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mattyb · Mar 28, 2010, 05:41 AM

I know that I'm opening the door for the Doofys, the Dakars, the bessons and the Laminars to post sarcastic comments, so be it.

At the moment, I'm pretty sure that I'm suffering from a high level of stress at work. Bit of background : over a year ago I gave up smoking, and I hardly ever drink anymore. The company that I work for has more and more clients and yet hasn't recruited more people to do the IT for these clients. They have however recruited another director and another pre-sales person. We're also perpetually having issues with our hardware and software due to using older versions, or unsupported versions or not having paid software licenses. When you want to solve a problem, you always have 'obstructions' in your way. Everything is done through workarounds : having to install free software on your PC, tricking software to think that the hostname is the one that you paid your license for etc etc. I'm even getting stressed writing about it now because it pisses me off so much. The management basically relies on the goodwill of some very competent people working non-paid hours and some week-ends to get things done. Its been like this since I joined about 2 years ago. The guy that hired me and who wanted to put in place some quality (ITIL, ISO etc) quit in disgust about a year ago. My boss (who had been there for 13 years in other depts) quit about 6 months ago. This stress gets brought home as well. I seem to fly off the handle quicker. I used to manage this with a smoke but I'm not about to start that again. My daughter said she was scared of me the other night. While some might find this a good way to 'manage' their kids, its not how it used to be and I'd like it to change.

Quitting is easier said than done. I have a very good salary. I've been searching for a while and other companies don't offer the same level for my job without having management responsibilities - I manage no-one. The job market here isn't the best either.

So, suggestions on how to manage stress would be appreciated. Drink and/or drugs isn't what I'm looking for.

Matt

Doofy · Mar 28, 2010, 07:23 AM

Let's put your stress into context.

I know a dude who's 40, never had carnal knowledge, is a van driver on £12,000 a year and has been out at night socially exactly once in the last two years. He's never going to have carnal knowledge and he's never going to be anything other than a van driver on £12,000 a year.

Now, if you think you're having stress over a bit of crappy software and some mad working situation, imagine how much stress the guy I mention is having over his life.

OK. Next. It's crappy software. If there wasn't any crappy software around you wouldn't have a job. Or you'd be a van driver on £12,000 a year delivering boxes of goodness with "Apple" written on the side of them. Which do you prefer?

Unfortunately in this world, the more able amongst us will always have to deal with richardheads who're less able. You have to deal with idiot software purchasers, I have to deal with people who think the Rickenbacker 330 is a good guitar. That's the nature of things - that's why we're well paid. Just knowing this and accepting it will rid you of a little of that stress.

Here's the second best stress-reliever known to mankind. You know what the first is (when it's not nagging). I'm being serious. Lock yerself away for 20 minutes, volume up, fist in air, tennis racket out. Don't argue, just do it. Fight club without the fighting, basically.

Dork. · Mar 28, 2010, 07:47 AM

Sorry to be so blunt, but to me, it sounds like all the smart people left. What does that make you?

And what's wrong with having some Management responsibilities? It sounds like with your background you could manage a small group of IT folks very effectively. And if you're only managing a small group, you will have time left over to still stay involved in the day-to-day tasks. I think it can only help your career.

mattyb · Mar 28, 2010, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by Dork.

Sorry to be so blunt, but to me, it sounds like all the smart people left. What does that make you?

A well paid idiot. I'm looking.

Originally Posted by Dork.

And what's wrong with having some Management responsibilities? It sounds like with your background you could manage a small group of IT folks very effectively. And if you're only managing a small group, you will have time left over to still stay involved in the day-to-day tasks. I think it can only help your career.

The managers are unable to manage because of the situation. My last manager left. The guy that hired me, who was the manager of my manager, left. Basically, even though the company is making money, we are unable to put in place solutions that would make the job less 'artisanal'. My new boss has more and more grey hair every week.

I could give countless examples. The easiest is the use of unsupported software because we haven't told our software suppliers that we're still using their product. They canceled maintenance and license purchases at the beginning of last year.

Cheers for the link Doofy, wonder if they'll allow me to loop it during some of the meetings that I have.

seanc · Mar 28, 2010, 08:14 AM

I think you should a compile a list of the problems with your IT and take them to your boss.
Tell him how much time you're wasting and tell him it needs fixing.

It sounds like they need you in their company, so they should most definitely listen to what you have to say.

Can you not get slightly rebellious and say 'your x piece of unsupported software won't work because we don't have a valid license and it's ancient'?

