[aberdeenwriter]

It's been a long, nasty election year and I thought it might be nice to share some POLITICALLY ORIENTED HUMOR.

THIS IS A JOKE!!!

NEWS BULLETIN

Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Newfoundland, Canada.

Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
The Newfoundland Provincial Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.

The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the province.

Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.


THIS HAS BEEN A JOKE.

[Axo1ot1]

you have an incredible sense of comedy

[aberdeenwriter]

Originally posted by Axo1ot1:
you have an incredible sense of comedy

Thank you, and I appreciate your humor as well.

[Lee33]

Some say they are going too far in trying to go after the "swing" vote.

[badidea]

I am afraid that I have to admit that Kerry is definitely the uglier chick! *blech*

[aberdeenwriter]

This one speaks to those who criticize the administration for not having enough troops in Iraq to do the job. A case of 'damned if you do, damned if you don't.'

Not sure of when it was said, but my guess is before the war started.

"The Pentagon said today they're sending another 100,000 troops into the Gulf. We have 250,000 there and another 100,000 on the way — it's Operation George Gone Wild." —Jay Leno

[aberdeenwriter]

Before the war.

"Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language." —Jay Leno

[aberdeenwriter]

Before the war, speaking to the common US fear that Iraq was a potentially imminent threat.

"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

[aberdeenwriter]

Here's a funny one for the Kerry camp.

"In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president." —Jay Leno

[aberdeenwriter]

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."_
- Regis Philbin

[aberdeenwriter]

French One-Liner Jokes

Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?__
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?__
A. So the French can show them how to surrender.
_
Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?__
A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.
_
Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?__
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.
_
Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?__
A. The Army.
_
Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
A: "The Axis of Weasels."

[effgee]

Originally posted by aberdeenwriter:
It's been a long, nasty election year and I thought it might be nice to share some POLITICALLY ORIENTED HUMOR.

The time: years from now in the future. George W. Bush has died, they do the paperwork or whatever and he is sent to Hell. He shows up at the gate and Satan says, "Damn, we're totally full, can't squeeze you in, but you definitely belong here, so I tell you what: I've got three people in here who weren't quite as bad as you, so we'll let one of them go to make room for you. You even get to pick which one gets let go."
"Duh, OK," says W.
Satan takes W to the first door, opens it, there's Richard Nixon, swimming back and forth for all eternity across a big pool of fire.
"Well, I never learned to swim too good," says W. "What else you got?"
Next door: Tony Blair is busting up huge rocks with a giant hammer.
"Well, I've been havin problems with my back, see this brace? I don't think I could hack that. What's the third option?"
Satan opens the third door, there's Bill Clinton, strapped down to a table, and Monica L. is there doing what she excels at on him.
"Well, I guess that'd be all right," says W.
"Good enough," says Satan. "Monica, you're free to go!"

[badidea]

Originally posted by effgee:


The time: years from now in the future. George W. Bush has died, they do the paperwork or whatever and he is sent to Hell. He shows up at the gate and Satan says, "Damn, we're totally full, can't squeeze you in, but you definitely belong here, so I tell you what: I've got three people in here who weren't quite as bad as you, so we'll let one of them go to make room for you. You even get to pick which one gets let go."
"Duh, OK," says W.
Satan takes W to the first door, opens it, there's Richard Nixon, swimming back and forth for all eternity across a big pool of fire.
"Well, I never learned to swim too good," says W. "What else you got?"
Next door: Tony Blair is busting up huge rocks with a giant hammer.
"Well, I've been havin problems with my back, see this brace? I don't think I could hack that. What's the third option?"
Satan opens the third door, there's Bill Clinton, strapped down to a table, and Monica L. is there doing what she excels at on him.
"Well, I guess that'd be all right," says W.
"Good enough," says Satan. "Monica, you're free to go!"

At least one (good) joke in this thread!

[DeathToWindows]

Snort. Can't we just shove pineapples up bush's ass?

[aberdeenwriter]

Originally posted by effgee:


The time: years from now in the future. George W. Bush has died, they do the paperwork or whatever and he is sent to Hell. He shows up at the gate and Satan says, "Damn, we're totally full, can't squeeze you in, but you definitely belong here, so I tell you what: I've got three people in here who weren't quite as bad as you, so we'll let one of them go to make room for you. You even get to pick which one gets let go."
Satan opens the third door, there's Bill Clinton, strapped down to a table, and Monica L. is there doing what she excels at on him.
"Well, I guess that'd be all right," says W.
"Good enough," says Satan. "Monica, you're free to go!"

I cite SATAN for a FUZZY ALERT!!!

Inability to interpret accurately

[Lee33]

"Monica, you're free to go!"[/color][/i] [/B]

LOL. . .That's great.

[aberdeenwriter]

By the way, commenting on the jokes in a humor thread is okay, but it's not as good as adding your own jokes. See, this is not TV.

[aberdeenwriter]

"John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for." —David Letterman

"There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'" —Craig Kilborn

"'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him." —Conan O'Brien

"John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke." —Jay Leno

"Gas prices are up, the stock market is down, Iraq is a mess and John Kerry is saying, 'How am I gonna beat this guy?" —David Letterman

"Well the good news for Democrats, now over half the country can identify a picture of John Kerry. The bad news, the majority still thinks he's the dad from 'The Munsters."' —Jay Leno

"John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them." —Jay Leno