[Demonhood]

I used to work email tech support for a dot com.
My belief that most people know next to nothing about computers, the internet, grammar, life, etc...only grew stronger with time.
Anybody else work with clients/customers and have amusing stories they'd like to share?

The company I worked for no longer exists, so I don't think they'll mind what I post here. I'm sure the customers (who were all receiving a free service, btw) didn't think their friendly neighborhood support agent was copying down their stupid problem into a huge file I like to call...stupid.people. enjoy...
[i realize that several of these people that email support are from a foreign land, but i have no way of knowing that, so i apologize if anyone is offended]

(quotes in bold, my comments below. comments not indicative of my actual responses at the time)

i need to meat one of your women..
-we don't sell women here sir. and if we did, i'm not sure she'd allow you to tenderize her.

I will like to know if the *******.com is infact a website devoted to
ex-members of the International Churches of Christ?
-yes, would you like a crucifix with that email account?

take me off your mailing list. or i will sew your clothes
-wow, thanx a bunch. i've had this button i can't seem to get back on. you're a lifesaver.

I will buy something from you if you first buy something from me. My product is called "Babaid" and it is a reprocessed chewing gum, treated for strength and elasticity, and it can be stretched across a swing-set to provide back support for a small chile - hence thename "Babaid." I will send you a 7 oz. box of the product for $55. Pre-payment in cash or check. Reply if you are interested.
-oh. my. lord.

r u online right now?i am
-this one actually made me chuckle.

more later.

[Mac Zealot]

Just as a thought, but imagine what would happen if macnn started a help center/email thing/hotline...

[Adam Betts]

I used to work at 6 flags in Mass as TicketMan. One guy in the line asked me if there is any other 6 flags one hour away from this 6 flags I work at. I told him that if two 6 flags are so close to each other, they should become 12 flags instead. The guy looked at me like I'm some retard.

A family of 5 or something gave me one ticket and I told them that they have to get ticket for each members. The mother told me that they have special access and combined all 5 tickets into one to preserve paper. I thought she was kidding but no, she is very serious. I was really scared.

There are so many odd people there, believe me. I'm glad that I'm not working there anymore!

[Knof8]

This is probably one of my best. At the time I was working as a dispatcher for the campus security for the school I was at. It's around 3 in the afternoon on a weekday.

Kid: I've lost my wallet.

me: Okay, well can I have a description of it and see if it's in our Lost and Found? (got description, looked, but it wasn't with us.) Sorry, we don't seem to have it.

Kid: Well it had all my ID in it that said I was over 18. Could you guys print me up some ID that said I was over 18???

At this point I really wanted to reply: Well how bout we make you 21 so you can buy some beer, huh!!! Sadly, instead I replied: Nope sorry we can't do that. How about going over to the mall and the DMV express and have them print you out a new license. It's only 3 so there's plenty of time to get over there and have them do it.

I swear, how some kids ever graduated from high school amazes me.

[Mac Zealot]

DMV express is there such a thing?

[mrfrost]

Customer : "Hello, I have a problem with the 56K modem you guys set up here. It's broken allready. Sometimes when I try dialing in to your server to place my orders I get an error."

Me : " Could you say what the exact error message is please?"

Customer : "hhmm...I can't remember clearly."

Me : " No problem, could you try connecting now and see if you get the error message again and then just read what it says?"

Customer : "ok, just a second....oh yes...another thing that is extremely weird ! It always happens whenever I'm on the phone"

Me : *loud sigh*

[Knof8]

Same job as before. Location was Portland, OR. Weather was a little bit of snow on the ground. Time was to F*ing early in the morning.

caller: Is the bus ?? to Troutdale running this morning?
(For those that don't know Troutdale is a suburb type deal for Portland and NOWHERE near my school).

me: umm, I don't know. I know the buses by the University are running. So... I would guess that yeah sure that bus is running too.

caller: Are you sure they're running even in this snow?

me: Like I said sir, the one's up here are running and it's my best guess that the city bus to Troutdale is running as well.

Well I find out about 45 minutes later from a city bus driver who did come into the office that the bus to Troutdale probably wasn't running as they had gotten more snow and the roads were worse than by the school.

DMV express's do exist. You can do things like get your Driver's License re-issued and small stuff, but can't actually take any tests there I believe.

