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Everybody who likes dying...
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Games Meister
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May 14, 2014, 01:05 PM
 
…slump at your work desk in an unresponsive state.

They found me like this Friday, and through the miracle of CPR certified coworkers, a company defibrillator, and a helicopter that landed in the parking lot to take me 40 miles away, where they put me into a ice-induced coma for 24 hours, (of which I only lasted 6 before I came to and was – I'm told – very unhappy about the current state of all the things attached to my body) I lived to tell the tale.

What happened? After a battery of tests the answer was clear: Unexplained cardiac arrest. Even my health is a man of mystery.

In the short term, my mental faculties are still slightly off (personality, memory, intense thinking) and I'm wearing what essentially is a smart vest that is a defibrillator.

I mention this because:
A. I'm probably not thinking straight and will regret this later
B. I also underwent a hefty medical procedure last year, though that was planned, so I'm in some kind of weird groundhog day, only this time it's even more deadly serious.
C. I'm vaguely aware this was a near-death experience, and as such my perspective is going to be different in the short term. (That went for last year too, but in a different manner)


I don't want or need any prayers or pity, but I will accept donations in adorable cat gifs.
( Last edited by The Final Dakar; May 14, 2014 at 01:23 PM. Reason: like i said, brain r dum)
     
Mac Elite
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May 14, 2014, 01:12 PM
 
Welcome back to the world of the living. Glad you made it.
     
Administrator
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May 14, 2014, 01:33 PM
 
Oh wow, glad you're ok. Sounds terrible, but hey, "free" helicopter ride.



     
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May 14, 2014, 01:35 PM
 
geez man, aren't you youngish to be having heart attacks?

For your health, I forbid you to enter the pol-war lounge.



     
Posting Junkie
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May 14, 2014, 01:39 PM
 
This same thing happened to a friend last year - super healthy guy in his 40s, just finished an autocross run and then just slumped over his steering wheel and the car rolled into a fence. Luckily there was a nurse just a few feet away that pulled him from the car and did CPR until the ambulance got there and they defibrillated him back to life. It was the craziest thing, and they're still not entirely sure what caused it.

Also, you keep alluding to your sex change (B) but never come right out and admit it.
     
Games Meister
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May 14, 2014, 01:49 PM
 
Originally Posted by Demonhood View Post
Oh wow, glad you're ok. Sounds terrible, but hey, "free" helicopter ride.
Which would be awesome if I could remember it. I mean, it's like being on the receiving end of sleep sex.

Originally Posted by andi*pandi View Post
geez man, aren't you youngish to be having heart attacks?
I may be wrong but "unexplainable cardia arrest" is a thing that has nothing to do with age.

Originally Posted by Laminar View Post
This same thing happened to a friend last year - super healthy guy in his 40s, just finished an autocross run and then just slumped over his steering wheel and the car rolled into a fence. Luckily there was a nurse just a few feet away that pulled him from the car and did CPR until the ambulance got there and they defibrillated him back to life. It was the craziest thing, and they're still not entirely sure what caused it.
Another lucky mother****er. Jesus.

Originally Posted by Laminar View Post
Also, you keep alluding to your sex change (B) but never come right out and admit it.
It wasn't a sex change. It was a sex addition.
     
Clinically Insane
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May 14, 2014, 01:50 PM
 
No prayers or pity, but holy shit, I'm glad you're okay!

I had a sorta similar "near death" experience where I remember absolutely nothing, which takes some of that "near death" jumpstart away from you.

I was in a Propofol coma, so they could (and would) bring me close to conscious every now and again. My dad said whenever they did that, he thought I was trying to say something.

My guess was "CHOKING", because I had this goddamn tube in my throat.
     
Clinically Insane
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May 14, 2014, 01:54 PM
 
Also...

     
Games Meister
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May 14, 2014, 01:58 PM
 
Originally Posted by Demonhood View Post
BTW, best one so far.

My contributions:



     
Clinically Insane
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May 14, 2014, 02:20 PM
 
I need to be a lameass here... if you have not done so, get a will.
     
Administrator
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May 14, 2014, 02:31 PM
 
Directions of Dakar will, to be fulfilled only in order.

