics of herself. Why did this friend need to use his/her flickr page when flickr is FREE? They couldn't use their own?

I just felt like I was completely lied to. I understand that people with this disorder feel that they're someone they're not born as, but to LIE to someone and put up FAKE pics on their blog just reeks of someone who's untrustworthy. Fake name fake pics, fake blog. None of it represents who the person really is. I asked if they dress like a female for work and use the female name. No, s/he doesn't. Ok, so the whole dressing up like a girl thing is part-time?

Maybe there's something I don't get, but don't misrepresent yourself. Don't claim that the pics on your own flickr site are of yourself. It just seemed to me that s/he quietly removed the link to the blog so that I wouldn't find out the truth.

And for the record, there was never any talk of anything romantic, not in the least. I've been with someone for quite a while and the conversation never took a turn like that.

What are everyone's thoughts on this?

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by CloudStrife 

Posting as an alt because I don't want this person who's been known to e-stalk me to find this thread.

Pansy.

Originally Posted by CloudStrife 

Is who you are on the net really who you are?

No, I'm much louder, more arrogant and more annoying in real life.

[MacosNerd]

I'd indeed say the person was dishonest. s/he may not thinks so in so far as to say s/he thinks of her(him?)self as a girl.

s/he was disguising through lies who s/he (man I hate typing that - I'll just use the male gender form) was. His motives for doing so really don't matter, he was not being upfront to you, especially if since you knew him (as a her) for several years.

[Big Mac]

LOL@Doofy

I am quite honest online. I think this person was playing a trick on you, and it's a good lesson to not get entangled in virtual relationships.

[RAILhead]

Starman?

[Chuckit]

Eh, he's a liar, but so are most crazy people.

[RAILhead]

No, Starman is who's posting, methinks.

[olePigeon]

Originally Posted by CloudStrife 

What are everyone's thoughts on this?

Was he an executive transvestite?

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by RAILhead 

No, Starman is who's posting, methinks.

Oh, I was replying to the OP, not to you. I don't reckon Starman is a liar.

[voodoo]

Originally Posted by RAILhead 

No, Starman is who's posting, methinks.

Quite

[MacosNerd]

Unless starman isn't a man from the stars

[olePigeon]

Think of it this way, it could be worse. You could've slept with him and then found out his secret on Jerry Springer.

[Dakar the Fourth]

Originally Posted by RAILhead 

Starman?

My first thought as well, but isn't he married? He has kids at the least.

[RAILhead]

Well, he's he little whiner that's always crying about his "e-friends" and all that crap -- and he's the type to come post about it here.

[starman]

How did I get roped into this?

Hey RAILhead, try and check your source sometimes. A little research will show that there's nobody in my Twitter list that even comes CLOSE to this kind of story.

And yeah, the guy's a liar.

[RAILhead]

You "research" people's Twitter lists? Is that still around, even?

[starman]

Well, apparently you don't.

You just click on their name and look at their past posts. It's not that hard.

But I guess you have some kind of agenda.

[olePigeon]

Maybe it's wdlove looking forward to his next chat.

[Chuckit]

Did that joke time travel from 2005?

[RAILhead]

Hmm...an agenda. I don't think I've ever had an agenda, but it sounds nice. I was called dashing the other day, though.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

No, I'm much louder, more arrogant and more annoying in real life.

Same here.

So, should we start a pool on who we think the OP is?

[starman]

Probably RAILhead. He makes up some bullsh*t story, waits 20 minutes, and points the finger to move attention away from him.

[iMOTOR]

Sounds like CodyDawg to me.

[starman]

Another thought is this - how the hell does RAILhead become some kind of expert on me and the use of "e-friends"?

Dude, seriously, stop stalking me.

I find it amazing that people are more inclined to throw sh*t at each other in here than actually respond to the topic.

[invisibleX]

Its a somewhat idiotic topic. Nobody here is in any position to answer the question. You can't diagnose a disorder through a story. You can't even figure out if they were lying or not, if the OP is lying or not, etc.

[turtle777]

What's twitter ?

Any hawt chicks there ?

-t

[voodoo]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

What's twitter ?

Any hawt chicks there ?

-t

A twitter is a device that turns otherwise normal people into ah.. you know.. twits. If that's not it, then I don't know. It is out of the grasp of my nerdiness.

[Cadaver]

Maybe I'm just to old to understand this whole social networking FaceBook MySpace thing, but I just don't get it.
e-friend? Too much time to make another e-friend? Really? Is that like email? Sounds silly to me... but perhaps I'm just too much original Generation X to get in to it.

[KeriVit]

I don't think it's a disorder, lying perhaps. But, really, that is what the internet allows us to do. Many people can be someone here vs who they really are. It's what is so intriguing about the net. I never thought that much about it before, but it is rather deceiving unless you never meet tha person and the truth never comes out. Perhaps this person never should have revealed his personal struggle, then all would still be good.

Now, the whole fake pics in my opinion was taking the blanket of the internet a bit too far.

[OldManMac]

Originally Posted by invisibleX 

Its a somewhat idiotic topic. Nobody here is in any position to answer the question. You can't diagnose a disorder through a story. You can't even figure out if they were lying or not, if the OP is lying or not, etc.

The most correct reply yet. Unless any of us has met someone who claims to be a particular poster and knows with absolute certainty the name they're posting under, stories like this have no concrete answer.

[KeriVit]

Originally Posted by OldManMac 

The most correct reply yet. Unless any of us has met someone who claims to be a particular poster and knows with absolute certainty the name they're posting under, stories like this have no concrete answer.

ok, yeah, what he said.

[Cipher13]

Personally, I wouldn't be too bothered by the situation. The most disturbing part of it is that he did indeed lie to you - but given his proclivities, I don't think that's necessarily as bad as it would be for someone else. This guy would cop it all the time from people who are extremely narrow-minded and telling lies about his gender is probably a defense mechanism more than anything else. I doubt it was malicious.

If you were friends with him online before finding this out, why not remain so?

[BRussell]

Originally Posted by CloudStrife 

Is this a case of lying or a disorder?

'Lying' and 'disorder' are not mutually exclusive. Even if someone did have some kind of gender identity disorder, it's still a lie to claim you're someone you're not.

And let's face it, some guy pretending to be a girl on the internet is hardly unique.