[ 05-23-2002: Message edited by: Knof8 ]

[rjenkinson]

i used to have a summer job as a mover at a university:

me: where do you want me to take this box? to room A or room B?

university professor: this box?

me: yes, this one.

university professor: this box of books? books are... about this big, with bound paper inside.

me: thank you, i know what a book is.

-r.

[ 05-23-2002: Message edited by: rjenkinson ]

[scaught]

theres, of course, the ever popular CHRONICLES OF GEORGE!!!

havening. hahahah

[chris v]

I own a t-shirt printing shop. We print several hundred thousand shirts a year. I repeatedly, perhaps hundreds of times, have gotten email, the sum total of the message will be:


(no subject)

here is the art.

attachment: tshirt.ai


Oh right.... your the one who wanted the t-shirt!

I have to spend half my waking life replying to these faceless emails (politely) asking "Who are you, how may we contact you, and exactly what t-shirt are you talking about?" plus now,I've got 601 files on my hard drive titled "tshirt.ai" It should be real easy to find yours...

CV

CV

[philzilla]

<font color = red> THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS A TWAT!</font>

i'm okay, i just needed to get that out. carry on...

[Millennium]

http://www.actsofgord.com

I hope to one day be as badass as this guy. I've considered trying to go into business as a used-game store, just so I can emulate him better. Yes, perhaps it's pathetic, but I see this guy as a positive role model. There should be more like him.

[KaptainKaya]

I remember at 16 working at McDonalds during the summer. Working the drive thru was the greatest...a true test of how dumb people were.

thank you, pull around to the first window please
and I'll be dammed if they passed the first window and went to the second one EVERY f*cking time. Is it that hard to count??

I'd like...blah blah blah...to go, please
yea, i figured that much since you're using the drive thru
don't get smart with me kid
well one of us has to be and its not you so far
[drives off

*sigh* its a wonder I never got fired... But thankfully I don't work there anymore.

[chris v]

Originally posted by KaptainKaya:
<STRONG>I remember at 16 working at McDonalds during the summer. Working the drive thru was the greatest...a true test of how dumb people were.

thank you, pull around to the first window please
and I'll be dammed if they passed the first window and went to the second one EVERY f*cking time. Is it that hard to count??

I'd like...blah blah blah...to go, please
yea, i figured that much since you're using the drive thru
don't get smart with me kid
well one of us has to be and its not you so far
[drives off

*sigh* its a wonder I never got fired... But thankfully I don't work there anymore.</STRONG>

Oh, fast food stories.
I accidentally worked at Wendy's for about 3 months when I was 17.
We had a woman pull up to the drive through one day, she said: "I'll have a cheese burger, another cheeseburger, another cheeseburger, and another cheeseburger."
I said "that'll be four cheeseburgers, right?"
There was a pregnant pause, then she replied... "a cheeseburger, another cheeseburger, another cheeseburger, and another cheeseburger."

I don't think she could count to four.

CV

[itomato]

I used to be a network engineer at - you guessed it - a now belly up telecom company. We sold pre-paid long distance service, and provided the connectivity for prepaid phone cards. Yep, those same phone cards that promise you 6000 minutes for $5. Anyhow, our system would fail sometimes, due to lazy backer-uppers (ahem, me..), and we, the admins, personally trained the bi-lingual customer service girls to tell customers that "The system is updating" whenever there was a problem that we didn't feel like fixing. To them, it was a legitimate excuse. For all they know, the big computer thingy was chugging and blinking away over there in the mysterious "Tampa office".

If we were ever in the call center and heard them tell someone on the phone, "I'm sorry sir, the system is updating. Please try your call again later", we would laugh a little laugh. I even got to personally tell some customers that ridiculous little lie.

