[freudling]

Just wanting others to chime in who have experienced this as well. I have been out of HS for over 10 years, and my mother got a call from my ex-HS girlfriend's friend who passed on some email addresses of people wondering what's up.

I find it kinda strange... sure, people are curious, but there has to be motives. Thank god my mother is very good about privacy and, even though she remembered the girl who called her asking about me, she did not give out my contact info. I don't think I will contact these people, I don't see much point. All the best to them, but we have not kept in contact and it has been a long time.

Interested to hear other people's experience.

[Cold Warrior]

If she's hot and you're single, why not see what's up?

[freudling]

I'm not single.

[Cold Warrior]

Then don't bother. You're past that point in your life, and wives don't dig old girlfriends hanging around - no matter what she (wife) might say otherwise.

[alligator]

No good can come from this.

[freudling]

Cold Warrior and alligator:

That is what I am thinking. It just stirs the pot and, they should not even be trying to do this anyway. It is prodding into someone's life years after everyone has gone their separate ways. Man, some people are more lonely and lost than I could have imagined...

[ShortcutToMoncton]

Ever heard of Facebook?

Man, it's amazing the people who want to say hi on that thing.

greg

[BRussell]

Originally Posted by freudling 

I find it kinda strange... sure, people are curious, but there has to be motives. Thank god my mother is very good about privacy and, even though she remembered the girl who called her asking about me, she did not give out my contact info. I don't think I will contact these people, I don't see much point.

Maybe she's pregnant, has a really, really long gestation period, and you're the father.

I dunno, people just think about old friends and want to find out what's up. You just exchange a few pleasant emails. I'm surprised by the people here saying it's a bad thing.

[brassplayersrock²]

"oh freudling, I can remember all the good times we had when we were dating. I've compared all of my bfs i've had since you and none have measured up! oh freudling, be mine again. please. i'll make sure we stay together for ever!" err, I can think of a few more bad things that can stem from this BRussell.

[freudling]

brassplayersrock²:

Hilarious. Indeed, let's get past a few friendly hi's and get to the root of the reason why someone is trying to look you up after 10 years. brassplayersrock² nailed it. I should also mention, she wants to visit my mother from time to time, since she is now a flight attendant and frequently flies into my parent's city. Sure, my mother liked her in HS, but now wanting to visit with her once in a while after all this time, I feel like she is violating my personal life.

[BRussell]

I guess we've just had different experiences, or something. I've gotten out of and back into contact with many old friends and girlfriends. It's always been fine. Were they psychos when you were friends with them back in the day? If not, why would there be a problem now? If so, why were you friends with them then?

[freudling]

Different time, different life, different everything. Lots has changed. The problem, BRussell, if you don't understand it, is that she is likely single and looking to meet with me, probably hoping something will happened. I am now in a large city living with a girl and am happy. I agree that nothing good would come of this. No, she is not a psycho or some other stupid term one might think up.

[Eug]

Maybe it's time for the 10 year reunion and she's the organizer?

Yeah, I know, not likely, but hey...

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Eug 

Maybe it's time for the 10 year reunion and she's the organizer?

Yeah, I know, not likely, but hey...

Hell yeah, she's the organizer of a chance to cheat on your partner.

Go for it

-t

[BRussell]

Well we obviously have had different experiences freudling, and you asked for people's experiences. I've personally never had a bad experience talking to old friends. It's happened several times since I've been married, and I can't imagine an old girlfriend thinking that I was single after that long. Everyone thinks about old friends from time to time and wants to hear what's up with them, and I don't understand why someone would think something bad was going to happen from it. I don't think I've ever lost a friend to time - I mean, I've lost contact with people, but I can't imagine not wanting to talk to them if the opportunity arose, unless there was something weird about them that made me not trust them.

Of course I wouldn't just meet up with an old girlfriend without my wife. That would be ridiculous. In my experiences, it's always been via email or phone. If it was an attempt to put out feelers for "rekindling our long-lost romance," that would be shut down in a minute or two on the phone or a few lines of an email, and if they're a mature person, that would be the end of it.

:shrugs: I'm really easy to find by name on the internet, so this has happened to me a lot - emails from old friends and girlfriends out of the blue. It's never been a big deal. Maybe it's different if they contact your parents though - that's never happened to me.

[Eug]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

Hell yeah, she's the organizer of a chance to cheat on your partner.

Well, a hot girl from my high school contacted me out of the blue after 10 years. Turns out she was organizing the reunion.



P.S. 'Tis the truth... unfortunately.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Eug 

Well, a hot girl from my high school contacted me out of the blue after 10 years. Turns out she was organizing the reunion.

Oh stop lying.

We all know that hot girls don't organize reunions. At least not on THIS planet

-t

[Eug]

On which planet do you live? Remus?

[freudling]

10 year reunion is past, and she was one grade lower than me.

