[Thrax]

http://forums.macnn.com/showthread.p...hreadid=144123

No one else has been taking the initiative in creating the next big topic, so I will.

Discuss.

[willed]

Hurrah! Bloody French. I think we need another war against them. With the Queen leading our army into battle. On a horse. And longbows. Lots of longbows.

I can see it already.

[philzilla]

this thread would suit a certain other place, sooo much better

[dillerX]

Q: How do you stop a French tank?_
A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

[Millennium]

I don't know about OMG, but this would certainly fit Fark better. So, here's a headline I submitted once but got rejected:

France vows to block any UN resolution authorizing force; testbed for new "surrender in advance" policy.

[MacGorilla]

Originally posted by willed:
Hurrah! Bloody French. I think we need another war against them. With the Queen leading our army into battle. On a horse. And longbows. Lots of longbows.

I can see it already.

That battle spawned one of the more famous quotes in history by King Henry IV trying to boost the morale of his badly outnumbered army before the battle: "The fewer the men, the greater the share of the honor".

Then his 10,000 long bowmen went on to slaughter the 100,000 man French army it faced.

[Zimphire]

[daimoni]

Sorry, fellas... it's bag on the Canadians day today.

As long as you keep to French Canadians, I think we can proceed.

[Cipher13]

Originally posted by MacGorilla:
That battle spawned one of the more famous quotes in history by King Henry IV trying to boost the morale of his badly outnumbered army before the battle: "The fewer the men, the greater the share of the honor".

Then his 10,000 long bowmen went on to slaughter the 100,000 man French army it faced.

Correction: honour.

[ThinkInsane]

The following advisory for American travelers heading for France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centers for Disease Control, and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only.

GENERAL OVERVIEW
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking French, though many will speak English if shouted at. As in any foreign country, watch your change at all times.

THE PEOPLE
France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in line. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof, and undisciplined; and those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists, and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie, and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier mutual recognition.

SAFETY
In general, France is a safe destination, though travelers are advised that, from time to time, it is invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the Government to flee to London.

HISTORY
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau, and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.

GOVERNMENT
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously, and always result in a run-off. For_ administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths, and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (though, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom is to be trusted, frankly. Parliament's principal preoccupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific, and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the President now is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

_

CULTURE
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their songs sound the same, and they have hardly ever made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes.

CUISINE
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, though it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers at leading hotels such as Sheraton and Holiday Inn.

ECONOMY
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because people hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments
and cheese.

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 national holidays are 197 saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in Triumph as if he Won the War Single-Handed Days, 18 Napoleon Sent into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 112 France is Great and the Rest of the World is Rubbish Days. Other important holidays are National Nuclear Bomb Day (January 12), the Feast of St. Brigitte Bardot Day (March 1), and National Guillotine Day (November 12).

CONCLUSION
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it weren't inhabited by French people.

A WORD OF WARNING
The consular services of the United States government are intended solely for the promotion of the interests of American businesses such as McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and the Coca-Cola Corporation. In the event that you are the victim of a crime or serious injury involving at least the loss of a limb, report to the American Embassy between the hours of 5.l5 am and 5.20 am on a Tuesday or Wednesday, and a consular official who is supremely indifferent to your plight will give you a list of qualified dentists or something similarly useless. Remember, no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally, we always take our holidays at Miami Beach, and you are advised to as well.

Thank you and good luck.

[Axo1ot1]

I ****ing love France. I'm definitely going to live there for some period of time. Preferably in the south...maybe Montpellier. How can you not love that country? They have the best food and most well established food anywhere on earth. The oldest restaurant in the world is in France. They have amazing cheese (something you Loungers oughtta appreciate ). The French countryside is beautiful, as are the beaches. You get like an hour or more off at noon to go home and eat a lunch that beats the hell out of what most Americans have for dinner. The upholstry in their cars is AWESOME! They have great museums. The best street performers in the world. An outstanding national health care system. Great national public transportation. Beautiful women. Outdoor caf�s. France kicks ass. People that rip on France know not of what they speak. I used to rip on Canada until I went there. Canada is awesome too. America really eats a **** compared to them...I guess it's envy...

[nonhuman]

Every time I go to France I try to have an open mind and enjoy the good qualities of the country, and every time I'm thoroughly disappointed and end up being as resentful towards the French as ever. Montpellier, I agree, is a wonderful city with friendly people, but other than that I've experienced almost nothing but the stereotypical French arrogance (except for one guy who ran a record store in Nice, he was pretty cool) no matter how hard I try to be polite and speak French, &c.