1. Revive me if at all possible.
2. Try a necromancer. There's a good one in the Mirkwood Forest.
3. Give all my worldly possessions to reader50.
4. Give all my worldly debts to subego.
5. Give the finger to EA.
     
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May 14, 2014, 02:37 PM
 
Holy **** Dakar!!!

Don't go dropping dead, I need to know that the Zero is crusing NeoGaf/Kotaku/whatever sorting the wheat from the chaff and then posting it here. You are my Lifehacking solution for Gaming news.

Tempted to post something about your health but I'm sure your family/close friends are giving you enough shit as it is.
     
Clinically Insane
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May 14, 2014, 02:59 PM
 
7. And Gamestop
     
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May 14, 2014, 03:01 PM
 
Originally Posted by The Final Dakar View Post
I may be wrong but "unexplainable cardia arrest" is a thing that has nothing to do with age.
Well, ok, but just to be on the safe side, I hear that Laminar has some super youthful blood for sale. Better stock up.
     
Games Meister
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May 14, 2014, 03:11 PM
 
Originally Posted by mattyb View Post
I'm sure your family/close friends are giving you enough shit as it is.
I think that's going to cause an infection.
     
Posting Junkie
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Location: Iowa, how long can this be? Does it really ruin the left column spacing?
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May 14, 2014, 03:25 PM
 
     
Games Meister
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May 14, 2014, 04:15 PM
 
Originally Posted by Laminar View Post
The tail is confusing me. Typically that kind of wagging indicates displeasure, but its near constant.
     
OAW
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May 14, 2014, 05:45 PM
 
Wow! Glad you are OK. That's some scary sh*t right there.

OAW
     
Posting Junkie
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May 14, 2014, 06:00 PM
 
Jesus man, at least wait until I get some PS4 action in before dropping dead.

     
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May 14, 2014, 06:26 PM
 
You got to ride in a helicopter? That's so friggin' cool!

Seriously, though...Damn. Glad you're still here.

C. I'm vaguely aware this was a near-death experience, and as such my perspective is going to be different in the short term.
Did you see the white light? That thing is amazing.
     
Games Meister
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May 14, 2014, 06:57 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
Jesus man, at least wait until I get some PS4 action in before dropping dead
Stop ****ing procrastinating.

Originally Posted by Thorzdad View Post
Did you see the white light? That thing is amazing.
Not only did I not see a white light, my memory leading up to and after the event is all but missing.
     
Administrator
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May 14, 2014, 08:20 PM
 
Any chance your employer has a secret security camera covering your desk? Knowing exactly what you did right before could be important. Especially since the docs have decided they don't know the cause.
     
Posting Junkie
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May 14, 2014, 09:16 PM
 
That's intense, man. I don't like dying and I suspect you don't either. For this reason, I respect what you've faced recently and hope you don't have to go through it again.

And I have no cat gifs.
ebuddy
     
P
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May 15, 2014, 07:21 AM
 
Wow. And there are no ideas about what might have been the cause? Scary.. .
Attached Images
File Type: jpg katt7os.jpg (17.5 KB, 862 views)
The new Mac Pro has up to 30 MB of cache inside the processor itself. That's more than the HD in my first Mac. Somehow I'm still running out of space.
     
Clinically Insane
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May 15, 2014, 07:34 AM
 
Daaaamn, glad you're okay. That's crazy. I was revived after drowning when I was a kid (a bully held me under at a local pool), but that was a very different thing. I may have lost consciousness for 10-15 seconds but it wasn't long at all. The lifeguard was very fast in reacting to it.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
Clinically Insane
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May 15, 2014, 03:24 PM
 
I'm happy you're not dead Dakar!
     
Posting Junkie
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May 15, 2014, 03:24 PM
 
Originally Posted by The Final Dakar View Post
Stop ****ing procrastinating.
Honestly it's been my lack of procrastination lately that has eaten up my gaming thirst.
     
Posting Junkie
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May 15, 2014, 03:28 PM
 
Actually OT...

The thought of keeling over as a 30(?)-something male is pretty terrifying. I think a prescription of tropical island replete with big-breasted women is in order.
     
Clinically Insane
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May 15, 2014, 03:40 PM
 
Make that last one a double.
     
OAW
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May 15, 2014, 04:51 PM
 
^^^

Indeed.

