[Tokencon]

Many in here have asked me, Tokie, what exactly is it that makes an otherwise sane person become a Libbie. Well, I expect it relates to shortcoming is education and upbringing, but a better thing to address is how to know if YOU are a Libbie.

You may be a Libbie if . . .

1. You are a Utopian pessimist who can always find the glowing
radioactive lining to any silver cloud and who believes that most problems can be solved not by rolling up your sleeves and going to work, but by closing your eyes tightly and wishing rilly, rilly hard. For you, the glass is neither half empty nor half full, it’s a dangerously imperiled wetland that needs protection from eeevvviiilll developers!

2. You may just be a Libbie if you’re just certain others have too much freedom and that only you and other Libbies have enough smarts to know how people should live their lives.

3. If you are an urbane sophisticate who respects nothing except Woody Allen and Bill Clinton, whose faces should replace Lincoln and Jefferson on Mt. Rushmore, you just may be a Libbie.

4. You may be a Libbie if you laughingly dismiss childish stuff like the Bible, but still believe in the inherent badness of humanity, a badness that can only be addressed through bigger and more government.

5. If you know that "the poor" are noble victims of "the rich," oppressed by an unfair sytem that's inalterably and inescapably racist and sexist and that "the rich" acquire their wealth only by stealing it from "the poor," and that because of "the rich," homelessness is epidemic in the US and poor American kids don’t get enough to eat, you may just be a Libbie!

6. You may also be be a Libbie if you can provide a straight-faced explaination for how it is the rich steal from the poor and why, if so many poor kids don’t get enough to eat, so many poor people suffer from health conditions related to overeating.

7. You’re a Libbie if you agree that white males--who are all rich racists who chase secrtaries around their desks--should be punished for being white, male and rich. Um, that is unless we’re talking about rich white males who are _Libbies_!

8. You may be a Libbie if you believe all of humanity’s problems should be solved _before_ any advancements are made and that only bigger government programs can do the solving!

9. You just may be a Libbie if you scoff at the ideal of equality of opportunity. You know that it’s equality of _outcome_ that we should work toward.

10. If you believe that girls don’t do as well in math and science as boys in the public schools because of the Vast Right Wing Patriarchal Male Conspiracy to Keep Women Down, you may be a Libbie. The fact that girls out-perform boys in just about every other subject, and outnumber boys 3-1 on college campuses and that the public schools have been the playground for feminist social engineers for the past 40 years, obviously has nothing to do with anything.

11. You may be a Libbie if you believe young white men entering college or the workforce today, should pay for the racism and sexism practiced in these places 30, 40, 50 years ago.

12. You’re a Libbie if you compare everything to perfection. Why settle for accomplishing what’s doable when you can forever bemoan not achieving what’s conceivable?

13. You may just be a Libbie if you dismiss the idea that it’s crazy to do the same thing over and over, but expect a different outcome eventually.

14. If you love slogans and platitudes, you may just be a Libbie. A single nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day! Make love, not war! Imagine whirled peas! Slogans and platitudes are better than action!

15. You’re a Libbie if you know that the meanings of words and ideas are fluid. It’s all relative! Your _heart_ will tell you what the definition of "is," is every time you use it!

16. You may just be a Libbie if you know that the husband
and wife celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary and who raised 6 kids who are now doctors, lawyers, architects and small business owners, only did it because the man, working 3 and 4 jobs at once was keeping his wife down at home, pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen. She and the kids would’ve been much better off if mom
had gone to work and divorced that workaholic bastard husband of hers. All the kids’ therapists would surely agree!

17. You may be a Libbie if the best example you can find for a racist, sexist homphobic Nazi Fundy bent on the destruction of our Mother, the earth, is anyone of any race, gender, ethnicity or political persuasion who disagrees, however mildly and rationally,
with any Leftist ideology regardless of the race, ethnicity or gender of the Libbie espousing it.

18. If you just despise being "labeled," but know that shrieking that conservatives are racist, sexist, homophobic Nazi Fundies bent on destroying our Mother, the earth, you too may just be a Libbie.

19. You may be a Libbie if you believe that all US soldiers are drawn from the poorest, darkest-skinned communities, but can somehow ignore the fact that when they come home in body bags, more than 80% do so to middle class white families.

20. Finally, you may be a Libbie if you believe 9-11 was our fault, and in your sagacity recognize that the solution is to give up our freedoms of speech and religion, and the rights to assemble and to peaceably protest the government, as well as all those cultural things that drive our Mooselim brothers nuts, like gay and women’s rights, so as to appease--er, that is to level the playing field. If you know in your heart, despite all evidence to the contrary that 700 years of friction between Western Judeo/Christendom and those who practice the religion that means peace, are all the fault of George Bush, you too, may be a Libbie!

Show of hands . . . how many of you are Libbies!?

Tokie

[zachs]

Are you a Con-servative? You may be if you believe...

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

“Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

Show of hands...who's a con-servative!?

[andi*pandi]

these really should have been a poll. with checklists.

tsk tsk.

[phoenixboy70]

Originally posted by zachs:
Are you a Con-servative? You may be if you believe...

[Demonhood]