[Gator Lager]

ok what are they lets see them. Here is one of my favorites

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline,
it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

- Frank Zappa

[rozwado1]

I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrased because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman. - Jack Handy

[Tulkas]

In before goricky

[Tulkas]

"The superior man...does not set his mind either for anything, or against anything; what is right he will follow. "

"For your tomorrow, we gave our today."

"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills;we shall never surrender."

"Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

An ya'll can just guess who said those.

[Gator Lager]

Originally posted by Tulkas:
"The superior man...does not set his mind either for anything, or against anything; what is right he will follow. "

"For your tomorrow, we gave our today."

"We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills;we shall never surrender."

"Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

An ya'll can just guess who said those.

Winston Churchill

[sixz]

I'm torn, I like both of these at the moment.

Friedrich Nietzsche - Creativity

The desire to create continually is vulgar and betrays jealousy, envy, ambition. If one is something one really does not need to make anything-and one nonetheless does very much. There exists above the "productive" man a yet higher species.

Mrs. PotatoHead
...I'm packing your extra pair of shoes, and your ANGRY eyes just incase...

.

[His Dudeness]

You can't tax a nation into prosperity.

-Rush Limbaugh

[wang_himself]

"Limp Bizkit
Break Stuff

Its just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is ****ed
Everybody sux
You don't really know why
But want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away mother****er
It's just one of those days!!

[chorus]
Its all about the he says she says ********
I think you better quit
Lettin' **** slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
Its all about the he says she says ********
I think you better quit talkin that ****
(Punk, so come and get it)
Its just one of those days
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
You better watch your back
Cuz I'm ****in' up your program
And if your stuck up
You just lucked up
Next in line to get ****ed up
Your best bet is to stay away mother****er
Its just one of those days!!

[chorus]

I feel like ****
My suggestion is to keep your distance cuz right now im dangerous
We've all felt like ****
And been treated like ****
All those mother****ers that want to step up
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break somethin' tonight...
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps goin' this way I just might break your ****in' face tonight!!
Give me somethin' to break
How bout your ****in' face
I hope you know I pack a chain saw, what!!...

[chorus]"

You all are number 1

[cszar2001]

"The human brain is not an organ of thinking but an organ of survival. It is
made in such a way as to make us accept as truth that which is only advantage."
--Albert Szent-Gyoergyi

[Usual Suspects]

Calvin & Hobbes quotes!


Calvin: Why should I have to WORK for everything?! It's like saying I don't deserve it!


Calvin: I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.


Calvin: Mission accomplished! A smoldering crater is all that remains of Calvin's elementary school!


Calvin: To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.


Calvin: My life needs a rewind/erase button.
Hobbes: And a volume control.


Calvin: I'd hate to have a kid like me.


Calvin's Dad: The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that is even worse.


Calvin: I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.


Calvin: My internal clock is on Tokyo time.


Hobbes: If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!


Calvin: Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.


Calvin: If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.


Calvin: If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.


Calvin: Reality continues to ruin my life.


Calvin: What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?


Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.


Calvin: I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.


Calvin: Girls are like slugs - they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what.


Hobbes: If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it.


Calvin: True friends are hard to come by... I need more money.


Calvin: Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?


Calvin: It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool.


Calvin: Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?


Calvin: It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.


Calvin: Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.


Calvin: What's it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well... Say the object of your affection walks by...
Calvin: Yeah?
Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.
Calvin: That's love?!?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!


Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.


Hobbes: Did you ask your Mom if you could jump off the roof?
Calvin: Questions I know the answers to I don't need to ask, right?


Dad: The world isn't fair, Calvin.
Calvin: I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?


Calvin: There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.


Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?
Calvin: Well somebody's out to get me!


Calvin: Trusting parents can be hazardous to your health.


Calvin: There's no problem so awful that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse!


Hobbes: So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?


Hobbes: I don't know which is worse, ...that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low.


Calvin: When I grow up, I'm not going to read the newspaper and I'm not going to follow complex issues and I'm not going to vote. That way I can complain when the government doesn't represent me. Then, when everything goes down the tubes, I can say the system doesn't work and justify my further lack of participation.
Hobbes: An ingeniously self-fulfilling plan.
Calvin: It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them.


Calvin: The secret to happiness is short-term, stupid self-interest!


Calvin: A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.


Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity the tell the difference.


Calvin: I'm a simple man, Hobbes.
Hobbes: You?? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!
Calvin: I'm a simple man with complex tastes.


Calvin: My brain wishes my ego had call-waiting.


Calvin: Everybody I know needs a complete personality overhaul!


Calvin: I'm being educated against my will! My rights are being trampled!
Hobbes: Is it a right to remain ignorant?
Calvin: I don't know, but I refuse to find out!


Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!


Calvin: You know how people are. They only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it.


Calvin: The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.


Calvin: From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.