OAW
     
Games Meister
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May 15, 2014, 05:19 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
Honestly it's been my lack of procrastination lately that has eaten up my gaming thirst.
Home projects and getting out, etc.?

Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
The thought of keeling over as a 30(?)-something male is pretty terrifying. I think a prescription of tropical island replete with big-breasted women is in order.
Last year was a reasonable reminder of my mortality. This was the universe being a douche.
     
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May 16, 2014, 12:46 AM
 
That's crazy! I'm glad you're ok. You've been playing BF4 these last few nights like nothing happened. Did you mention this to the GAF group or did I miss it?




Nobody ever mentions my legendary sexual prowess.
     
Posting Junkie
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May 16, 2014, 02:08 PM
 
Originally Posted by The Final Dakar View Post
Home projects and getting out, etc.?
Working like a madman. Construction is at a 7 year high right now and the gettins good.
     
Games Meister
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May 16, 2014, 05:10 PM
 
Originally Posted by sek929 View Post
Working like a madman. Construction is at a 7 year high right now and the gettins good.
Really? I thought the general consensus was the market was still depressed around the country.

But yeah, ride that train, get that paper, and save yourself a nice chunk of change.
     
Clinically Insane
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May 16, 2014, 11:44 PM
 
The housing market is exploding again is certain areas, new construction is booming around here.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
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May 17, 2014, 03:18 AM
 
Sudden cardiac death is one hell of a drug!
If you have Ghosts, you have Everything!
     
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May 17, 2014, 04:33 PM
 
Holy crap...I've been gone from the forum for a few days, and this?

I know you asked for no prayers, so I'll pretend to respect that wish.

Regardless, I'm glad you lived to tell the tale.
     
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May 17, 2014, 05:02 PM
 
Originally Posted by The Final Dakar View Post
The tail is confusing me. Typically that kind of wagging indicates displeasure, but its near constant.
Go near my cat when his tail his moving like that ... there will be blood.

     
Clinically Insane
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May 17, 2014, 05:35 PM
 
Originally Posted by Jawbone54 View Post
Holy crap...I've been gone from the forum for a few days, and this?

I know you asked for no prayers, so I'll pretend to respect that wish.

Regardless, I'm glad you lived to tell the tale.
For real. Asking a Christian to not pray for you in this situation is like... asking a person with allergies not to sneeze during the month of April.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
Games Meister
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May 17, 2014, 06:40 PM
 
Originally Posted by Shaddim View Post
The housing market is exploding again is certain areas, new construction is booming around here.
I'm sure its not a bubble.

Originally Posted by Jawbone54 View Post
I know you asked for no prayers, so I'll pretend to respect that wish
The point is, I don't need to be told. Scientifically, it makes no difference, right?
     
Games Meister
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May 17, 2014, 06:44 PM
 
Originally Posted by mattyb View Post
Go near my cat when his tail his moving like that ... there will be blood.
That's usually the case.

Originally Posted by mattyb View Post
Great gif.
     
zro
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May 18, 2014, 02:45 AM
 
Damn, just damn. 54 is too young, man!
Or whatever. Pretty sure you're plenty younger than me. Also HOLY SHIT! Wow. So scare.
For what it's worth, here's hoping it never happens again.
     
Games Meister
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Jul 1, 2014, 01:16 PM
 
I now set-off metal detectors.
     
Clinically Insane
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Jul 1, 2014, 02:05 PM
 
pacemaker?
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
- Thomas Paine
     
Posting Junkie
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Jul 1, 2014, 03:09 PM
 
Steel penis?
     
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Jul 1, 2014, 04:09 PM
 
Pierced nipples. (Think McGyver defibrillator.)

MacGyver The Enemy Within Heart Stimulator - YouTube

Nobody ever mentions my legendary sexual prowess.
     
Addicted to MacNN
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Jul 1, 2014, 04:30 PM
 
     
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Jul 1, 2014, 04:30 PM
 
Originally Posted by Laminar View Post
Steel penis?
Only adamantium would be good enough for Dakar.
     
Clinically Insane
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Jul 1, 2014, 05:14 PM
 
I think someone put a plate in his head.
     
Games Meister
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Jul 1, 2014, 08:08 PM
 
Defibrillator. Commie version.
     
 
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