[Atef's corpse]

Originally posted by Axo1ot1:
They have the best food and most well established food anywhere on earth.

it's just dressed-up garbage, that's all. Hearty German food is more to my liking. Something with substance.

[Speckledstone]

Originally posted by Axo1ot1:
I ****ing love France. I'm definitely going to live there for some period of time. Preferably in the south...maybe Montpellier. How can you not love that country? They have the best food and most well established food anywhere on earth. The oldest restaurant in the world is in France...blah, blah, blah, blah...

Originally posted by ThinkInsane:
"...France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it weren't inhabited by French people..."

[NeoMac]

My signature used to say,

"The problem with the French, is that they still think they're an empire."

That pretty much explains their behavior.

(btw, that fake magazine cover is a riot! )

[GRAFF]

Originally posted by Axo1ot1:
I ****ing love France. I'm definitely going to live there for some period of time. Preferably in the south...maybe Montpellier. How can you not love that country? ...

I've been living here for about 12 years now, and I don't regret it. However, don't expect the French to love you just because you're spending your tourist dollars here. Friendship and trust are really things to be earned.

American are too accustomed to giving it all up at once on the first meeting with someone. All the intimate details (including salary) are just shoved at you so easily that they don't mean anything any more. The French are much more reticent, and Americans usually interpret this as arrogance.

[Thrax]

Stop making fun of the French. I was wrong. The new big topic on MacNN is making fun of Canada.

We can get back to this topic later.

[wdlove]

They do have good wine!

[Thrax]

Originally posted by wdlove:
They do have good wine!

Which is why, even more than other Western Europeans, they're a bunch of lazy, unbathed drunks.

But we're not supposed to be making fun of the French yet.

[AliveInDeath]

The dutch are worse than the french, damn dutch.

[PB2K]

I am Dutch. My family owns a little house in France.

Maybe Europe doesn't like war anymore, americans.

You cant walk for 10 miles in France without finding a monument that is dedicated to those who fell in the Great War.
Show some respect to cultures you can't understand. France is a beautiful country.

[talisker]

I've noticed that almost all Americans seem to have an inbuilt response to any mention of the French, and that is to talk about surrendering. It always springs up in here whenever they are mentioned. Now I'm not saying they're not right, but I wonder what it is that always provokes that response. It does seem to be a particularly American reaction, and doesnt really happen so much in Europe as far as I know, where it seems to be the Italians who get plenty of stick about retreating, changing sides etc etc

[PB2K]

LETS MAKE FUN OF THE AMERICANS

that people with shallow personalities, that say "how are you" without the least intention of meaning it. That compare everything to their idiotic standards back home while being on a tourist trip, and regard the rest of the world as backward.
That they fail to come up with a decent president every election between 2 parties, and are outrageously spending to forget their debts.

[AliveInDeath]

what ever my family was driven out of russia durring the revolotion as we were lower royalty. Then Germany when Hitler took over then france when he agian took over. so screw Europe if it wernt for america you would be a United ant-semetic Europe so W/E.

[capuchin]

Brothers! Sisters! I beseech you!

Let's all just join hands, come together, and face the common foe.

Luxemburg.

[PB2K]

luxembourg?

I am not sure, maybe you are neither

you might want to make use of their excellent banks one day..

[suhail]

Hey... You guys are so mean!!
If it wasn't for the French or the Canadians, we would've never













Wwwould have never...












Oh you know what I mean!

[PB2K]

After seeing THIS : http://nightslife.free.fr/

I am pretty sure you will NEVER start making fun of the Danes and this particular disco

[Face Ache]

Originally posted by talisker:
I've noticed that almost all Americans seem to have an inbuilt response to any mention of the French, and that is to talk about surrendering. It always springs up in here whenever they are mentioned. Now I'm not saying they're not right, but I wonder what it is that always provokes that response. It does seem to be a particularly American reaction, and doesnt really happen so much in Europe as far as I know, where it seems to be the Italians who get plenty of stick about retreating, changing sides etc etc

I think the English started it. As I understand it during WWII as Germany was advancing towards England through France and the English were retreating, 100,000 French soldiers fled to the UK with them rather than stay and fight. I think the English resented that as a) the UK was trying to defend France, and b) it put the Germans right on the UK's doorstep (and put 100,000 smelly, cowardly, froggy French bastards in London).

Simey will be here in a sec with the (correct) details...