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Macite · Mar 11, 2009, 02:42 AM

TRIP TO WAL-MART

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward, with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack -- he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

turtle777 · Mar 11, 2009, 09:18 AM

Classic.

-t

alligator · Mar 13, 2009, 08:38 AM

This has got to be the best post here in a long time. You made my day.

osiris · Mar 13, 2009, 08:48 AM

I gather we have different tolerances for humor.

Dakar V · Mar 13, 2009, 08:58 AM

I second the motion from the man from Frantic Oblivion, and yield the rest of my time to him.

besson3c · Mar 13, 2009, 10:21 AM

That's not all you yield to him.

Dakar V · Mar 13, 2009, 10:24 AM

Don't be jealous.

besson3c · Mar 13, 2009, 10:26 AM

I'm very content with my own genitalia, thank you!

osiris · Mar 13, 2009, 10:28 AM

I'm sure you are.

Dakar V · Mar 13, 2009, 10:31 AM

moar liek Im sure ur teh only 1

lexapro · Mar 13, 2009, 10:58 AM

So funny!

subego · Mar 13, 2009, 02:51 PM

This isn't really my kind of humor, but despite that, I'm quite taken aback with how effectively the payoff is constructed.

Hg2491 · Mar 13, 2009, 02:54 PM

Hilarious!

Sealobo · Mar 13, 2009, 09:51 PM

a stupid question deserves a stupid answer... lol~

ctt1wbw · Mar 13, 2009, 10:08 PM

I could just some smart ass response followed by Here's Your Sign.

James L · Mar 13, 2009, 10:30 PM

An old joke (all over the net), but a classic!

CharlesS · Mar 13, 2009, 11:09 PM

Originally Posted by osiris

I gather we have different tolerances for humor.

Originally Posted by Dakar V

I second the motion from the man from Frantic Oblivion, and yield the rest of my time to him.

Originally Posted by besson3c

That's not all you yield to him.

Originally Posted by Dakar V

Don't be jealous.

Originally Posted by besson3c

I'm very content with my own genitalia, thank you!

Originally Posted by osiris

I'm sure you are.

Originally Posted by Dakar V

moar liek Im sure ur teh only 1

The OP's joke wasn't funny, but this is?

awaspaas · Mar 13, 2009, 11:18 PM

Shenanigans!

Laminar · Mar 14, 2009, 01:52 AM

Originally Posted by CharlesS

The OP's joke wasn't funny, but this is?

I don't think anyone quoted actually thought it was funny. Well, maybe one of them did, but that one doesn't count.

lyanma · Mar 14, 2009, 10:11 AM

CollinG3G4 · Mar 14, 2009, 03:28 PM

Macite,

The woman asked such a silly question because she found you attractive and wanted to jump your bones. You should have played along.

besson3c · Mar 14, 2009, 04:18 PM

I think CollinG3G4 means that she wanted to have sex with Macite...

Hg2491 · Mar 14, 2009, 04:38 PM

Was she cute, Macite?

Eriamjh · Mar 14, 2009, 04:39 PM

I actually LOLed.

Out Loud.

ghporter · Mar 14, 2009, 08:53 PM

"Do I have a dog? Nope! I'm looking at scaring away all the neighborhood cats!" Followed by "Here's your sign." Classic, Macite, truly classic.

@pplejaxkz · Mar 14, 2009, 09:55 PM

heh.

KeyLimePi · Mar 15, 2009, 09:38 AM

Really, people? Really?! Wow, the bar has really been lowered on MacNN.