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Doofy · Oct 22, 2009, 10:41 AM

So, you find yourself in the company of the hottest woman on the face of the planet. No kidding. Jessica Alba would kill to look like this girl. She's so hot you constantly feel like taking your own eyes out with a spoon just so you can go get something else done.

And she's sweet, kind, caring. Not bitchy at all. A nice girl wrapped in an ultra-hot external package.

But after about ten minutes, it hits you. This is a woman who believes that Jessica Simpson is the pinnacle of human intelligence. Sacks of hammers taunt her for being less intelligent than they.

So, what would you do?
Doof is conflicted.

Dork. · Oct 22, 2009, 10:43 AM

What, exactly, is the problem?

Doofy · Oct 22, 2009, 10:45 AM

No, seriously.

ShortcutToMoncton · Oct 22, 2009, 10:50 AM

I'd hit it™

Eug · Oct 22, 2009, 11:03 AM

Originally Posted by a lustful Doof

So, what would you do?

Post on MacNN?

SpaceMonkey · Oct 22, 2009, 11:05 AM

Put a bag over her head? Oh wait, wrong problem.

imitchellg5 · Oct 22, 2009, 11:06 AM

Learn her good.

Atheist · Oct 22, 2009, 11:08 AM

Unless you're looking for the mother of your children I'm not quite sure I understand your dilemma.

Doofy · Oct 22, 2009, 11:12 AM

Originally Posted by Atheist

Unless you're looking for the mother of your children I'm not quite sure I understand your dilemma.

It's the "nice girl" part. She's just too sweet to take advantage of unless I'm gonna follow through.

<-- Doof right now.

Big Mac · Oct 22, 2009, 11:15 AM

This thread is worthless without pictures.

screamingFit · Oct 22, 2009, 11:21 AM

You seem like a smart guy, Doof. I would assume that because you are smart a person's intelligence is an attraction for you.

You could hit it once or twice but I think you would end up feeling unfulfilled with anything more. If she's down with a shag or two I'd say do it but I'd watch out that she doesn't want to get involved or you could see how bitchy she could become.

ThinkInsane · Oct 22, 2009, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by Doofy

It's the "nice girl" part. She's just too sweet to take advantage of unless I'm gonna follow through.

<-- Doof right now.

Turn in your testicles, you're no man. You know what to do.

mattyb · 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by ThinkInsane

Turn in your testicles, you're no man.

QFT.

For even having to think about this, I'm going to get your passport taken away Doof.

Traitor isn't harsh enough.

osiris · Oct 22, 2009, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by Doofy

It's the "nice girl" part. She's just too sweet to take advantage of unless I'm gonna follow through.

<-- Doof right now.

This means you're a halfway decent human being. Good for you.

But tell me - have you really fallen for her? Perhaps more than you're willing to admit?

olePigeon · Oct 22, 2009, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by ShortcutToMoncton

I'd hit it™

You buy her a Big Mac?

downinflames68 · Oct 22, 2009, 01:02 PM

MacinTommy · Oct 22, 2009, 01:12 PM

One pair of brains per couple.. I say go for it. I'm still looking for someone....

... With brains.

starman · Oct 22, 2009, 01:17 PM

You're thinking too much about this.

Seriously.

Doofy · Oct 22, 2009, 01:54 PM

Originally Posted by osiris

But tell me - have you really fallen for her? Perhaps more than you're willing to admit?

Hmmm. Interesting question. Teetering on the edge, perhaps.

I find that stuff which people do which annoys the crap out of me (such As having The grammar capabillittys of a five Year old) really doesn't bother me that much when she does it.

Dammit. Maybe I'm in deep.

starman · Oct 22, 2009, 02:20 PM

This thread is useless without pics™

MrsLarry · Oct 22, 2009, 02:22 PM

Is she dumb, or ignorant? I mean, does she have potential to learn? or do you think she's doomed as far as brain capacity?

residentEvil · Oct 22, 2009, 03:08 PM

you lost me when you said "jessica alba would kill to look like her". i don't find alba anything special, so you described to me someone who looks better then alba...and i feel there are a lot that do, soooooo.....

hump and dump; problem solved.

osiris · Oct 22, 2009, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by Doofy

Hmmm. Interesting question. Teetering on the edge, perhaps.

I find that stuff which people do which annoys the crap out of me (such As having The grammar capabillittys of a five Year old) really doesn't bother me that much when she does it.

Dammit. Maybe I'm in deep.

lol, sounds like it. Besides, you can always correct the grammar.
Cheers!

besson3c · Oct 22, 2009, 03:10 PM

The question I have is whether it would be fair to call this woman a slut for doing Doofy?

mattyb · Oct 22, 2009, 03:11 PM

Originally Posted by Doofy

Dammit. Maybe I'm in deep.

You're not, and that is the problem. Get it over with and stop babbling.

Doofy · Oct 22, 2009, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by MrsLarry

Is she dumb, or ignorant? I mean, does she have potential to learn? or do you think she's doomed as far as brain capacity?

Hmmm. I'll have to experiment a little, I think.

Originally Posted by besson3c

The question I have is whether it would be fair to call this woman a slut for doing Doofy?

...And what makes you think that Doof does sluts? Sluts are boring and plentiful (in my line of work, at least).

Originally Posted by mattyb

You're not, and that is the problem. Get it over with and stop babbling.

I see France hasn't been rubbing off on you much then.

besson3c · Oct 22, 2009, 04:03 PM

I'm not saying you do sluts, I'm just saying, hypothetically speaking, *if* she were to do you on the first date would it be fair to call her a slut?

sek929 · Oct 22, 2009, 04:05 PM

A girl I dated for a short while and took to my prom was a very similar situation. Hottest girl I've ever met, but being a smarmy sarcastic person meant 80% of everything I said went way over her head. Never banged her, or even got her naked......a lost opportunity.

Doofy · Oct 22, 2009, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by besson3c

I'm not saying you do sluts, I'm just saying, hypothetically speaking, *if* she were to do you on the first date would it be fair to call her a slut?

There's two schools of thought on this.
1) If a chick doesn't do you within 24 hours, she's not that into you.
2) If a chick does you within 24 hours, she's a slapper.

Doof subscribes to the latter, since Doof is a superior individual who likes to see the way her cheese melts before allowing her the privilege of the canoodling. Had my fill of the one-nighter thing.

Face Ache · Oct 22, 2009, 04:53 PM

Originally Posted by Doofy

Doof is conflicted.

You're conflicted because she doesn't get ticks in all the boxes on your list.

So there's your answer.

Chongo · Oct 22, 2009, 05:03 PM

Well it could be worse. He could be dating this..

Face Ache · Oct 22, 2009, 05:09 PM

User friendly.

Oneota · Oct 22, 2009, 06:32 PM

As Ron White said -- in 30 years, people can get face lifts, tummy tucks, and boob jobs. But you can't fix stupid.

Doofy · Oct 22, 2009, 07:01 PM

Screw it. I've just had an hour long conversation with a surgical pathologist friend about experimental techniques in breast cancer detection. And then I remembered this:

YouTube - Women: Know Your Limits! Harry Enfield - BBC comedy

Time to jump in. Thanks chaps and chapettes.