*sigh* what a blast we had at that company.. *sniff*

[Nimisys]

oh the story's i can tell... 1 year so far at AAA, and yes californians are as dumb as you think they are.

story1: ( took place when 91 octain was 2.25$ a gallon in san diego)
caller: there are gremlins in my gas tank
me: no there's not
caller: yes there are, the cia put them there to stop me.
me: oh, so what do you want us to do it about it?
caller: how do you kill the gremlins?
me: you can't kill them they are cia gremlins, but if you put 91 octane into you tank it will take care of it.
caller: ok

story2:
caller: i am out of gas
at this point i start to ask standard questions about name, location,
----- a few questions later ----------
caller; oh and make sure they bring propane
me: ummm, what type vehicle is this?
caller: grillmaster 2000



story3:
caller: help
me: ok... (i get standard questions) Where are you at
Caller: well i am 3 blocks past the purple barn, near sams liquor, across from the orange grove, on main.
me: do you have an address your at? maybe a store name? street block? a crossstreet even? or even a city for me to work with?
caller: why do you need all that? call any tow driver in the area, they will know where this is at.
me: i wish i could, but i don't know where you are, so i donlt know WHO the local tow driver is.
caller: i just told you its 3 blocks past the purple barn, near sams liquor, across from the orange grove, on main. whats so hard about that?
me: i need at least the city name, as it right now, i donl;t know where you at
caller: lemma speak wth your supivisor, i don;lt need this crap, i pay too much money a year for this ( she pays 44$ ayear)


more stories to come
caller:

[Demonhood]

{in response to someone locking out this member for violating copyrights}
those doris day avi's came from my own collection of her video
tapes..........so that would give me the right to put them on my
website..............but of course, in my day it was only common courtesy
to notify a person the reason why something was done and usually in a polite way...........it is obvious that you were never raised to be both
courteous and polite.....my late father once said "people who are arrogant and rude are usually raised in a barn"........I wasn't but since your have decided to act like God........have you got the guts to tell me the real reason why my site was yanked or are you not MAN ENOUGH TO TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-ah yes, questioning my manhood for removing her doris day movies. the funniest part is, most of our support agents are female. so in all likelihood, the person who deleted her stuff really isn't man enough.

{subject of email: Re: Red Hat Linux 6.0 for *******.com Members!}
#1 - "I still want my red hat"
me - "I'm sorry, we don't sell red hats."
#2 - "then why is your thing called red hats?"
me - "The company is called Red Hat Linux. They sell an operating system for computers. A red hat is their logo. As far as I know they don't make red hats."
#3 - "well this is ridicoulous."

{one of many people wishing to unsubscribe from our mailing list}
God DAMN YOU MOTHER ****ERS LISTEN TO ME STOP
E-MAILING ME **** I DON'T LIKE YOU SHUT THE **** UP OR
I WILL PRESS CHARGES ON YOU PUT ME ON YOUR DO NOT MAIL
LIST
SO STOP E-MAILING ME **** I DON'T GIVE A DAMN DON'T
SEND ANYTHING UNLESS IF IT'S ABOUT ZELDA 64 OCARINA OF
TIME BYE
-this boy knows what he likes

SORRY FOLKS IN MY RELIGIOUS BELIEFS I DO NOT SUPPORT ANYONE NOR ANYTHING THAT PROVOCATEURS AND PREDICATES THEIR IMAGERY AS ""GAY""
-this was in response to an email about teletubbies. looks like the word of Falwell is holy in some parts of the world.

(more unsubscribing fun}
RE: god loves you
Hi ********.
this is Jon.
if you e-mail me again I will sue you!
poop on you
-they wrote in the "god loves you" subject line. so god loves me but he wants his lawyers to poop on me? religion sure is complicated.

[ 05-23-2002: Message edited by: Demonhood ]

[Matsu]

rjenkinson,

japanada? You wouldn't happen to be from Banff now, would you?

[thunderous_funker]

I worked as a tech support rep for AOL for over a year and learned a couple of important lessons:

1- every urban legend you've heard about stupid tech support calls are true. mouse = foot pedal; cdrom = cup holder; calling during blackouts to find out why "Internet isn't working"; etc. Trust me, I've had all those calls more than once.

2- a newfound understanding of the classic critiques of the principles of democracy. I was suddenly confronted with incontrovertible evidence as to the sheer stupidity of millions of my fellow Americans. Maybe they shouldn't vote. Maybe democracy is fundamentally flawed.

One example: During the roll out of AOL 4.0, the keyword (URL) for the download area was intermittently turned on and off to prevent total server saturation. There were tens of thousands of calls asking why they couldn't download 4.0 when they knew someone who had done it.

caller: "why can't i download 4.0? It says it's unavailable at this time."

me: "It is indeed unavailable at this time. They are only allowing it to be downloaded during certain hours of the day to prevent the system from being overwhelmed. It will be made available again soon."

caller: "But my friend downloaded it!! I want to download it!"

