[Doofy]

So,
just heard a knock on the door. Since I'm expecting a delivery, I answered it.

Turns out it's a small scabby Irish gentleman who smelt of beer.

On seeing me, he immediately goes into a profusely apologetic mode. Like, overly apologetic - the type which can only come from guilt - combined with a "please don't kill me" type of look.

"Do you do duck eggs?"
"No mate"
"I was told that someone around here did duck eggs, and that it was the large white house which stands back".
"No mate, sorry".

He apologises several times. Didn't even bother asking if I knew which of my neighbours supplies duck eggs. Tries to shake my hand. Then leaves.
I notice as he walks down the path that his equally scabby mate is standing at the bottom of the drive.

Now, why would anyone be randomly asking for duck eggs when I've never heard of anyone in the county doing them (I think there's about three ducks in the county)? Methinks he was either scoping the place for a burglary, or scoping the place to see what kind of hassle he'd get if he moved his clan onto my field - and that the duck eggs thing was just a standard prepared question which would pretty much guarantee a "no" answer, saving him from actually having to buy any eggs.

By the look on his face, it seems I scared him off. Funny how long hair and not shaving for a few months tends to put people off messing with you, no?

Life is fun, ain't it?

[Dakar the Fourth]

I ****ing hate pikeys!

[ghporter]

Doofy, that sort of image wouldn't scare me, but then I've been to SF conventions... Ring up the constables and ask if there's been any petty thefts in the area, because you've seen these two scruffy blokes wandering around and they came to your door asking for duck eggs... See what sort of response you get.

I have no quarrel with the real Roma, but vagabonds and similar villains are a blight on society. In Austin, we called such panhandlers "drag worms" because they haunted "the Drag", also known as Guadalupe street right in front of the main UT campus. They also haunted other popular places, like 6th Street, making life unpleasant for restaurant goers and such... Absolutely NO redeeming characteristics whatsoever. I am all for helping out someone who's down on his luck, but not the chronic beggar.

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by ghporter 

Doofy, that sort of image wouldn't scare me, but then I've been to SF conventions...

And you're in Texas, so chances are even the checkout girl at the local Wall-Mart looks like that.

Originally Posted by ghporter 

Ring up the constables and ask if there's been any petty thefts in the area, because you've seen these two scruffy blokes wandering around and they came to your door asking for duck eggs... See what sort of response you get.

You're kidding me, right? We actually don't have a functional police force in the UK any more. Well, not unless you're doing 31 in a 30 zone... or you've called something "gay".

[Andrew Stephens]

It's all about deniability. At any stage from walking past your gate to actually being inside your house they have a story ready to cover themselves and confuse you long enough for them to scarper. The knock was to check if you were in. If you'de have been out they'd have been through the window.

[moonmonkey]

bloody diddicoys are probably drinking the petrol in your lawnmower at the moment. Poison a jam sandwich and leave it in your shed.

[BlueSky]

"Do you do duck eggs?"
"No mate"
"I was told that someone around here did duck eggs, and that it was the large white house which stands back".
"No mate, sorry"

Sounds like a Monty Python sketch that didn't get off the ground.

[peeb]

I love this. You assume they have criminal intent because what? They are Irish? This is taking Doofy's usual racist rants to a new level.

[Mastrap]

Open on a large warehouse loft in Bermondsey, London. It's 1995 and the area is still rougher than a shaggy dog's bum. But the rent is cheap and the space is huge. it's a rainy Friday evening, about 10:30 pm.

SFX: Doorbell

Me (on intercom): Hello?
Drunken Voice (DV): Oh, hello. It's the plumber.
Me, somewhat nonplussed: Who?
DV: The plumber. I'm here to clean the drains.

Now, this is in mid February, it's a Friday night and it's pissing down outside. There is no chance, but absolutely no chance that this is in any way legit.

Me: Hold on, I'll get the keys so you can get it.
DV: Ok

Me, on the phone: Hello local copshop, there's a man at the door of my building claiming to be a plumber. I have reason to believe that he's in fact waiting for me to open up so he can go and nick stuff.
Copper: We'll be there in a minute.

And, surprisingly, they were. Knew the guy, knew him very well. A particularly inept burglar according to one of the coppers, with a bag full of burglary tools and little in the way of plumbing accessories. Three sheets to the wind, he had obviously been to the pub and then decided to do a quick job.

They jostled him about a bit and then told him to bugger off. Which he did.

[ShortcutToMoncton]

Sounds like a Monty Python sketch that didn't get off the ground.

Hahaha totally! "Doing" duck eggs, wtf.

greg

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by peeb 

I love this. You assume they have criminal intent because what? They are Irish?

They didn't ask if I knew which house it was that sold the eggs, which would be the usual thing for someone who was actually looking to buy eggs. I thought I said that already.