Calvin: History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.


Calvin: It's not the pace of life I mind. It's the sudden stop at the end.


Calvin: Mom and Dad can make the rules and certain things forbid,
But I can make them wish that they had never had a kid.


Calvin: As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.


Calvin: Tigers don't worry about much, do they?
Hobbes: Nope. That's one of the perks of being feral.


Calvin: I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.


Calvin: Our top-secret club, G.R.O.S.S.-- Get Rid Of Slimy girlS!
Susie: "Slimy girls"?!
Calvin: I know that's redundant, but otherwise it doesn't spell anything.


Calvin: I think life should be more like tv. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?


Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.


Dad: Bug bites build character.
Calvin: Yeah, and last year you said diarrhea builds character.
Dad: So think what a fine young man you're growing up to be.
Calvin: ...If all this character doesn't kill me first.


Calvin: It's only work if somebody makes you do it.


Calvin: I've been thinking, Hobbes.
Hobbes: On a weekend?
Calvin: Well, it wasn't on purpose...


Calvin: Well, Hobbes, I guess we learned a valuable lesson from the duplicating mess.
Hobbes: And that is?
Calvin: And that is, um... it's that, well... OK, so we didn't learn any big lesson. Sue me.
Hobbes: Live and don't learn, that's us.


Calvin: In my opinion, television validates existence.


Calvin: This morning I had a wonderful dream. By holding my arms out stiff and pushing down hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above ground. I flapped harder, and soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles! I could fly! I folded my arms back and zoomed low over the neighborhood. Everyone was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind. I laughed and laughed, making huge loops in the sky! ...That's when Mom woke me up and said I was going to miss the bus if I didn't get my bottom out of bed; 20 minutes later, here I am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I just remembered I forgot my lunch. Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.


Calvin: Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.


Calvin: Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.


Calvin: Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success... ...Flat stretches of boring routine... ...And valleys of frustration and failure.


Calvin: I don't need parents. All I need is a recording that says, "Go play outside!"


Calvin: I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.


Calvin: Why would she want another kid?? She's already got me!
Hobbes: Yes, you'd think she'd have learned her lesson...


Calvin: I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
Hobbes: I think if you're born, it's too late.


Calvin: Dad, how do people make babies?
Dad: Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions.
Calvin: I came from Sears??
Dad: No, you were a Blue Light Special at K Mart. Almost as good, and a lot cheaper.


Hobbes: Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.


Calvin: I wish I was a tiger.
Hobbes: A common lament.


Hobbes: Well, being a tiger is more than just stripes, you realize.
Calvin: Kind of a zen thing, huh?


Calvin: Do you believe our destinies are determined by the stars?
Hobbes: Nah.
Calvin: Oh, I do.
Hobbes: Really? How come?
Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.


Calvin: Without question, that was one of the worst experiences of my life.
Dad: It built character.
Calvin: Oh sure. Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?


Hobbes: What I like is when you're looking and thinking and looking and thinking... And suddenly you wake up.


Calvin: That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.


Calvin: For a girl, she's remarkably perceptive.


Calvin: There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.


Calvin: Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.


Hobbes: You know, there are times when it's a source of personal pride to not be human.


Susie: Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out-of-body experience.


Calvin: But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!


Hobbes: I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already.


Calvin: You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid? Well, mine are even worse!


Calvin: A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.


Calvin: The worst part is that I don't even have the fun of doing the things I'm getting blamed for.


Dad: We should've adopted a 25-year-old with his own apartment.


Susie: The way Calvin's brain is wired, you can almost year the fuses blowing.


Hobbes: You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger!


Calvin: Obviously my body doesn't believe a word my brain is saying.


Calvin: But for my own example, I'd never believe one little kid could have so much brains!


Calvin: My brain always rejects attitude transplants.


Dad: I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.


Calvin: Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.


Susie: Our class voted Calvin the "Most likely to be seen on the news some day".


Calvin: It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

[phoenixboy70]

"there are two doors in life, one marked "security" and the other marked "freedom" - if you choose the first, you lose both."

[RAILhead]

"He who sleeps with itchy butt, wakes up with stinky finger."

I've always liked that one. Here's an exchange I had with my Dad when I was little:

Dad: "You're about to have to go to the hospital, Maury."
Me: "Why?"
Dad: "So he can pull my foot out of your butt."

Now, some 20 years later, I still tease with the phrase, "you're about to go to the hospital..."

Maury

[OreoCookie]

`I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.' -- picked it up from my hostmom.

`He who is wise sees near and far
As the same
Does not despise the small
Or value the great:
Where all standards differ
How can you compare?'
-- some Chinese philosopher

In an interview in a physics magazine, a physicist who now writes books was interviewed. The journalist asks:
`Icks (the name of the main character in the book) was longing for a normal life with normal friends, a normal sex life, a normal apartment and all. But you can have that as a physicist, too!'