This repeated about 4 times until I finally told the caller

"Well, I'm not supposed to tell you this but you seem really nice. The truth is we ran out. The didn't order enough of it and it was all downloaded in the first couple of days. It's back ordered and should be available again soon. Sorry. Oh yeah, don't tell anyone I told you."

Caller: "Oh.....well why didn't you say so in the first place! Thanks, I'll try later."

I had the same conversation too many times to count.

[Mastrap]

You think all this is bad?

Listen to this Turn your speakers up

[thunderous_funker]

Originally posted by Mastrap:
<STRONG>You think all this is bad?

Listen to this Turn your speakers up </STRONG>

Wow. Gotta hand it to the telemarketer for attempting his scripted second rebuttal. That's dedication.

[agentz]

Oooh, I have so many stories I could tell, but I'm still having ISP problems so I'll keep it short... I used to work in Ops Support for BSkyB as part of the team that manages the installation and support engineers.

I took a call from an installer saying he had an unhappy customer - the eng wasn't able to install this guys satellite TV becuase he lived on like the 6th floor of a block of flats and at that point we couldn't install above 30ft. I had to phone the customer to explain company policy to him and he got madder and madder and madder. He started to threaten the engineer with violence so I told the engineer to leave the property and I'd get the police to collect his tools later.

The engineer got into his van and was telling me about his next job when I heard a loud thumping noise - the customer had run down to the van and was kicking hell out of it. Stoved in the drivers door and one side panel.

Geez man, get a life its only TV!!!!

[Mastrap]

Originally posted by thunderous_funker:
<STRONG>

Wow. Gotta hand it to the telemarketer for attempting his scripted second rebuttal. That's dedication.</STRONG>

I know. I rarely feel for telemarketers but this one...poor sod

[ReggieX]

"Ordinary goddamn people. I hate 'em!" - Repo Man

The worst was when I was working at a parking lot on the weekends during University. Saturday nights were the worst, often bringing comments like: "I parked in the section that says Reserved For Tenants Only, is that OK?"

[agentz]

Another BSkyB one...

My very first day on the floor, this time in DigiTech and I get this woman demanding a replacement remote control under warranty. She wasn't really up for telling me what happened to it but I eventually got it out of her that her dog had eaten it. I got to use the line "I'm sorry but our warranty does not cover acts of dog"

The thing was though that she was a lawyer and spent nearly an hour arguing with me that it was her right to have a replacement remote FOC. I eventually got my manager to take over the call and he stood at my desk and she ranted at him for another 15 minutes before he slammed his hand onto the phone and cut her off (which is a major rule breaker at Sky). He trotted off down to call control to claim that there was a 'failure of telephony equipment' at my station. The dozy sod then felt really bad and went and phoned her back.

Bloody customers!

[chris v]

This has happened more than once:

Caller: "Yes, I'd like to send a runner by to pick up our floppy disk."

Me: "Okay, how long has it been since you printed with us?"

Caller: "Oh, at least a couple of years."

Me: "Well, we don't normally keep track of 39 cent floppy disks for more than thirty days. I've got thousands of them over here in a pile, but wouldn't know which one was yours."

Caller (Angry!): "What?? That disk had the ONLY COPY of our corporate identity package on it!!"

Sad, but true.

CV

[agentz]

Mind you, its not always the customer who's wrong - sometimes the tech gets it wrong too.

One of our senior techs was working on a machine for one of our very important users. It was a Dell Optiplex running Win 95 and he decided that he needed to boot from a floppy disk for something. So after much scrabbling about the office looking for one he grabs one and shoves it in the drive and hits the reset switch.

The only problem was that it was a Windows OEM installer boot floppy which boots the machine, formats the hard drive and starts a clean install of Win 95 to factory spec. Bye bye all the users data.

Oh how good was that given that the tech in question is a total prick and gets on everyones tits!

[driven]

Originally posted by Mac Zealot:
<STRONG>DMV express is there such a thing?</STRONG>

Perhaps if it were ever offloaded to private industry with profit incentive ... but as a government agency I doubt it ....