Plus, nobody acts that guilty if they're legit. Just doesn't happen. I thought I said that already too.

Originally Posted by peeb 

This is taking Doofy's usual racist rants to a new level.

Yeah, because the Irish are a different race than Doof.

And I challenge you to find *anything* racist posted by myself.

[Nivag]

Horton Duck Farm - specialist producer of quality duck eggs
Just in case they come again

[ɥʇɹnoɟ ǝɥʇ ɹɐʞɐp]

Originally Posted by Dakar the Fourth 

I ****ing hate pikeys!

Hey everyone, I'm trying to be funny, but it's not really working!

[Jawbone54]

This story is bizarre.

[Dakar the Fourth]

Yikes, looks like my idea was not well taken.

[lizard777]

ONLY IN AMARAKA
all caps

[osiris]

Didja get a free dog from the pikeys?

[Dakar the Fourth]

dog? Oh you mean, dag.

[osiris]

A dag? Oh sure, I like dags.

[əuoqʍɐɾ]

For some reason I was quoting snatch one day and I asked my wife is he had seen the dag. She gave me some weird look and when I explained it was from snatch she just huffed and walked away. She at least could have told me where the dog was.

[osiris]

I surely hoped you divorced her for that.

[əuoqʍɐɾ]

Ha, no, but I didn't feel so bad when I traded the Wii back in for an xbox the next day.

[Dakar the Fourth]

This is almost mesmerizing.

[osiris]

How so? Are you on special medication again?

[Dakar the Fourth]

Those are diet pills.

[osiris]

You are one hep cat, man.

I prefer pineal gland. fresh.

[Shaddim]

ye lak dags?


We have the same problems around here, only the thieves are from New Jersey. One guy cases homes by trying to pass himself off as an appliance repair guy, he's been arrested several times for B&E.

[ghporter]

Originally Posted by Doofy 

And you're in Texas, so chances are even the checkout girl at the local Wall-Mart looks like that.

No, she's likely to be excessively pierced and wearing more make up than a stage performer-that's a different kind of scary. It's the guys at traffic lights with the sign that says "down on my luck" that looks like your picture...

Originally Posted by Doofy 

You're kidding me, right? We actually don't have a functional police force in the UK any more. Well, not unless you're doing 31 in a 30 zone... or you've called something "gay".

This sounds more like a situation where they can make themselves look "public spirited" by "preventing vandalism" and so on- One can hope, anyway. If they don't let you have a knife to cut your mutton, how can you protect yourself against the people the police don't bother with but are still a threat?

[Doofy]

Originally Posted by ghporter 

If they don't let you have a knife to cut your mutton, how can you protect yourself against the people the police don't bother with but are still a threat?

There's the kicker. You're not expected to protect yourself.

[peeb]

Republicans use exactly this same trick.

[Railroader]

Snatch is more awesomer than Office Space!

Mickey: I'll tell ya what. I'll do it for a caravan.
Turkish: For what?
Pikeys: For a caravan.
Tommy: It was us who wanted a caravan.
[looking around]
Tommy: Anyway, what's wrong with this one?
Mickey: It's not for me. It's for me ma.
Turkish: Your what?
Pikeys: His ma.

[Atomic Rooster]

This thread needs more cowbell.

[brassplayersrock²]

r.i.p

[sek929]

Originally Posted by Railroader 

Snatch is more awesomer than Office Space!

Why would I want a caravan that's got no f**kin wheels?!?

Edit: I also love the term "Harder than a coffin nail"

[Dakar the Fourth]

Tellyawhat, I'll fightya ferit.

[- - e r i k - -]

Originally Posted by əuoqʍɐɾ 

For some reason I was quoting snatch one day and I asked my wife is he had seen the dag. She gave me some weird look and when I explained it was from snatch she just huffed and walked away. She at least could have told me where the dag was.

[Chongo]

anyone remember this young lass, Madelyne Gorman Toogood
Irish Travelers
Videotaped Beating Mom In More Trouble, Indiana Police Say She Lied About Addresses - CBS News

CBS) A woman accused of hitting her 4-year-old daughter in a beating caught on videotape was charged Friday with giving police false addresses after her surrender.

Prosecutors expected Madelyne Gorman Toogood to turn herself in a second time, this time on a warrant charging her with false informing, a misdemeanor.

Toogood, 25, was released on $5,000 bond earlier this week. She had turned herself in and pleaded innocent to felony battery of a child in the Sept. 13 incident in a department store parking lot, which was caught on a surveillance camera and televised nationally.

Toogood's attorney, Steve Rosen, did not immediately return telephone messages left Friday.

Authorities say Toogood gave them addresses for commercial mailbox businesses in Mishawaka, Elkhart and Fort Worth, Texas.

Toogood has said she and her husband belong to the nomadic group Irish Travelers, but have been living in Mishawaka for about six months.