EVERYBODY LOVES GINA: A FABLE
by Pregnar Kraps
Once upon a time, 17 year old babysitter, Gina Walker, shot the Addams' dog.
Fifty one percent of the neighborhood was happy Ira was dead.
They were happy because Ira was a scary dog and he often ran loose, soaking and dumping on their lawns.
The Simpsons were happy that Gina shot Ira when he attacked their infant daughter.
In fact, the Simpsons were so happy, they immediately switched Gina Walker's baby sitting status from, 'try-out' to 'permanent' for the remainder of the summer.
Gina Walker was happy because killing the dog meant she and her friend could raid the Addams' apple tree with no fear of Ira's teeth.
However, not everyone was happy with Gina's action.
The Addams were not happy because their watchdog was dead and their apples were vulnerable.
Alicia Geary was not happy because she felt certain she had won the Simpson's baby sitting job for the summer and suspected Gina Walker had pulled a 'fast one' to snatch it from her.
'Al's feeling and suspicion were both correct.
Gina had swiped Alicia's application for the job during her own interview when the Simpsons weren't paying attention. Then, after all the interviews were done and the Simpsons wanted to call Alicia with the good news, they looked and looked for her application but couldn't find it. They tried every possible way to contact Alicia, with no luck.
The Simpsons needed SOMEONE the very next morning and so, at 9 pm they were forced to alert the second best candidate to show up bright and early.
Gina Walker was happy to finally have a 'responsible' job and a base of operations away from her own home.
Gina Walker's friend, Tex Crawford, was happy, too.
The two of them swiped apples all over town and sold them to the highest bidding produce markets. All the trees near Gina Walker's home had been raided bare but the Simpson's neighborhood was known for having the biggest, best and largest supply of apples and they were ripe for the picking, especially the Addams' tree.
So within a few days of the start of Gina Walker's probationary try-out, she and Tex had worked out a system.
And it worked very well.
While Tex swiped apples, Gina served as his lookout for neighbors returning home from work.
But Ira was still a problem. Whenever Tex wanted to strip the Addams' tree, Ira was always in the backyard to scare Tex away. When Tex committed to another tree in another yard, Ira roamed the neighborhood.
The Addams' apples looked so ripe; so big and juicy and ripe. Tex was determined to find a way to get those apples.
On the day Ira died, Alicia was on her way to her weekly Naval Auxiliary meeting and noticed a very strange looking dog running loose. It wasn't Ira, but it looked very much like him. Where Ira was all brown, this dog was brown with an all black head. It was a rabid dog and it was on the street behind the Simpson home.
The dog weaved from side to side as he walked. Then he would stop and turn in circles. Saliva foamed from his big pit bull head and his teeth snapped crazily at imagined threats.
On her cell, discussing apples and evening plans with Tex, Gina Walker walked between the living room and the back door off the Simpson's kitchen. Gina Walker was multi-tasking; keeping a peeled eye on the homeowners' comings and goings and a lazy eye on baby Jessica playing outside.
As the mad dog entered the yard and zig-zagged toward baby Jessica, Gina Walker was doing a third thing: mentally reassuring herself that countermanding the Simpson's instructions was the right thing to do. "Baby Jessica shouldn't be allowed to watch, "Teletubbies..." it's too 'gay.' I just know it."
Gina could not see the tragedy about to occur.
Baby Jessica liked doggies and stood up to pet him when the mad dog sensed her as a threat and in his mad dog way, bit her then staggered around the yard.
Baby Jessica fell down, wailing, which prompted the mad dog to bite her a second time.
Seven minutes passed before Gina Walker noticed baby Jessica crying and bleeding on the ground. When she finally saw the dog she began screaming at him from the house to shoo him away.
Gina Walker was not happy, she was afraid of being bitten. So, she asked Tex what to do. Tex told her to find Mr. Simpson's gun.
When she came back she saw a dog, but it wasn't the brown dog with the black head.
It was Ira.
She held the phone in one hand and the gun in the other and asked Tex what to do.
Gina Walker shot Ira in the tail, then in his massive head.
With the real danger long gone she talked some more with Tex, then hung up the phone.
She went to the screaming baby and wiped the blood from her wounds.
