[Tiresias]

Wow. Last night I saw a married couple grappling on the street. The wife threw her husband against the wall. They both fell over, rolled around on the ground. Then, when they got up, the husband threw his wife into the wall. This was repeated several times. Their arms remained locked. It was like a bizarre dance. The wife's face was deep crimson on one side, suggesting she'd been struck.

What the hell do you do? A crowd formed, but no one intervened. The husband was swine drunk, and cursed at us lustily to keep away. My feeling was I would only make things worse by stepping in, certainly for me, and possibly the wife. Things got worse. They danced onto the busy street and were almost flattened by a bus. It looked like the husband was trying to make that happen. I called the police, and a nearby patrol car arrived within a minute, otherwise I'd have had to do something.

My father once told me a story about a woman being beaten by her husband outside a movie theatre in 1960. A group of gallant men rolled up their sleeves and pulled him off her, whereupon the wife began to attack her rescuers, screaming at them to leave her husband alone.

What do you do in such situations?

[Randman]

If you can't kick his ass, call someone who can. Or the authorities.

[Tiresias]

If you do kick his ass, then you'll both be going for nice ride in the police car.

[chris v]

You dd the right thing. Abused women are often so browbeaten that they believe they deserve what's dished out, or are too afraid to seek help -- often their kids are threatened as a bargaining chip by the abuser. If there is indeed abuse going on, Let the professionals sort it out. Calling the cops was really the only right move.

[spacefreak]

Fourth of July, 1991, I was at a big house party on a lake in Rock Hill, South Carolina. Tons of people arrived at this party on Pontoon boats. They'd pull up right onto the shore.

Anyways, I'm out on a dock with a friend when we hear this yelling towards the shore. We look and some guy is smacking the hell out of a woman repeatedly. He's on a pontoon, she's standing on the shoreline. I watch in amazement as none of the 50 or so people within yards of this do a thing to step in.

The woman-beater then yanks the woman onto the pontoon and pulls away. Only after the boat is 10 or so yards into it's departure do a bunch of guys go running after the boat, screaming and cocking their fists. How nice of them to wait for the boat to have left before getting their manhood on.

I attribute delays in reaction by others to the striking difference in intensity levels. If you're relaxed and unsuspecting, and all of a sudden there is some guy who is in primo fired-up mode, it takes a few moments to analyze what the heck is going on. "OK, he's beating the crap out of that woman... this is not right". Then it takes a few more moments to decide to do something about it. If you're going to physically jump in, you gotta ratchet up your intensity level real fast. And then the rest is up in the air.

You did the right thing by calling the cops. Freaky as hell though, isn't it?

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by spacefreak 

Fourth of July, 1991, I was at a big house party on a lake in Rock Hill, South Carolina. Tons of people arrived at this party on Pontoon boats. They'd pull up right onto the shore.

Anyways, I'm out on a dock with a friend when we hear this yelling towards the shore. We look and some guy is smacking the hell out of a woman repeatedly. He's on a pontoon, she's standing on the shoreline. I watch in amazement as none of the 50 or so people within yards of this do a thing to step in.

The woman-beater then yanks the woman onto the pontoon and pulls away. Only after the boat is 10 or so yards into it's departure do a bunch of guys go running after the boat, screaming and cocking their fists. How nice of them to wait for the boat to have left before getting their manhood on.

I attribute delays in reaction by others to the striking difference in intensity levels. If you're relaxed and unsuspecting, and all of a sudden there is some guy who is in primo fired-up mode, it takes a few moments to analyze what the heck is going on. "OK, he's beating the crap out of that woman... this is not right". Then it takes a few more moments to decide to do something about it. If you're going to physically jump in, you gotta ratchet up your intensity level real fast. And then the rest is up in the air.

You did the right thing by calling the cops. Freaky as hell though, isn't it?

I think your interpretation is spot on. That's exactly what it was like.

We're just not encultrated to butt into other people's affairs.

You need a moment to register what is happening; another to gauge the threat to your own safety if you intervene and then you sort of stand by for a moment, to see if things will cool off by themselves.

But it's not fair to say people who don't jump right in a cowards. Of course, if someone does so that's an admirable thing. But it's very scary. What if he turns on you? What if he has a gun?

[lpkmckenna]

"Break it up now or I call the cops!" Don't get physically involved - the wife will turn against you.

[OreoCookie]

In my opinion, you did the right thing: unless you are under the impression that someone's life is at risk, call the cops and let them handle the situation.

[Andy8]

A fire hose perhaps?

[ghporter]

Cops. Hands down, call the cops. This is a situation that you can't predict (neither can they), but one that police officers are supposed to be trained and equipped to deal with. Maybe they'd just pepper spray the heck out of both of them and cart 'em off in separate cars (they were BOTH obviously engaging in battery in public), but whatever, YOU should not get in the middle. That would put you in danger of being injured by BOTH of them (maybe at the same time) and probably get you in legal trouble as well.

I like lpmckenna's idea of trying to get them to stop by threatening them with the police, but it sounds like they were so into their fight that they wouldn't have heard you. And if it looked like one of them was getting the serious upper hand, enough that there was a real risk to life or limb, then it would be a different story. They sound pretty evenly matched from your description, so it should remain a matter between the two of them. Hmmmm.... His and hers hearings? Not the sort of "couples' bonding" I'd be a fan of.

Seriously though, stepping into that fight would be like trying to separate two dogs who were fighting. Stay out and call for help.

[Cold Warrior]

Good call (pun intended). It's the cops' job unless her life was in danger. Bystander apathy is real -- just look at the old man in Boston (?) who got hit by a car and people just kept walking and driving by without a care in the world.