[residentEvil]

i've had several contact me (male and female)

from hearing about my dad's death (several grades either side of mine) to reunion stuff (my grade). i've also had contacts from people that were now into pyramid/amway crap and 1 in scientology.

very weird contacts that is for sure.

all contacts came 15+ years after high school.

[analogika]

Originally Posted by freudling 

Different time, different life, different everything. Lots has changed. The problem, BRussell, if you don't understand it, is that she is likely single and looking to meet with me, probably hoping something will happened. I am now in a large city living with a girl and am happy. I agree that nothing good would come of this. No, she is not a psycho or some other stupid term one might think up.

Are you sure of this, or is it just a corner of wishful thinking?

You *might* just be flattering yourself...people change after ten years, and some *do* know to expect that others have, as well...?

[freudling]

analogika:

Because I can't explain all the details, I went with the most likely reason as to why she would want to contact me. It might be construed as flattering myself, but when all the details are on the table, this is probably the most likely reason why she is interested in contacting me again.

There is nothing wrong I guess with her desire to do so, but I am just trying to make the best decision for her, my girlfriend and myself. I am probably not going to respond to her, if she somehow finds out my email/phone.

[brassplayersrock²]

or comes along these posts and figures out it's you. heh

[analogika]

Originally Posted by freudling 

analogika:

Because I can't explain all the details, I went with the most likely reason as to why she would want to contact me. It might be construed as flattering myself, but when all the details are on the table, this is probably the most likely reason why she is interested in contacting me again.

Nothing personal - I've just often enough encountered situations where people misinterpreted the others' intentions. OTOH, I've been in a very similar situation to yours (except after twelve years).

[ShortcutToMoncton]

Now that I think about it, the only ex-girlfriends I've ever had that contacted me again out of the blue, I ended up sleeping with.

Sooooooo... good call.

greg

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by analogika 

Nothing personal - I've just often enough encountered situations where people misinterpreted the others' intentions. OTOH, I've been in a very similar situation to yours (except after twelve years).

Really similar ?

Did that ex-gf also threaten promise to visit your mom w/o you being there ?

-t

[analogika]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

Really similar ?

Did that ex-gf also threaten promise to visit your mom w/o you being there ?

She never mentioned the graveyard, though I'm sure my mom would have been in no condition to give out any information.

So, uh, not *that* similar.

[ShortcutToMoncton]

That was one of those unexpectedly funny comments that make you abruptly laugh but then feel bad and wrong for laughing.

[analogika]

Heh. No need to feel bad.

[Atomic Rooster]

I saw a movie like this once. You'll end up on a spike or grilled on an open pit. Don't go in the basement. I SAID DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT!!1!!11!

But you'll go anyway.

[starman]

This thread fails.

I spoke to so many ex's from high school and college that really just wanted to talk and see how you are. If you don't want to, fine, but my God...

[Chuckit]

I know I hate it when people I haven't seen in a little while still think I'm a cool and worthwhile person. Good grief, the other day, a friend I haven't seen in weeks had the temerity to walk up and hug me!

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by starman 

This thread fails.

I spoke to so many ex's from high school and college that really just wanted to talk and see how you are. If you don't want to, fine, but my God...

You fail, for not reading all the details.

Doesn't it strike you odd that this chick wants to visit his mother from time to time ?

Originally Posted by Chuckit 

I know I hate it when people I haven't seen in a little while still think I'm a cool and worthwhile person. Good grief, the other day, a friend I haven't seen in weeks had the temerity to walk up and hug me!

Uhm, slight understatement.

Not seen in a while (weeks) != never seen since HS.

-t

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

Uhm, slight understatement.

Not seen in a while (weeks) != never seen since HS.

It's not pointer-equal, but not necessarily all that different in principle either. What on earth is so horrible about trying to reconnect with people after you've lost touch? If it's just not really someone you want to speak to again, that's fine and it makes sense, but that doesn't seem like what this thread is about. The idea here seems more like, "What? You like human interaction and you remember me being an enjoyable person? How pathetic!"

I work with a couple of women who knew each other in high school, didn't speak for more than a decade, then met again 13 years later when they both happened to apply at the place I work. They totally hit it off again and had some good times. I could be like, "Man, some people are more lonely and lost than I ever imagined," but I think it's cool that they got back a friend.

[starman]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

You fail, for not reading all the details.

Doesn't it strike you odd that this chick wants to visit his mother from time to time ?
-t

Absolutely not. My ex Laura was good friends with my mom.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by starman 

Absolutely not. My ex Laura was good friends with my mom.

*Sigh*

Yeah, because if something makes sense in your world, it must be right and good for everyone.

-t

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Chuckit 

It's not pointer-equal, but not necessarily all that different in principle either. What on earth is so horrible about trying to reconnect with people after you've lost touch?

I never claimed it's ALWAYS bad.

But in the case of the OP, it just doesn't seem a good idea.

If he has a bad feeling about it, I don't see the point of teh intarwebs trying to convince him to go against his gut feeling.

-t

[freudling]

turt:

Thanks, I am glad one sane person is around here.

