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Steven Seagal Needs You: Job
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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Steven Seagal needs a new assistant.
Are you up for the job? Apply and let us know how it goes.
(No, I'm not BSing you...seriously, this is Steven Seagal who needs the new assistant.)
By the way? Tell him I think his movies are total crap.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Yamanashi, Japan
Status:
Offline
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Hmmm.... he is appearing in a lot of random Japanese films these days, and could use an assistant who speaks some Japanese.
Though I don't know if I could ever stop making fun of him....
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Dec 2001
Status:
Offline
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Dude, if you tell him that he'll kick your ass. I think I'll pass on the job. He sounds like a dick anyways.
By the way how do you know this is for Segal....?
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Winnipeg, MB
Status:
Offline
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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I just...KNOW.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Dec 2001
Status:
Offline
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Something smells funny....oh, Salty was here.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Berkeley, CA
Status:
Offline
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I think he knows his movies are crap. Isn't that the point? They're still kinda fun to watch.
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"Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." -Archimedes
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: I don't know anymore!
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Cody Dawg
I just...KNOW.
Yes, iWrite knows everybody important.
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Why is there always money for war, but none for education?
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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No, I don't.
Case in point: Steven Seagal.
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Moderator Emeritus  Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Arizona
Status:
Offline
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...wait. You're iWrite?
I need to keep up with this ****.
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I like chicken
I like liver
Meow Mix, Meow Mix
Please de-liv-er
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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iWrite. uWrite. WeWrite.
Hmmm...
I need a job...with Steven...
Ever noticed how the titles of his movies have about 3 words in them and that's it?
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Pacific Northwest
Status:
Offline
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Dedicated MacNNer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Status:
Offline
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Forum Regular
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: The Frozen Wastes of Troms�
Status:
Offline
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I wonder what happened to the last assistant?
*Ominous music*
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Making sense is overrated.
Hippotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia -The fear of long words.
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Senior User
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Mount Vernon, WA
Status:
Offline
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Hehe, I enjoyed Under Siege.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Toronto
Status:
Offline
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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Steve used to, or still does have a killer guitar collection.
He can play too.
Originally Posted by Mastrap
$600 a week? F-off.
Depends on the "benefits"
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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(
Last edited by Kevin; Jan 8, 2006 at 12:23 PM.
)
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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Love the replies, especiall gankdawg's:
Candidate will deal directly with actors, travel for production, and learn all aspects of movie making. This a busy office with heavy phones, scheduling, and travel arranggement. Ideal candidate must be extremely responsible, organized, self disciplined, and able to multi task.
I was thinking about this. He wants someone to work their ass off for under $30K a year.
They especially need someone who can spell.
What a loser.
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Professional Poster
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Canada
Status:
Offline
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Segal is the defender of the common man.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vacation.
Status:
Offline
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Candidate will deal directly with actors, travel for production, and learn all aspects of movie making. This a busy office with heavy phones, scheduling, and travel arranggement. Ideal candidate must be extremely responsible, organized, self disciplined, and able to multi task.
Relevant word highlighted.
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Been inclined to wander... off the beaten track.
That's where there's thunder... and the wind shouts back.
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Grizzled Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Avoiding Hans advances
Status:
Offline
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I just found out a couple nights ago that he is the brother of Peggy Bundy.
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"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!"
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Boston, MA
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Cody Dawg
No, I don't.
Case in point: Steven Seagal.
Steven would truly be very fortunate to have Cody as his assistant. 
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"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense." Winston Churchill
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Toronto
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Doofy
Relevant word highlighted.
Yeah, I saw that. Still, he's after a personal assistant and from the job description you need a couple of years experience at least. A good executive assistant as described in the ad can demand from $65,000 and up, way up, regardless of experience in one specific field, i.e movies.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Zip, Boom, Bam
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Mastrap
$600 a week? F-off.
Hey, but it is cleverly worded as: "Compensation: above $600 per week." I guess if an applicant's cans are big enough, we could be talking a whopping $650?!
"Email a picuture..."
Translation: hot and (very) gullible chicks -preferably fresh off the bus from Kansas- please send your pictures to some random perv's gmail address so they can get thier kicks.
"no calls please."
Translation: No, don't call the actual Steamroller Productions to confirm that, no, as bad an actor as he may be, of course Steven Segal isn't really interested in looking for an assistant from the incredibly diverse and unpredictably wacky 'talent pool' of online classifieds.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Working. What about you?
Status:
Offline
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That's very funny, CRASH.
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Addicted to MacNN
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Boston, MA
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Cody Dawg
That's very funny, CRASH.
I miss you Cody
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"Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense." Winston Churchill
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vacation.
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Cody Dawg
Thirdly, Doofy, how can you "learn" all aspects of moviemaking when you're gofering for him and kissing his @$$ all day long? That's just a con job. He just needs a slave, period, for that kind of money he's willing to pay.
I dunno. In my business, for a similar job, you'd be beating off a queue of about 500 people to make coffee and sweep the floors - for no pay at all.
We have to remember that Seagal is something like a 7th Dan master of his martial art - which instils a different mindset to that which we normally see.
Wax on, wax off.
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Been inclined to wander... off the beaten track.
That's where there's thunder... and the wind shouts back.
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Mac Elite
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by JoshuaZ
Hmmm.... he is appearing in a lot of random Japanese films these days, and could use an assistant who speaks some Japanese.
Though I don't know if I could ever stop making fun of him....
Doesn't he speak Japanese? I thought he was like THE first non-Japanese to open a martial arts schools in Japan (not that that automatically means he speaks it).
Dude is like a pudgy old man now.... but I wouldn't say that to his face. As lame as his flicks are, his skillz are for real....
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Banned
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Six feet under and diggin' it.
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by wdlove
I miss you Cody
I feel dizzy...I think I may be sick...
Hey Cody, you'd have to deal with the mob. That could be fun...or not.
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Senior User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Guam - where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Leia's Left Bun
I just found out a couple nights ago that he is the brother of Peggy Bundy.
is that for real?
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Senior User
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Guam - where the grass is green and the girls are pretty
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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Is that like ass suffocation besson?
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Kevin
Is that like ass suffocation besson?
I guess. Would it be immature of me to say something about her being your Mom?
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Kevin
Why would you do that?
I don't know, I guess I should tell that to that stupid little devil thing on my shoulder...
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Kevin
Good tip, I bet that devil thing feeds on dandruff.
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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I think it's all dandruff.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Kevin
I think it's all dandruff.
Would it be immature of me to suggest that your Mom has dandruff?
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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Naw, you'd just sound like you were copying off of Cubeoid.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Kevin
Naw, you'd just sound like you were copying off of Cubeoid.
Someday I'm going to be famous in here, just like Cubeoid! 
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Baninated
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In yer threads
Status:
Offline
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You got to do it your own way.
Not a robot way.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: yes
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Kevin
You got to do it your own way.
Not a robot way.
Well, I am the kitchen poop guy, and the triangle guy, and I'm cute too.
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: planning a comeback !
Status:
Offline
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Originally Posted by Leia's Left Bun
I just found out a couple nights ago that he is the brother of Peggy Bundy.
Darn you, you just ruined a perfectly silly thread.
-t
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Clinically Insane
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Vacation.
Status:
Offline
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OK, hands up all of you dweebs who're hoping and praying to meet a chick as good looking as the fat bird in the cap up there.
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Been inclined to wander... off the beaten track.
That's where there's thunder... and the wind shouts back.
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Forum Rules
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