[SimeyTheLimey]

Originally posted by driven:
<STRONG>

Perhaps if it were ever offloaded to private industry with profit incentive ... but as a government agency I doubt it ....</STRONG>

Actually, you should come here to DC. I was in and out in 10 minutes - license, title and tags. I was floored.

Unfortunately, getting the car inspected was a whole different story.

[driven]

Originally posted by KaptainKaya:
<STRONG>I remember at 16 working at McDonalds during the summer. Working the drive thru was the greatest...a true test of how dumb people were.

thank you, pull around to the first window please
and I'll be dammed if they passed the first window and went to the second one EVERY f*cking time. Is it that hard to count??

I'd like...blah blah blah...to go, please
yea, i figured that much since you're using the drive thru
don't get smart with me kid
well one of us has to be and its not you so far
[drives off

*sigh* its a wonder I never got fired... But thankfully I don't work there anymore.</STRONG>

I wouldn't have driven off ... I would have parked, came inside and requested the manager. (Or, called the corporate store.) &lt;-- Sarcasm by employees is a terrific way to get free food.

[xi_hyperon]

Originally posted by scaught:
<STRONG>theres, of course, the ever popular CHRONICLES OF GEORGE!!!

havening. hahahah</STRONG>

haha this was my favorite...

[agentz]

Originally posted by xi_hyperon:
<STRONG>
&lt;image snip&gt; [/IMG]</STRONG>

We have a helldesk operator like that who I'm sure lives on her own little planet a lot of the time. We get things like:

User say she cannot print. Printer will switch on but there is paper in it

I'll need to go through our system and dig out some of the best ones and screenshot them

[driven]

Originally posted by SimeyTheLimey:
<STRONG>

Actually, you should come here to DC. I was in and out in 10 minutes - license, title and tags. I was floored.

Unfortunately, getting the car inspected was a whole different story.</STRONG>

They could teach Georgia a thing or two. It took me 9 hours to get a replacement drivers license when my wallet got stolen.

I'll never forget looking at my ticket with the number 2153 while the sign said "Now serving 81".

[FERRO]

Originally posted by Millennium:
<STRONG>http://www.actsofgord.com
</STRONG>

I remember that site from about two months ago... great stories...

[Mac Zealot]

Ok, so I've had my fair share of funny things, I've done 'assistant technician' in every school I've gone to, and have had some funny things, last year I actually had a whole hour a day to do it (woohoo).

Probably the worst part was that I was a TA to a management teacher that period, and whenever someone called for me, I had to talk (so not only technician but tech support as well).

Here's a few funny ones I remember:

Story1 (the power went out to half the buildings when they were doing construction on that area):
caller: I have a really bad problem, one of my students had just spent all day working on their science project and their computer froze.
me: Ok, does the mouse respond?
caller: well, I don't know, I think the screen is broken
me: is the power light on the computer on?
caller: let me check
(2 minute pause)
caller: The power button is in the I position, but there's no light next to it.
me: what room are you in
(it was of course one without power)

story2
caller: I need a windows 98 install disk
me: Ok, we don't normally hand out operating system disks, would you like me to come down and set up the machine for you?
caller: sure
me: Ok, I need you to give me the inventory number of the machine..
(we marked all the computers with some sort of number that determined what type they were, etc)
caller: ok, it's M-03-5
(macintosh)
me: that machine cannot run windows.
caller: Yes it can, i'm looking at the OS now!
me: Ok i'll be right there!
(I run down, find it was running system 7.6.1, and he had a working PC next to it

Best one yet:
friend of mine calls me yesterday, his computer had a problem where anything he'd double click (exe files), would open winzip.
his mom in the background: Give me the phone! I'm going to call AOL! They're responsible for this!
my friend: Do you think I need a new computer?
(at this point I almost split my side laughing)
me: If you want the easy way out, reboot with a restore disk and that should do it
(it works fine)

[Ratspittle]

A bartender gets things like this:
...So is the brown ale amber?
...Why are you cutting me off? That wasn't MY beer that I spilled?
....(while standing in front of a 12 foot liquor shelf) Do you serve mixed drinks here?
....I'll trade you this birdhouse I made for a beer (I am not making this up! and it was a really nice log cabin style birdhouse)
....if you throw me out I am never going to come back!!!(good)
.....While getting handcuffed by the cops after trying to start a fight..."officer please don't cuff me, I have carpel tunnel syndrome"
...after drinking 3/4 of a pint..."this beer tastes like *ss, can I trade it for a different one?" (this happens every night)

[Demonhood]

if i had to deal with these people over the phone or in person, i'd have snapped long ago.