[ghporter]

Connecticut, CW, but your point is well made. I think the issue with apathy is generated by the "what can I do?" reaction, after which most people treat an event like a TV show and their brains shut down. I have 911 on speed dial on my cell; I have used it a lot. THAT is what a person can do. But way too many people just stand there and watch.

[iranfromthezoo]

nothing wrong with being a good witness for the police... Sometimes the best thing there is to do is to just tell the police what happened..

[Shaddim]

Assuming that the woman actually wants you to intervene, you walk up to the guy and give him a full-arm slap to the face with all your strength behind it. One, it'll sting him quite a bit. Two, it'll shame him down to his toes.

[Tiresias]

Sure, bitch-slap him. And if he pulls out a knife and stabs you in the face? What's your next move? Noogie? Chinese burn? Wedgie?

[Shaddim]

You've already decided that you should sit back and let him beat her up, so why bother posting this asking for advice?

[Tiresias]

Trying to restrain someone is different from assaulting them. I want to prevent a crime, not commit one.

[Shaddim]

Restraining often turns into grappling, grappling usually turns into punching, gouging, and biting. If you grab someone you better be ready for a full-on brawl. Very frequently a full slap will shock a man into submissiveness, they usually won't be expecting it.

[Railroader]

Originally Posted by Tiresias 

Trying to restrain someone is different from assaulting them. I want to prevent a crime, not commit one.

Restraining someone is often a crime. It is called assault as well.

[olePigeon]

Originally Posted by Tiresias 

What's your next move? Noogie? Chinese burn? Wedgie?

Well, there's your problem. If you do an Indian burn, it's game over pal. Chinese burn just doesn't cut it.

[Apple Pro Underwear]

Originally Posted by Tiresias 

What do you do in such situations?

You call the police so they bust them for disorderly conduct, which is illegal and if they stay married... they deserve each other.

Foe me, and please disagree with me or set me straight... women or men who stay in abusive relationships are needlessly suffering. Make the choice to leave your situation and make some plans to remedy that situation.

- If it's about the $$$: What do you prefer? Black eyes or Mercedes? If you prefer Mercedes, then you pay for them with black eyes.
- If it's about children: For one last time, set up a hidden camera in your home and let your husband do his thing one last time. You go to court, and you instantly have custody and you do the best you can from then on.
- If it's about love: Is this what you imagine "Love" to be? If you say yes, then suck it up and stop complaining. If not, then any moron can see your better half should not be administering beat-downs to their significant others.
- I'm no marriage counselor but I think domestic violence is a curable disease.

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by Apple Pro Underwear 

and if they stay married... they deserve each other.

By any other arrangement, four would be unhappy.

[Love Calm Quiet]

I heard about a new device called something like "cell phone"

Supposedly it's got buttons 9-1-1

I hear that if used right it can bring police ;/

[OreoCookie]

Originally Posted by Shaddim 

You've already decided that you should sit back and let him beat her up, so why bother posting this asking for advice?

Sit back? He called the cops, he didn't walk away, he did the right thing.

[Angelo78]

My father saw a man hitting a woman on the side of a street as he was driving his car. He pulled over and started to beat up the guy. The woman called the cops on my father. He told me this when I was in my early teens. He understands I'm a protective type of person and wanted me to have that jewel of info before just rushing out to "help".

As with many things there is no correct answer. You have to make your own choice as the situation arises. If you do act physically toward him understand that once the commotion is over your involvement doesn't end. You could be questioning by police. If it goes to court you could be called in as a witness/participant. The guy will know who you are through public police records and who knows what could follow after that. It's a lot to think about in a matter of seconds. Ignore it all together, call the police, get the guy who's hitting the woman. Any one could be correct depending on the circumstances. Just do your best and follow what you feel is the right thing.

[iLikebeer]

About 10 years ago, I was at a housewarming party. A guy had been stalking the girl that was moving in and showed up at the party. He promised to be good. After a few drinks, his promise turned out to be not so good. He pulled a knife on the girl he was in love with. Not sure how serious he was, but we pulled him outside and beat the living **** out of him. I still feel bad about it. Tried to tell them that you cant knock someone out with one punch, that's hollywood. 2 people holding someone down on concrete so they get the living **** beat out of them (albeit deservedly) was sickening. I'd rather we circled him and took turns hitting him from awkward angles, but no, we just proceeded to beat the **** out of him. I've never seen anything like it. He deserved it, but I still felt bad about how much we messed him up. In the old days, he probably would've been hanged, but we took the law into our own hands. It was not good.

Other than that, if you know a chick that can throw down, there's nothing more embarrasing than getting punked by a girl. I've seen female friends shame guys into not beating a woman and giving the girl options. That's usually the only scenario better than calling 911.

I'd say calling the police is always a good bet like other people have said. Don't intervene unless lives are at stake, children are being hit, or you know you can get away with teaching a lesson. Yes, I'll say sometimes you need to beat the crap out of some people to teach them a lesson. Just know when that time is.

[Shaddim]

Originally Posted by OreoCookie 

Sit back? He called the cops, he didn't walk away, he did the right thing.

Sorry, I couldn't just sit back, watch, and wait several minutes for cops to arrive, if it seemed that one person could be seriously injured. But hey, if you can still sleep at night, more power to you. Obviously,Tiresias feels that something about his actions were lacking, or he wouldn't have posted here asking our opinions.

[Apple Pro Underwear]

Originally Posted by iLikebeer 

About 10 years ago, I was at a housewarming party. A guy had been stalking the girl that was moving in and showed up at the party. He promised to be good.

?????

That's like the worst idea ever. Let's hangout with the guy stalking you... that's insane.