Dork. · Mar 28, 2010, 09:01 AM

I wasn't talking about having Management responsibilities in your current position. I am making the assumption that since you are posting about it here, you've already given up on your current employer, even if you haven't caught up to that fact mentally yet. I am saying that jumping ship and getting a position somewhere else with management responsibilities is something you can handle, and would be good for your career.

(Do you like how I can talk with such certainty about your life? Isn't the Internet great?)

(BTW, do you know the terms of the software you are licensing? I use a lot of Engineering Design Automation software, which is expensive and involves yearly maintenance. But some of these seats are "perpetual", which means that even if you stop maintenance, you still have the legal right to run the software up to the latest version that was released when your maintenance lapsed, with no access to support. Even after the maintenance has expired, if the seat is node-locked and you need to move the seat from one workstation to another, you can call the vendor and have them cut you a new license key, with the same restrictions, for the new workstation. Expect a call from their sales department shortly after, though, asking to renew maintenance. At the very least, if you feign interest (and a budget), you may get a free meal out of it.)

ghporter · Mar 28, 2010, 09:35 AM

I like seanc's take on this. Doing more with less, including less support and less stuff that actually works, is fine for a short period of time. After that, it starts to erode the workers' ability to do anything well, and eventually to do anything at all. You are feeling a lot of stress from this because you take your work seriously, which puts you in a relatively rarefied class. And you're still there, getting the job "done" in spite of everything around you being or going to poo. Your management should either realize this and bump the compensation and/or support to something more acceptable, or they should understand that they may have to get things done without you. You know your clients, you know their situations and concerns, and you know how to make them happy-something your management has no contact with. Put things in a customer perspective for the management and they may actually do something. First step: cut way back on unpaid work. Too hard on your health, family commitments, etc.-it doesn't matter if your reasons sound lame, because management's reasons for you doing unpaid work ARE lame.

As for your stress, use some of the time you're NOT working for no pay to do something physical. Go for a nice, long walk. Ride a bike. Play tennis or golf. Anything physical will help you "burn off" the stress chemicals that are building up in your body. If you have access to a punching bag, one of the big ones, get gloved up and lay into it! The combination of an aggressive activity and stress tends to both help you relax and get the emotional part of the stress worked out. You may not be upset with any single person, but you are upset with a particular situation-go ahead and punch the snot out of that situation.

You are not "an idiot" for sticking to something you take seriously. But you are carrying more of a load than is appropriate-both work-wise and emotionally. Take it easy on yourself and don't take it personally. Be active, both physically and in terms of "doing something about it," and you should feel much better.

Paco500 · Mar 28, 2010, 10:40 AM

Work on two things simultaneously- throughly documenting the situation and an exit strategy.

And get out of IT/Ops- get into pre-sales. Better money, less stress.

OreoCookie · Mar 28, 2010, 11:29 AM

You don't need stress management, you need to reduce your workload to a manageable level. Some of the things you have written indicate you risk getting a burn out (e. g. flying off the handle easily and for little reason). Please take these warning signs very seriously, they can ruin your health. And you have a family that depends on you.

First thing, I would reduce your work time to the one that is in your contract. If things don't get done, they don't get done. Your company seems to have systematic problems by having too little staff and support to get the job done. There is no reason to feel bad if you don't manage things you cannot manage -- that's the responsibility of your bosses.

Secondly, I would tell your higher-ups about it, namely that you cannot manage the current workload and outline the most important reasons why. I don't expect they'll change too much, but at least you have given them the chance to change some of their policies.

I would also suggest you look for a new job.

Railroader · Mar 28, 2010, 12:16 PM

Originally Posted by mattyb

I know that I'm opening the door for the Doofys, the Dakars, the bessons and the Laminars to post sarcastic comments, so be it.

What? No love for the RR?!?!

Originally Posted by mattyb

This stress gets brought home as well. I seem to fly off the handle quicker. I used to manage this with a smoke but I'm not about to start that again. My daughter said she was scared of me the other night. While some might find this a good way to 'manage' their kids, its not how it used to be and I'd like it to change.
...
So, suggestions on how to manage stress would be appreciated. Drink and/or drugs isn't what I'm looking for.

Matt

Hug your kids the moment you get home. Not a quick little hug, but a head in their hair breath in deeply smothering hug. Then, get comfortable and read your kids a few short books. Play a board game. Love them.

Do this every day as a way to transition from work to home.

Spheric Harlot · Mar 28, 2010, 12:47 PM

^ that.