{in regards to Get in Shape with Tae-Bo - the hottest workout in America! mailing}
1st email - Are you saying I am fat, I can sue, and Will see yo in court
2nd email - With how much do you want to settle at, 2,000,000?
-i lost track of how many people threatened to sue/hurt/kill us.

{we had a map/directory service much like yahoo maps. this person apparently wanted us to remove a location from existence}
The Junction City, Oregon, McDonalds. I refuse to go to that McDonalds. The service is very slow and every time I go through the drive thru they always get my order wrong. I waited in line for 20 minutes just for some one to take my order. I finally got tired and left and went to a diffrent fast food place. The service is very lowsey. Thank You, Joyce R.

{unsub request}
i want to be removed from the mailing list . I am getting in trouble at
this scool for having you email me . Thanks for DETENTION!!!!
-you too can make a difference in a child's life.

Hello, I'am Robert Craig (cosmicmoon) I'm currently residing at the
Arkansas Department of Corrections for online credit card fraud. Please give me a chance, and I'll defraud your company and customers.
-hmmm, your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[thunderous_funker]

Originally posted by Demonhood:
<STRONG>

Hello, I'am Robert Craig (cosmicmoon) I'm currently residing at the
Arkansas Department of Corrections for online credit card fraud. Please give me a chance, and I'll defraud your company and customers.
-hmmm, your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.</STRONG>

Thanks for breaking up my thursday with deep belly laughs. Damn that's funny.

[Face Ache]

I've done computer (Mac) phone support for a living too. It was funny.

User: "Hello, my computer isn't working at all."

Me: "Is it plugged in at the wall?"

User: "Oh. Thanks." &lt;hangs up phone&gt;

Or

User: "I've just accidentally poured a cup of coffee into the printer."

Me: "Did you unplug it?"

User: "I'm just trying to print something now to see if it still works."

[Knof8]

Okay two more. Same job as before.
I was reading an appeal one time for a ticket a student was given by one of our officers.
(Paraphrasing) I think I should not have gotten this ticket. I know that I entered where there was a sign that said "DO NOT ENTER." I even saw the officer who was directly behind me on the road as I was making this turn (yes everyone it is an illegal turn). I figured though that it was okay since if anything did go wrong the officer was right behind me, and could assistance fast. I don't see why he gave me this ticket for failure to obey traffic rules, and I feel that it should be dismissed.

Just for the record the officer who did pull this guy over had no medical training whatsoever and would've been the worst choice for help in any case.

Okay new job as dispatch for a local hospital:
Caller: Hi, I'd like to speak to Precious Angel.
me: Okay, ma'am could you please spell the last name for me.
Caller: A-N-G-E-L.
me: Alright, just one moment please.

I was hoping this was a joke and that was just a pet name for the kid. Sadly though, Nope Precious Angel was the name of the chile. Parents can be so cruel sometimes

[Tigerabbit]

�and here I thought all the idiots only ordered pizza or came to the library.

[Knof8]

And everyone's gotta remember; These people orginally beat out millions of other sperm in order to be born. Let's be glad we got them and not some of the others

[Ratspittle]

Originally posted by Knof8:
<STRONG>And everyone's gotta remember; These people orginally beat out millions of other sperm in order to be born. Let's be glad we got them and not some of the others </STRONG>

Well, I like your take on things.

[cheerios]

ooooh, a week on the job at Mervyns, and I'm ready to go batty w/ the customers!! I do replenishment and other such fun and exciting stock jobs (aka a glorified stockboy... er girl). I was out on the floor last weekend, folding towels, of all exciting things, and the girl working the register was off looking for something for another customer. All of a sudden I hear "HELLLOOOO!" I look up, and there's a rather large, angry looking black woman glaring at me, for not leaping at the chance to ring her up (I had thought the other girl had taken care of her, already, or I would have come and rung her up earlier). "that's why I don't shop here, you people don't treat black people right! money is GREEN!" she tells me, at the top of her lungs. I was torn between wanting to laugh in her face, and trying to apologize and be polite. She even had that head-bobbing thing going on!!