This one had me rolling on the floor.

More corny physics humor:

`The Hilbert space of particle states (Fock space) has an indefinite metric. This is singularly unpleasant, and raises problems about the quantum mechanical interpretation of these states. '
-- Ryder, Quantum Field Theory, p. 151


Yes, there are jokes in QFT books!

[starman]

"+1"

[sixz]

Originally posted by RAILhead:
"He who sleeps with itchy butt, wakes up with stinky finger."...

Maury

An exquisite scatological, personal revelation.

[KaBlooey]

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

[Sven G]

A rather interesting quote:

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. - Bertolt Brecht

[bens1901]

Who, on their deathbed, ever said, 'Gee, I wish I'd spent more time at the office'?"
---Peter Lynch

Also...

"Am I working to live or living to work?" (not sure who said it)

[Agasthya]

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
- Mario Andretti

[ntsc]

some of these have been nicked from peoples sigs but they are cool none the less.

spot the trekie as well

"The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."
-?

"Some people's minds are like concrete: all mixed up and permanently set."
-?

"You, out of the gene pool - now!"
-?

"The stupider it looks, the more important it probably is."
-Book Of The Subgenius

"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy."
-Edgar Bergen

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

"DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form."
-- New York Times, November 26, 1991

"Windows - A thirty-two bit extension and GUI shell with a sixteen bit patch to an eight bit
operating system originally coded for a four bit microprocessor and sold by a
two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition."

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. "
-- Douglas Adams

"I would never be a member of a club that would have me as a member."
-- Groucho Marx

"I'm a Doctor not a Moon Shuttle Conductor."
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in The Corbomite Maneuver

"I'm a Doctor, not a bricklayer"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in The Devil in the Dark

"I'm a Doctor, not a psychiatrist"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in The City on the Edge of Forever

"I'm a Doctor, not a mechanic"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in The Doomsday Machine & The Empath

"I'm a Doctor, not a scientist"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in Metamorphosis

"I'm a Doctor, not a physicist"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in Metamorphosis

"I'm a Doctor, not an escalator"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in Friday's Child

"I'm a Doctor, not a magician"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in The Deadly Years

"I'm a Doctor, not a flesh peddler"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in Return to Tomorrow

"I'm a Doctor, not a coal miner"
-- Deforest Kelly as Dr 'Bones' McCoy in The Empath

[Peter]

Trying is the first step to failing.

[Kenneth]

If you go black, you never go back.

[turtle777]

Originally posted by Gator Lager:
ok what are they lets see them. Here is one of my favorites

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline,
it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

- Frank Zappa

So, by German standards, the USA is NOT a real country.
THAT is not REAL beer, what you get from Bud & Co !!!

-t

[Gator Lager]

Originally posted by turtle777:
So, by German standards, the USA is NOT a real country.
THAT is not REAL beer, what you get from Bud & Co !!!

-t

Well ya got me their.
But we have lot's of football teams and TON's of nuke's !

[getoffmacnn]

Anything by Groucho.

[waxcrash]

"You snooze, you lose."

~ Unknown

[dencamp]

The law is an adroit mixture of customs that are beneficial to society, and could be followed even if no law existed, and others that are of advantage to a ruling minority, but harmful to the masses of men, and can be enforced on them only by terror. ~Peter Kropotkin

[DanMacMan]

"Peace through strength."

-Ronald W. Reagan

[cszar2001]

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus._ ~Mark Twain

[rozwado1]

"Some people say the cucumber tastes better pickled."
"Huh?"
"What?" - Dave Chappelle

[wolfen]

"It's like that old saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...fool me once, ya can't fool me again" GWB

"Sorry I blew up your Mom, Ricky." John Cusack in Better Off Dead

"You walk over, you're limpin' back!" Eddie Murphy as the grandmother in Nutty Professor

"I didn't play years of Dungeons and Dragons without learning something about courage," a kid from my favorite X-Files episode.

"No matter how bad life gets, I move forward. Sometimes I can fly, sometimes I can walk, but even if I have to crawl...I'm moving forward." Minister of a church I used to attend.

[turtle777]

Originally posted by Gator Lager:
Well ya got me their.
But we have lot's of football teams and TON's of nuke's !

YOUR nuke's taste NASTY

-t

[The Placid Casual]

"Who's more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?"

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

[turtle777]

Originally posted by DanMacMan:
"Peace through strength."

-Ronald W. Reagan

Are you serious ?

If we learn one lesson from history, then it is that those who feel powerful tend to start trouble. Why ? Because they can !

-t

[itai195]

"God never wrote a good play in his life."
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"I could hear the human noise we sat there making, not one of us moving, not even when the room went dark."
-- Raymond Carver

[Tulkas]

"Insanity is like a muffin; yummy!" -Unknown