If you're home too late every day to do that (rather than just occasionally), then something is very, very wrong.

imitchellg5 · Mar 28, 2010, 01:05 PM

Sorry to hear about your stress Matt. I would always keep an eye out for job openings, like you are doing. IMHO, you should probably just GTFO of that company. Offer solutions to their issues, but an exit strategy is a good thing to have. Like RR suggested, I'd find something to do with your kids that both enjoy. Maybe a hobby, maybe just playing outside, or reading a book at night. Kids can cause stress, but they are also bundles of joy.

besson3c · Mar 28, 2010, 02:56 PM

I'm also sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds immensely frustrating, it is of credit to you that you've survived this long from the sounds of things!

I guess all I would suggest is to try to draw the line in the sand and make it clear that you cannot support these products, and see if you can get somebody to support you in terms of your stance. Then, you can "work to rule" and just let things collapse and keep a minimum safe distance from everything.

As to how to do all of this, I obviously can't say, but the more you can do to relieve yourself of these unsustainable sorts of responsibilities and try to not be invested in the subsequent collapse, the better. Often times administration will not act unless they have to, so applying pressure on them can help. You probably have more leverage than you think. One possible way to sort of increase that amount of leverage is pointing out to people that you are being asked to break the law in circumventing copy protection, and that you would like some legal assurances that you will not be held liable or responsible for this, etc.

I like the "minimum safe distance" theory when it comes to IT. That is, do not volunteer for things, do not be helpful beyond your job description without being compensated, treat your employer like a cheap date that you can emotionally walk away from at any time, and keep just enough of a safe distance from things that are on the brink of collapse and failure so that you won't be held responsible, yet at the same time can be in a place to call the shots and sweep in and fix what is broken, increasing your political capital.

Everybody always suggests "find another job", but nobody has suggested "create your own new job". Building your own thing can be immensely rewarding, and although stressful, it is at least stress that is within your realm of control. The situation you are in now sort of sounds like you are too close to a ticking time bomb that you cannot defuse.

ghporter · Mar 28, 2010, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by Railroader

What? No love for the RR?!?!

Hug your kids the moment you get home. Not a quick little hug, but a head in their hair breath in deeply smothering hug. Then, get comfortable and read your kids a few short books. Play a board game. Love them.

Do this every day as a way to transition from work to home.

This is the very best advice so far! It helps reduce your stress and cuts you off from work and the pressures there. And if you don't have time to do this EVERY day, start making that time-as in leaving early enough to do it and thus not doing unpaid overtime. You owe it to yourself and your kids.

AKcrab · Mar 28, 2010, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by mattyb

The management basically relies on the goodwill of some very competent people working non-paid hours and some week-ends to get things done.

Unless you are a salaried (exempt) employee, this is completely illegal in the US.

(Yes, I know your location says France, I'm just saying..)

Phileas · Mar 28, 2010, 06:19 PM

You don't just come home and hug your kids when you're angry, frustrated and feeling trapped. You just don't, regardless of how much you want to/should to.

It's also really hard to see the bigger picture when you're just trying to survive - I know, I've been in a job where, entirely manufactured by insecure and utterly incompetent management, stress levels were so high that it took me a year to regain my health after I finally left. Never again.

I'd follow seanc's advice. Talk to the boss, tell them what the problems are. If you have to, build a presentation - nothing impresses some people more than Powerpoint.

Simultaneously, work on an exit strategy. Look at this as an opportunity to develop yourself further. As Doofy says, if you're so inclined, take drum lessons. If it feels right for you, try yoga. I did, and it helped to put me back together again no end.

Good luck.

ShortcutToMoncton · Mar 28, 2010, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by mattyb

Iand I hardly ever drink anymore.

I know it's not what you're looking for, but I find a good stress reliever is the ability to take some "time out" and enjoy the finer things in your life – whether it be good music, good friends, good wine, good rum, good theatre, etc. etc. You know, the things you just really ****ing love but often realize that you haven't been able to do for a long, long time. Those things make life good. Book a time every week and say "**** it, on this time, I'm going to do this because I like it."

Translation: waste some of that money on great scotch and great wine!

greg

Shaddim · Mar 28, 2010, 09:02 PM

Spend lots of time with loved ones and find a hobby to do together. Leave work at work. It's tough, but you need to learn or you'll have a stroke.

Also, some cannabis after the kids go to bed might be in order.

macaddict0001 · Mar 28, 2010, 11:19 PM

Watch "Office Space", then "Super Troopers".

In all seriousness, if other people feel the same way, it may be time for some collective bargaining...

Meow.

Salty · Mar 29, 2010, 03:06 AM

Tell your boss your son just came out of the closet and you're stressing about it at home and you need to focus on your family...

Sure it's not true, but it'll sure make them awkward and unsure if they can say no about it... mean after all... you just found out your kid's a queer...

