[OwlBoy]

haha Those are great.

Hmm, the only search hits my site seems to get are when people search for owlboy

edit:

I have been watching the metacrwaler serch spy and found these:

"Furry Adult stories"

"Tropical Fish Pattern Flannel Fabric

Naughty Mom chat rooms

12 inch ****

nymphomania

mature lady picture post


-Owl

[Demonhood]

query: pool urinating
rank: 24
thoughts: nothing is sexier than a loss of bladder control.

[khufuu]

Originally posted by cteselle:
from one of my monthly reports:

#199 of top 200: pill bottle pictures

That's a riot!

[khufuu]

Originally posted by Harpy:
I thought I'd been getting away pretty clean, but then I got this hit from a Swedish search engine:

My Little Pony Hate Page

From this, I can only conclude that Swedes have a lot of pent-up frustration, possibly from trying to use the plastic tweezers in their little knives.

That's even a bigger riot!!

Do you ever wonder if people do these just to f**k with the minds of unsuspecing computer nerds?

[RAzaRazor]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
query: monkey+sex+velveeta+motor+oil+with+parsnip+gravy
rank: N/A
thoughts: oh my. this wasn't entered into a search engine, but into the internal search for my photo gallery page. if i had one shread of hope left for mankind, it would have vanished. good thing i'm a cynic eh.

heh. I planted that query in there for you to find. I knew it would make you think "WTF??"
I did a few others, but that was by far the weirdest.

[RAzaRazor]

Originally posted by khufuu:
Do you ever wonder if people do these just to f**k with the minds of unsuspecing computer nerds?

Yes. See Above.

[sniffer]

Nothing special here.

Haven't had many google hits on my homepage, but apparently one found my site by searching these keywords:
"high school brandon dicamillo".

Doubt they found what they was looking for.

[Demonhood]

Originally posted by RAzaRazor:
heh. I planted that query in there for you to find. I knew it would make you think "WTF??"
I did a few others, but that was by far the weirdest.

you're a tricky one.

well done.

[Demonhood]

query: women superglued stuck
rank: 36
thoughts: someone that can't quite admit they have a siamese twins fetish perhaps?

[Demonhood]

query: erection photo
rank: 60
thoughts: as an added bonus, the result is mac related

[Mark E]

i went to the google offices in mountain view, and behind the receptionist's desk they have a projector showing what people are currently searching for. there was some funny stuff on there.

if you're in the silicon valley, go and take a look. google have a MAME arcade machine in their lobby

[Demonhood]

query: ky jelly advertisement commercial heat
rank: 5
thoughts: mmm, jelly.

[Demonhood]

query: "women love pirates"
rank: 3
thoughts: peg leg optional.

[Demonhood]

query: carpet doesn't match the drapes
rank: 5
thoughts: but the colors are quite complimentary.

[macvillage.net]

I've gotten millions of wierd ones over the years with some sites.

Some from the past few days have been:

penis pushups

can yoga give me a bigger penis?

and

I'm towards the top for this one:
Stacy's mom video

;-)

Fun stuff.

[ZackS]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
The SEX Edition!

query: "how to spoon" sex
rank: 6
thoughts: why they added the word 'sex' to this query, i'm not sure. i should be thanking my lucky stars it wasn't "how to spork" sex.

Spooning is commonly referred to as cuddling. Not sure why sex is in the query because women often ask for it instead of sex, but hey, you never know. At least it kind of makes sense...

[Demonhood]

query: dirk diggler and photo
rank: 7 & 9
thoughts: surprisingly, none of the top 10 are pornographic (on MSN)
result: macworld

[Misanthrope]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
query: dirk diggler and photo
rank: 7 & 9
thoughts: surprisingly, none of the top 10 are pornographic (on MSN)
result: macworld

BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAAA!!!!

[Demonhood]

query: images of cow and goat milking
rank: 70
thoughts: i'm going to assume this search was for educational purposes only.

[SomeToast]

Because of an old 16-page Apple ad I've got posted, I get a lot of Google hits under queries like "1984 Apple Macintosh" (#3) or "Apple 1984 ad" (#4). There's also a surprising number of searches for "Bill Gates picture" (#8) in there.

Some of the others...

examples of toast
5 1/4 floppy where to find
toast pattern
living in domes
5 Ms of advertising
picture of an apple famous
how to fold a fold out
Why Bill Gates is famous

Hey, I'm just happy to be ranked #1 for "5 1/4 floppy"!

[Demonhood]

query: wonderwoman photo
engine: msn
rank: 2
result: macworld again
thoughts: proving, once again, that there aren't enough pictures of Lynda Carter online.

