[Monique]

I am looking for my birth parents and all I learned is that my birth mother is now dead; but I still want to know who she was about her family what are my origins.

Also, I want to know about my birth father and what happens to him.

If they were alive and did not want to meet with me I would respect their decisions.

But the secrecy is not there to protect the adoptees or the birth parents but the adopted parents and they have no rights to object to any of this.

I have a very lousy adoptive mother and it is sad now I will not have any mother at all.

Still I would love to learn as much as possible about my birth parents.

[BadKosh]

RIGHTS? I don't know if any exist. Looks purely contractual.

[lpkmckenna]

While I sympathize with your situation Monique, most mothers who give up their babies do not want that child walking into their life again. It would be terrifying to live your life never knowing if or when an adopted child is gonna waltz in uninvited, demanding information or acceptance or whatever. I think the mother's expectation of privacy is the trump card here.

[mduell]

Can't you look it up in public records?

[Thorzdad]

Originally Posted by lpkmckenna 

...most mothers who give up their babies do not want that child walking into their life again...

This is, in fact, untrue. What makes it untrue is your use of the word "most." To be sure, some birth moms never want contact again. In fact, though, most birth mothers live out their lives very much curious about the child they gave up and would like to see them once more.

As for Monique...Some states now operate adoption registries, where adoptees and birth parents can register their desire/openness to reuniting. The adoptee normally has to be 18 years old. I don't know where you live, though.

It's exactly this situation that the registries, as well as open adoption, were created. The understanding that adoptees and birth mothers would eventually want to know about each other. Back when I searched for my birth mom, the registry was brand new and, as it turns out, my birth mom had moved out of state and did not know about it. I had to resort to a lot of detective work. Luckily, my adoptive mom had a lot of information and was happy to help me. I'm sorry you don't have a similar relationship with your adoptive mom.

One avenue I would suggest is for you to contact a local adoption agency and see if they can give you information on resources for searching. It may be hit-and-miss. Some agencies are very enlightened in this matter and are happy to help, while others are just out for the cash. Just keep calling until you find a good one.

[Thorzdad]

Originally Posted by mduell 

Can't you look it up in public records?

Adoption records are typically sealed from public view. She might be able to petition the court to open the file. If she can prove her birth mother is, in fact, deceased, she may have a very persuasive argument for opening the record.

[Monique]

Originally Posted by lpkmckenna 

While I sympathize with your situation Monique, most mothers who give up their babies do not want that child walking into their life again. It would be terrifying to live your life never knowing if or when an adopted child is gonna waltz in uninvited, demanding information or acceptance or whatever. I think the mother's expectation of privacy is the trump card here.

You based that assumption on what?

[mduell]

Originally Posted by Thorzdad 

Adoption records are typically sealed from public view. She might be able to petition the court to open the file. If she can prove her birth mother is, in fact, deceased, she may have a very persuasive argument for opening the record.

I was thinking birth certificate. I guess that requires more info.