In all seriousness though, my solution with this sort of thing at work, is to just not do the extra work they're dropping on you. And when they get mad, say point blank that you worked for the number of expected hours, but that the problems are bigger than you, you need proper staffing and proper funding. As soon as things grind to a halt and they start loosing money because you're not delivering they'll take notice.

One of my bosses at work will act like a total bully until I point out that she's being a bully and I don't appreciate it and I wont' tolerate it, then she says sorry and avoids me for a few days. If they have experience getting blood from a stone they'll keep trying till you're dry. Your blood is for your family, not your job.

mattyb · Mar 29, 2010, 03:49 AM

I appreciate the comments, thanks for posting.

I shall try and do a Impress presentation (only management get to use MS Office) about the issues, I'll look into getting a punch bag and when the terrorists start throwing dirt into the house I shall try and smile instead of breaking their limbs. Now that the good weather is starting, I'm going to dedicate some time to photography and getting out of the house an evening or two.

Salty, do you think that 'coming out' at 2.5 years old (my son's age) is a valid excuse ?

Matt

Spheric Harlot · Mar 29, 2010, 03:57 AM

If you perceived your son's behaviour at that age as "coming out" and threw a fit over it, it would certainly be clear indication that they've been overworking you and you're going off the deep end.

Phileas · Mar 29, 2010, 05:05 AM

Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot

If you perceived your son's behaviour at that age as "coming out" and threw a fit over it, it would certainly be clear indication that they've been overworking you and you're going off the deep end.

I don't think you've read Salty's post?

Spheric Harlot · Mar 29, 2010, 05:51 AM

Yes, I did.

I'm saying that if his son's coming out at two and a half doesn't warrant a workload reduction, the fact that he'd be worrying about it certainly should.

turtle777 · Mar 29, 2010, 06:03 AM

Survival strategy #1: Don't give a shit. Or at least, give less.

-t

Doofy · Mar 29, 2010, 06:37 AM

Originally Posted by mattyb

do you think that 'coming out' at 2.5 years old (my son's age) is a valid excuse ?

Not in France.

The Final Dakar · Mar 29, 2010, 08:26 AM

I'll save my tired, old jokes for another thread.

Speaking of tired and old, good luck mattyb.

mattyb · Mar 29, 2010, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by The Final Dakar

I'll save my tired, old jokes for another thread.

Speaking of tired and old, good luck mattyb.

Touché.

Salty · Mar 29, 2010, 02:07 PM

Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot

Yes, I did.

I'm saying that if his son's coming out at two and a half doesn't warrant a workload reduction, the fact that he'd be worrying about it certainly should.

His son isn't gay (far as I know) but I suggested he lie about it... it was a tongue in cheek comment. A little bit of levity.

In other new Doofy is pregnant.

Spheric Harlot · Mar 29, 2010, 03:02 PM

JESUS **** I KNOW THAT A TWO AND A HALF YEAR OLD ISN'T ****ING GAY!!!!

I understood the joke. I was continuing it and folding it back into his actual work situation.

It appears that nobody got it. Forget it. It wasn't worth making an effort for.

The Final Dakar · Mar 29, 2010, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot

JESUS **** I KNOW THAT A TWO AND A HALF YEAR OLD ISN'T ****ING GAY!!!!

I understood the joke. I was continuing it and folding it back into his actual work situation.

It appears that nobody got it. Forget it. It wasn't worth making an effort for.

I got it. It was patently obvious. And this is coming from a guy notorious for not getting your sense of humor.

Doofy · Mar 29, 2010, 03:10 PM

Originally Posted by Spheric Harlot

JESUS **** I KNOW THAT A TWO AND A HALF YEAR OLD ISN'T ****ING GAY!!!!

So it's an adult lifestyle choice then?

mattyb · Mar 29, 2010, 04:47 PM

Thank fook for the MacNN forum.

seanc · Mar 29, 2010, 04:54 PM

Originally Posted by mattyb

Thank fook for the MacNN forum.

Aye aye cap'n.

Hope you start feeling better soon. You don't deserve to be in that situation, as has been mentioned before, too many grey hairs will start appearing.

Spheric Harlot · Mar 29, 2010, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by Doofy

So it's an adult lifestyle choice then?

I actually consciously decided not to bother covering that base, in my exasperation.

Erm, no.

mattyb · Mar 29, 2010, 05:09 PM

I haven't got much hair.

Friday was a very stressful day and there were a few voices raised (it is France). Today people tip-toed around me. I started doing the presentation that you suggested seanc. I'll be able to talk about it tomorrow in my annual review - should be interesting. And I've sent off the CV for 2 posts.