[Demonhood]

the internet needs help.
some of the highlights from this month so far:

• she was plastered
• nipples album slideshow
• upskirt album photo -porn -join -xxx -sex -free
• suck and lick
• better cunilingus
• elvish fairies
• amish beard photo
• vannah white

[gorickey]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
the internet needs help.
some of the highlights from this month so far:

• amish beard photo

Sorry 'bout that...

[Demonhood]

March scared me:

• diapers babies photo album
• powered by gallery tanlines {34 times!}
• photograph every human
• deformed nipples {the squarer the better!}
• sexy bowling women
• i sleep in my car {i'm happy for you}
• don't you weener me or it could get messy
• body-cavity-search photo
• naked under a trenchcoat
• photo of men's asses
• powered by gallery nipples party
• sexy school teacher {sweet, where?}
• anime panty shot gallery
• saddle sore jen cole {ooh boy}
• grape drift wood

[Demonhood]

engine: msn
query: images, breast obsession
rank: #13
result: http://photo.demonhood.com/mwsf2003/aaf
and: one of my favorites from that macworld too.

[Demonhood]

query: where do pickles come from
rank: #4
and: someone's father never had that sit down talk with them i guess.

[Adam Betts]

Not exactly weird but funny nonetheless..

• fag flag
  
• screensaver boobies
  
• contest and 30 entries to try the new porn
  
• porn smileyset
  
• duck porn

[Demonhood]

query: naked girls and weewees and boobs
rank: #1
and: i'm glad the people looking for porn have such advanced language skills.

[Demonhood]

query: transexual amish
rank: #3
and: the hat and beard really doesn't do anything for me.

query: batman quotes - Gee willickers
rank: #8
and: holy rusted metal batman!

[Xeo]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
query: transexual amish
rank: #3
and: the hat and beard really doesn't do anything for me.

LOL.

What software do you use to get this? Or do you manually find these? (You probably mentioned earlier in the thread maybe, but I'm lazy.)

"photograph every human"
This one makes me LOL every time I think it.

[Demonhood]

some i find manually in my apache logs.
the rest i find digging into my log/graph software results (awstats).

i've gotten so many bizarre ones over the years. and these are just the ones appropriate enough to put on macnn.

[Demonhood]

query: smallest grater
rank: #5
result: tiny cheese grater
and: had to include one that wasn't gross or sexual.

[sworthy]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
query: dildos strap onto nose
rank: 3
thoughts: well, i suppose that could be useful. but i'm fresh out, sorry.

haha, I just found the reference to that:

alex: have you heard of those dildos that you strap onto your chin?
jen: you mean the "Leno Dildo"?



BTW, I found this one hilarious:

(Andy traps a small moth in a glass at dinner.)
(20 minutes pass)
Sean: (taps glass) I think it's dead. You killed it Andy, how does that make you feel?
Andy: Um...superior?

[Demonhood]

glad ya like some of the quotes

i just had to share this one:

engine: yahoo
query: licking bowling balls
rank: #1 & #2
result: a friend NOT licking a ball
and: take that big lebowski!

[Demonhood]

query: snapping towels
rank: 4
and: and nary a naked bottom on my site

query: photo of angry badger
rank: 22
and: no one wonders about the happy badgers

[Demonhood]

January 2005 roundup:

Relevant searches:
-zombie porn
-unsexy french maid picture
-photo of gnats
-lesbians on motorcycles
-pie face smash
-garageband demo john mayer
-detachable thumb trick instructions


Disappointed people:
-upskirt shots (very popular this month)
-dolphins mating
-hide his erection -viagra -impotence
-2004 zombie eating groupies
-deformed nipples
-milking goat photo
-i'll rip your tongue out
-doing the robot
-dead bird symbolism
-leg shaped like bowling pin
-the vikings wore diapers
-3d bouncing breasts
-how to make a whip cream bikini
-images of dolphins mating

[Mafia]

bah all mine are right on the money! maybe i need to add some funky stuff to my site.

[macintologist]

I don't understand, where do these search results come from? What do they mean?

[Mafia]

Originally posted by macintologist:
I don't understand, where do these search results come from? What do they mean?

its what people search for in an engine to get to your site.
if i search for monkey porn and click on a site then it records that i searched for monkey porn to get here. my hit tracker (webalizer) gives me the top 5.

[macintologist]

Originally posted by Mafia:
its what people search for in an engine to get to your site.
if i search for monkey porn and click on a site then it records that i searched for monkey porn to get here. my hit tracker (webalizer) gives me the top 5.