[Mac Zealot]

Originally posted by cheerios:
<STRONG> She even had that head-bobbing thing going on!! </STRONG>

That's just funny!!!!!!!!

[Demonhood]

Subject: RE: Re: Cellular phone headset -- only $24.95!
no thats okay i can already make catfood taste good with milk and butter but thanks for your concern of world hunger for me.
-we cater to all kinds of crazies.

whats up dawg? i dont need a phone on the count of im amish and dont use electricity
-dawg....amish...r i g h t

I missed getting to know a really pretty girl in a tennis uniform at his cafe in SANTA ROSA because I didn't have one of those Palm-things---pilot or whatever!!!! I need one yesterday!!! Where Do I get it, NOW ?
-rosa...palms....hmm.....

when I put my zip code in
it comes up Upton, MA instead of Uxbridge, MA. Usually that wouldn't bother me but Upton is the type of town you have to raise your little pinky to drink tea.
-i've heard of ZIP code elitism, but really, i don't care.

{yet another unsub request}
NO MORE WRETTING IN MY MAIL FOR YOU FOCKING DEMOND MAIL. FOCK YOU.
-no, FOCK you you FOCKING ICEHOLE!

I cant find my web address. my dog ate the paper I had it written on. HELP!!!!!!!!!!
-wow, the oldest excuse in the book, finally used online.

[MikeM32]

Originally posted by cheerios:
ooooh, a week on the job at Mervyns, and I'm ready to go batty w/ the customers!! I do replenishment and other such fun and exciting stock jobs (aka a glorified stockboy... er girl). I was out on the floor last weekend, folding towels, of all exciting things, and the girl working the register was off looking for something for another customer.

I apologize for interjecting this but........

YOU ARE AN ENGINEER (right? that is what you studied in college, correct?) annyway...

I do understand though, "it's a paycheck so WTF", but I really hope you're trying to apply yourself harder than this. The life of the stock clerk is not for you, you're smarter than that. Don't let life overwhelm you and remember what you want to do. Then you have to just go for it and do it.

Sorry for ranting, but it seems to me you should be persueing something that (I assume) you wanted to persue since you picked engineering (?) as your major. The $6.00 per hr as stock clerck will not cover the rent. bills, etc., etc., at least not where I live.

So get out there and show this world a thing or two, make me proud.

Remember "You can do it"

[/end motivational ranting]

Mike

[ 05-25-2002: Message edited by: MikeM32 ]

[Mac Zealot]

Ok, so even I made my 1 stupid phone call before (this one still never fails to embarrass me)

rep: Thank you for calling apple how may I help you?
me: Yes I received my new pro mouse today but it doesn't work with my g4, yet it works on my brother's imac.. I think something is seriously wrong here
rep goes through a few quick checks, for drivers and such, then I realize it was my turbo mouse driver *OOOPS!!!!!!!!!* I quickly switch them while on the phone and presto, the new mouse works...
me: uh oh, I just realized it was a setting on here.. there it goes.
rep: good!
me: really sorry about that, can't believe how stupid I feel now.

(end of call)

[cheerios]

Originally posted by MikeM32:
<STRONG>

I apologize for interjecting this but........

YOU ARE AN ENGINEER (right? that is what you studied in college, correct?) annyway...

I do understand though, "it's a paycheck so WTF", but I really hope you're trying to apply yourself harder than this. The life of the stock clerk is not for you, you're smarter than that. Don't let life overwhelm you and remember what you want to do. Then you have to just go for it and do it.

Sorry for ranting, but it seems to me you should be persueing something that (I assume) you wanted to persue since you picked engineering (?) as your major. The $6.00 per hr as stock clerck will not cover the rent. bills, etc., etc., at least not where I live.

So get out there and show this world a thing or two, make me proud.

Remember "You can do it"

[/end motivational ranting]

Mike

[ 05-25-2002: Message edited by: MikeM32 ]</STRONG>

Hey Mike, thanks for the concern a couple things... first, I'm still in college, and just switched to comp sci. 2nd, it's just covering rent till I gragitate and make the REAL money! I'm motivated... to eat dinner, while I'm waiting for school to come back, adn get covered by my student loans.