"I work with a couple of women who knew each other in high school, didn't speak for more than a decade, then met again 13 years later when they both happened to apply at the place I work. They totally hit it off again and had some good times."

This analogy is so dissimilar that it is irrelevant.

And let me stress as I have: I don't have a problem with someone desiring to contact me after a number of years of not being in contact, but this is not just "someone". I spent some 4 years with this girl from Grade 10 through my first year of college. We had quite a strong relationship together, and we were very attracted to one another. I left for Higher Ed, she stayed, and that was that. We have a chunk of history together, and this is man and woman "stuff", not two girlfriends that have not seen each other in a while wanting to go for coffee and BS. If you have not guessed it, this stirs up a lot of emotions for me. Not that I want to revisit anything, but there are emotions that start to surface. I am quite happy now with the girl I am living with, we have been together for a few years and things are great.

So, for me, it IS strange that she, after over 10 years of no contact, wants to visit my mother, and forwarded her email through my mother to me. I determined that she is NOT married. So in this context, it is not that far off to suspect that she is single and interested in finding me, getting back in contact, and seeing how things go. The other hypothesis is simply that she just wants to say hi. But, given our past, that would be a complete oversimplification of what her likely motives are.

[Face Ache]

Sounds like you don't know whether to trust yourself.

[PB2K]

Same here, I had my first girlfriend contact me suddenly after 14 years. It's nice but we are complete strangers now, the troubled boy she knew is a happy man now. I am stil in doubt however. I don't know. When I was 18 she was the only pretty girl I knew because school was pretty much where you got all your friends from. And that situation has changed and I totally agree in the point that she stirs up dust, I am curious too but I can also picture how things could work out quite the opposite.

i didnt need to post this : edited

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by Face Ache 

Sounds like you don't know whether to trust yourself.

Huh ?

He might not trust himself with that chick around, but at least he seems to know it.

His strong gut feeling is nothing he should go against. And he knows that girl much better than anyone else. If he thinks she up to no good, she probably isn't. He's gotta know better than anyone else here.

-t

[Chuckit]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

I never claimed it's ALWAYS bad.

But in the case of the OP, it just doesn't seem a good idea.

If he has a bad feeling about it, I don't see the point of teh intarwebs trying to convince him to go against his gut feeling.

Oh, yeah, I don't disagree with that. If he doesn't want to meet her again, that's his prerogative. I made the same decision recently. It's just that this thread seemed to have an undercurrent of "…and she's unreasonable and/or a loser for wanting to get back in touch with old friends." That's what I was talking about.

[freudling]

Very observant posts...

Sure, I don't trust myself, most men can't, whether with a beautiful stranger or an ex like in this case. But now that I am "older", I look at life 1 week after the fact, and 1 month after that, and 1 year still after that. Life is not that simple anymore, like in HS. I have a "life" and responsibilities. The last thing I want is to resign myself to an excursion with her and feel guilty after, which is a possibility.

There was not a future when we were together, and there likely will never be now. As turt said, nothing good can come of this. There is nothing wrong with me communicating this with you guys, you can see that I am trying to make the best decision for everyone involved. And my gut tells me to stay away. But, as things go, life is complex and, if she is visiting my mother, blah blah, somewhere, somehow, we will bump into each other. So I guess in the end, I am just sort of annoyed and wish she never even attempted to contact me.

[philm]

Maybe she went on to become an expert in trademark law?

[red rocket]

Originally Posted by starman 

Absolutely not. My ex Laura was good friends with my mom.

I briefly dated this girl called Laura about sixteen years ago. Occasionally considered hunting her down and getting back in touch, but thought better of it.

Got around half a dozen messages over the years from girls whose names didn’t sound familiar, so I never called back.

(Oh wait, it wasn’t ‘Laura’ but ‘Nora’, I just realised.)

[starman]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

*Sigh*

Yeah, because if something makes sense in your world, it must be right and good for everyone.

-t

Well, the question WAS asked, wasn't it, smartass? You just didn't see the answer you expected so you attack me for it. Good job. You win at teh intardnets.

[turtle777]

Originally Posted by starman 

Well, the question WAS asked, wasn't it, smartass? You just didn't see the answer you expected so you attack me for it. Good job. You win at teh intardnets.

Your mom must be proud...

-t

[starman]

Originally Posted by turtle777 

Your mom must be proud...

-t

For answering a question honestly? Probably. I guess your mom would be proud for provoking people, eh?

-m

[design219]

I went to my 10 year reunion.

It started off fun, but soon degraded into the groups of old school clicks and crap. Funny thing, the formerly "cool" people were the most pathetic. REALLY PATHETIC. It actually made me feel very good about my life (actually, I already did). I didn't go to my 20th and I guess next year will be the 30th. I'm going to pass on that one too.

The people I made friends with in college are the people I'd rather see again, but they are scattered to the far corners.

[Uncle Skeleton]

Originally Posted by philm 

Maybe she went on to become an expert in trademark law?