The police came first, very quickly followed by the paramedics and then the Simpsons, who accompanied their daughter and their baby sitter to the emergency room.
Gina Walker was declared a (S)HERO.
"A 'pistol packin,' pretty, blond, baby-sitting, ball-busting hero," the newspaper headline read. The story related Gina Walker's steadfast courage and quick thinking in dispatching the dangerous dog. It also reported the growing threat of dog packs running loose throughout the neighborhood. It mentioned the danger to the lawns. It mentioned the dangers to people. It also mentioned Tex and Gina's apple business. And, thanks to Tex, the story even hinted that the two might start a movement to combat the dangerous dog packs.
When perfect strangers enthusiastically commended her on the street, Gina Walker turned red with embarrassment.
Soon, the neighborhood lawns became greener.
People felt safe to walk outside, day or night.
Everyone in the neighborhood felt indebted to Gina Walker and wanted her to be their babysitter. Meanwhile, the Addams' apples disappeared like magic. The Addams were not happy but they thought better of saying anything against the much beloved, 'straight shooting' sitter.
The Simpsons made her their permanent sitter. Their gratitude was immense. Their trust in her, complete.
Their loyalty to her, total.
Alicia read the paper and wondered why Gina hadn't been more attentive in watching baby Jessica. Then Alicia remembered the strange looking dog and wondered some more.
Through her police contacts she discovered Ira wasn't rabid, but there were signs of rabies in baby Jessica's bite wounds.
Yet, if Ira was free of rabies, how did rabies show up in the baby's bites?
'Al' knew there were questions that needed answering. But no one was asking them. Could it be foul play? Dereliction of duty? A conspiracy? A cover-up? Lying to the authorities and the media? Lies to her employers? Spinning the truth? A secret profit motive?
Alicia was relieved to know that baby Jessica was up to date with her shots, but now she wanted to know the truth. She presented her findings and suspicions to the Simpsons and asked them to help her make sense of them.
They didn't care.
They wanted GINA WALKER to take care of their baby. They said "With all these dangerous dogs running wild, we thank God Gina Walker is our sitter." "We're grateful to her and we're proud of what she's doing to stop the mad dog packs!" They disliked Alicia for casting doubt on Gina Walker and accused Alicia of trying to discredit Gina so she could get the sitting job. They really disliked Alicia Geary. "How DARE you even question her motives or actions! She saved Jessica's life! Shame on you, Alicia! We will never hire anyone like YOU to watch our baby!"
'Al' Geary believed in leaving people alone to choose their own poison and with that she let the matter drop and left them with their Gina Walker.
The community loved Gina Walker. Everyone felt safer because of Gina Walker.
When school started in September, Gina was no longer able to babysit. However, the community was rid of free running dogs. Baby Jessica's wounds had healed. Grateful members of the community had donated apples from their trees to Tex and Gina's business, in gratitude for their leadership in making the community a safer place to live and for her heroic actions.
Tex was happy to have such an influential girlfriend and a business partner who was beloved by so many.
Gina Walker was happy too.
Her efforts to get the job through chicanery proved successful and had remained undiscovered and unpunished.
Because of her negligence in carrying out her duties, she failed in her primary job: keeping the baby out of harm's way. The baby's blood was spilled because she was pre-occupied with lesser matters.
She falsely implicated Ira as being responsible for the attack on baby Jessica.
With the advice and help from her behind-the-scene friend, she brought an end to Ira; whose major crimes were that he was a mean dog who stood in the way of their looting and he happened to be a public nuisance. Conveniently for them, Ira showed up at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
Amazingly, by skillfully manipulating the facts she made herself out to be a hero; her foul deed resulted in not only raising her esteem in the community and cementing her relationship with her employers, but it allowed her to legitimize and thus perpetuate a shady business arrangement.
She disregarded the established guidelines governing the baby's care and, exceeding her mandate, made her own rules without permission from her employers.
Using pretenses real and false, (i.e. the threat of dog packs, a desire for security and their feelings of gratitude) she gained her employers' and the community's loyalty and affection.
The next summer, her baby sitting services were in great demand.
She stole. She cheated. She manipulated. She lied. She profited.
She killed the wrong dog...for the wrong reason.
Everybody loves Gina.
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