But I don't understand how it's able to track that. Goes google send a signal to your web server saying what the search term was?

[Demonhood]

Originally posted by macintologist:
I don't understand, where do these search results come from? What do they mean?

these are search queries that people put into various engines (google, msn, yahoo, etc..) that eventually led them to my website. if you do a search on google, you'll see that the search query is in the URL. when you visit a site by clicking on a link from another site it's called a referral. server logs record this. it's relatively easy to strip the search text out of the URL (via the apache server logs) and put it into a readable form. i have software that does it all for me. i just sit back and laugh.

[PurpleGiant]

Top Search Queries that ended up at jeremyburge.com Jan/Feb:

1) glued her hands
2) amanda cam
3) drunken boys photos
4) underwater cheerleaders
5) how to bowl with style when wearing a dress

[Demonhood]

Originally posted by PurpleGiant:
4) underwater cheerleaders

they make waterproof pompoms?

weirdest so far this month:

mooing in a hood

[brutal]

Originally posted by PurpleGiant:
5) how to bowl with style when wearing a dress

[Demonhood]

February 2005 roundup:

Relevant searches:
-lesbian boxing
-oscar meyer song
-confetti eggs
-trips to catalina island
-flight with babies
-bachellorette party clothing
-tricked out golf cart


Disappointed people:
-upskirt shots (very popular again this month. 97 separate searches for this)
-pig penis
-kick in the nuts
-queer eye for the straight guy
-mooing in a hood
-dolphins mating
-she swallowed
-photo of extra nipple
-two bit hussy
-10 captions of patriotism
-swallowed his tongue
-testicles the size of basketballs
-cross her eyes orgasm
-sissies on parade
-hotties on the hood
-prostate exam photo

[malvolio]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
February 2005 roundup:

-upskirt shots

-kick in the nuts
-swallowed his tongue
-testicles the size of basketballs
-prostate exam photo

Is it just me, or do those searches tell a brief but tragic story?

[Demonhood]

March 2005 roundup:

Relevant searches:
-shirtless men
-pieing
-lesbians on motorcycles
-tricked out golf cart
-queer eye for the straight guy (sorta)
-how to hide an erection (sorta)
-photoshop meteor
-pictures mexican cruise
-have you seen my beachball (i have, but it's deflated, sorry)
-boy wearing lipstick
-happycake oven (!)


Disappointed people:
-naked women (132 unique searches in March. what an unoriginal query)
-large nipples
-sexy teacher
-bouncing breasts
-erotic asphyxiation
-women wanting to vote
-nice coconuts
-don't drop the soap
-alex's revealing shorts
-swinging from a chandelier
-colonic photo
-hike condoms (for the rugged outdoorsman??)
-urinating in the pool -lifeguard
-fraternity circle jerk images
-the little mermaid sexy photo

[Demonhood]

April 2005 roundup:

Relevant searches:
-female photographers
-i madonnari 2003
-penis straws
-gay pride dogs
-embarassing dancing
-demonhood macnn
-female belly button


Disappointed people:
-kick nuts, kick in the nuts (and other variants). {50+ people this month}
-star wars birthday cake
-furries
-giraffe urinating
-body cavity search and photo
-heimlich maneuver {hoocha hoocha hoocha....lobster}
-i hate my life {um, i'm sorry?}
-pokemon diapers
-birthday parties hippy
-sensitive nipples
-bride with gun {no kill bill pictures, sorry}
-alex i still love lora {why you trying to steal alex's girl?}
-two and a half nipples
-captain ron quotes dawn on a boat
-take that evildoer!

[JHromadka]

Other than some random number search terms nothing crazy.

[Demonhood]

May 2005 roundup:

Relevant searches:
-pictures of mexican cruise
-imac jokes {not really a joke, but my picture of an imac fish tank was posted on the neowin forums}
-solstice 2003 parade
-penis straws
-picture of guy by pool
-i madonnari
-amish beard
-zombies eating brains
-macworld
-coworker quotes
-was born a boy but raised a girl
-new creepy quotes and sayings that make you think


Disappointed people:
-kick nuts, kick in the nuts (and other variants). {60+ people again this month!}
-furries
-fraggle rock catalina {5 people, if you can believe it}
-prison bitch
-little mermaid in the boat
-naked nipples {the best kind}
-cavity search
-don't drop the soap
-genitals of a frog
-fist timer {um...}
-his revealing shorts
-where are my pants?
-auto erotic asphyxiation {i think i'm a result on this one because i spelled it correctly}
-penile amputation gallery
-party toilet (?)
-dynamic strength wong
-barely a woman
-anti-sex devices