[pathogen]

I remember one time, back in 1998 while I was earning some part-time money for university, I offered to help a collegue with a client who was off her nut, threatening legal action, etc. This is my one big story, so let me take the time to tell it.

"Psycho-bit�h-from-hell" had bought a Performa 6400 on sale at Christmas of '97. Mid-forties, single-mom. A month later, she comes back claiming all sorts of problems, and she wants to return it. Nobody wants to touch her, the guy who sold her the computer pretends he's out of the store and hides in the back. No returns on sale items, I explain at length. She's spitting angry. She says she'll come back to talk with him.

She calls twice a day for the next few days, and even talks with the manager. Everybody tells her the same thing: no returns, talk to Apple tech support or bring the computer in to our Apple service. I can't figure out why they are avoiding her.

One afternoon I make my first mistake, the mistake of answering her third call that day. She fumes at me for a while, spouting paranoid ravings about Apple purposely selling junk. I repeat to her what everybody's been saying about no returns. She has a squeally voice and goes between faux crying and yelling. "When I bought my Mac Classic, I never had these kinds of problems! Even the plastic feels cheaper now! Apple used to have a better reputation for looking after it's customers!" Then I made my second mistake, I ask her to tell me what problems she's having with her new Mac. For what feels like an hour she moans about her woes with this Performa. So I do what Apple tech support should have done properly and I take her through some trouble shooting on the phone. I find she is missing an extension. Didn't Apple tech find this? Nope. Did she delete it herself? She claims she didn't.

Over the phone, I hold her hand through a restore of the OS for over an hour. Already, the other staff are painting religious icons of me as their Holy Martyr. Believe it or not, the installer doesn't install the extension. I tell her I'll get back to her on this. I call Apple myself. Would you believe they had a limited run of Performa CDs they printed that were missing a major extension? True. So Psycho-bit�h was right to be paranoid about Apple. We order her the new disk. Not good enough for her. When she came back into the store a few days earlier she saw the 6500s were now on sale. She has now decided she wants an exchange, her 6400 for a 6500.

There is no way in hell this is going to happen. But then she starts her calls again. Three times a day, threatening legal action, asking questions about the 6500, asking if the new disk is in yet, "I know people in the television industry here in Vancouver! You'll never sell another Mac to any advertising agency in town once I smear your bad service all over town!", etc. My manager finally gives in after three days, only to get her to stop calling. She had this annoying, high pitched squeal that would come at the end off her sentences. It would make Dr. Phil want to slap her. We arrange the exchange and literally take the used 6400 back and swallow $2000 cdn for this Psycho.

The day comes. The manager calls me into his office. "We have one more problem. She wants someone to go with her to set it up for her." Christ almighty, I pitied the poor guy who had to go.... wait, they chose me. Yet, apparently, I have to volunteer: she won't pay for us to do the intall ($45), she wants it free with the exchange! No free install = no exchange + she sues us. My boss tells me, "Do the install, and if she has no complaints afterwards, I'll personally pay you $50. If she complains and wants to return the 6500, we sue her." I agree.

She picks me up at the store and we drive in this ratty volkswagon to her apartment. I kept thinking, "she better not hit on me or I'll vomit". I have to carry the Performa box wrapped in a garbage bag because she's convinced that "theives will see the box and then want to break into the apartment". Believe me, it might sound logical, but for that neighbourhood at that time of the day she was completely out of her mind. I proceeded to do the best install anybody ever had, period. I explain everything. I do a clean install myself. I check everything twice. It's perfect. Meanwhile, she's telling me stories about how she knows Clement Mok and B.B. King. Strangely, I really believed her.

She drops me off back at the store two hours later. I walk into the store, nod my head, and the staff all applaud. It felt wierd. Like St. George might have felt after killing the dragon. How does this tragic affair end? When the first iMac was released later that year, she called and wanted to exchange the 6500 for the iMac. But I didn't work there anymore. Her idea didn't fly, so I heard she ended up selling the 6500 and buying the iMac. Can't say I blame her. I still wonder if she really knew Clem. I'll never know.